Topic : Defining Your Authentic Self

Venting,

I've been working on the Self Matters exercises. Sometimes I make head way. Sometimes I just don't see the point. So many things in my past. So much noise in my head. All I look forward  to is the med's my doctor gives me everynight to sleep.  I'm sure tonight I'll open up the book and keep working at it. I'm just frustrated and venting. Sorry

It's like I go into another world, writing on-line. 

I start to see my foiables but not have to do anything in particular.  I panic that things don't get said and then I realise that I'm not always understood, any way.

I would say that writing about what others also find important has been theraputic.  That ideas and emotions are put forward for discussion.  And the discussion flows and ebbs depending on connection. 

But one problem I've found in writing is in interpretation and I just keep doggardly to do this, I suppose, hoping, that in the right situation, I'll just know and don't have to keep working at it.

To change my approach, my spots, I suppose is how I personally feel about this imagery, I know you've taken on much in life and that every one can live fully.

I wonder as many religious groups for example from my perspective don't live fully and cut themselves off from the world.  Yet those with troubles turn to them first and last.  I think that the deprived have much in common with those that choose deprivation. ie. religious groups because going without has become essential and I wonder if fear does result in deprevation. 

That without fear, would we give to others or would we only take? 

That's what I'm feeling at the moment with so many things starting to become a little bit clearer.  ie. I was thinking about achievement.  That one can also achieve in relationships, like to fail to relate when everything is just right and no competition or age gaps or controlling etc. and still fail.  That one would be encouraged by a sibling to go for those that are unavailable etc., as example of expectations makes me realise why one can't let go.  Know when things are at the level they are supposed to be and still not succeed, is very humiliating.  I really have a dislike for tests and learning, I think, rather than a low IQ, even though I quite willingly go to the bait, so to speak.

I guess my world is a bit tipsy turvey,  but whose isn't?

Good luck in your reading, Marcia.  You sound like these books have highlighted changes and possibilities but avoided stereotyping and the hee ha of shows like weight-loss etc. 

Belinda

Hello. New to the site .. so i apologize if this is in the wrong area. Everyone has their own advice on what people need to do to fix themselves. I have neglected my mental health for years .. trying desperately to get my life to a point where I could just stop .. and start again. Not only have I lost myself. I did it so long ago .. I dont remmeber who I am. Over the years of this struggle I compounded the problem with self medicating and other things. I have bottled up anger at myself for many years. All these things I blame on myself, and noone else. My life is nowhere even close to where my inner self strives for. I look for advice, books, links, and other things to help guide me. I am overwhelmed. I have been repeatedly discharged from employment with good references, and with the employer admitting I do a good, if not great job. I start a new job Monday, have finally managed to get mostly debt free. I also own nothing. I want to escape this vicious circle. Self Matters seems a good place to start. Can anyone else confirm this, or maybe guide me toward a link or reading that I may start down this path. This is not a pity post, nor am I her to whine. I have a hard journey ahead and no idea where to start. I also know that starting in the wrong direction hasnt helped.

Thanks in advance.

I really truly felt I was super positive in my thoughts and energy ... then I watched THE SECRET dvd a couple of times and realized that my positiveness doesn't stay with me for very long ... however, I'm starting to win!

I'm actually thinking of making a cassette of me telling myself how good it feels to do stuff ... like clean my home or go shopping.  That way I can carry the cassette player with me and let it help me remain positive.

No, it's not like I'm down and blue and all that. It's just that I've come to see how I can feel the accomplishments and then they just fade away until I can remember them again!

I know that I'm going to be able to step up and out of this craziness real soon ... I know in my heart of hearts that the only reason I keep returning to the "old" is because it's a belief I was taught as a child.  That  kinda amazed me the other day when I realized that my conditioning from my childhood has me believing that it's painful to change or that it's hard.  Both are so wrong. It just takes patience ... new habits and behaviors require me to practice so that I build up the new pathways.

And because I read THIS YEAR I WILL before receiving the SECRET ... I was given the scienitific reality of how it all works.  Like when the SECRET tells you to feel good .. to keep myself feeling good about whatever it is I want ... that's the way to get the emotional part of my brain to accept what's going on.  That emotional part of my brain is where FIGHT or FLIGHT lives. It's where if I feel distressed, pain, unhappiness .... it will take flight and run the other way .. no matter how good the new change is for me.  However, whenever I feel positive, upbeat and can feel it within ... my emotional brain wants more of the same so it will go along with whatever I'm doing.

It's keeping me in the upbeat right now that takes a lot of time and energy.  It's not what I'm used to.  Good thing that I bought the book because it gives me more helpful tools for me to use for practicing ... like the one where I plan the next day events ...  in a positive frame of mind.  It has worked so far.  Now, I'm going to be challenged because I'm taking my mom shopping with me and she's been really pulling my chain lately.  It's because she's my reflection of all the changes I'm experiencing ...  whenever, I'm changed a part of my thinking or behaviors or feelings ... she lets me know by trying my patience.  Today, my plan is to acknowledge what is going on and do different.  And I know it's going to work because it's been in my thoughts for a while now.

Well, today is aquacize class, shopping with my mom, and then later the dance studio to play.  and it's cold!  forcast:  SNOW!   yesterday I was wearing shorts!  today, I'm wearing sweats .. isn't that something!!!