Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Oh my god i taped dr. phil today  and was shocked  to see  this topic. this was/is my life and my daughters.I know everyone has there own opinion on this . but this is mine. 1 moms life..idont feel alone now...thank you...i wish this little girl  so much happiness, as my daughter has found hers...

 

I have been divorced for 4 years now...my then  husband who raised my daughter who is now  almost 16  then was 12  her  entire life, decided that he was no  longer her father once our divorce was taking place...yes he was on her birth certificate and yes prior to marriage i was with another man in the 1 month we broke up.. when we married i had no idea i was pregnant with this  other mans baby who i had been with only 1 time.. but there also was a good chance it was my husbands we also had  been  intimate in the  1 month we had so called broken up.... he is Mexican i am white ,  my daughter was very white when born , he never asked i never told.. when she was 2 yrs old he asked me if she was his , i broke down told him the story and he decided he loved her so much and she was a part of me and that is all that mattered, we had made a verbal agreement to not tell her till she was 19....we told no one , no family members on either  side knew they asked but we still said nothing...as the yrs went bye we had 2 more children now ages 10 and 8, a boy and a girl  his natural children...but both of our kids are white also whom  we had together ,  the funny thing is that he was closer to Shelly (  not her  real name ) then our kids we had together..she was daddies little girl. i hate to point fingers and i do take responsibility for my part in  the tragic outcome of Shelly's life,  but when he remarried all of the sudden this other woman kept telling him over and  over and over she is not your daughter to save money... it was all taken to court which lasted almost 2 years or more. never once in her whole life did he not love her as a real daughter,  this other man her biological father was never mentioned or even thought about..after 12 years i had forgotten about it really , as did my ex..i think that it is horrible that this other wife of his brainwashed him , now i am not an  idiot i know he had/ has free will and made the choice to  abandon his daughter but prior to her it was of non issue....yes he has to pay child support till she is 18 and yes he still no longer sees her. all the while still has  custody visits with her siblings ( his  blood he calls them ) i was the one who told her. he threatened me and said if you don't i will.. after a long sad talk , she  said mom it does not matter he is  my dad to me, i still love him ,  and that was the end  of that , he only referred to her as not his kid after that and it left her devastated. she was suicidal in and out of mental hospitals for the next year, cutting her self, using drugs, drinking saying she wanted to die every day, i  had to finally  send her 10 hours from home to a hospital upstate to keep her safe from  hurting her self.... she remained there for 10 months.

 

 

she was finally diagnosed with bipolar, her therapist  says this  traumatic life event brought out bipolar in her.. she was hearing voices , hallucinating...angry , violent...threatening her  siblings and myself ,  my daughter was un recognizable..... my ex was aware of the happenings at all times , he kinda felt bad for a while , still would not see her though. then his wife announced he was no longer allowed to talk to me , email me etc... she changed his cell number and if i want to talk to him about any of the children i have to go through her cell phone to do  it , my daughter has been  on more pills , medication then i can ever recall, she has been home now  for 1 year and seems to be sooo much better..i home school her, she still engages in therapy to deal with all that has happened to her but she is  at the point of just wanting to leave it all behind her , she was on 8 pills a day when she got home she is now down to 1 only, and maybe none come next doctor visit.. she has come to the painful conclusion that daddy no longer loves or wants her and  she is making plans for her future, she will be joining the navy at 18.... i am sooooo proud of her she has come so far , of course i have been in therapy for  2 1/2 yrs now dealing with my own guilt and past mistakes. we are all healing together . all i know is if i could turn back time i would change soooo many things. but we cant can we. and by the way our other 2 children have not seen there dad in 5 months , it has been there choice and they simply do not want to be around his wife..... i am going through court once again, as i even type this , court is in a few weeks .  he wants the judge to force  his  children to see him,  all she keeps  saying to  him his  you abandoned  there sister  ,  and it caused total havoc in there lives when u separated them.. don't forget she said that  Shelly is there sister.. it may be a very long time till they forgive you or ever want to see you again after what you did to her...they love her and when u hurt her you hurt them........and sadly that is where we are at, the judge ordered him to parenting classes yet again to try and help him be a better father but has since turned them down.i will update what happens next,, being a daddy is not just blood related my daughter will tell you that, i don't know if she will ever forgive him but i am leaving that out of respect for her up to her, i have since learned that compassion is lost in so many  people during divorce, 15 years with one man and in the end i all i want is for  him to be a dad to all of them again...it is not meant to be....thanks for reading , it helped alot to talk about  this and  to share my story , i thought i was alone....my daughter will forever bare the scars literally on her arms to remind her of her hurt that only cutting would release........sincerely  Shelly's mom

My personal opinion on this is regardless of whether he is the biological father, he still should have considered the child and never chose that way to inform this child of what he had found out.  That is not her problem and he should have not stop the visitation.  That was a selfish and childish move on his part to just deny her his visits, affection, his love after all those years to just cut it out just like that.  I believe if I would have been in his shoes that I would have chose to still have a relationship with the girl but maybe not having to pay child support (if that was such an issue).  If you have had a family together that many years and loved that little girl all those years, how in lthe world could you ever deny her your love even if she was not your biological daughter.  Adopted parents love their children even if they are not the biological parent.  I know that he was deceived and that was totally wrong on the mother part but still no reason for him to put the child in the middle of that problem between the adults. 

You worked with abused kids? Maybe you took one too many hits to the head in your own pathetic life. Gloria Allred is a paid, for-hire windbag of a mouthpiece for anyone foolish enough to pay her outrageous fee.

I heard what you did, but not the events that led up to it.  We you an addict or acholoic who could not get strainghened out?

 

Something is missing.  Besides their mom.  Poor kids!!

I am overehelmed with emotion after I watched the show today- FOR SO MANY REASONS! You can't put into words the hurt I feel for any child that goes through this. Yes Mom- you have NO RIGHT to any monies! Father you made a pretty big oops with your child,  looks like you know it.

 

But time can mend that. I am happy that you have a wife today that pushes you to be a better man, but maybe she needs to let you do the fighting with the ex. The biological mom is a disgrace and has no right to ask him to be PERFECT when she falls so short.

 

Dr. Phil- Please don't have Gloria on your show in these cases. She has alot of passion and her passion was NOT for the child today. Your show  today needed compassion and understanding not throwing the blame at anyone. I ABSOLUTELY believe Enrique needs to be helped back into his daughters life and the Mom needs to get off her highhorse and stop figting for money. THIS IS A DARN SHAME.... But I believe with time and guidance this famly can rebuild and co-exist.

 

I think mom needs to help do some damage control  in her community on how adultry and divorce can do such harm to EVERYONE.. I know she loves her daughter, now she should do the time. Stop avoiding your role in this and help make a difference in our world.

The $2500 it cost you to beat that lying woman at her own game is far cheaper than 19 years of paying outrageous child supprt and having those man-hating dykes from Child Support Enforcement always chasing you down for more and more of your money. You got off cheap. Be thankful.

 

As for that "mother," she should be thrown in a hole so deep they'd have to pump sunshine to her. She's the poster child for how easy it is for women like her to legally steal a man's hard earned money for years and completely get away with it, courtesy of stupid court judges.

I am no one to judge another person's actions, but I think everyone should be accountable for their own actions. Whatever her reasons for why she didn't say anything for ten  years it's simply not good enough.

She was woman enough to go out and have an affair, she wasn't scared then.

Yeah, she  knew he would leave her, and that's why she didn't say anything. Does that make it okay?

There is no excuse for doing wrong, I'm sorry.

So why justify it. It was wrong, period.

A murderer believes to have a good reason to go out and kill someone, yeah others do it, does that make it okay?

There are consequences and people should be held liable.

She needs to pay for her crime.

There is no saying what the man in this situation should do.

Leaving the emotional part out, if you ain't the biological father you shouldn't have to pay.

 

 

In this case I think this lady should go to jail for what she had done, not only to her former husband but to her daughter...Her daughter was ROB the right to know who her biological father was..I also believe that her motivation was MONEY and if I was the judge she would have to pay back every sent .  With that said  I don't agree with how the ex-husband laid out the information to his daughter...

I am overehelmed with emotion after I watched the show today- FOR SO MANY REASONS! You can't put into words the hurt I feel for any child that goes through this. Yes Mom- you have NO RIGHT to any monies!

 

Enrique you made a pretty big oops with your child,  looks like you know it.  

But time can mend that. I am happy that you have a wife today that pushes you to be a better man, but maybe she needs to let you do the fighting with the ex.

 

The biological mom is a disgrace and has no right to ask him to be PERFECT when she falls so short.

 

Dr. Phil- Please don't have Gloria on your show in these cases. She has alot of passion and her passion was NOT for the child today. Your show  today needed compassion and understanding not throwing the blame at anyone. I ABSOLUTELY believe Enrique needs to be helped back into his daughters life and the Mom needs to get off her highhorse and stop figting for money. THIS IS A DARN SHAME.... But I believe with time and guidance this famly can rebuild and co-exist.

 

I think mom needs to help do some damage control  in her community on how adultry and divorce can do such harm to EVERYONE.. I know she loves her daughter, now she should do the time. Stop avoiding your role in this and help make a difference in our world.

After watching todays show I can not believe that a man who had raised a child for 10 years could do something so mean! But it just proves once again that until your children are grown you should not remarry. The "new" women always ends up doing something that is so hurtful to the children. That women should be shot! If he had never met her (or married her) this would never have happened. She should be ashamed of herself to even go there after 10 years DNA is a mute point but because of her greed she could not see past the money!  Obveously she is not a mother!! He had been raising both those girls as his own from day one. For her to come into his life and do that to a innocent child all in the name of MONEY because she did not want his first wife to have the money! She should have thought of that before she married a man with a family!!! i hope she never has children with him, she so does not deserve the gift of a child for what she did. Not that there is not some blame on the first wife but after 10 years DNA does not matter! That little girl will never be the same. How that man can look himself in the mirror and consider himself a man is beyond me. (oh yah he's not! that's how) He should be so mad at his new wife for allowing her to get him to do what he did! It always amazes me what men and women will do to their own children for the sake of the "NEW" girl/boy friend! I pray to God that the girl will see who the true evil person is here and know she has no blame in this and can continue on and not let what one very sad  self centered mean and evil women do ruin her life because no one deserves to have this happen to them. No man should ever allow another women come between him and his child but I guess if he was a REAL MAN after 10 years he would never have pursued the DNA all because of the almighty dollar!!!! It just breaks my heart for that little girl! i pray for healing and for God to help that little girls heart to become whole again and know any real man would never have done what he did and know that there are real men in this world that she can trust and have good relationships with.