Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

 

I am writing a small message on Dr Phil's message board because I am bored. Does anyone here ever just find it exhausting to live life? I have always been considered a "happy", and "fun" person. I have been married for 2 years. I am a going to school to be a Nurse practioner. I tell myself that I love it, I tell myself that I couldn't be going into a better career and that I love treating patients response to illness. Truly though I want a huge house in the mountains that is covered in fruit trees with a fence that is twelve feet high surrounding it. A pool, a barbeque, a million books to read and a dog by my side to keep me company. I don't like people and their infectious diseases. I actually like infectious disease more then I like people. I have no reason to dislike people except that all I see in them is sadness and the ability to be hurt. I see their ability to hurt others with acts of stupidity or just plain accidents. I think I may be depressed, but I have no functional problems yet. My husband tries to get me to talk to a psychiatrist and he makes appointments for me to see one. On my way to the appoinments I rationalize my self out of the appointment. I see the problems in me and I am scared to change them. I like me but I see the sickness in me. I see the sickness in Americans all around me. I try to tell myself that when I am done with school I will find a country with less sickness but I know there isn't one out there. I tell myself I will be happy making enough money to be comfortable on and helping people with their sicknesses and being "good" and "kind" but it won't happen. I know that good and evil are relative and that I am not a candidate for either one of them. I see my fellow students not relishing in the fact that they will soon be able to help people, but the fact that they will be making a 6 figure income soon. All of my ideals of going to school to be a health care provider have been shot in the conversations with my peers. My mind is sick, and I am tired. Maybe I will finish my degree and become a beach bum. That will make my parents proud!!!! I must sound crazy but I was just trying to define my authentic self so deal with it.

Thanks to all of you who shared your stories on the message board about becoming and finding your authentic self.  From the sounds of it, Dr. Phil's book is the place to start?  I am happy in my career but find that I have a very negative viewpoint and not a lot of self confidence.  I look at others in awe because they seem to be handling life so well...whether they are or not, they just look and seem happier.  Is Dr. Phil's book the first step in defining myself and what will make me happy?

Self Matters is but one way of beginning the journey to find your authentic self.  There are many writers who have given us books - but remember it is not the book that will change you - it is YOU and the commitment you make to your self for the change.

 

And the other thing that is important to remember is that you should model yourself upon the person that is most important to you and that person is YOU.  For if you look to emulate others you will be attempting to live their life not yours.

 

The work that Dr Phil sets us in Self Matters and Life Strategies reaches far within our being (providing we allow it to) and will provide you with the platform to model your life as YOU want it.  It tests us and bends us and stretches us to limits we never imagine.  But the goal once reached is well worth it - that goal is YOU.

Dr. Phil's Self Matters Tuesday July 26

 

It's time to start moving in a new direction that is grounded in the vibrant here and now, instead of continuing in the old direction that is grounded in a tired, outdated, and irrelevant history.

Ya know, when I was preparing to finalize my separation/retirement I was experiencing a bit of anxiety and apprehensiveness. I actually found myself gnawing at my nails.

Then, I began thinking of how long I've been working with the, "Just get the job done." thinking. I don't mean that I devalue the people I serve and I certainly cherish most of the people with whom I've work with, however, I sure became aware of how much respect I've lost for the 'System' in which I work!

I thought about all of the people who have been right there with me, in the trenches. That's when I said, "I'm worried about NOT being in the TRENCHES...a long narrow ditch?!?!"

I also realized that I really LOVED my job about 15 years ago. As I was being promoted and saying at the same time, "But, I REALLY want to continue to work hands-on in Nursing." So, they gave me BOTH! Acute Primary Care and Management responsibilities! I was an idiot to take on the things I've been assigned in the last ten years!

 

I will miss those wonderful people I work closest with over the year. (Hey, they think I'm funny!)

 

However, once I got clear. I grabbed my shoulder bag, with my dingy head held high and headed for the Personnel Office to file for full retirement!

YES!

Brenda :-)

 HI I AM A 53 YR OLD WOMEN WHO IS STILL LOOKING FOR MY AUTHENTIC SELF.

I'm no longer going to listen to the broken record in my head that the ex left running which tells me that I've never had an original thought & I've enrolled in a writing course & I'm going to start my journalism course again. I hadn't been doing it because I couldn't afford the fees, but I entered into an agreement with them today, so that is how I will now be spending me time. I realized, listening to Dr Phils show yesterday that the broken record is him taking my power away & I will allow it no more. His jibes & put-downs will no longer affect the way I feel about myself. Even if it's just to spite him I will find my authentic self & I will be happy (& maybe even successful). MEg

Hi everyone-  This is my first time here, and am looking forward to some good conversations.  I chose dobbawabba as my user name because a boy in 3rd grade (almost 40 yrs. ago) used to tease me by calling me that name, and, well, I secretly liked it!!  The authentic me is learning to speak up even when it really scares me, or if it might cause some type controversy.  I do this kindly, and find that my resentment level has diminished greatly, and my happiness has risen proportionately.  Anyhow, I've got to go to work now, would love some responses!! Your friend-dobbawabba.

WOW! I too got tired of the system - worse, was discovering that so many people were so unhappy that they were hurting other people.  I didn't take a full retirement - I took an early retirement which meant I lost 6% of my pension and in debt - means I'm going to look for a job.  And that's okay cause after 7 months, I'm really not wanting to stay at home 24/7 anymore. I want people and I want to explore some of my skills that was looked down upon.

 

My turning point came the summer of 2003 when I decided that I was going to take an early out.  I looked into it and slowly allowed the knowledge that I was going to be letting go of a life style that was so painful.  When December 2004 rolled around, I had released work and all the folks (that was the hardest for me - I really made some nice friends).  I remember coming to work 1 day and just put my head down on my desk and said - I can't do this anymore - where is this early-out.  I need to leave -- I can't come to work anymore and just sit here.  Yep, I ran out of work in Jan. 2004 - can can you believe I was told just to come in and get a pay check!  The only good thing was that I was able to read & start using Self Matters - figured that work was my biggest TRUTH so I began to slowly re-think my role in my script.  

 

Then 1 day, they announced the buyout for the end of December.  They were offering $25,000 if some of us left.  I didn't qualify for it; but I went anyway.  I began 2005 tackling my thinking - I can't believe how intense some of those tapes are - took me 4-5 months to finally let them go.  MER was really hard.

 

Then I turned SELF on my family & friends.  I have turned a complete 360 degrees -- but it's different. Still have the same family & friends, added a kitten, and I may have finally found a career that I truly feel is mine.

 

I too left with my head held high.  I couldn't believe I took that step either.  The only thing that kept me from not going was remembering that moment in early December when I felt so lost and was so unhappy cause the early out hadn't been offered yet!

 

Marcia

When I first attempted to read the book in April 03, I read the first 3 chapters & did the workbook (the workbook really helps too!) - my year motto was:  NO MORE GRIEVING.  I spent the next months saying that to myself every morning and every night.  It was my mantra.

 

Then I picked up Dr. Phil's show during a family death watch that summer and jumped on the Weight Loss Challenge.  I found that when I read Keys 1 & 2, I became so upset. I joined a support group and had to re-read those 2 keys and I was LOSING IT!  So I turned to Self Matters in February and when I put the book down a few months later, I chose one of my long term goals:  sewing (39 years dream), to use to help me with my thinking.  I figured that I needed to focus on something that I could develop goals and track my goals.  Cause goals always bought me so much pain. 

 

It was painful and it was hard.  But once I got past the writing down my past - I realized he was right, I'd been living in that pain for so long, it was addictive. I mean, if I had really bought closure to it, the pain would have gone away and it wouldn't be nothing but a memory - not my NOW LIFE.

 

If your memories are painful, BREATHE! it does get better.  Only took me a few months to learn to challenge my thoughts and now I'm an expert. I do it without thinking!  I've been saying positive things to myself for quite a long time now!