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Topic : 03/20 Policing the Parents

Number of Replies: 195
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Created on : Friday, October 19, 2007, 01:48:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/25/07) Should teens have to police a parent who is drug-addicted or just overall irresponsible? Robert, a father of two, has been in rehab six times in the past four years for an alcohol addiction. He says he drinks so often that his 14-year-old daughter, Keryn, pours out his beer daily, cleans up his bloody wounds after drunken falls and walks him home to prevent the police from arresting him! Robert's wife, Eileen, says she feels torn between protecting her children and loyalty to her husband. Will she stop enabling Robert's addiction, and will Robert get the wake-up call he desperately needs? Keryn has been her father's overseer for so long, is it too late to reverse their roles? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.


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October 20, 2007, 8:31 am CDT

old news

my dad died when I was 17, I knew my mom drank but he kept a lot of the severe results from happening so they mainly had fights because of course drunken people are impossible to deal with..........until he passed, then I discovered what he was living with and had kept from me as much as he could.
Now I live with it and my mom is 73, some very scary falls which almost killed her but she still drinks and mixes with meds, her dr knows yet keeps giving her the drugs since she probably cannot stop them now, they are benzos and anti depressants given to her 20 years ago after my dad passed and she is still on them, drinking and falling more than ever............it has actually delayed my life and my ability to have one.
 I think parents who do tihs are selfish and my mom is very much so, more than ever, in many ways.
It is sad that  they dont care the impact and horror they put us children through, and I am now 36 yrs old with a guy I have been with for 17 yrs who stuck by me living in this house of horror, but we are not married and because of the high  maintenance of my mom  our lives end up second many times.
I now hear things at night sometime it is not even her and sometimes its nothing - just me hearing things from years of it, not sure if she fell, not sure if she is dead, we are in the same home but I am now in a suite above her and in one way its better cuz i hear less but sometimes she will call me to go pick her up when she is not so far gone and can still dial........but I may find her bloody, defacted all over herself and the house, have put out my back lifting her and when i call for help like an abulance to make sure she is not hurt, she verbally and emotionallhy abuses me.  I have been to everyone seeking help and I mainly try not to go help her as they say to leave them but sometimes its hard if she calls me or if she is really screaming...............this post could be many pages but lets just say it is angering that people have kids and them put them through this.  If only we could commit them like in the old days!
Like Dr. Phil says, this kind of thing changes who you are, who you grow up to be............the only bonus is I DO NOT DRINK and do not get drunk and probably won't, luckily rather than follow her path I avoid that path, that is the only good result but it was not always that way, I started down her path after my dad died but not for long before I woke up.  I do not want kids, probably becasue of what I grew up seeing.

It sucks to always be afraid of finding her dead from a fall.  When she gets sloshed, she is so out of it that it is like watching a severe herion addict, who cannot talk, walk and who pees themselves.  I have to live with this for the rest of my life and live with the after effects - like how I awake for too easily because of living with this fear and also when i was young my mom and dad fought daily, nightly, violently, and it was mostly because of her.  I know it is a disease and I know her med make her crave booze and I know she is an addictive personality............I know she has a side here but with all the help we have tried, intervention, even the hospital got involved aftera  huge fall, sent her social workers etc but then the govt stopped the program she was in, it was a senior well aware program.............so the last option is detox which she woudl have to do willingly - never gonna happen since she still denies drinking even after being found many times with high blood alcohol during incidents where ambulance got involved.  And if she did go willlingly it will cost us an entry of 7 grand.............we are paying a mortgage and debts, we would have to get into more debt.  My mom mortgaged the house continuously after my dad passed away, this house was paid............now we have to pay a mortgage and live on minimal means due to her spending.
She is also a hoarder.  I sure wish someone could really help her so we could finally get some peace but as I have been told numerous times by our govt and other arenas.............if she wants to drink herself to an early grave we cannot do a thing about it.
WE took all her booze, she buys more and gets angry at us to.  It is too late for her I guess, since after 10 years of pursuit of help all i could get was self council, great so I can deal with it from help from council but how about trying to save my moms life while she still has one?  I am told, to let go of what I cannot control..............well living and watching and doing nothing is very hard.  She is bruised daily..........
Linda

 
October 20, 2007, 10:30 am CDT

Doctor Phil Show

Doctor Parents Phil Policing The. Doctor Phil what does that mean Policing Parents anyway? I donot--------

understand that. See you on Friday October 26th, 2007. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.--------------------

 
October 20, 2007, 11:09 am CDT

Policing the Parents

Without seeing this program yet, I have a friend who is going through this with his own kids. He had custody at first, and then his bad lawyer, combined with the mother's good one, caused custody to return to the mother who has child neglect charges against her, is bipolar, has alcohol and drug problems and the case is a mess. His younger daughter is being destroyed by feeling obligated to tend to her mother, the older girl is failing in school and unlikely to graduate. The dad is an exemplary individual, a retired Marine who has had top secret clearances, fought for our country as a Marine and since, but cannot get his day in court in front of a judge to save his own kids! He is without money now because the mother wants the support to pay for her addictions, the kids go without food regularly, and he has no idea how to fund or keep his fight alive. Perhaps someone can enlighten us as to how to get this resolved in the state of NY, without money left, and a court system that favors an unfit mother over a caring, very fit dad? If you knew all the circumstances, your blood would boil! And two kids are suffering the consequences. Any ideas on how to save these children?
 
October 20, 2007, 2:05 pm CDT

falling down drunk

Someone I know who would drink to be drunk frequently fell down the stairs one time too many and ended up in a wheel chair with 24 hour help.  He died after only 3 years.  Luckily, they had resources but his wife was left exhausted and without a husband in her 50's.
 
October 20, 2007, 4:00 pm CDT

Policing Parents

I truly hope Dr Phil will look at the Hasselhoff case for what it is.  Hasselhoff is an alcoholic and an abusive man per court diocuments and children should never have to care for their parents while they are still children.  Their mother is perfectly fit and able to care for those children.  So why did she lose them?  Because the courts in our society place too much emphasis on PAS and other bogus syndromes.  Hasselhoff had a bulldog attorney and plenty of money and if you do not agree to "foster" a relationship with the other parent you are dead in the water and will lose your children.  What parent wants to send a child into that kind of environment unsupervised?  I know I don't with my ex-husband yet I am forced to do so.  This is why fit mothers who have been abused or who believe that the children are being abused are losing custody daily in this country.  Read about 7 worse case scenarios at www.stopfamilyviolence.org.  I challenge you Dr Phil to look into the PAS scandal and air that story.  Be brave like Tatge and Lassuer were and show the truth.  Your viewers will be disgusted by what you discover.
 
October 21, 2007, 6:55 am CDT

Flashback!

Without seeing this show, I could offer a million examples if anyone is at a loss for words...I lived this lifestyle from age 9 to 21, married someone just like Dad, and 20 years after that divorce, my daughter is still "expected" by her Father to take the parental High-Road. with her absent Father with his telephone calls twice yearly ( She will NOT)

It is devastating to say the least, how assuming the role of responsibility for an actively addicted parent  affects a child.  My father was a mess, and my mother gave up.  Someone had to keep the house running.  I have assumed the role of caretaker since.  Waiting and Watching for an addictive parent to "need you" is a horrendous rollercoaster.  Living on EggShells, Knowing to expect the worst, "just in case" Trying to prepare for an adult problem at 10?  Failure to prevent the parent from messing up again, only leaves the child ( or spouses) with a sense of failure and the understanding that "they should have done something different or assume of course the RESPONSIBILITY for the actions of the parent. ( Of course, that opens an entirely new show possibilit)y.  Anticipation for what is needed of you, removed your abiliy to anticipate your OWN needs.  Should I go on to school after being up all night?  Should I go, or should I wait to see if he wakes up? Should I go away to college and let everything fall apart?  College, who had time to think about  college; I could balance a check book, pay utilities, contact work places write business letters and telephone contacts and  language, but college is impossible for someone so CONSUMED with the needs of others, and in a constant state of recovery from the latest sleepless night or financial embarrassment or well known disaster. It is though you can't stop to address all of the demands of YOUR life, studying, projects, A FUTURE! Who can think of the future when they are trying to SURVIVE today?  Terribly unfair.... It took ten years of therapy for me to realize that I had every right to forge my own life. But Children, and Adult Children of Substance Abusers are often "trapped" in the cycle of "needing" to take care of everyone but themselves, it becomes their defining "source of pride".  It is very sad, but it made me a very strong woman, a survivor and most capable of limiting the lasting affects of such demands for my own children.  It took my own divorce and a lot of counseling to "catch-Up" to my counterparts that were fortunate enough to have parents that  had put the needs of their children above their own! 

 
October 21, 2007, 2:23 pm CDT

policing the parents

Quote From: bluhrig

Someone I know who would drink to be drunk frequently fell down the stairs one time too many and ended up in a wheel chair with 24 hour help.  He died after only 3 years.  Luckily, they had resources but his wife was left exhausted and without a husband in her 50's.

  i too knew of a similar incident.  where the husband would always drink to get drunk and then abuse his kids, the wife would try and stop it, the husband would turn on the wife too.  now that the husband/abuser is dead the widow/wife has tried to make a decent living for herself and son.  so what happened!  a nosy trouble making town reported her to the child protective services.  was there neglect? no!  there was health issuses on the child.  and to top things off the child would not listen or mind the parent.  think about some of the attitudes that the children do to their parent or parents before someone judges the parents.  there is two sides to the story!

 
October 22, 2007, 3:43 pm CDT

10/25 Policing the Parents

I grew up with alcoholic parents, it was horrible!  I was the one to get them to bed, to drive them home from family functions because they were too drunk to do it themselves.  I watched my father die a very slow death due to his excessive drinking, and I grew weary of all the guilt from never doing anything right by them.  My parents relied on me for everything, to get them alcohol, to driving them home, to pouring them drinks etc.  I still to this day have deep feelings of detest for their abusiveness and embarrassment.  I had to put this all to the side when my mother died of cancer two years ago, she never quit drinking until about three weeks before her death.  I took care of her in her dying days, but harbored so much guilt and resentment that still haunts me to this day.  I make sure that my children are protected from alcohol, I know it is out there, but I am active in their schools educating parent's on the devestating effects of drugs and alcohol.  My children are very aware and smart when it comes to what this does to people.

Please, protect your children from this, it is horrible!

 
October 25, 2007, 6:16 am CDT

Drunken Parents

I had an ex husbad that drank from the time we were married (1984) till the time I left him(1997). I know how hard it can be on the children. Thank god my children were young but they still remember to this day.

I left him 7 times to wake him up. It never happened. It wasn't until I left and hid his children from him for 5 years that it finally woke him up. By that time it was too late. He did not have any kind of relationship with his children until they decided to give him another chance after being sober for 5 years. The children should not have to police their father and the wife should take her kids and leave. If he really wants to get help he will . The only one's who are suffering are the children. The have no life. Parents should take care of their children and not the other way around. These parents who drink to excess should wake up before they loose the only precious things they have ,THE CHILDREN.

 
October 25, 2007, 6:29 am CDT

What is going on here?????????

    What is going on with these parents?  Especially the "mother", if she saw this in any of her client's homes wouldn't she be bound to intervene?

     What is going on with the extended family?  Why aren't the "parents" (I use the term loosly) siblings and parents intervening on behalf of these girls?  When the immidiate famly is falling apart it is the duty of the extended family to help.

     What is going on with the teachers and school staff that are supposed to be under manditory reporting laws?  These girls are being neglected and abused. 

     What is going on with you Dr. Phil?  The dad isn't the one who deserves a trip to a fancy treatment facility.  Isn't there some school, camp, institute or something that can give these to innocent girls the help, care and treatment that they so desperatly need and deserve?   The father chose to drink and the mother chose to enable but the girls are forced to deal. 

 
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