Topic : 12/25 Parent Trap

Men are treated so unfairly... I would hate that to happen to any male in my family.

 

I DONT THINK HE SHOULD PAY CHILD SUPPORT. In Australia there are many women who take men for a ride.. they use  the child support for themselves and the child still goes without things that the child support SHOULD pay for.

 

I am a woman - but If  I were a man and this happened to me. I would choose to start up a bank account in my daughters name or as the beneficary and I as the trustee to the account and bank my own money in there knowing that when my daughter gets to a certain age such as Uni (college;  in America) she can use that money either to fund her schooling or apartment etc for her future.

 

The man should decide how much money he can afford to to give to his daughter. He is the only father she has known and he loves her and I would suspect wants the best for her. They deserve to have an emotional and real relationship with one another. Money is not everything and I don't think the daughter would care if her father gave her money or not... but as a parent I want to ensure my children have a good start to life and when I die I can't take my money with me.   

 

BUT HE SHOULD STILL HAVE VISITATION, the mother has no right to even try to take that from him; if he does not pay her for child support. He is not responsible for the wife's mistake.... and she has no right to come between the father and daugther seeing each other and having their own relationship.

 

The mother has turned the father and daughter hearts against one another. YES the father acted irrationally - and he shouldn't have done all those things to his daughter - You can tell he regrets it - But at the time I would understand that the emotions probably got the better of him and he couldn't bear to look at his daughter and see the lies and infidelity of his wife at the time...

 

ANY MAN WOULD HAVE MIX EMOTIONS ABOUT A CHILD HE LOVED FOR 10 YEARS ALL OF SUDDEN BECOMING NOT HIS... What a way to mess with A Mans self esteem, pride, and mind! The wife did not show remorse at all - you could see all she wanted was the money... She did not respect the father at all and instead of her relying on child support - she made a mistake  and now they are divorced and both there daughters are in there teens now - she needs to GET A JOB WOMAN and stop relying on a man to help you.

They should have no say or envolvement in this matter really... It is between Enrique and Maria - They were the co parents for both children during the marriage - the other parties were not there... Besides its Enriques and Maria's divorce - so the finalities and arrangements on how to deal and handle the parenting of the children after the divorce is between them.

 

Both Parents need to emotionally support the children. As for the Financial aspect... Maria - if you really want child support - fo find the guy that you had the affair with OR Better still GO GET A JOB and contribute to both your childrens financial future - you are also the parent and are responsible adult

 

Enrique I hope you can regain the relationship with trust you had again between you and your daughter - take my advice and out of your own heart if you want to ensure your daughter has a good start in life , put some money into an account that you can manage for your daughter and when the time comes it will mature and help her make a start into College.

 

I would rather give my money to my children rather than a partner... who may remarry, and may or may not divorce and use all my money for their own pleasures and troubles rather than using it to ensure for that of my childrens welfare...

 I agree with this respondent, but I also believe that the real father should be tracked down and have to take responsiblity for the child he has sired.

Hear Hear Ccastrianni!
You said all the words that were going through my mind.
Very impressive show, even if some aspects were missing (maybe deliberately to keep the debate going?), eg the issue of the biological father.
Does Maria know or has she some idea who it could be?
How much has been done to find him, does he know about this?
He might not know at all, he might be extremely happy to hear about and see he's got such a beautiful daughter!
He might want to prove by DNA he is the one, he might be financially secure and more than willing to take responsibility, he might subsequently not have been able to but wanted to have a child......
Undoubtedly Selina would also be interested to find out or maybe meet him.
We just don't know - it could all be positive or totally the opposite - these aspects are unexplored.

Anyway the show was good...the case should have been brought before "Judge Judy" which here in Sydney followed not long after Dr Phil, see how she would fix them up!

On an even lighter note - you know how this all really started?
Long time ago, when God had just created this world and we could still ask for changes, the women went to God and complained that they had to carry the baby for nine months then on top of that at birth still had to suffer excrutiating pain
Men only had the nice parts in this all.
"Fair enough," said God, "from now on the father will suffer the birthing pains."
Happily the women went away - when the next baby was to be born, the father sat next to the bed and when "it" happened he could be heard screaming in pain....Great! Justice!
All went well until some time later, a husband sat next to his wife's bed at home, preparing for the pain at birth.
When it happened - their neighbour suddenly was heard screaming in pain!
Hurriedly the women held a meeting again and unanimously decided that the previous arrangement was better - they submitted this to God, and he agreed to "undo" the change...
Ever since some of us are left with the mess...  ;)

Back to being serious again...I agree we must try to do something about this, can't ask God anymore, but we have the tools now..maybe free guaranteed confidential DNA tests at birth, for the parties to face the issues there and then.

 

I dont ever expect tv shows to expose issues, however, Dr.Phil does face issues head on.

Just a update on our situation: We went to court on Wed. and the support for the 18 yr old was dropped. But you know how quick domestics is with taking money??? well they certainly aren't fast at giving it back!!!
Now we are moving on to the next dilema in the situation and that is going through with the DNA testing for the 15 yr old.  This has to be done through the higher courts. Which we are pursuing.  When these tests come back negative, the woman will be arrested for fraud.  So maybe all of you woman who are making men who are not your childrens fathers pay you support, you might want to think twice.

I have nothing against getting what is rightfully yours if in fact it is rightfully yours!

 

 

As long as your son is the biological father, he has rights to see his child. If the mother won't allow him to see his son, or she makes it difficult, your son needs to take her to court. He needs to take her back to court as many times as it takes for her to abide by the visitation award that was given to your son. I know it is difficult on your son, but if the mother's new husband wants to be the father so badly, maybe he should cnsider allowing the new husband to adopt the boy to make life easier. If that is not a consideration, your son needs to keep notes, and keep her in court until the court eventually gives the child to your son. If the mother won't abide by the visitation order, she is in contempt, and she can get into alot of trouble. There are too any mothers out there that think just because they have custody, they can play the game of making it difficult for the father to see the child. The want the child support, but not the supporter in the picture. They want their cake and eat it too, and they need to be taught a lesson. There are too many mothers that use the children as pawns, and the day will come when the children reach adult age, and they will know the truth. They WILL hold it against the mother, not matter what. They may not be able to see the games the others play now, but they will when they get older. Tell your son to take good notes. He will have his time in the future to tell his son the truth! Momma won't look very good at that time, so watch out mothers. You re playing a dangerous game. Trust me, it happened to my husband, who still supports a child that isn't his, and his alledged daughter found out that the lies she had been told by dear mother were really lies. To this day, they don't have any kind of a relationship. The girl is 30 years old and has a few children of her own, and won't let her mother be a part of her life in any way! Should have thought it out a little better mom, right? Your loss now!!!

Good luck to your son. Tell him not to give up. DO NOT ALLOW THE MOTHER TO WIN, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take back the control! Keep good notes!!!

Yes, I said in earlier posts even that I, personally, would continue to pay in order to not hurt an innocent child and one I raised as my own (if I was in Enrique's situation); however, the notion that "it shouldn't matter who is to blame" is exactly what is causing paternity problems in this country as this idea is bent and twisted to fit all situations.  People on here accuse Enrique of being all about the money even though I feel he over-reacted in a childish manner to devastating news and it gave the appearance of being about the money.  It is Maria who is all about money as the real father is a dead-beat and Enrique has M.D. after his name ($$$$$$).  In addition, Maria wants MAXIMUM child support with NO VISITATION (which Enrique admits he signed in haste, pain, and anger, but now regrets).  So, who is all about the money and how is "it doesn't matter who is to blame" not important issues here?  Do you really want to reward the manipulative mother here who demonstrated not the slightest remorse over what had happened?

This is using Gloria Alred's stragedy of actually shifting the blame from the real problem creators, Maria and her secret lover, and dumping it all on Enrique who didn't know any better at the time and admittedly handled it all horribly when he found out, but at least he is regretful whereas Maria is prideful.  I'm sorry, but the line of "it doesn't matter who is to blame" is exactly why this whole situation is a problem in America in the first place.  Finding and assigning blame may make people think twice about their actions.  You want to make an innocent man pay for a cheating wife's affair because he's actually been the "dad" for so long (by trickery and manipulation), then let's, at the very least, assign appropriate blame and NOT reward the wife who is the one actually getting the money, not the child.  Again, at the very least, if Enrique should continue to pay, let's NOT have it go into Maria's purse, but directly to Selina.  In other words, Enrique can directly pay for her music lessons, or private school tuition, or her car payment, or something like this, but NOT TO MARIA DIRECTLY who has already proven herself untrustworthy, a liar, a cheater, a thief and a fraud (taking money under false pretenses as she ALWAYS knew Selina wasn't his Enrique's kid and eventually admitting that on the show).

There are times when "blame" MUST be layed out and this is one of them.

It does matter.  A CRIME has been committed here people.  This women knew that the child did not belong to Enrique.  THAT'S OBVIOUS!!!  She committed fraud and Enrqiue is paying the price....She is still not trying to make things RIGHT!!!  She admits to cheating, lying and extorting money from someone and knows the law stands behind her.  THAT's INSANE!  If you rob a bank to feed your children that doesn't mean its NOT A CRIME!!!  THIS IS A CRIME!!! GET IT!!!  Imagine saying, I cheated on you and lied and you have to foot the bill.  Wow, nice lady.  Her current hubby shoud RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!  FORCING SOMEONE TO PAY FOR ANOTHER CHILD IS A CRIME!  She is not taking responsiblity for her actions.  NOT ON ANY LEVEL.  Did you see her house in the show?  She lives better than most.  My kitchen does not look anything like that, I don't have a backyard and a garage with a ping-pong table.  I don't know about you all but I live in a small apartment - like most people...GIVE ME A BREAK!!!  SEND HER AND EVERY OTHER WOMEN THAT DOES THAT WHERE THEY BELONG - IN JAIL!!!

... to start doing the message boards.  Obviously, the  "tricked" father made some bad decisions on how to handle the new info. on the child that wasn't his.  He sincerely seemed to be remorseful and also wanted to be a part of the girls life again.  I have no doubt that the "mom" has poisoned the girls mind about this man.  It made me sick to see her talk down to this guy and act like he was the scum of the earth.  I think she should have to pay back every penny of child support.  This is probably  where you'd expect me to say... and then get the biological father to pay her back...NO!!! I think since she purposely deceived all parties involved she should pay for it!    What I am the most puzzled about is why didn't Dr. Phil address the biological father's rights and only mentioned his financial responsibilities.  I mean,  everyone seems to be in agreement that the biological father should pay, but not one person said anything about how unfair it is that the B. father has missed his daughter's entire life.  If I were a man and  years later a woman said I was the father of her child I would be so angry and feel so cheated.  It wasn't said ( I don't think) whether the B. father knew about the child.  I really can't imagine finding out that I missed out on knowing my own child.  I think that the that is the biggest injustice!!  Maybe the biolgical father knew...if that's the case then-shame on him too! 

women like Gloria Allred make me embarrassed to be a woman. I believe that these women are responsible for the pain they cause their children . They need to stand up and admit their wrong doing, and give the guy a chance to stay in the childs life without going after his money. Women, please.... It is time to get real...