Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

In Weight Loss Solutions, Chapter 2 - Dr. Phil went into Goal work.  I couldn't read it cause every time I've done goal work, I just lost it cause I never got it done.  In 2004, my motto was:  DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT so I turned to Stephen Covey's THE 7 EFFECTIVE HABITS of EFFIENCIENT PEOPLE and it was an eye opener for me.  Then I spent the next few months teaching myself how to focus and do goals.  The hardest thing for me to learn (and it still is) is asking myself when will I know I have reached it?

 

Confusion and unhappy with what's going on in your life is a sign of depression.  Are you seeing a therapist?  See if you can locate one in your area that is into Cognitive Therapy. 

 

Hi Monica, it sounds like you are in a rut with your thinking - are you judging you life as NOT RIGHT because you are alone?  You are providing people with so much help and assistance and yet, you sound like you are so unhappy because of your "need a man" thinking.  Do you realize you wrote it out twice in your message?

 

It sounds like are living off reservation or not near a Indian community.  Maybe it's time for you to add other things into your life that will help meet people.  For example - get into Native Dancing -- the pow pows are everywhere and brings together native americans from all over.  In Nothern Ohio, there are 2-3 of them every summer.  There's also Native American neighborhood organizations as well. 

 

If being with a non-native is okay with you, then look into joining a running club or swimming club.  Check the web to see if there is one in your area.

 

Your higher self chosed the right path professionally - you had to go out and go to a school, had to join a professional society or 2.  I know that ACES is the native american engineering society - look for a mental health one.

 

Monica, it means spreading yourself out - it means meeting people that have the same interest as you.  Your day is filled with people and can be exhausting at the end of the day.  However, if you don't step out of the rut of your 24/7 life, you will continue to tear apart your day when you get home.   Challenge those thoughts because if you really were hurting people, you would know when did at work!  Stop beating yourself up and make your list of what you want in a mate, what do you want to share (for me, I want to meet someone who is into Orienteering).  Make a list of what you can do to GO OUT & MEET NEW PEOPLE.   

 

Marcia

Grub48,

 

I love how you put this.  We are not defined by what we do or where we are or what we have.  I find when people are asked to tell a bit about themselves, these are the areas they go immediately.  Instead of saying "I am a person who..." they say they are a lawyer, a doctor, a CNA, a Mom....Learning to identify ourselves for WHO we are can be a wonderful challenge.

Teri

Ritehere,

 

Good to see you back too!  We are getting ready to take the "big Paddle"...gonna hit the ocean!  I am really looking forward to it! 

 

In reference to another of your posts, those spinning plates...our acupuncurist told us once that balance is continually strived for...that is the true balance...the effort against the chaos.  So I imagine you spinning your plates and when they fall a hearty laugh and a new plate is started.  Actually, it makes for a pretty cool mental image!  Thanks and I am soooo glad to see you here!

Teri

As a newly retired person as of 1/1/05, the best advice I can give you is:

1. Get a calendar and block off 3 months!  Start counting backwards and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES sign up or commit yourself to anything!!  You have to stop the YEARS OF BUSYiness that you are used to.  Many of the folks that retired with me, signed for classes & stuff and ended up totally living the same life style.  Give yourself a break ...  take a vacation, whatever!  For me, I chose to tacking turning my house into my home (I spent anywhere from 9-12 hours 5 days a week working - so basically, I just lived here)!  I took everything out of every closet, box, whatever and went thru it.  I got rid of so much crap! 
2. Walk thru house and make a list of everything you have ever wanted to do and go thru the list.  Do you still want to do it?  and Why?  
3. Do the same with your yard.
4. Give yourself permission to slow down.

At first experienced fear - I've never known a time without working -- I retired 2 months short of my 31 years (and that doesn't include other jobs I've worked). 

 

Is it a wonderful experience!  As long as you give yourself permission to enjoy the time.  Step back and BREATHE.  I mean, when was the last time you had time off, got paid for months and months and months! 

 

Funny thing, I always thought I was an afternoon person, but I'm up anywhere from 7 to 8 a.m. every day!  No alarm clock!   And I had to use an alarm clock to get up every morning to go to work!

 

 

It sounds like you've hit that time in your life where you're "taking stock." It seems you are dissatisfied with your off time, and are thinking maybe the job is the fault. Please don't think this way. You said yourself that it feels natural and that you have fun with it, despite the fact that it can be stressful. I'm sure that you help many people who forget to say thank-you, but they are indebted nevertheless. It sounds like you may have regrets about not having a family of your own? This is very natural at your stage in life, just remember that it too shall pass. There are many different kinds of family, not just the ones that we think of first. Maybe it's time to do something you've always wanted to do, but never gave yourself permission to do? BTW, turtles are sacred to Hawaiians, you see them everywhere over there.

Monica,

 

When I worked in the hotel industry years ago, I had a good friend who was the head housekeeper for a rather upscale hotel.  She had the place spotless!  She worked hard to keep her staff on task and thorough.  Well, one day I went to her home for a get-together and I was shocked to see a dusty, cluttered home!  I don't know why I was so shocked...as a teenager I used to detail cars, yet my car was always dirty and I never vacuumed it. 

 

My point is, often when we are organized in our profession, we tend to overfunction/underfunction in our personal lives.  You stay trim, fit, and hope to someday attract a mate, yet I wonder where you have time to go where you would meet someone who could potentially fill that role.  Of course, having Spirit as a companion is not a bad thing, and learning to live with yourself is a good thing, being alone can be quite lonely. 

 

I suppose one thing I would do is identify my needs and make a plan to fulfill them, keeping in mind I need to be open and listening for the "whispers", as I call them.  Quite often we pray and ask for guidance, listening for a shout as an answer when really the gentle whispers are the ones that carry the true message, if that makes any sense. 

 

I commend you on your journey my heart goes to you with smiles and good energy.

Teri

 Ask yourself this, "Who is it not good enough for?" If your answer is YOU never feel you are good enough, how did you arrive at this answer? And is it getting you what you want in life?  If it's  somebody else's voice telling you you're not good enough,  where's the truth in it? Why would you let somebody else decide if you are worthy or not? These are exactly the kinds of answers that you can find in SELF MATTERS, if you truly want to find them.

I started the path of living DAMAGE CONTROL. Took me 13 years to finally discovered Self Matters and it all finally came together as a nice neat little package!  I couldn't believe the fairy tale life I had created - such a victim - such a whimp!  It was everyone else that was wrong & bad!  and when I finally faced the shame & humiliation that I was living the life style I created for myself and had no one to blame but myself - I cried.

 

That was last spring 04.  I then practiced the tools in Self Matters and tackled all my self-destructive behaviors.  It was awful at first -- then slowly ever so slowly, I began to replace my negative self-talk with positive tapes.   I found myself challenging my thinking!  I am able now to figure out all the little tapes that I say that keeps me my from life style.

 

One of the hardest tapes has been the one I have with my mom.  And on Friday, 7/22, I finally heard the words I've been seeking --  sit down with her and talk to her one-on-one - no blaming, no condemning -- just be truthful about how her words hurt me.

 

I can do it with a friend, co-worker, whoever, but I never could do that with my mom.  I want to be an adult now.  That is how an adult behaves. 

 

I can finally read Weight Loss Solutions and bring closure to Key 4, Step 2 at long last.  Cause now, the only urges to eat are because I'm bored not because of the DREAD I feel when dealing or being with certain people.  Its' such a strange feeling you know.  But I'm going to get used to it really really fast!

 

Marcia, now living her life as an adult and not responding as an 8 year old!

yeah i have a therapist but i am about to leave for college........  i can't wait it is something i have wanted to do and it will get me out of this place......  i am going far away for college..

 

Thanks for sharing the book with me and well i just try to read that stuff but a lot of times and get so frustrated and want to throw it across the room....  if i get to a part and it's like no then i will be like ok just close the book for a while......  the thing is a lot of the time i never open it back up.....

 

i am sure i could say a lot more but i have to go i have to get get and do some things and will be back later this afternoon