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Topic : 06/06 Suing for Love

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Created on : Friday, October 12, 2007, 02:56:16 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 10/19/07) Have you ever been so devastated after a breakup that you wanted someone to literally pay for your broken heart? When Bonnie and her ex, Charles, broke up, she says he went to an unexpected low. He wrote and distributed The Bonnie Chronicles -- a diary that she says is all vicious lies. He claims she has AIDS, seasonal bipolar disorder and is promiscuous. She took him to court and won a monetary settlement, but he maintains that the book is truthful and says he's not paying her a dime! Bonnie says she's ready to move on, but is she really done with Charles? Then, Dawn unknowingly had an affair with a married man and was sued for her crime of passion. You won't believe who sued her, and what she has to pay. And, DrPhil.com viewers weigh in with their thoughts about suing over a lost love. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 14, 2007, 5:58 pm CDT

10/18 Suing for Love

Quote From: beckyleigh

Go for it.  Sue them for all you can get.  I think that when a partner cheats on you that they should be sued for all you can get.  It is a form of revenge but can sure help to heal the pain.  I have been there before and I know that you have to expose them, and then go for the wallet. 

That is kind of petty I bet you would sue more than one guy if you could. What good does it do. The fact remains that he still isnt with you and you still have to deal with that. So getting revenge doesnt help heal the pain. GETTING OVER IT does. Move on. I have absolute proof that when you move on what goes around comes around. He will meet his match one day and even though you arent around to see it, you will hear about it. It happened when my man and I broke up. I was devastated, thought I would never get over it. But I did and not only that I hear he is in a miserable marriage, his health is failing, Im 8 years older than he is and he looks 20 years older than me. He doesnt trust his wife and she wants to take him to the poor house. All this just months after he broke up with me. So you have to have a lot of hatred in your heart to think that suing them is gonna make you happy. It will make you just as miserable as they are. Not counting the court cost.  I cant think of one lawyer who will work for nothing in hopes of winning a case like that.
 
October 14, 2007, 6:01 pm CDT

10/18 Suing for Love

Quote From: juliebgg

I read your story, and I am happy that you saved your marriage. There is something I was concerned about in your post.  Why did your husband believe the lies your "friend" told about you instead of believing you?? He should have come to you and told you what this "friend" told him, rather than just believe her lies. It sounds like both you and your husband now realize that, instead of confiding in the "friend" when things were troubled in your marriage, you should have gone to each other. The friend who was the outsider in all of this clearly took advantage of both of you for her own personal gain.  I wouldn't evn bother with someone like her.  She is manipulative, and not good friend material. 

WOMEN BE WISE.....KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.....DONT ADVERTISE YOUR MAN!!!!

 

DONT TRUST YOUR FRIEND, YOUR MOMMA , YOUR SISTER, YOUR COUSIN, YOUR NEICE, LOL EVEN YOUR NEPHEW THESE DAYS, YOUR GRANDMOMMA NO FEMALE AROUND YOUR MAN. NEVER LET THEM BE ALONE IN YOUR HOUSE WITH THEM AT ANYTIME. HECK IF THE MAIL CARRIER IS A FEMALE STAY HOME AND PICK UP YOUR MAIL..........IF THAT IS THE WAY YOU WANT TO LIVE... 

 
October 14, 2007, 6:09 pm CDT

WHY BLAME THE WOMAN ONLY

Quote From: pjsluvn55

In Sept 2005, my  husband of 25 yrs literally walked out on our marriage, quit his job and went to live with his first wife in Tx, we had a home in Alabama..It has since been forclosed on yet he built  a new home for the two of them. I actually had no idea he was even thinking of leaving me!!! Talk about feeling as if I'd been hit in the gut with a baseball, I sure did. He's the one that walked out and all I've been able to do with my frustrations is to yell at him over the phone. He even refused to come help me get our house ready to sell, saying he didn't want to see me..it's my 6'3 son he doesn't want to see, or the grandchildren as he can't face them and the hurt in their eyes.

The reason I'm considering suing her is that she has been going behind my back and sending him letters saying she has and will always love him, although she kicked him out twice for a married man, years ago, and eventually married the other man. They were divorced a few yrs ago and she decided she wanted jim back and her daughters were helping her!! I know jim is the one that made the choice but she had no right to interfer in our marriage, she divorced jim twice, archie was a  married man and she broke up his marriage, now she's divorced him and pulled jim back..so she needs to learn to have common decency to

YOU SAY THAT SHE NEEDS TO LEARN SOME DECENCY? WHAT ABOUT HIM?  YOU SAY  THAT SHE BROKE UP A MARRIAGE..SHE DIDNT BREAK IT ...THEY DID...IT NEVER LIES WITH JUST ONE PERSON IT TAKES TWO REMEMBER..UNLESS HE SPENT TIME IN BED WITH HIMSELF. YOU CANT JUST SAY THE OTHER WOMAN (OR MAN FOR THAT MATTER) BROKE UP THE MARRIAGE. MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERENT DOING THAT MADE HIM OR HER STRAY IN THE FIRST PLACE.  HEY IF YOU LOOK AT IT THERE ARE THREE PEOPLE WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYING A MARRIAGE..YOU, HIM AND THE OTHER WOMAN(OR MAN).

 

P.S. NO I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE OTHER WOMAN. I HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF MEN WHO DOWNRIGHT LIED TO ME AND SAID THEY WERE NOT MARRIED OR THEIR WIFE HAD DIED....YEAH RIGHT...AND YES AFTER CHECKING OUT EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIMSELF, I GOT A MAN!!!

 
October 14, 2007, 11:28 pm CDT

take the higher road

 My first husband walked out without any warning. We'd been married for 15 years and the signs just weren't there.  He immediately hooked up with a 26 year-old who'd already been married twice and had two children. She was so jealous of me that she tried to pull every dirty trick in the book.  She was extremely cruel to me - a real bully!  I was absolutely devastated for the first three years, but life started looking up. I went back to college at age 40 for my journalism/communications degree.  I also met my second husband - who is much further up the food chain than my first husband.  He is so kind, gentle, patient and funny.  I wanted to sue my first husband and his next wife, but decided I would never stoop to their level.  My ex helped raise her two children and now they're having kids together so he literally has babies running around the house and he's 50!!  He chose his own punishment and I couldn't have done better if I had tried.  I hear he's absolutely miserable, but it's only because of the choices he made. As Dr. Phil says, "Payback's a bitch and the best payback is to succeed."  Don't only move on, but move upward and don't let bitterness hold you hostage!
 
October 15, 2007, 2:08 am CDT

Acctually the laws had nothing to do with married women

Quote From: brady70

THE REASON IT ONLY APPLIED TO MEN WAS BECAUSE IN THE 60,S MOST WOMENT STAYED HOME TO RAISE THE FAMILY AND TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE. IF THE HUSBAND LEFT HER WHEN SHE WAS 45 OR 50 SHE HAD NO CAREER TO FALL BACK ON AS THEY DO TODAY. ALSO IN THE 60,S WOMEN GOT MARRIED YOUNG. TODAY THE WOMEN DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL THEY ARE IN THERE 30'S. THIS IS GOOD BECAUSE A WOMEN DOES NOT FEEL LIKE SHE HAS TO STAY IN A MARRIAGE WHICH SHE IS NOT HAPPY IN BECAUSE SHE HAS A CAREER TO FALL ON. I AM A WOMEN WHO GO MARRIED IN THE LATE 60'S AND BELIEVE ME I NEVER FELT I WAS TRAPPED BECAUSE I HAD WORKED 10 YEARS BEFORE GETTING MARRIED AND DID MY TRAVELING AND HAVING FUN. I WAS 26 WHEN I GOT MARRIED AND NEVER WENT BAR HOPPING AFTER MARRIAGE. I DID GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS BUT WE WENT TO EACH OTHERS HOUSE OR OUT TO BINGO. I THINK MARRIED MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM BARS . MY HUSBAND NEVER WENT TO A BAR AFTER GETTING MARRIED AND HE ALWAYS DID BEFORE THAT. IT WAS NOT BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT HIM TO GO HE WAS HAPPY TO STAY HOME AFTER WORK.
They were to provide compensation for jilted fiancees.
 
October 15, 2007, 8:44 am CDT

Know that it will hurt... grieve and then move on as quickly as possible

Quote From: alexis7

Holding onto anger only hurts the person who is angry.  Suing a person you've broken up with gains you nothing but money (which solves nothing) and delays the healing that needs to take place.  You're not meant to be with every person you date.  Dating is the way you find out if you want to be with that person.  If it doesn't work out, walk away, move on in your search.  Take that opportunity to learn about yourself and what you want in a relationship.  Doing this has definitly helped me in my relationships. 

 

I wish I had this advice in front of me after my last breakup.  I was devastated and seriously thought of suing him, as hitting him in his pocket would have really, really pissed him off.  I thought of keying his car; running over him if I saw him on the street (thank God I never saw him on the street).  All of these were healthy fantasies to help w/the grieving/healing process.  If I had acted on these fantasies it would have been unhealthy and I would have ended up in jail therefore prolonging my grief and letting him ruin my life.  Instead, I got a second job and cried on the way home.  I was grieving.   It is very difficult to think clearly and rationally after a devastating, blind-sided breakup.  You have to muster all the strength you have to get through it.  YOU are the only one that can do it.  But I do now know that I wasted way too much time on grieving for someone who didn't love me and could break my heart w/out giving it a second thought.  You've got to go thru it... eveyone must.  It hurts like hell... but don't do anything until you have let some time pass... as you don't want to do something you may regret and also it keeps him fresh in front of your mind when that is the last place he/she should be.  Keep busy.. very busy... and take the time to grieve before you get involved with anyone else b/c that will be a disaster if you don't.  Dating is a way to find out if you want to be with that person for the rest of your life.... but it still doesn't help knowing this when you are still trying to figure it out and they have decided to move on.  Oh the pain!!! 
 
October 15, 2007, 5:46 pm CDT

That husband was not an innocent bystander!

Quote From: swtbbw2

YOU SAY THAT SHE NEEDS TO LEARN SOME DECENCY? WHAT ABOUT HIM?  YOU SAY  THAT SHE BROKE UP A MARRIAGE..SHE DIDNT BREAK IT ...THEY DID...IT NEVER LIES WITH JUST ONE PERSON IT TAKES TWO REMEMBER..UNLESS HE SPENT TIME IN BED WITH HIMSELF. YOU CANT JUST SAY THE OTHER WOMAN (OR MAN FOR THAT MATTER) BROKE UP THE MARRIAGE. MAYBE IT WAS SOMETHING YOU WERENT DOING THAT MADE HIM OR HER STRAY IN THE FIRST PLACE.  HEY IF YOU LOOK AT IT THERE ARE THREE PEOPLE WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYING A MARRIAGE..YOU, HIM AND THE OTHER WOMAN(OR MAN).

 

P.S. NO I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE OTHER WOMAN. I HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF MEN WHO DOWNRIGHT LIED TO ME AND SAID THEY WERE NOT MARRIED OR THEIR WIFE HAD DIED....YEAH RIGHT...AND YES AFTER CHECKING OUT EVERYTHING HE TOLD ME ABOUT HIMSELF, I GOT A MAN!!!

I agree with your post, for the most part   She shouldn't just blame the woman!  Her husband was not an innocent bystander in all this, but rather an active participant in cheating and betrayal.  Both the ex wife and the husband   are responsible for their terrible behavior!!  I don't know though that we could say that the person cheated on is also a responsible party  without knowing the facts.  Yes, in some cases cheating is the end result of something missing in a marriage, but let's face it.  Some people are just rats and would cheat on the sweetest spouse in the world.
 
October 15, 2007, 5:54 pm CDT

you came out a winner!!

Quote From: juders

 My first husband walked out without any warning. We'd been married for 15 years and the signs just weren't there.  He immediately hooked up with a 26 year-old who'd already been married twice and had two children. She was so jealous of me that she tried to pull every dirty trick in the book.  She was extremely cruel to me - a real bully!  I was absolutely devastated for the first three years, but life started looking up. I went back to college at age 40 for my journalism/communications degree.  I also met my second husband - who is much further up the food chain than my first husband.  He is so kind, gentle, patient and funny.  I wanted to sue my first husband and his next wife, but decided I would never stoop to their level.  My ex helped raise her two children and now they're having kids together so he literally has babies running around the house and he's 50!!  He chose his own punishment and I couldn't have done better if I had tried.  I hear he's absolutely miserable, but it's only because of the choices he made. As Dr. Phil says, "Payback's a bitch and the best payback is to succeed."  Don't only move on, but move upward and don't let bitterness hold you hostage!
Hey, they say the best revenge is to live well.  And it sounds like you are doing just that!!  It must have been very difficult dealing with that awful situation with your first husband and his 26 year old bimbobully (new word for the dictionary!)  But look at what you did! You went back to school, and you also found a wonderful new love!!! I LOVE your expression about your second husband being much further up the food chain than the first one!!!!  Wishing you continued good luck.  You are a true winner!!!!
 
October 16, 2007, 8:52 pm CDT

10/19 Suing for Love

I myself considedered and many days dreamt about taking my exhusband and his girlfriend to court.  Not only sue them for monetary damages but for emotional distress.  For all who talk about breaking up with a boy/girlfriend - this is a drop in the pan compared to the breakup of a marriage.  Has anyone actually considered the financial burden of going through a divorce?  I have never had credit card debt in my over 30 years of life.  In my 20's I had a good job - started saving for retirement, put money away in savings/investments, bought a car - paid it off, bought a house.  Married for a few years, had a baby, became a stay at home mom.  Fast forward a few more years.  Not knowing I was a few days pregnant with my second baby I came across "The Text Message".  With 4 little words posted on my husband's phone my whole marriage started crumbling.  For the next 10 months I did my best to believe everything my husband told me, everything he promised, yet there was that gut feeling - underneath my growing belly.  5 weeks after the birth of my second child I discovered the truth.  My husband was having an affair.  So, here is some of the cost of that affair:  the 100's of dollars maybe thousands, that I know about, spent on dinners for two, hotels, and god knows what else.  Over $14,000 in what I would call toys to impress the younger chic - I mean really - I was 7 months pregnant when he bought the first crotch rocket - you think it was for my enjoyment?  He wrecked that bike within a month and before the insurance money even hit the bank - he had bought another one.  Ok - now take the divorce itself.  He wanted to set up house with his new little girl so rather than be fair - he insisted since I was a stay at home mom I did not contribute to the marriage and therefore, he deserved everything - including the car I had purchased before we got married.  The only thing he wanted to divide was the wedding presents.  So, believe it or not even though it was a bitter, yucky divorce that took over 14 months to resolve - we never stepped infront of a judge.  The lawyers each got over $15,000 - thus wiping out every penny of savings/investments (and even though 1/2 of that was my investments set up before marriage - I was stupid enough to combine my monies with the marital estate).  How about the amount of money it took me to get back on my feet (by the way he didn't get my car, or the house, or even a majority of the wedding presents) - he did get 1/2 the furniture (and the stupid crotch rocket which he crashed again!).  I am now in credit card debt for the first time.  Obviously, I had to go back to work and now I have 2 young children in daycare (over 80% of one of my bimonthly paychecks goes to pay childcare).  The other paycheck pays the mortgage.  And his childsupport (a little over $300 every 2 weeks helps with food, clothing, utilities.......).  Even though he is supposed to help he refuses to help pay for the eldest child's play therapy as my 4 year old has displayed some behavioral issues in dealing with the divorce as well as in my opinion emotional manipulation by his father and the girlfriend.  Yes, did I mention, during the affair, in a means to deflect his poor choices he used emotional blackmail to keep me from finding out what was really going on.  We were in marital counseling (why couldn't I trust my husband who never did anything wrong?)  and then I was in invidividual counseling (I must have had deep seated issues since I couln't trust my husband who did nothing wrong) - think about the monetary value of this.  This man cried to my family, my OBGYN, my friends - everyone, including myself, thought I was going crazy!  The crazy thing is even after he was caught red handed and confessed - he still managed to keep his girl a secret to his closest friends and family and to this day they believe his side that I was a crazy, untrusting wife, who made the girl up.  No one close to me will have anything to do with him now as they compare him to Scott Peterson and are thankful I didn't end up in a lake (he is that personality - a con artist, master manipulator, and a damn good liar).  So, yes, I would have given anything to have put those 2 up in front of a judge and jury and have a guilty verdict read for causing severe emotional distress.  But, it didn't happen like that.  I didn't even get to have the divorce papers stamped with adultry.  Nope I got insupportability.  Guess what even after all that I never took revenge.  Nope - I folded his clothes that my best friend had thrown in a pile in the garage, put them in a box, and labeled it.  I never talked face to face with the girlfriend (which he dumped within a month of the finalization of the divorce - I assume it was more fun to keep her secret - she thought they were going to get married - ha!).  I did post a blog to her and for the world to read.  I told her what I thought about her, but I also thanked her, because if it hadn't been for her it may have been many more years before I found out what a monster he was.  I have a chance to start over and succeed.  In one year I have paid off 3 small credit cards - 2 more big ones to go!  I will take my chances that karma really will catch up with him and that the best revenge I will get is being happy and successful.  By the way, I got an e-mail from the girlfriend, it read,"I am sorry."
 
October 17, 2007, 4:36 am CDT

Get over it

People sue over the dumbest things and being jilted is one of them.  Holding on to that anger and resentment does nothing.  Suing only clogs up the courts.

 

Two points I want to make.

 

One - A married woman should never, ever put herself in a position of depending on her husband for her well-being - emotionally, financially, or any other way.  Every woman should be able to support herself - and her kids - on her own.  It may not include that fancy house or car or private schools but she should be able to be independent.  I can say this because I did it and it wasn't easy.  But I still believe in sacrifices and hard work.

 

Two - Unless there is a ring, there is no commitment and no ties.  Some guy you've been dating for 6 months jilts you?  Get over it and move on.  Revenge isn't the answer and doesn't heal.  It only brings you down to that person's level.  Rise above it and find a person deserving of your love. 

 

This country is so sue-happy I can't believe it.  I am still amazed that people are getting settlements for doing stupid things - like driving with a cup of hot coffee between your legs!  Common sense has gone out the window and litigation has flown in and been embraced like a long lost child.  Take responsibility for your own actions and your attitude.

 
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