Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

I am a woman and but I have to defend that father in some areas.  First, I will say that the only blame I would place on him is how he chose to tell the child.  After all, she is a child, but I can understand that he allowed the bitterness toward his ex to get the better of him and consequently, he never thought about the child's feelings and the devastation it would have on her.

 

The ex wife was very deceitful.  She would never expect her husband to say, "I'm happy we are pregnant, but by the way is it mine"?  I believe that because the child has a bond with this man as her father, he should still be allowed to have that relationship if and when the child feels comfortable, but he should not be bound by any law to continue paying when DNA proved that this was not his child, he was deceived and he did not formally agree to being the child's father even he found out that she was not his.  The woman should be made to reimburse him every penny for her deception.  It's no better than someone cheating another person out of their property.  If the father knew this child was not his and still agreed to participate in this child's life as if she was his own, then he is totally obligated to continue with child support etc. 

 

Gloria Allred is just like a BULL DOG.  She should shut up.  She wants to blame this man, what about the biological father.  No one though about the emotional stress it might have had on this man when he found out that this child he believed was his turned out to be someone else's, and that his wife  was cheating on him.  That's why he made such a irrational decision to tell the child.  That's the only thing I disagree with him in his behavior.  Why isn't the biological father contacted to take financial responsibility for his daughter, or maybe the woman is not certain who the daddy really is?  Suppose later there is a rear condition and the biological father is the only person who could help?

 

It's women like those why descent women like me are not able to find great men.

Although I watch the Dr. Phil Show often, I haven't yet been compelled to post here. 

 

Today's show motivated me. 

 

I have so many strong feelings about this, I don't know exactly where to begin. 

 

Please let me start by saying that I think that this young girl, who is caught in the middle of all of this is lovely....she appears to be smart, thoughtful, kind & articulate...I hope with all of my heart that in the end, she gets whatever it is that she ultimately needs & wants deep inside, so that she can grow & thrive the way that innocent children deserve to!!!

 

I couldn't be more frustrated, angry & upset with Maria!!! 

How dare she sit there with such a smug, ignorant & self-serving attitude. 

While I wish that Enrique would have had the vision or the clarity to handle the situation better with Selena, I cannot honestly say that I do not believe that this is his fault!! 

While it is unfortunate that money is a big part of the issue here...I feel very strongly that Maria is forcing that for her own selfish & personal gain!  Unless I missed something, I do not hear Enrique requesting that Maria pay him back for the years that he has already supported Selena -- All I hear is an effort by Maria to continue to receive more money !?!  

I guess that I don't understand why a reasonable solution can't be reached, one which would include either Maria accepting the 'financial responsibility' (as she phrased it) for the remainder of her daughter's life, or if she needs or wants more money, then she is perfectly entitled to & capable of locating the true biological father....additionally, Enrique & Selena could take small steps to attempt to re-build a relationship that would be healthy & nurturing.

 

Thank you for your time reading this...I will keep Selena in my thoughts...She deserves more than this.

I'm sick about today's show.  As Dr. P. said, this is disturbing on so many levels.  I couldn't agree more that the child should always come first in almost any situation.  No one in the scenario with Selena behaved even sort-of appropriately.  But I was completely ILL with the smug attitude of Selena's mother, and the audacity of her asking for child support for Selena.

I have a friend who divorced his spouse when he found that their second child wasn't his.  The child was three.  While he didn't continue to pay child support for the child, he always took both kids when he had visitation.  In addition, when the boy became a teenager, my friend took the boy for two years to teach him about being a man.  I found out recently that the boy is now in college and my friend is assisting with college tuition and books.

If fidelity can't be managed (give me a small break and keep a nickle between your knees/your penis in your pants), at least have the decorum to take responsibility for your actions.

Above all...it takes a village to raise a child.

I do believe that the father loves his daughter, but no one asked him if he loved her more than his money. 

Maybe he is justified in his arguement.  Maybe he shouldn't have to pay.  Maybe, maybe, maybe!!  But what is the alternative?  Him irreversibly emotionally damaging his daughter for life?  Is damaging a child better than parting with a few buck for 8 more years till she turns 18?  The Mother looks at it from her point of view, the father from his point of view.  Can these people rise above it all to do what is best for the wellbeing of their child?  Somebody take the high road here and look at it from the childs point of view.  Right now she must be thinking that she is not worth a few hundred dollars a month and her fathers love was not unconditional.  Shame on both of these parents for putting this cancerous, life altering, crap for ever buried in her pshyci.   She sounds smarter and wiser at 11 than her parents put together.

The proudest day of my life was when:

When in the AF out of this country my 21 year old son was told by a lady he was no longer dating that  she was pregnant and he was the father.  He stood by her during her pregnancy paid support spent the first 4 months with his precious daughter and then was shipped back. 

I sent for mother & daughter for her first birthday.  Unfortunately he was away at dessert storm. 

The mother was not prepared to be a mother in fact later we found out the baby was not living with her.

My husband and I offered to support her here while she pursued a college education.  She went back to get a student visa armed with all the proof but she decided to leave this precious baby.

We never heard from her again. (that was 17 years ago)

In trying to get a green card or something to allow this child to stay here we had to get a DNA test.

I was shocked but went to the state to visit my son and tell him she was not ours.  He said "Mom, she has always been mine."  I will have to get an OK from the service to keep her but she is mine.

He married when she turned 5 and his wife adopted her they have not felt the need to have another child.

This lovely young lady still feels totally deserted by her "birth mom"  and has written her at least 3 or 4 times and never heard back.  Today at 18 she does not know about the DNA test and I really do not know how or if we should tell.  We had always planed on her knowing but she is soooo insecure we don't know what to do about it. How can anyone who had lived with, held , fed or rocked an infant hurt this same child just to save money or save face?

I have mixed feelings about this whole case.  Taking the Law (Family Law) out of this situation, I think that it is morally and ethically wrong for any woman to place that kind of responsibility on any man that is not the responsible party. 

 

However, I think women should be held reponsible for this wrong-doing if it was willfully and knowingly done.  Every dime of child support should be paid back.  Her wrongful actions should also be punishable by law because it is a crime.  It robs the child, father, and whole family.

 

On the ohter hand, I also feel that the child's best interest should be consider and that the relationship of the two should continue if both parties (child and dad) mutally agrees to do so.  If and only if,  the "dad" so chooses, he could continue to financially support the child.  Even if he elects to put a descretionary amount of money in an account for the child until the child reaches the age of maturity.  This should not be a court order.

 

I think that in a case like this, all parties should be court ordered to attend some sort of group sessions/therapy.  The classes/sessions should consist of teaching the children that the actions of the mother is morally wrong and how they can avoid making these kinds of mistakes when they becoome adults.  You know, a class on honesty and integrity??? - that there is a consequence to every action and a reaction to every action....

 

It's very sad to say, but maybe paternity tests should be given at birth to avoid this from happening in the future! 

 

The new wife's motive is irrelevant in this case.  She is not the one who lied to her husband and deceived her own child.   To blame the person who uncovers the truth is like shooting the messenger.   To explore that angle would have been a complete waste of time and a deviation from the source of this whole scenario - the deceitful, lying first wife.  

 

With the exception of adoption, there is no reason for any man to pay child support for a child he did not father. Women who knowingly deceive men and their own children in this manner are a disgrace to women everywhere! 

 

There is no question that Enrique handled the matter completely inappropriately with Selina, causing her, himself and her sister a great deal of pain.  However, betrayal causes deep hurt and anger and can often bring out the worse in people.  When the truth came out, Maria should have taken responsibility for her actions and not have tried to continue child support.  Her focus should only have been trying to maintain the relationship for her child's sake.  That may very well have  helped to ease Enrique's feeling of being played for a sucker.  She did not appear remorseful at all and even seemed to be lying in some of her responses to Dr. Phil.

 

I hope that in time, Enrique can re-establish a relationship with Selina.  The emotional bond that was created has been greatly damaged, but I don't believe that it is completely broken.  At this time, Selina is too young to see beyond her feelings of rejection by Enrique.  When she gets older, she will probably be able to look at the whole picture and realize that her mother was the real villain in this story, causing her and Enrique to suffer as a result of her deceitful ways.

 

 

 

 How can a man be held responsible when it is proven that the child is not his biological child?  In any other situation it would be called fraud and could be  legally punished.  I think since Enrique raised the child it would be  in both of their best interests to keep up a loving relationship. They would both benefit from it. Women like her make it so hard on the honest women who need help and can't get it. How can the justice system legally make someone pay for a child that they have proven is not his? And how can they not legally punish someone that purposely perpetrates  this fraud?? 

not only did this women cause heartache for her daughter and commit fraud with her ex husband, she took any chance of fatherhood away from the real dad.  what if he knew of the pregnancy and would have loved to be the father of the child he created. although we didnt hear anyhting about this man, there are cases out there that these married women never tell their secret lover that they have possible gotten pregnant from them.  they then go on to let their husbands  believe it is his child.  he then falls in love with a child that isnt his.  and the real father never ever gets a chance to be a part of the child he created.  its a sad situation. 

I had to tape the show today and just finished watching it. This is my first visit to the message boards and I was so angry I had to check in. I was sickened by the cockiness of Maria...smirks, head nods and finger pointing. How dare she think that Enrique should continue to pay child support?! I know that he took the wrong approach to telling his daughter the truth and could feel the pain in knowing the damage he has done to his "daughter". In closing, Dr. Phil made the comment that the child should come before money. I agree, but what is wrong with expecting the lying, deceiving mother to put her child's interest ahead of the money and not pursued the child support but encouraged a continued relationship between the daughter and father without the payment? I didn't see where the woman attorney added anything to the subject matter. She struck me as being a big mouth and had nothing of relevance to add to this situation. She really turned my stomach. Kudos to the man who is fighting the system. By the way, I am a woman, but believe every adult needs to accept responsibility for their actions. You want money for the child? Make sure you're getting it from the person responsible.