Topic : 01/25 Secrets in the Suburbs

This poster seems to have underlying issues with men, or insecurities within herself.  The lifestyle is for couples that are both in agreement, with being involved.  If there are issues with one half of the couple, it is not a place for you to be.  It is portrayed in open forums, to be a negative environment.  Not so.  For those possitively involved within the lifestyle, it can be very rewarding and enhance your personal relationship, emotionally and spiritually.  My wife and I have been involved in lifestyle functions for about 6 years.  We have elevated our relationship to euphoric realms.  Our open-ness between each other, in all aspects of our lives, has drastically been enhanced.  We talk openly and honestly with each other, without reservations.  As was noted in the show, there is no need to worry about one or the other "cheating".  We simply ask up front, if there is a hint of reservation detected, we drop the idea of that particular party.  We set upfront boundaries that we both honor.  This helps to avoid conflicts, overall.  The lifestyle, and the open-ness that it offers to my wife and I, transfers over into all aspects of our lives.  Although we have been married for 28 years, we hold hands as we walk down the street, or through the store.  We talk over dinner (sit in a restaurant, watch the middle aged to older folks, not talking to each other!).  We listen to each other, with intensity.  The lifestyle is not only about sex.  For example, lots of the places that we go, have dance floors.  Dancing, ugg!  Something I despised greatly.  Now, I'm up and dancing on the open dance floor with my wife.  The first time I danced in the club, she held me and cried.  Tenderly kissing me and telling me how happy I had made her.  Since she LOVES to dance!  Every once in awhile, you just need to say to yourself, "WTF!  Why not try it!  The most that could happen is that my legs would wobble!"  (But she says that I dance good!)
There is an old story about chasing a butterfly, and how it will try to elude you, but if you sit quietly and patiently, it will come and sit on your shoulder.
Love and all of its rewarding attributes, (honesty, sensuallity, respect, etc., oh yeah and SEX!!) will be had by those that embrace it, rather than try to capture and hold onto it. 
I would much rather have my wife coming back to me and hugging and giving me a kiss, telling me that she has the best guy in the world, then arguing over petty issues in a stagnated home environment.  (Not to be confused with "she might be looking" for someone else).  Besides, its much better than watching Law & Order reruns!  Our children are 27, 26 & 24, all boys.  They have dropped their hints and fished with comments, to which we just offer deflective comments.
Lifestyle friendly,
Lee & Karen

It is funny how people believe that everything we do is something new. Every generation following theirs is crazy. This event is not something that was just created. Where do you think the term swinging came from? We as a nation have access to a greater amount of information and news. Our perspective of the world is a little more harsh than it use to be.

 

If you are against swinging for moral and ethical issues with the bible or whichever religion you choose, then so be it. I can respect that, but attacking others for believing in something different than others...thats tacky.

 

Why stop at a third party :-D

 

The difference between an affair and swinging is that in an affair you go out looking for what you do not feel you already have. You are looking for an emotional and physical connection away from your spouse. (some) Swingers indulge into a physical connection to hightend their connection in a more selfless way. I know my wife and I are both really big into pleasuring each other, and not ourselves. What better way to pleasure, which we love doing, another person together than swinging.

 

The other issues is that we do not just go sleep around with everyone. We are very picky, and prefer to have a friend who is a swinger first, then swing with them later. A friendship is very important in the midst of swinging to us. I have never pushed her into swinging. The general rule of swinging is that you let the woman make the decisions. Impower her, let her take control. Establish rules before the swinging and respect and obey them. We have swung with a female, a couple, and a male. This makes for a fun time.

 

Swinging doesn't make someone better or worse. People are people. Non-swingers have divorce, drama, and problems just as much as swingers.

 

Respect and communication are huge in a relationship.

I found this to be a very thought provoking show. The one thing that is hard for me to understand is how swingers feel that this is not cheating. They say that because they are both in agreement with swinging then it's not cheating on each other.

 

It's just hard to get my brain wrapped around this. A thought occured to me when I remembered a situation with my son when he was probably 5th grade. He had a friend over. I looked out the window and they were throwing rocks at each other. I went out and made them stop. My son said "But mom, we're not mad, we just want to throw rocks at each other." I told him I was glad they weren't mad,but I still didn't want them to throw rocks at each other because there might be consequences, one of them might get hurt.

 

Is it kinda like this? That you both agree and you're not doing it behind each other's backs then it's not considered cheating. Just trying to understand where your coming from.

 

Why are you comparing relationships? Everyone's gears work a different way. To put your relationship on a pedestal is not a very nice thing to do. Your judgement of what is a healthy and happy marriage should not be of what you were taught. You are very stubborn and very hardheaded. So I know my post will mean nothing to you.

 

My wife and I are swingers. We are both bi-sexual, we both enjoy life to its fullest. We are city folk, but anything we do together is amazing. None of our regular friends know of our lifestyle. They would agree with us, that we are in a beautiful relationship. We have 2 kids, and raise them well. We do not teach masterbation is wrong, we do not teach that having a penis or vagina is bad. We teach a healthy lifestyle, and open minded perspectives allow you to be more creative and less restricted in life. The less restrictions allow them to have more fun in life. We do not condone of sleeping around. We have strict rules, but the kids understand them.

 

Do you not respect other people, or have honor, or patience, or love with other people? Of course my wife is number 1. My wife comes before my kids, and family and everyone or every thing. A healthy relationship between the wife and hubby always lead to healthy kids, healthy family, healthy life.  I have respect to those I know deserve it. 

 

My wife is my soul mate. I know this.

I watched this episodes this morning. Not suprised this goes on more often than people think. I would have liked to see you ask the first husband from Dallas (the one happy with his lifestyle), how he would've felt if his wife was having sex with MEN, not women.  I believe he would have felt differently -- probably the same insecurity would arise that she is having now.

 

I believe most men fantasize seeing their wife/significant other with another WOMAN--that fantasy has been around forever! They want to believe their wife/girlfriend is really "into" other women that way, when actually I believe that MOST women do this only to make their MEN happy! I am speaking 1st hand.

 

Early into my marriage, my girlfriend and I were teasing around with my husband (it was a lifelong fantasy of his) after a company party one night and she said, "Let's blow his mind!" - What started out as a joke, escalated into a little bit more.  I am not into the swinger lingo, but I guess, from the couple on your show, it was soft swap?? -- we just fooled around for a little while, nothing major.  After we quit and were sober the next day, I was very embarrased by what had happened. I still see my friend from time to time and it is a running joke. -- the one time was enough for me to realize that it isn't my thing -- although my husband thought it was great! What a surprise! Ugh! -- he was completely comfortable with the entire thing. He said the same thing the man on your show said, "It was for YOU....I loved seeing YOU enjoy yourself," which I know now that all men must convince themselves of to make themselves feel better! Ha!

 

It wasn't until later that I began to feel this jealous feeling -- and when we would see her, I wondered deep down if he really was into her, did he like her better than me, did she turn him on more than I did....just ugly feelings that kept in the back of my mind. 

 

It has been 10 years since that incident. And although my husband still jokes about the "threesome" idea once in a while--never mentioning her, he has respected my feelings about it, and agrees he would have never gone along with it or let it go that far if he realized I was not comfortable with it. -- and I must say, we ambushed him--as a joke!

 

I know without a doubt, except for that one incident, he has never kissed or touched another woman besides me throughout our 12 year marriage. I do regret that one night. And at one point I didn't think I could overcome my jealous anxieties in the back of my mind, and had I  continued obsessing, it could have ruined our marriage.

 

We will never take a chance like that again. Although I do believe there are ways to keep your marriage spicy WITHOUT including other partners in the bedroom.That is the secret to a successful sexual relationship.

 

How many couples actually stay in a marriage after that garbage.  I have know several couples that divorced.  It is so sad that people think that this is ok. why get in a relaionship if you still want to play.

My brother married his second wife, who was 8 years younger than he was -- she was 19. Three years into their marriage, they began experimenting sexually, going to clubs, socializing with different people. At one point, he was so into the idea of watching her have sex with a man, that he talked her into it.  I guess that backfired. She enjoyed it so much, she started wanting to have sex with the same man more, which then INFURIATED my brother.  This led to the downfall and eventual demise of their marriage.

 

What is Dr. Phil's old saying, "Be careful what you wish for...you just might get it?"

It really is sad that you are so self righteous. How can you believe that your marriage is stronger than mine? Since you are PERFECT I am to assume that you were a virgin bride? Your husband  " taught you" on your wedding night? You have never once thought about anyone while you had sex? Or imagined yourself with someone else? You must be of pure mind body and soul. Now I ask you... can your husband say the same thing? You will notice that none of the swingers on here have bashed the nonswingers. It has really been one sided with the swingers and truly open minded folks defending themselves. You my dear must be a back door girl because you really are ANAL!

 My kids don't know what goes on in my bed because we don't tell them what we do, in fact we don't even partake in the lifestyle when the kids are home. As for who we are .. you might be surprised  as I am probably the nurse who takes care of your loved ones and my husband is the fireman who puts his life on the line to save others!!

I think your creativity is wonderful!  Like alot of people have said, swinging isn't for everyone but it always pleases me when people explore new ways to keep things fresh and new!

My husband and I have been married for twelve years and swinging for 5.  We are the happiest, most well rounded people.  But here is the thing.  That does not mean everyone will be.

 

SWINGING IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!  The people who understand swinging, and have the kind of relationship that can handle it are welcome.  If that is not you, then please stay away from us and mind your own business.  We don't want you at our parties.

 

Can't envision yourself and your spouse doing this kind of thing?  Great!!!  Good luck to you!  Whatever works for you!  But don't assume you know anything about us, or what is right for us.  We do what we do because we enjoy it, and have found that honesty is a much more ethical approach to fantasy fulfillment than affairs, cheating, etc.  Which is what 50% of the U.S. population does.

 

To each their own.  Do what you want in your personal life.  It is your life.  Enjoy it how you see fit.  But keep your nose out of mine.