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Topic : 07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Number of Replies: 289
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Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:52:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/30/07) When most women gaze in the mirror, they may bemoan a blemish here or a wrinkle there. Imagine staring at your reflection for over two hours and hating your face so much that you never leave the house. Dr. Phil’s guests say they are prisoners to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), a preoccupation with a real or imagined physical defect. Diana, 28, has been suffering with BDD for over 13 years. She’s undergone over 50 permanent make-up procedures –- eye liner, lips and eyebrows –- and didn’t leave her home for two years because she thinks she looks like a monster. Her mother, Guadalupe, and her sister, Liz, say it’s painful to watch Diana deteriorate before their eyes. Find out the shocking event Diana believes caused her condition. Then, 17 year-old Cheyenne used to win beauty pageants, but now believes that she’s an ugly, overweight girl with thunder thighs. She takes several hours to get ready for school in the morning, and constantly picks at her arm hair and lips. Her mom, Bobette, wonders if she’s the cause of her daughter’s bad feelings. Does Cheyenne really have BDD, or is something else affecting her? Share your thoughts here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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July 14, 2008, 4:10 am CDT

A very healthy frame of mind!

Quote From: bethsheb

Watching your show on this topic was extremely fascinating to me.  It brought memories of my own mother, and to this day, is still so adamant about looks.  From when I was growing up she would point out my skin breaking out, my overly thinness then later on it was my neck had too many wrinkles and if I gained a few pounds she would not hesitate to say "how much do you weigh" which meant I was gaining weight.  I am 5'6" and 133 lbs and fight everday to maintain my weight with exercise and trying to watch what I eat.  At 52 yrs. it is a job each day but I have been doing it my whole life because in my mind I have to look a certain way.  However, along the way I realized how shallow and negative my mother is and only do what I can do to stay looking relatively good without sacrificying my heath i.e., plenty of exercise which I have done for over 25 years consistently.  My point is I no longer let my mother's opinion matter because she really does not know any better nor does she think before she speaks.  I have learned to ignore her and made a conscious decision years ago that I would not live anywhere near her due to her poisinous behavior.  Now of course my mother has been diagnosed as depressed and she is mentally ill but how convenient because any time I might bring up things she used to say very conveniently she denies it or does not remember doing what she did when I was younger.  In any event I could have very easily fell into the trap that Diana has been suffering from but luckily years ago I took the advice of a psycologist who met my mother in one session and from thereon told me even though she is my mother I need to stay away from her due to her destructive behaviour.  Needless to say I listened and took that advice and realized to myself that it is nice to look presentable and people compliment you now and then but basically our bodies are just shells that we are given.  Unlike my mother who never developed her inner self and was ugly to me (even though everyone thought she was beautiful on the outside) I truly learned what beauty is and even the ugliest people I have met have become some of the most beautiful people by knowing who they are.  It is amazing how appearances change when you get down to someone's heart.  These girls I believe never learned to develop their personalities and therefore try to strive on their looks and in my mind there are some aesthetically beautiful people with the ugliest personalities which in turn, in my mind, they do not look so good to me on the outside because of what they project from within the inside.

You are a true lady in your beliefs. I too see people for who they are, not what they look like. I have known many people who are supposedly good looking and I find them disgusting and ugly because of their personality. I cannot see the supposed good looks on these people. I also know people who are maybe not that much to look at but are indeed beautiful or very attractive to say the least when the have a wonderful personality or a good heart. I can think of one person in particular that I have always had a crush on, I'm married so that's as far as it will ever go but, he is not a good looking man. But he is funny, generous, and has the most wonderful heart. He is HOT! I happen to know someone who is like your mother. She has absolutely no tact. She used to be able to hurt my feelings so badly, but luckily my self confidence won out. I wish people with no tact would just keep their mouths shut. It's like they have no filtering system in their brain and just blurt out whatever they are thinking with no thought to how it will make the other person feel. BTW, at 52, being 5'6" and 133 pds is quite a feat! That's great when you are 32! I'm happy to hear that your own self confidence overcame the negative and vain comments that you were subjected to. One more thing that I would like to add. Until the age of 20 I was 5' 9 & 1/2 " tall and weighed 103 pds. Way too skinny! It would be so fashionable today and is what every woman's dream body would be. I didn't like it then and I don't think women are attractive and sexy when they are that thin. I came by naturally, but luckily I finally put on a few pounds. For the women who are naturally thin, I mean no offense. But for a woman to starve herself to look like that is just plain crazy and unattractive. I wish Hollywood would stop influencing young girls to think this is what you are supposed to look like.  

 

P.S. I like the old saying - "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!".

 
July 14, 2008, 11:09 am CDT

Really? That was your response to this quote?

Quote From: prettynpinkk

 

  Dear , Dr. Phil   or Anyone reading

 

 

I think  i may have body dismorfia ( sorry i don't know how to spell that well). I am 27 year years old. I have a skin disorder called hairy nevi.   70% of by body is covered with moles, they look like birth marks so thats what i call them. I also have one big birthmark from my knee to a inch away from my belly button ( in the front), and from the back of my knee till the middleof my back is all brown birthmark. And it does'nt stop there, from 4 months old till 6 years old i went through 11 surgreys, which resulted in half of my thighs to be ALL scar, thick scar that looks like freddy cougar. I have never had a boy friend, i don't trust anyone, and i have no friends. I have lost my son 3 years ago and have'nt seen him, i hear about him though because my mom has him. I tried going to schoool and had a perfect attendence record until i quit after 8months due to anixty. I feel like killing myself everyday , i have over dosed on pain pills 3 times 3 yars ago. I also have depression, learning disablities, personality disorder, and cronic anixty at times. i have not seen a doctor in about 3 years because i don't trust any of them, it's not that there not good doctors but if i can not articulate whats going on in my head how can anyone help.

 

I am fixated on going on the Dr. Phil show, i have e-mail s 5 times in the last 5 months, i ahve video taped my body, and also mail some pictures. I just want to be there for my son, but i know my mom will not let me see if unless i'm in school and working for at least a year or two. Ifit was that easy i would. I have never had a job over 3 days. I think my body and how i feel about my body is the BIGGEST thing that is effecting my life, i know everything would calm down tremdously if i could calm this body dismorfic thingi have going on. 

 

 

I am renting a beautiful 4 bedroom town house right now for a GREAT price, i am sub letting 3 rooms out while i take the basement. i am making about $1000 a month added on to my $1000 disablity cheque. My goal is to go see Dr. Frank Lawlis at the PNP clinic in dallas. This is my thing on that, i ahve been doing it now for months, and have no money saved up, i have gain a new adiction and that is shopping, i have to shop for clothes, acupuciture, things for my house, pedicures, manicure, and thing likem y hair. In calm down my anixty to live in a nice home, and dress in nice clothes so i can blend in as much as i can with everyone else. I hope if i ever go to this clinc that he can talk to Dr. phil for me, see Dr. Phil came out right after i had my son, he is my mentor , and i have watched about 85% of his shows. I have learned alot how to articlate myself , and i own that to dr. Phil, theres been things in my head that i could never get out and he on MANY MANY occians helped me to get them out. I LITERATLY do not trust anyone in this world to help me. I am scared it will be too late, i am not saying that for attention, i am trying really hard to stay postive for my some my the racing thoughts are getting worse , i feel like cuting myslef and proberly would if i was'nt a baby.

 

I have heard that you can not see dr. Phil if you were diaignosed by another doctor, does anyone know if that is trues. i know with A.D.D (which i also have since four), you have to get assessed every 3-4 years. I just DESPRETELY want to live a productive life, and be a mother to my son.

 

 

PLEEEEEASE HELLLLLLLLP!!!

"I have worked almost all of my life, since I was 15 years old. I was permanently disabled 7 years ago due to a severe injury. I paid into my Social Security benefits. This woman has never held a job over 3 days and gets $1000.00 per month from disability? I only get $790.00! Am I the only one who thinks that there is a problem here? Maybe I should have never worked before. I feel like I'm being punished and that people who haven't worked are rewarded. This isn't the first time that I have seen this happen, I know a woman who also gets more than I do and she has never worked a day in her life. She is on disability because she is overweight. Although, throughout this entire time that she has received SSD benefits she has managed to have 3 children. Funny thing, after I became disabled the opportunity to have a child was taken away from me. I cannot carry a child to term and I wouldn't be able to take care of one if I did. And BTW, this woman who has posted here, if she is so ugly and has never had a boyfriend or anything, how did she have a child? Yes, this angers me because I have wanted a baby all of my life! I will never get that privilege! "

I cannot believe that after reading the above quote your chosen response was about the unfairness of her getting 210 dollars more than you a month!  I mean, I know you have a plateful, I know you are hurting but striking out at other people, other hurting people, is not going to help you in any way.  Have some compassion!  Did you 'hear' her say that she has had 11 surgeries?  Waht about "I feel like killing myself everyday'? or " i feel like cutting myself".  This is a person in pain, and THAT was your response?  Shame on you!

I hope that all the people that posted their pain know that they are in my prayers.  And I truly hope that the woman who posted the above quote gets some help.  Know that your pain was heard and it touched me.  God bless you, please try to find some help near by and soon.  I cannot answer your question about Dr. Phil and seeing him but I can say that there are other Dr.s that you should trust.  Please try to find one.  Keep looking until you get the help you need.  When times get me down (and I, too, have a plateful, believe me) I try to remember the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference."





 
July 14, 2008, 7:27 pm CDT

If you don't understand................

Quote From: brownmouse

"I have worked almost all of my life, since I was 15 years old. I was permanently disabled 7 years ago due to a severe injury. I paid into my Social Security benefits. This woman has never held a job over 3 days and gets $1000.00 per month from disability? I only get $790.00! Am I the only one who thinks that there is a problem here? Maybe I should have never worked before. I feel like I'm being punished and that people who haven't worked are rewarded. This isn't the first time that I have seen this happen, I know a woman who also gets more than I do and she has never worked a day in her life. She is on disability because she is overweight. Although, throughout this entire time that she has received SSD benefits she has managed to have 3 children. Funny thing, after I became disabled the opportunity to have a child was taken away from me. I cannot carry a child to term and I wouldn't be able to take care of one if I did. And BTW, this woman who has posted here, if she is so ugly and has never had a boyfriend or anything, how did she have a child? Yes, this angers me because I have wanted a baby all of my life! I will never get that privilege! "

I cannot believe that after reading the above quote your chosen response was about the unfairness of her getting 210 dollars more than you a month!  I mean, I know you have a plateful, I know you are hurting but striking out at other people, other hurting people, is not going to help you in any way.  Have some compassion!  Did you 'hear' her say that she has had 11 surgeries?  Waht about "I feel like killing myself everyday'? or " i feel like cutting myself".  This is a person in pain, and THAT was your response?  Shame on you!

I hope that all the people that posted their pain know that they are in my prayers.  And I truly hope that the woman who posted the above quote gets some help.  Know that your pain was heard and it touched me.  God bless you, please try to find some help near by and soon.  I cannot answer your question about Dr. Phil and seeing him but I can say that there are other Dr.s that you should trust.  Please try to find one.  Keep looking until you get the help you need.  When times get me down (and I, too, have a plateful, believe me) I try to remember the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference."





If you don't understand where I am coming from then that is your problem. Yes, I have plenty of compassion for other people but I also have to take care of myself. Why is there such a huge difference in the benefits? Do you think that I have never thought about killing myself? I have! I think about it pretty much every day of my life. I didn't bother going into my own personal history, which is not very good health wise, and also happens to be quite long. I have mentioned a few things on other message boards. Excuse me if I am not in the mood to repeat it! And yes, I am angry over the idea that I happen to know people who have NEVER worked who draw more than I do.  Why shouldn't I be? What exactly makes her better than me? Because of my disability, my husband is going to have to work longer, he was planning to retire out at the age of 60. He needs to have heart surgery! Guess what? He has to put it off because we can't afford for him to take that much time off from work. We have to pay $800. per month in Cobra alone! Unless we win the lotto, I guess that he will have to play Russian roulette with his heart in the meantime. So excuse me if I happen to have more compassion for my husband instead. He also has other health issues, which are none of your business, and he absolutely needs to quit working. He turned 60 just a couple of weeks ago. He has worked over 120 hours a week for over 40 years. I think he deserves a break, but he doesn't get one now because of what happened to me. And BTW, I wouldn't be in the condition that I am in if it weren't for malpractice. And no, I didn't get a huge settlement, I didn't get any settlement, because the law here only allows you to file within 2 years of the injury. I found out what was done wrong right at the 2 year mark! So yes, I am angry! Not at the person who you were talking about, but at the government. I have had a lot taken away from me, and I do NOT understand why the system works the way that it does! So go ahead and get pissy with me, I don't really care about your opinions. I am thinking of only my husband and me right now. That is MY right.
 
July 14, 2008, 7:33 pm CDT

Another thing.............

Quote From: brownmouse

"I have worked almost all of my life, since I was 15 years old. I was permanently disabled 7 years ago due to a severe injury. I paid into my Social Security benefits. This woman has never held a job over 3 days and gets $1000.00 per month from disability? I only get $790.00! Am I the only one who thinks that there is a problem here? Maybe I should have never worked before. I feel like I'm being punished and that people who haven't worked are rewarded. This isn't the first time that I have seen this happen, I know a woman who also gets more than I do and she has never worked a day in her life. She is on disability because she is overweight. Although, throughout this entire time that she has received SSD benefits she has managed to have 3 children. Funny thing, after I became disabled the opportunity to have a child was taken away from me. I cannot carry a child to term and I wouldn't be able to take care of one if I did. And BTW, this woman who has posted here, if she is so ugly and has never had a boyfriend or anything, how did she have a child? Yes, this angers me because I have wanted a baby all of my life! I will never get that privilege! "

I cannot believe that after reading the above quote your chosen response was about the unfairness of her getting 210 dollars more than you a month!  I mean, I know you have a plateful, I know you are hurting but striking out at other people, other hurting people, is not going to help you in any way.  Have some compassion!  Did you 'hear' her say that she has had 11 surgeries?  Waht about "I feel like killing myself everyday'? or " i feel like cutting myself".  This is a person in pain, and THAT was your response?  Shame on you!

I hope that all the people that posted their pain know that they are in my prayers.  And I truly hope that the woman who posted the above quote gets some help.  Know that your pain was heard and it touched me.  God bless you, please try to find some help near by and soon.  I cannot answer your question about Dr. Phil and seeing him but I can say that there are other Dr.s that you should trust.  Please try to find one.  Keep looking until you get the help you need.  When times get me down (and I, too, have a plateful, believe me) I try to remember the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference."





At least she got to have a baby, something that I have been denied. I also have scars all over my body, some of them pretty large, I also have anxiety problems, I also have depression, and everything else that she mentioned including a distrust in doctors. My point had nothing to do with the lack of compassion for somebody else, it has to do with the government and how they make their decisions. Is that really so hard to understand?
 
July 15, 2008, 3:36 am CDT

A thought occurred to me...........

Quote From: brownmouse

"I have worked almost all of my life, since I was 15 years old. I was permanently disabled 7 years ago due to a severe injury. I paid into my Social Security benefits. This woman has never held a job over 3 days and gets $1000.00 per month from disability? I only get $790.00! Am I the only one who thinks that there is a problem here? Maybe I should have never worked before. I feel like I'm being punished and that people who haven't worked are rewarded. This isn't the first time that I have seen this happen, I know a woman who also gets more than I do and she has never worked a day in her life. She is on disability because she is overweight. Although, throughout this entire time that she has received SSD benefits she has managed to have 3 children. Funny thing, after I became disabled the opportunity to have a child was taken away from me. I cannot carry a child to term and I wouldn't be able to take care of one if I did. And BTW, this woman who has posted here, if she is so ugly and has never had a boyfriend or anything, how did she have a child? Yes, this angers me because I have wanted a baby all of my life! I will never get that privilege! "

I cannot believe that after reading the above quote your chosen response was about the unfairness of her getting 210 dollars more than you a month!  I mean, I know you have a plateful, I know you are hurting but striking out at other people, other hurting people, is not going to help you in any way.  Have some compassion!  Did you 'hear' her say that she has had 11 surgeries?  Waht about "I feel like killing myself everyday'? or " i feel like cutting myself".  This is a person in pain, and THAT was your response?  Shame on you!

I hope that all the people that posted their pain know that they are in my prayers.  And I truly hope that the woman who posted the above quote gets some help.  Know that your pain was heard and it touched me.  God bless you, please try to find some help near by and soon.  I cannot answer your question about Dr. Phil and seeing him but I can say that there are other Dr.s that you should trust.  Please try to find one.  Keep looking until you get the help you need.  When times get me down (and I, too, have a plateful, believe me) I try to remember the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the difference."





I had a thought occur to me later this evening and just had to come back and make a point. Something is not right about this girls story. I believe that she has problems, I have no doubt there but, what is the deal about her mother not allowing her to see her child? She says that she is on disability, disability is given to those who are unable to no longer hold down a job. If you are able to work, especially full time, then you do not qualify for disability benefits. So why is her mother not allowing her to see her child until she gets a job? If she is incapable of working due to a disability then how can her mother force her to work? It just doesn't add up. And when does her mother make the rules about her visitation anyway? Isn't that for the courts to decide? So if she is disabled, the courts would not hold that against her and not allow her visitation. This story just is not right, I am curious to know what is really going on. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the one that you blasted me on, I know a woman who gets disability benefits and then proceeded to have 3 children afterwards. And by the way, that is what makes me so angry. If you can have sex, give birth, and then take care of three children, how disabled can you be? I know that I couldn't raise a child in my condition. Anyway, there is more to this story than what is being told and it just doesn't sound right. In this girls case, the law just doesn't work like that, it doesn't make any sense.

 
July 15, 2008, 8:50 am CDT

Disability

Quote From: jewelsf

I had a thought occur to me later this evening and just had to come back and make a point. Something is not right about this girls story. I believe that she has problems, I have no doubt there but, what is the deal about her mother not allowing her to see her child? She says that she is on disability, disability is given to those who are unable to no longer hold down a job. If you are able to work, especially full time, then you do not qualify for disability benefits. So why is her mother not allowing her to see her child until she gets a job? If she is incapable of working due to a disability then how can her mother force her to work? It just doesn't add up. And when does her mother make the rules about her visitation anyway? Isn't that for the courts to decide? So if she is disabled, the courts would not hold that against her and not allow her visitation. This story just is not right, I am curious to know what is really going on. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the one that you blasted me on, I know a woman who gets disability benefits and then proceeded to have 3 children afterwards. And by the way, that is what makes me so angry. If you can have sex, give birth, and then take care of three children, how disabled can you be? I know that I couldn't raise a child in my condition. Anyway, there is more to this story than what is being told and it just doesn't sound right. In this girls case, the law just doesn't work like that, it doesn't make any sense.

 I am truly sorry for your life problems, really, it sounds like you have a hard life but  isn't that beside the point in this matter?  Why attack someone who isn't doing a darn thing to you, who isn't the one causing you any of your pain?  Would you go up to a person lying on the street (hypothesis) in agony with a broken arm and just tell them to go to @ell because you have a broken leg? Or 2 broken arms or , maybe, a broken heart?- a broken soul?

If you are angry about your situation take it up with the SYSTEM- not a broken hearted woman who you don't know.  How dare you, - really,- how dare you be so vicious and mean.  You have the gull to try and poke holes in her story without even knowing her.  Who do you think you are?  Do her scars somehow not matter because you have scars too?  Does her pain somehow dimish because you have pain too?  Well, I gotta tell you lady we are ALL IN PAIN!! I'm not going to go into my pain because it does not matter here, but be confident that I have plenty.

If you really cannot tell yourself ,from the woman's posts, than I will spell it out for you- this woman is mentally disabled(!).  She has some pretty severe learning disabilities.  And you are attacking her.  Does it change your sitution one bit by being mean to her?  Would it change your position one bit if she did work, worked until her fingers fell off; if she didn't have a child;  if she didn't get 210 more dollars a month than you?  Would that make your life any easier?  Again - take it up with the SYSTEM-not a broken hearted woman who obviously needs some friends , some help.

Again , I say to you I am really sorry that your life is so hard but you really should stop taking it out on others in pain.  You will fill up with hatred until you burst.  You sound like a miserable person and I doubt you are, really.  I am sure you are just sad and tired and hurting, but you sound mean, really mean.  Do you really want to be a mean person?



 
July 16, 2008, 10:09 am CDT

Wait just a minute!

Quote From: brownmouse

 I am truly sorry for your life problems, really, it sounds like you have a hard life but  isn't that beside the point in this matter?  Why attack someone who isn't doing a darn thing to you, who isn't the one causing you any of your pain?  Would you go up to a person lying on the street (hypothesis) in agony with a broken arm and just tell them to go to @ell because you have a broken leg? Or 2 broken arms or , maybe, a broken heart?- a broken soul?

If you are angry about your situation take it up with the SYSTEM- not a broken hearted woman who you don't know.  How dare you, - really,- how dare you be so vicious and mean.  You have the gull to try and poke holes in her story without even knowing her.  Who do you think you are?  Do her scars somehow not matter because you have scars too?  Does her pain somehow dimish because you have pain too?  Well, I gotta tell you lady we are ALL IN PAIN!! I'm not going to go into my pain because it does not matter here, but be confident that I have plenty.

If you really cannot tell yourself ,from the woman's posts, than I will spell it out for you- this woman is mentally disabled(!).  She has some pretty severe learning disabilities.  And you are attacking her.  Does it change your sitution one bit by being mean to her?  Would it change your position one bit if she did work, worked until her fingers fell off; if she didn't have a child;  if she didn't get 210 more dollars a month than you?  Would that make your life any easier?  Again - take it up with the SYSTEM-not a broken hearted woman who obviously needs some friends , some help.

Again , I say to you I am really sorry that your life is so hard but you really should stop taking it out on others in pain.  You will fill up with hatred until you burst.  You sound like a miserable person and I doubt you are, really.  I am sure you are just sad and tired and hurting, but you sound mean, really mean.  Do you really want to be a mean person?



  In the first place I wasn't attacking her at all! You made the assumption that I was, when it was the government that I don't understand and am angry at. In the second place, my compassion goes to my husband before it goes out to anybody else. He truly deserves it! Much more than you will ever know! And yes, I am filled with anger, anger towards the surgeon who put me in this position. I have every right to be angry, she took away my life and basically the life of my husband. You say that everyone is in pain? I don't think so! I don't see everyone else forced to live like a mole, have absolutely no social life, never be able to travel, or even be able to sleep in their beds for over seven years. I bet you sleep in your bed every night. I haven't even slept for over one hour at a time in over 7 years. Yes, I admit it, it is finally getting to me.

  And BTW, going back to this particular woman. As I said before, I wasn't taking anything out on her or attacking her. It wasn't until you brought it to my attention that I went back and re-read her message. That is when I picked up on some of the inconsistencies in her story. And again I still didn't attack her. I just said that there was something not "right" in her story. Come on and get real here. Since when does someone who is on Disability have to hold down a job? That is the point to getting the benefits, because you are unable to hold down a job! So what is the deal with the mother not allowing her to see her child until she gets a job? I think this is a perfectly normal question to ask. If you would get off of your own high horse for just a minute you would realize that it does indeed not sound right.

  You say that I sound mean, really mean? I am not a mean person in any way, shape, or form. You misunderstood the original point that I was trying to make. It had NOTHING to do with this particular girl. But I do get angry when I happen to know someone as I mentioned before that is on disability and proceeds to have 3 children after-wards. This woman does anything she darn well wants to. She learned (from her mother) at a very early age exactly how to work the system. And this type of person sickens me! I have even changed my attitude towards giving to charity's such as Toys for Tot's because of this woman. I used to buy tons of gifts for needy children, making a point to buy for the older ones that nobody ever wants to buy for. Until I found out what "Mary" was doing. I will use a fake name for her. As I said, she is drawing disability because of her weight, she is also getting welfare checks for her 3 illegitimate children. She lives at home with her mother, drives a brand new car, and parties and dates all of the time. Her weight doesn't slow down her social life or her dating life. When I found out that "Mary was also receiving free toys from the charity's, all of them in town, on top of the boatloads that she and other family members were buying for her kids, it just turned me off. I can't handle people who abuse the system. I know people who work for the Sheriffs Dept. who have good incomes that receive free food from the food banks for the under privileged. This is disgusting!

   I never once included this girl that you are talking about in any of this, and I don't know why you keep insisting that I am. I don't understand the government! Can I make this any more clear? I have NOT attacked HER! What is the deal here anyway, are you her best friend or something?

  But in my defense, yes, I am angry at some very particular things, but no, I am not a miserable or mean person. Yes, I do have compassion for others and even empathy, although I don't think that you will believe anything that I say. But my first loyalties lie with my husband, this is supposed to be the time for him to slow down and stop working. Instead, he has to keep working the same God awful hours that he has put in for over 40 years and it is extremely detrimental to his health. He also has to do the grocery shopping, the cooking, the bill paying, and the housecleaning. He works 7 days a week 6 months out of the year and 6 days a week the other 6. As I said before, he works between 110 and 140 hours per week. Don't you think that he needs a break? Do you know anyone who has that much responsibility? And as I also told you, he needs to have heart surgery and he he needs to stop working because he is diabetic and losing the feeling in his feet. But he can't! He has to continue working to pay for my own medical bills, which by the way, we happen to owe over $250,000. out of pocket costs after what the insurance has already paid. Plus all of my future costs, since I will have to have even more surgeries in the future.

   So may I please, with your permission of course, have compassion for my own husband first?

 

P.S. Re-read her story and see for yourself if something doesn't sound right about why she is not allowed to see her own child because her mother is forcing her to hold down a job. If she is disabled, then I would say that it is her own mother who lacks comapssion! 

 
July 16, 2008, 10:33 am CDT

Hey Brownmouse..................

Quote From: brownmouse

 I am truly sorry for your life problems, really, it sounds like you have a hard life but  isn't that beside the point in this matter?  Why attack someone who isn't doing a darn thing to you, who isn't the one causing you any of your pain?  Would you go up to a person lying on the street (hypothesis) in agony with a broken arm and just tell them to go to @ell because you have a broken leg? Or 2 broken arms or , maybe, a broken heart?- a broken soul?

If you are angry about your situation take it up with the SYSTEM- not a broken hearted woman who you don't know.  How dare you, - really,- how dare you be so vicious and mean.  You have the gull to try and poke holes in her story without even knowing her.  Who do you think you are?  Do her scars somehow not matter because you have scars too?  Does her pain somehow dimish because you have pain too?  Well, I gotta tell you lady we are ALL IN PAIN!! I'm not going to go into my pain because it does not matter here, but be confident that I have plenty.

If you really cannot tell yourself ,from the woman's posts, than I will spell it out for you- this woman is mentally disabled(!).  She has some pretty severe learning disabilities.  And you are attacking her.  Does it change your sitution one bit by being mean to her?  Would it change your position one bit if she did work, worked until her fingers fell off; if she didn't have a child;  if she didn't get 210 more dollars a month than you?  Would that make your life any easier?  Again - take it up with the SYSTEM-not a broken hearted woman who obviously needs some friends , some help.

Again , I say to you I am really sorry that your life is so hard but you really should stop taking it out on others in pain.  You will fill up with hatred until you burst.  You sound like a miserable person and I doubt you are, really.  I am sure you are just sad and tired and hurting, but you sound mean, really mean.  Do you really want to be a mean person?



   I went back and re-read what I have posted. I do NOT see where I have supposedly attacked this poor girl. I have stated my thoughts quite clearly, I have admitted that I believe that she is disabled, and when I brought up the part about there being something missing from her story as to why she is not allowed to see her child, I wasn't attacking her. I was curious as to why her mother is forcing her to work under those circumstances. I do not understand where you are getting your wild ideas of me!

   And your "Hypothesis" about how I would treat someone hurt on the street is utterly ridiculous. Not that it is ANY of your business but I happen to be the type of person who gives warm coats and blankets to homeless people, (without their asking) I will go and buy some food for a homeless person, and I am always the first person to run towards a car accident to make sure everyone is OK and to help them, (once I actually ran to a car that was on fire, ready to pull the people out, not caring about the danger to myself) just to name a few things that I do. But do you want to know what I get back? Nothing! Unless you want to count the anger and open hostility that I received when I returned to work after my first 2 back surgeries. Yes, that was real nice, my manager actually said to my face how much harder they all had to work because I "picked" that time to go into the hospital, it was all my fault! Talk about no compassion! I had worked there for over 3 years and every single week without fail, I donated cash into the envelope that was passed around for another employee, always someone different, that had lost a grandparent, had a medical test run, or any other minor little thing in life. When it was my turn, did I receive flowers? NO! Did I even get a "Get Well Card" NO! I didn't even get one visitor from work! They had bilked me for over a thousand dollars and when it was my turn I was just completely ignored and then chewed out when I returned. So am I really the bad guy here? Or do I maybe have a valid reason for some of my anger? I know what I believe and my opinion is the only one that counts to me right now.

 
July 16, 2008, 11:50 pm CDT

07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Quote From: brownmouse

 I am truly sorry for your life problems, really, it sounds like you have a hard life but  isn't that beside the point in this matter?  Why attack someone who isn't doing a darn thing to you, who isn't the one causing you any of your pain?  Would you go up to a person lying on the street (hypothesis) in agony with a broken arm and just tell them to go to @ell because you have a broken leg? Or 2 broken arms or , maybe, a broken heart?- a broken soul?

If you are angry about your situation take it up with the SYSTEM- not a broken hearted woman who you don't know.  How dare you, - really,- how dare you be so vicious and mean.  You have the gull to try and poke holes in her story without even knowing her.  Who do you think you are?  Do her scars somehow not matter because you have scars too?  Does her pain somehow dimish because you have pain too?  Well, I gotta tell you lady we are ALL IN PAIN!! I'm not going to go into my pain because it does not matter here, but be confident that I have plenty.

If you really cannot tell yourself ,from the woman's posts, than I will spell it out for you- this woman is mentally disabled(!).  She has some pretty severe learning disabilities.  And you are attacking her.  Does it change your sitution one bit by being mean to her?  Would it change your position one bit if she did work, worked until her fingers fell off; if she didn't have a child;  if she didn't get 210 more dollars a month than you?  Would that make your life any easier?  Again - take it up with the SYSTEM-not a broken hearted woman who obviously needs some friends , some help.

Again , I say to you I am really sorry that your life is so hard but you really should stop taking it out on others in pain.  You will fill up with hatred until you burst.  You sound like a miserable person and I doubt you are, really.  I am sure you are just sad and tired and hurting, but you sound mean, really mean.  Do you really want to be a mean person?



Are you sure you responded to the correct person??? This post is right out of left field.
 
July 17, 2008, 2:02 pm CDT

please do not argue over my situation plz

Quote From: jewelsf

At least she got to have a baby, something that I have been denied. I also have scars all over my body, some of them pretty large, I also have anxiety problems, I also have depression, and everything else that she mentioned including a distrust in doctors. My point had nothing to do with the lack of compassion for somebody else, it has to do with the government and how they make their decisions. Is that really so hard to understand?

I do not  know much about this site yet, but i have read the replies to my message. I see a very nice person defended me after a person was being mean.

 

As for the nice lady i would really like to talk to you , it's really hard when you do not have any friends, keeping everything so bottled up.

 

As for the mean lady you are evry much into yourself, " at least she had a baby, i cannot, i have scars too, i have anixty too. These replies strted off with my problem, and u just kept on trying , and trying , and trying to make it all about u. i feel for u, but like theother person said, you are very cruel .

 

 

And since you want to go on and on and on, and on about this whole disability thing, did it ever occor to you that wher ei live maybe be higher in living than you. I live in Windsor Ont, aplace where everything is Crazy expensive compared to the U.S. I live 2 minutes from the U.S( detroit Mich), a pair of nike shoes here are $140, over in the U.S they are $70. A case of beer here is $40 over there in the U.S is $16. It depends where u live. You are actauuly pretty lucky where ever you are at because if you have a better half that works you do not get disability over here.

 

No disrespect but i do not need to hear any more of your complaints, plz do not message me.

 
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