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Topic : 06/09 Devastating Divorce

Number of Replies: 216
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Created on : Friday, October 19, 2007, 01:52:54 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Original Air Date: 10/26/07) What do you do when you’re desperate to hold onto your marriage but your spouse wants out? Dr. Phil’s guest, Danny Bonaduce, became famous as a child star but is now infamous for his very public bad behavior -- loud outbursts, drug addiction and cheating on his wife of 17 years. When Danny last spoke with Dr. Phil, his marriage was on the rocks, but he was learning to live sober and inspire his wife, Gretchen, to trust him again. Now, a year has gone by, and Gretchen has filed for divorce. Danny says Gretchen is the love of his life, and he doesn’t want their marriage to end. But is it too late? Dr. Phil meets with Gretchen separately to find out if there’s still a sliver of hope for them to hold onto. After hearing from Dr. Phil and seeing clips of Danny's conversation, will Gretchen give their relationship another shot? Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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October 26, 2007, 8:45 am CDT

10/26 Devastating Divorce

Quote From: glassladyva

 

I agree with you there.  I dont usually watch the shows that have celebrities on them.  I love the shows that deal with real people that really do need the help.  Danny is just another child star that got into drugs and alcohol. 

I totally agree!! Lets have shows where real people need help with real problems, and where there's hope of redemption!
 
October 26, 2007, 8:54 am CDT

10/26 Devastating Divorce

Quote From: scootrmomx2

I am a big fan of Danny. I used to listen to him every morning. Gretchen inspired me to work on my own relationship. I commend her for being so strong. I live in a very similar situation but my other half would never seek help. ( Especially from Dr. Phil.) Sorry! I truly hope that Gretchen gives him another chance. I feel that any man who is willing to listen to Dr. Phil is worth that much! I have been with mine for sixteen years and have been trying to get out for a year and two months, but now he doesn't want the same thing!

I hate to tell you this, but it doesn't matter what your "other half" wants! YOU have the right to a life free of this chaos and disfunction, and if there are any kids involved, get them the hell out. What do you mean you've "been trying to get out for a year and two months"? Nothing should stop you!

I know what I'm talking about....I've been there!

 Love him from a distance!!! Love yourself MORE!  

 
October 26, 2007, 9:00 am CDT

10/26 Devastating Divorce

Quote From: ccwolf69

Please be assured you are not alone. I don' t know what it is with women these days. Statistics say a higher percentage of women file for divorce first. Usually around the time the last child is out of the house.

 

I have been separated for almost two years. On December 2, 2005 my wife of 26 years sat me down and asked for a divorce. I refused and asked that we separate (since she had already rented her own apartment). I have been trying ever since to get her into counseling but she refuses.

 

Just this past June on our 28th anniversary (we've been together 31 years), I relented to a divorce because it was obvious she still wanted out. You go through every emotion you would have if someone had dies. At times I feel like I'm losing my mind. The problem is she's still out there and enjoying her life, or so it seems.

 

The biggest mystery to me is why. Every time I ask her I get a different answer. I believe that things turned about 14 years ago when she recalled she had been raped at the age of 6 and twice again as a child. She won't get help for that either and it has affected our relationship. Her adult children avoid her because of the personaity disorders she has developed (or maybe has always had).

 

I call it giving in but not giving up.  If she would get help, the door is wide open to her coming back. As for myself I can't work on my issues unless I know what they are. The biggest thing is I suffer from (inherited) depression and I have sought help for that.

 

Danny, all men can be pricks at times because we're pushed to our limits of being dominated. We're men! We want to be respected because we are the king of our castle. Despite if we treat our women like queens, women today want to be king too.

 

Hang in there Danny. Don't give up. Fight for your marriage because it is the right thing to do. Don't give into the "Hollywood" standard of marriage for show and not commitment. I'm with ya' brother!

 

Jeff Arnett

Ok, Jeff.....after reading your post, it's obvious why your wife wanted out!! Shifting blame is your way to deal with NOT dealing with the real issues! Jeez!
 
October 26, 2007, 10:02 am CDT

What were you thinking?

Dr Phil ,why did you tell Danny D what a husband duties are? You certaintly would have told another guest what a husband 's responsibilities are.Danny said he was born to be a "husband".He is a self-centered,immature,self-centered &^%$#.And why would his wife smile when she said that anyone who dates her would have to be brave because of Danny. Is she feeding off the fact that he is going to go after anyone who dates this woman.

And ,please....what grown man sits in a chair on national tv ,talking about his failed marriage with his legs crossed up in the chair like a child.

 

You were not straight with this man like you would be with the average "Joe".

Thanks

A Fan

Brenda

 
October 26, 2007, 12:47 pm CDT

10/26 Devastating Divorce

Quote From: cndrlla

 Shame on you, Danny!

 I had to turn off the show midway.....I was so tired of the phony whining, and the posturing and the "always on" playing to the audience! I don't think one real thing came out of his mouth.

 'He actually had the nerve to say to his wife that if she died he'd take a date to her funeral! Wow! and then he wonders why she left him. My only real question is why did she stay with this loser for 17 years?? What a waste of time! Like Dr. Phil says: "the only thing worse than staying in a bad relationship for 17 years is staying in it for 17 years and one day!!"

 

I wish her luck and speed finding a GOOD man!

 

And I hope Danny finally finds out that before you can offer anyone anything in a relationship you have to first get right with yourself. He has never done that. A person should be an asset in a relationship...not a liability!

I'm with you on this -- Danny is scarily immature and obnoxious - he even thinks he gets to tell her dates the rules for dating her??  He needs to get over himself - the rest of us have!
 
October 26, 2007, 12:48 pm CDT

Danny needs to focus on his sobriety

I am recovered alcoholic of 5 years.  I have been watching Danny struggle with his demons for quite a while now.  Today I am hearing EXACTLY the same things he's been saying over and over and over again.  He's still not focusing on himself and fixing what needs to be fixed with Danny FIRST. 

 

They say not to rush in to or out of a relationship the first year of sobriety.  He is saying he will marry someone else tomorrow if his wife doesn't come back to him.  There's a saying  about that.  Who do you dislike so much you would wish yourself on them right now.

 

I don't hear any kind of program working for him coming from what he is saying.  I hear emotional black mail and someone that is still self obsessed and still saying I will drink and do this or that if I don't get MY way.

 

Danny FIRST needs to get serious about sobriety.  He's not.  He's still tying to con everyone in to believing that he's changed instead of actually doing the real work and CHANGING.  The ONLY person Danny is fooling is Danny.

 

His wife should go to Alanon and in NO WAY go back to him.  His problems are not about the marriage his problems are about HIM.

 

He needs to go to meetings, REALLY work the steps with a sponsor, and focus on HIS SOBRIETY for the next year and nothing else.

 

I also believe that whomever he marries instead is going to be just as sorry.  Because Danny is trying to put a bandaid on a bursting dam.

 

Hey, it takes what it takes and if he really is serious about what he SAYS then he better take ACTION. 

 

Danny, stop making all of this about everyone and everything else except YOU.  Why should anyone love someone who can't learn to love themself.  LEARN TO LOVE YOURSLEF AND LOSE THE EXCUSES AND DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET SOBER !!FIRST!!!

 

Sobriety doesn't take 28 days, 6 months or even a year sometimes.  Sobriety isn't about just not drinking or doing drugs.  It's about CHANGE, changing the way you respond to life instead of react.  It's about working thru everything that needs to be fixed in YOU, spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.  This is not going to happen over night.  You need to surrender to your reality.  This is a lifetime job now. 

 

When I finally accepted that I have no power over a disease I had to learn where that power is.  The 12 steps helped me do that.  Making amends is not about EXPECTING forgivness.  This is about fixing YOU.  Stop trying to control everything and let go and give this to a power greater than yourself

 
October 26, 2007, 12:58 pm CDT

Danny is an extremely skilled...

Quote From: ibgibbs

Dr Phil ,why did you tell Danny D what a husband duties are? You certaintly would have told another guest what a husband 's responsibilities are.Danny said he was born to be a "husband".He is a self-centered,immature,self-centered &%$#.And why would his wife smile when she said that anyone who dates her would have to be brave because of Danny. Is she feeding off the fact that he is going to go after anyone who dates this woman.

And ,please....what grown man sits in a chair on national tv ,talking about his failed marriage with his legs crossed up in the chair like a child.

 

You were not straight with this man like you would be with the average "Joe".

Thanks

A Fan

Brenda

manipulator! And I think Dr. Phil saw that he had bitten off more than he could chew with Mr. Bonaduce.
 
October 26, 2007, 1:02 pm CDT

I'm done danny move on

Danny put your big boy pants on and grow up.

 

Double your meetings and call your sponsor everyday

 

and hug those kids and give them all that attention you're

 

giving those women. They need you more then ever right

 

now and you are only thinking about how lonely you are,

 

what about how lonely they are. There family is divorced.

 

By the way show the positve side on how the AA works

 

spread the message not the mess.

.

 

 
October 26, 2007, 1:03 pm CDT

Whew!

Is it not evident  that "something's just not right" with that boy?

Or is "all that" really just an act?

 
October 26, 2007, 1:21 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: chryslus

I'm always amazed how people feign surprise when they do everything to make a thing go wrong and do nothing to maintain, at least, a semblance of trying to get it together and freak out when their loved ones have had enough.  People live in this box and they expect others to live in their boxes with them.  How many chances does a brother get?  You drink yourself into an oblivion, you've done drugs, you cheat on your wife...MANY TIMES....and your anger is the route of all of it.  It's gotten in the way of your life and your marriage.  Anger and bitterness is your true addiction and you love your anger MORE than your wife and family.  And when that's the case, you'll never change your ways as long as you have your love tied into your addiction.

Even YOU have to admit that Gretchen has to be the most patient and forgiving woman alive.  To have dealt with your nonsense for SEVENTEEN years..... SHE deserves the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.  You have children and you're about to create a generational curse that passes your anger on to your progeny.

And rather than throwing comedians on stage, you should do WHATEVER it takes to change your ways before trying to save your marriage.  You need to know that you're royalty and know enough that you can't give what you don't possess.  And YOU need TO POSSESS PEACE OF MIND.

Peace is not only primary core to your freedom, but you should treat your peace like you would your family.
Protect it with your life.  If you're in a position that threatens to take your peace away, you should immediately STOP doing it or being in that situation.  Peace is like a helpless newborn baby that needs ALL of your attention.  You have to feed it, clean it,  care for it with all of your might.  Because there are people and situations that threaten to steal, kill, and destroy your happiness.  And wisdom has to be the principle thing to getting that peace.

You have a long road, Danny.  And it's not going to be copacetic.  While my father's former nicotine addiction may not be the same intensity as your many addictions, my father quit smoking cigarretes and stop drinking alcohol COLD TURKEY 32 years ago when he was posed with the situation of surviving as a slave to his addictions or living free as a MAN.

You CAN do this.  You know when you're about to take a drink, do a drug or fly off the handle.  You can control yourself.  No matter how drunk you are, i know you would never get into a fight with Mike Tyson, or curse out Holyfield.  NO matter how buzzed your are in your drunkshow, a frowned expression from Mike Tyson aimed at you would be a SHOWSTOPPER. And no matter how many people send you to various treatment centers, or rehab interventions, if you don't look at what you're doing as if what you do will kill those that love you, you'll continue to be selfish and become the very thing to your loved ones that you're so angry about.

So..... it's time to get it together, dude.

You're now able to count the amount of months that will govern how long you will be on this earth.
Either your epitaph will read "Danny was a fighter and won" or "Danny is the Llama that spits in your face."

God is the only way you're going to get out of this, Danny.

Seek Him and you'll find the answers to your anger.

And do it now.  Before your anger kills you.

God bless, man.

I read this message you left to Danny and I replaced it with what I am going through now and what you said is so profound and beautifully wise.

 

Thank you, thank you, God bless you...

 
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