Topic : Arguing Over Money

Dear Saphy 

I am in complete agreement with you - I am male 58 years young.  When the two of you earn about the same it is 50/50.  When one starts earning more - they should take more responsibility - this is fair - and if either of you have watched the show - he says marriage terms sometimes have to be renegoiated - this is one of those times. 

                                                            Rog 

Be very careful.  He may be doing some other job to bring in money.  Switching meds could have done it also.  It seems that anything can set him off.  Take care of yourself.  Keep this site posted and have phone #'s ready in case.  

                                                          Rog 

From what I understand about bi-polar - your mood swings, and then there's anger.  Why your husband quit his job only he knows - and he might not really know.  First of all sit down and think.  Did you call your husbands company and find out what happened - if not do it.  Analyze your situation.   

Is he going to come out of it and get his job back, can he, or is that it.  You might have to be carrying the load for awhile.  Is the car in both your names or only his?  What about the house?  You said he has a car pymt, if you have your car and he has this for himself in only his name - my advice is to not pay it.  Get the phone #'s for food stamps/aid ready just in case - And contact all of the people/companies that the two of you owe - contact elec, phone, water, heat, etc. immediately. 

                                                            Rog 

I need to get some feedback on what people believe about having prenuptual agreements.  My boyfriend and I are having a serious disagreement on the need for one.   Neither one of us is a millionaire, but we make all of our bills and have money left to enjoy life.  He says that having a prenuptual agreement is just a guarantee that we will stay together and there will be no arguments.  I see prenuptuals as an easy way out in case a marriage doesn't seem to be working.  We have both been married before and I don't see divorce as a possibility.  My marriage ending before was not my decision.  I believe that people that don't see divorce as a possibility should not need to worry about a prenup.  I don't think I could be with someone that would want me to do this? I feel humiliated and can only see it as making sure there is an easy way out?? Am I wrong?? I really want some opinions!!  

P.S. He does have a daughter who is 19 years old that lives at home and is pregnant. I realize he wants to make sure that if he would die that his house goes to her which I am fine with.  I told him to put it in his will for the house.  We don't live together, so I would have no desire to have that house especially once we get one together.  HELP!  

A prenuptual will never prevent a divorce - it just helps in the distribution of assets and prevents one party from getting more of something.  I am 58 and don't like them.  I come from the school that says when you get married you had better talked things over and be Mature enough and 'Old enought to understand what you are doing!!! 

In a sense it is an easy way out - to some degree it can be depending on how it's written.  I do know what you mean when you say 'you feel humiliated' - make sure each of you know whats what. 

Remember what Doc Phil has said - a predictor of future performance is past performance. 

                                                        Rog 

Being the owner of my  own business that I have worked many years as a single mother, I agree that a prenuptual is VERY important.  I have seen too many women (and men) walk away with only half a business when they split up when the other person never even spent two hours working in the business.  And both parties should have legal representation when the agreement is being written/finalized in order to prevent problems down the road.    

I don't know if you'll read this because its been a while.  Hopefully you have moved.  If not,  this is what I would recommend.  Why don't you contact a realtor, line up some very nice, affordable houses and take her there for a romantic weekend getaway and show her what she could have.  Maybe she can't see the forest for the trees.  She sounds very busy and I would certainly jump at the chance for a more relaxing lifestyle.  It sounds like you have faith so I would really pray hard for God to open her mind and her heart.  We had a beautiful new home in the most sought-after neighborhood.  I found this total fixer-upper on acreage and it was such a mess, no-one could see the potential.  We had always dreamed about a project like this but we were very comfortable in our fancy shmancy house.  My husband was overwhelmed when he saw it (it really was a HUGE mess) and wouldn't consider it.  I prayed and hard cause I felt that this was our home.  The realtor called a week later to say the price had dropped and my husband said, let's take another look.  He fell in love with it and we have been here for just over a year.  With the hard work we have done, the value has increase $150,000.  I stay home and our mortgage is only $700 a month.  We are on wood heat (no gas) and on a well ( no water meters).  You need to seriously work on showing your wife the benefits - maybe even suggest a one year trial to see if its the right move.  All I know is that alot of people are so focussed on watching for the signs that they miss them completely, like your story.