First let me say that we are happy that Dr. Phil pointed out the couple where the wife had a major problem because her husband was forcing her to have a threesome, that was not a sexual problem at all instead it was a selfish problem on the husbands part. In the lifestyle we call these kinds of couples Drama couples. Both the husband and the wife absolutely 100% have to be willing to swing and be in agreement with not only who you do it with but what you do. Anything less is just pure drama..!
My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for around 7 years now happily married for 12 years and together for 13 ½ years. We have been a Full Swap Couple right from the very start of our lifestyle experience.
There are many misconceptions about the lifestyle. Many people think that people do this because they are not satisfied with their partners and that they cannot be further from the truth. We are completely sexually satisfied with each other. However, the lifestyle does offer enhancements to sex.
Many of the people that make comments thinking that the lifestyle is only about sex and all we do is have sex are so completely wrong. The majority of the time you spend in the lifestyle you don’t do anything other than be around like minded friends and possibly some friendly flirt. Now yes we lifestyle people do have sex with others but less frequent than you may think especially if you care about who you are having sex with as well as making sure that there is a true 4 way chemistry and all partners are 100% comfortable.
Variety is the spice of life. It’s not about who is better at this or that and along the way you can actually learn some things from others that make you just that much better at sex. In a country where 37% of husbands and 27% of wives admit to having affairs and divorce rates soaring too nearly 60% we have to now ask ourselves the question why?
Most of us in the lifestyle do not have to cheat and we in fact have a very special honest relationship with each other. We can at the highest level of intimacy, we communicate to our spouses what our fantasy and desires are and actually fulfill them because we understand the difference between love and sex. To truly love someone you want to be able to make them happy in every way possible. If sexual fantasy is one of the ways that brings joy to your partner then why not do it.
Most people will just say no and make excuses for moral values when in reality the insecurity and fear actually lies within themselves. We have no fear in our relationship because we communicate at the highest levels possible. We hide nothing from each other and share everything.
Because many people have been conditioned by our cultures we tend to feel that having sex with others while married is wrong. These same very people will rent porno’s in secret and cheat and/or find other ways to relieve their sexual urges or just become sexually frustrated. While we may be human none of us can deny the science that we are in fact animals. Those animal like desires to want variety is within all of us. Weather we choose admit it or act on it or not is a completely different thing.
Someone said something about being married and it was not right to want somebody else after you been married. So basically I guess you are supposed to just turn off who you are as a human. NOT…! The problem in our opinion why so many people are find themselves in a divorce that are not in the lifestyle when cheating is that instead of looking at sex for what it is SEX. They feel the need to sneak around and cheat and then build an intimate relationship bond with the other person to justify why they are having this sex. Ultimately these people them become attached instead of just have sex and as a result the divorce rate climbs and families are torn apart every day and in most cases the cycle just repeats itself years down the road yet again.
Watching each other have sex with another person actually enhances our already good sexual relationship because we see each other being desired by another person. It makes you want your spouse even more as you know they are highly desired.
As a bonus you tend to stay in better shape, pay more attention to your overall looks and continue to feel young and by the way beer belly guys that is a plus for your wife. Same is true for the pastry eating coach potato wives. It’s a new year, join a gym, start eating healthier and begin to feel better about yourselves. You can do it…! I know you can..!
Ten years ago if someone asked us if we thought about being a swinger we would have said hell know, you got to be kidding me. Why because at that point in our life we were not as secure with ourselves and were ignorant to what swinging is all about. Today it’s just what we do and it’s a hell of lot of fun even when we are not having sex with others because you can just be yourself without the worry of others judging who you are.
Many people find themselves wanting to become a swinger and then attempt to do as the drama couple on the Dr. Phil show and find that pushing their spouses ends up with bad results. If you have thought about wanting to be a swinger then it’s something you gradually introduce through communication with each other about fantasies. This can sometimes take years before each of you are truly open and honest with each other. But forcing yourself or a spouse is just plain wrong…! The lifestyle is about communicating and having fun together force feeding will get you no place.
Now I will address the moral issues that some feel there are. There is an unlimited amount of religions in this world and I have studied many that claim or pretend to have life’s answers to the world. All over the world everybody has a different belief system they have adopted. Most times it’s based on our upbringing. There are also thousands of different translations and interpretations for each of them. Most people that throw out the religion card or moral card have no real understanding for the origination of their own beliefs. As much as we would all love to believe the way we believe is the one and only true way. At the end of the day it all comes down to what you do as an individual believe and feel comfortable with. If the planet could just get that. Then perhaps we would have fewer disagreements, less war and more love to go around.
So what I am saying to all that read this. I am not trying to convince you to be a swinger. That is something for you decide and you only to decide. But more importantly I am however trying to convince you to not be judgmental especially if you really don’t know how the insides of swinging really work and how the majority not all but the majority of swingers are.
In closing, I love my wife from the very bottom of my heart and there is absolutely nobody that is going to replace her because I don’t look at sex as being the only factor that holds our relationship together and she feels absolutely the same as I do. If either of us were to find somebody that satisfied us sexually more than each other and that has not happened yet. Instead of taking the negative approach and think that how are we to compete. We would instead take the approach how the heck did they do that and learn from it. Our love and our bond goes well beyond just sex!
But let me say this. Most times when you think something is going to be greener on the other side of the hill you often find that it really is not and nobody knows you like your own spouse. But it’s fun to let them try:-)
Swinging is not for everyone and that is ok. Not all types of swinging is for everyone either. For anyone wanting to learn more about swinging here is a good website. http://www.swingershandbook.com/
Xoxoxox
Funfriends
How well do you think you know your neighbors, your friends and even your child's teacher? It is estimated that four to eight million people in North America are swinging in the suburbs -- mostly middle-class folks from all walks of life. Dr. Phil gives you a closer look at who these couples are who engage in sex with other twosomes. First up, Nita and Walter have been swinging for the last 12 years. They say they are happy in the lifestyle, so why does it cause tension in their relationship? Then, Brent says he has a strong yearning for he and his wife, Renee, to participate in a threesome. Renee says the idea disgusts her, but worries that if she refuses to join in, Brent will leave her. They fight constantly, often dragging their 17-year-old son into the middle of their chaos. Brent says he thinks about having threesomes every other day, but says that his desire is normal. What does Dr. Phil think? And, Dr. Phil viewers weigh in and share their thoughts about the swinging lifestyle. Join the discussion.
