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Topic : 06/09 Devastating Divorce

Number of Replies: 216
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Created on : Friday, October 19, 2007, 01:52:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Original Air Date: 10/26/07) What do you do when you’re desperate to hold onto your marriage but your spouse wants out? Dr. Phil’s guest, Danny Bonaduce, became famous as a child star but is now infamous for his very public bad behavior -- loud outbursts, drug addiction and cheating on his wife of 17 years. When Danny last spoke with Dr. Phil, his marriage was on the rocks, but he was learning to live sober and inspire his wife, Gretchen, to trust him again. Now, a year has gone by, and Gretchen has filed for divorce. Danny says Gretchen is the love of his life, and he doesn’t want their marriage to end. But is it too late? Dr. Phil meets with Gretchen separately to find out if there’s still a sliver of hope for them to hold onto. After hearing from Dr. Phil and seeing clips of Danny's conversation, will Gretchen give their relationship another shot? Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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October 20, 2007, 10:13 pm CDT

danny's demise

Quote From: scary5

 I have been on both sides of this issue. It is hard for both to see the other sides issues. I believe Danny really is scared now that Gretchen means business and really wants to change. Maybe he cant. Gretchen is just fed up, done. What took her soooo long? Mostly, I believe that when women are done then that is it they are done. No going back. I hope they do get it together though. Maybe give Danny one more chance. Unless she really feels the physical love is gone. That can determine the whole end of things.  If the emotional is gone it is over.

 I have loved Danny for years and wish he would soften up a bit. I had an abusive childhood also but we have to grow up and be responsible for our actions. Gretchen loves him obviously but I really feel that she would be better off with a man who truly loves her and treats her like he loves her.

 

 I don't truly think Danny had much true love from the ones who he needed most as a child and perhaps don't know how to show it. Its the children that are going to suffer. As much as I think he's a wonderful person down deep in his heart , he needs to move on and let her go.

 
October 20, 2007, 10:30 pm CDT

Recovered? Doubt it!

Danny you have not even begun to recover "Change your attitude" "Change your life" You still have the typical Alcoholic mentality "It's all about me" Give your wife a break she needs to try and get herself and the children sane! Talk is cheap ! You are and always will be a looser, Gretchen is a beautiful woman and deserves a medal for putting up with your disrespect.. not only of yourself but your entire family. You are weak Buster get yourself a new life. CarolHarley
 
October 21, 2007, 2:48 am CDT

10/26 Devastating Divorce

I'm going to be 53 next month, and I remember learning in Alcohol Education back in Yonkers, that 90% or men left their alcoholic wives, while only 10% women left their alcoholic husbands.

 

The message was meant as a threat to girls that they better be good, but I think the more intelligent girls saw it as just one more point of social inequality towards women.

 

I for one am glad if more women are refusing to be nursemaid doormats are getting out of bad, bad situations that most men wouldn't have, and probably still wouldn't tolerate.

 
October 21, 2007, 4:47 am CDT

10/26 Devastating Divorce

I watched Danny and Gretchen's show on VH1 and saw alot of similarities between Danny and my ex.  I really feel for Gretchen.  She is on a rollercoaster ride with Danny with all the ups and downs, and it seems to never stop.  He loves her, as did my ex to me.  But because of the alcohol and/or drugs, he is unable to make the choices that he should be making.   And just because he is (or was?) sober, does not mean everything will be fine.  She has lived through years of this and will not easily trust him to stay sober or be able to just put all the events of the past years behind her and love him back the way he wants her too.  

 

I got emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted from living with this kind of behavior every day.  Getting out was the best thing i could have done for myself and our kids.  My only regret is that i didn't do it sooner.  I feel for the kids, especially their daughter who seems to worship Danny.  She is too young to understand the issues that Gretchen is dealing with and the tough choices she has to make now.  But, in the end, you have to do what's best for yourself and the kids even if they don't agree.  They will understand in time that you did what was best for them too.  

 
October 21, 2007, 6:00 am CDT

DUDE....

I'm always amazed how people feign surprise when they do everything to make a thing go wrong and do nothing to maintain, at least, a semblance of trying to get it together and freak out when their loved ones have had enough.  People live in this box and they expect others to live in their boxes with them.  How many chances does a brother get?  You drink yourself into an oblivion, you've done drugs, you cheat on your wife...MANY TIMES....and your anger is the route of all of it.  It's gotten in the way of your life and your marriage.  Anger and bitterness is your true addiction and you love your anger MORE than your wife and family.  And when that's the case, you'll never change your ways as long as you have your love tied into your addiction.

Even YOU have to admit that Gretchen has to be the most patient and forgiving woman alive.  To have dealt with your nonsense for SEVENTEEN years..... SHE deserves the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.  You have children and you're about to create a generational curse that passes your anger on to your progeny.

And rather than throwing comedians on stage, you should do WHATEVER it takes to change your ways before trying to save your marriage.  You need to know that you're royalty and know enough that you can't give what you don't possess.  And YOU need TO POSSESS PEACE OF MIND.

Peace is not only primary core to your freedom, but you should treat your peace like you would your family.
Protect it with your life.  If you're in a position that threatens to take your peace away, you should immediately STOP doing it or being in that situation.  Peace is like a helpless newborn baby that needs ALL of your attention.  You have to feed it, clean it,  care for it with all of your might.  Because there are people and situations that threaten to steal, kill, and destroy your happiness.  And wisdom has to be the principle thing to getting that peace.

You have a long road, Danny.  And it's not going to be copacetic.  While my father's former nicotine addiction may not be the same intensity as your many addictions, my father quit smoking cigarretes and stop drinking alcohol COLD TURKEY 32 years ago when he was posed with the situation of surviving as a slave to his addictions or living free as a MAN.

You CAN do this.  You know when you're about to take a drink, do a drug or fly off the handle.  You can control yourself.  No matter how drunk you are, i know you would never get into a fight with Mike Tyson, or curse out Holyfield.  NO matter how buzzed your are in your drunkshow, a frowned expression from Mike Tyson aimed at you would be a SHOWSTOPPER. And no matter how many people send you to various treatment centers, or rehab interventions, if you don't look at what you're doing as if what you do will kill those that love you, you'll continue to be selfish and become the very thing to your loved ones that you're so angry about.

So..... it's time to get it together, dude.

You're now able to count the amount of months that will govern how long you will be on this earth.
Either your epitaph will read "Danny was a fighter and won" or "Danny is the Llama that spits in your face."

God is the only way you're going to get out of this, Danny.

Seek Him and you'll find the answers to your anger.

And do it now.  Before your anger kills you.

God bless, man.
 
October 21, 2007, 7:32 am CDT

10/26 Devastating Divorce

     Danny Bonaduce and I are about the same age.  I remember watching him on the Partridge Family

     as a kid.  It is sad to see how his life has turned out so messy.  His wife is a brave, gentle soul for  hanging in there this long.  You could only hang in so long, and do so much to help a person and sometimes, even love isn't the answer.  Bonaduce needs a reality check and he needs to worry about his life right now and get it on track.  He already has ruined his name in the public eye, because when you hear of his name, you automatically think of this maniac!  His wife and kids are better off without him right now.  Why humiliate the entire family for one man's downfall into studpidville.  Grow up! Bonaduce and stop the insanity! Your'e a man, not a immature child, so stop acting rebellious and angry and get a life.  A short life of what you have left to prove to yourself and others that you can be sane and sensitive. 

 
October 21, 2007, 10:08 am CDT

Must stay in the limelight

Quote From: scootrmomx2

I am a big fan of Danny. I used to listen to him every morning. Gretchen inspired me to work on my own relationship. I commend her for being so strong. I live in a very similar situation but my other half would never seek help. ( Especially from Dr. Phil.) Sorry! I truly hope that Gretchen gives him another chance. I feel that any man who is willing to listen to Dr. Phil is worth that much! I have been with mine for sixteen years and have been trying to get out for a year and two months, but now he doesn't want the same thing!

I am no fan of divorce - having worked hard on my second marriage to make it work - my husband has as well -  but, why do these semi-celebrities want to live out their lives in public.  Maybe if Danny and Gretchen pulled away from the media, found a good marriage counselor in private, and worked at their problems - things would look up.

 

Mind you, Dr. Phil is a tremendously talented and wise doctor,  but, Danny and Gretchen,  go home and do it in private.

 
October 21, 2007, 3:22 pm CDT

Time to grow up and show up in your own life

The only thing that changes anyone is the desire to change. In my marriage the only thing that changed me or my husband was letting someone else in, and that was God. We desired His help and He gave it to us. We needed counsel and we needed forgiveness. We needed accountability and we needed to build trust. Many godly and gracious people walked alongside us on this journey. Anything is possible, but only if two people are willing to give the mess they've made over to someone wiser. Sooner or later we all meet our maker, and while we are still walking this earth, the sooner the better.
Recent events have shown that Danny has a deep insensitivity to others who cause offense to him, as well as a deep lack of understanding regarding the consequences of his own actions. To be offended does not require deliberate acts of violence. He has had an incredible resource in Gretchen. Had she chosen these many years to respond to him in the manner he responds to others when offended, one can only say, "God help you man."
Beyond the personal pain you are experiencing Danny, look very carefully at the pain you are causing. Your children are watching you live, are you ready to watch what will happen to them as a result of the chaos you have chosen? No pain is deeper than that, I tell this from you from my own deeply painful experiences in seeing the dark places our choices led our children to. The work required now, to undo the years of damage caused to them, has been literally heartbreaking at times.
Whether you ultimately reconcile or not, I wish you both the best and pray that you, like my husband and I have, will find the only love that never fails, and that is the love of God.
P.S. We appreciated Self matters and Relationship Rescue alot. Our son is doing Family Matters right now to try and work out the mess he's made of his life. If you haven't read the books, or did the work once you read it, DO IT!!!
 
October 21, 2007, 8:11 pm CDT

GROW UP DANNY

Everytime I see ANYTHING about you Danny on the TV, it's all childish, inmature behavior!!  GROW UP!!  No wonder Gretchen has filed for divorce!!
 
October 21, 2007, 8:42 pm CDT

Big fan

I'm also a big fan of Danny and Gretchen's.  But, I know if my husband cheated on me, that would be it.  When the trust is gone, what is left?  They are both good people and I hope they will be happy in whatever the outcome is. 
 
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