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Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

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Created on : Saturday, September 29, 2007, 09:23:47 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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fabala20

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Depressed

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January 25, 2008, 2:06 pm PST

It's not for me, but I'm not gonna bash it.

So, what do I think about the swinging lifestyle? Well, it's not for me, but I am not going to bash it. Believe me, I am not a "bible-belt" who thinks swingers are bad. Apparently, because of my own lifestyle, I am going to hell. So, I'm not going to condemn anyone. I appreciate why people are swingers. However, that lifestyle isn't for me. I have so many emotional problems, I'd be worried that my gf would be cheating on me with whoever we would be doing a threesome with. Heh. But, like I said, I have absolutely no problem with swingers. If swinging couples are still happy together, then that is absolutely wonderful!

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wyatt036

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Happy

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January 25, 2008, 2:07 pm PST

Swinging in the Suburbs

My huband and I are in the life stye and what the last is going through is not accepted in the crowd that we know. If any of us ever noticed that the one or both parties were uncomfortable, there would be NO PLAYING. What is doing is contemplating cheating and not apart of swinging. My husband and I always agree on the couple or men/women we are with. If one isn't comfortable then the other does not play. We are always open and honest about everything. We figure if we can be open with our sexuality, then there isn't anything we need to lie about.

We NEVER talk to our kids about it, or any other aspect of our life that doesn't directly effect them. We don't blindly choose a couple at a bar or club. We are safe about what we do, we are genuinly friends with out play mates and we even have relationships with playmates out side of the lifestyle. We have met powerful people and your normal everyday people. The great thing about the lifestyle is that you can truely be yourself without someone judging you.

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dmjohnston72

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Distressed

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embarrassed

January 25, 2008, 2:07 pm PST

My brother is a swinger

my 37 year old brother and his 27 year old wife are apparently into this lifestyle. Its caused MAJOR rifts within our family because he has two small children at home but also a 17 yr old from his first marriage that lived with him. They took pictures of their activities and had them on the HOME COMPUTER and my niece saw them with several of her friends during a sleep over. My brother tells her its none of her business what he does behind closed doors but its NOT behind closed doors when its posted on a computer used by everyone in the family. She no longer lives with her dad and my sister in law has posted not so great pictures on her myspace profile that anyone can see. She talks about how much she loves her children and what a great mom she is but how can you be when you post pictures like this? My niece called her dad last night about it and he tells her that his wife is a grown woman and she needs to get over it. Its insane

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cspragg2237

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Happy

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January 25, 2008, 2:07 pm PST

out of town ONLY

i made a rule for this kind of play. it would only happen if i bring it up, only if i pick the girl, only if we are out of town, and only if there is no possible way for this person to contact either of us afterwards and disrupt our lives. this was something he asked about several times at the beginning of our relationship, and finally i agreed to do it only on those terms. wellllll, we've been together five years, he never brings the subject up anymore, and guess how many times we've done it? ONLY ZERO! i guess he's just waiting patiently for that thing that is NEVER going to happen :).......but if it did, it would be under MY terms.

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yiamannette

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Happy

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January 25, 2008, 2:07 pm PST

Do not agree

I do not agree with this life style. I feel that if you do this then you did not want the spouse you married in the first place. That you are not happy with who you are and whom you are with. There should be only one man and one woman in a marriage.

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mrst94

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Happy

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January 25, 2008, 2:08 pm PST

Swinging in the suburbs

Hi Dr Phil, your show today was an eye opener. I usually don't verbalize my personal opinions, but there's always a first time. I share your opinion on the men who insist on having three-somes, trade partners, etc. It's just sick. Do they consider the possibility of STD? The man who got sexual satisfaction from watching his wife having sex with another man....come on now. (Kind of sounds like the incident in FL where the woman was having sex with city officials and her husband was video taping it in the closet. She blamed it on Prozac. Yeah sure.) What happens when they get in a verbal fight? Does he throw it up to her that she has had sex with another man? It's "good ole' boy" gone really bad. I just hope they get some help for them and the children involved or the men get kicked to the curb. Thanks, Nancy

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daveclark624

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Happy

Message Emote

January 25, 2008, 2:08 pm PST

swing baby swing

my wife and i have been swinging for about 5 years, we like it and ,dont knock what you dont understand. its not for everyone.

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jchand123

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Peaceful

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January 25, 2008, 2:08 pm PST

Swinging is wrong on so many levels

Dr Phil,

This life style, swinging, is wrong on every imaginable level. To even think about what it would be like to have a sexual relation of any kind, petting, soft sex or whatever, with anyone other that your spouse is cheating. It is a form of infidelity and is definitly cheating on your spouse. This can be backed up scripturally and will be the downfall of any marital relatationship. It is already causing the breakdown of our society and so many families are harmed and broken today by this lifestyle that our society is in danger.

James Chandler

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raymom5

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Worried

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January 25, 2008, 2:08 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: jane2007

I thought that you, Dr. Phil, are not a judgemental person. However the side of the "lifestyle " you showed today is not surprising. You never have both sides on Dr. Phil. Maybe you should have watched some of the other shows that have reported on the lifestyle. Dr. Keith Ablow did a much more objective and responsible show. You say that you have never met a couple that this works for? Then why are so many people and I might add intelligent, educated, well- off, people doing it successfully?

I was not surprised that you would depict the lifestyle in the manner you did. You had two couples on today that are not truly lifestylers.

People seem to confuse sex with emotional monogamy. It happens all the time when they first here about the lifestyle. It is a natural instinct, "fear", because that has been imbedded in us since birth. If monogamy was so right for everyone then why do so many people cheat and deceive their spouses.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, we have shared every sexual fantasy(something most couples are afraid to do with each other) and we are married for 5 years. We found the lifestyle together and we decided to try it together. Negotiated non -monogamy and make no mistake it is negotiated does work. We have one of the best marriages around. The Lifestyle is part of our life but not a driving force. Some people go to the movies we like to partake in other actvities.

People have different rules in the Lifestyle based on their comfort zones but there is one rule that is always obided by and that is the women dictate what happens. The couple you showed today is in the minority. Why didn't you have a couple on the show that is truly comfortable in the lifestyle? As a woman this lifestyle brings empowerment.

Nobody is saying this lifestyle is for everyone however this lifestyle is about openmindedness and being nonjudgemental. Why can't people who are not in the lifestyle offer the same respect?

I typically enjoy your show but I was not surprised at the guests you had on today. Again, your show was completely one sided. If the facts you depicted were so true then why are so many people in the lifestyle? The community is growing more and more.

Jane

I do not believe you. You and your husband cannot possibly have a normal and stable relationship. IMPOSSIBLE!

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us2nlove4ever

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Happy

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January 25, 2008, 2:09 pm PST

01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

Quote From: zimexlady

People who swing have ultra low self esteem and turn to activities that lower that esteem even more.

Honestly you must not know anything about the swinging lifestyle. I think we actually have more self esteem as we are not afraid to do something we as a couple want to do! The key word here is WE as a COUPLE. WE chose to be in the lifestlye, and WE enjoy it. We do not hurt anyone with this choice! We love eachother and our hearts belong to one another. That will never change. Because we enjoy sharing ourselves sexually with others, does not change that! It means we are secure enough in our relationship to invite other's into our sexual activities! Tell me this, what is the difference between you or your spouse going to a store, purchasing an adult toy and using it ? Did that toy not make you have sexual gatification? Would that make it wrong because it was not your spouse who gave it to you? NO! For us, it is the same thing! We enjoy our sex life together very much. We fullfill eachother's needs and desires, but we do like to add to it! So, we chose to be in the lifestyle, and we have made some great friends along the way! Not all friends that we meet we hop into bed with. Honestly very few do we! It is more about the friendship and fun, and if we have that extra "spice" that night all the better! That by no means lowers my self esteem!

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