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Topic : 07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Number of Replies: 289
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Created on : Friday, October 26, 2007, 02:52:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/30/07) When most women gaze in the mirror, they may bemoan a blemish here or a wrinkle there. Imagine staring at your reflection for over two hours and hating your face so much that you never leave the house. Dr. Phil’s guests say they are prisoners to body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), a preoccupation with a real or imagined physical defect. Diana, 28, has been suffering with BDD for over 13 years. She’s undergone over 50 permanent make-up procedures –- eye liner, lips and eyebrows –- and didn’t leave her home for two years because she thinks she looks like a monster. Her mother, Guadalupe, and her sister, Liz, say it’s painful to watch Diana deteriorate before their eyes. Find out the shocking event Diana believes caused her condition. Then, 17 year-old Cheyenne used to win beauty pageants, but now believes that she’s an ugly, overweight girl with thunder thighs. She takes several hours to get ready for school in the morning, and constantly picks at her arm hair and lips. Her mom, Bobette, wonders if she’s the cause of her daughter’s bad feelings. Does Cheyenne really have BDD, or is something else affecting her? Share your thoughts here.


Find out what happened on the show.


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July 17, 2008, 8:10 pm CDT

07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Quote From: jewelsf

OK, let's see, someone has body dysmorphia and yet they put their picture next to their user name and call them self "Prettynpink". Hmmmm, sounds like she hates her looks to me! LOL!!! I figured that if someone hated what they looked like that they wouldn't want to show a picture of them self to thousands of people, it's just my take on this. Oh well, I will never be able to understand the human mind, especially the ones that are a few tools short of a toolbox. You should see what a woman wrote to me on the board for "Bully Husbands", she chewed me a knew "you know what" for absolutely no reason. It was WEIRD! I have no idea where she is coming from and I asked her exactly that! If someone is going to be that insulting for a reason that is unknown to me, I feel that I deserve an explanation at the very least. You should check it out, it was really an odd moment for me. Her name is "mommysangel". Sometimes when I'm on here I feel like I'm running with scissors! I never know when I'll fall and poke my eye out! Take care, Jewels
I saw that too! Seems you are having a bad week...as I understood your posts clearly...and I failed to see what should cause this kind of ruckus...LOL
 
July 17, 2008, 9:04 pm CDT

07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Quote From: PennyLane78

I saw that too! Seems you are having a bad week...as I understood your posts clearly...and I failed to see what should cause this kind of ruckus...LOL
LOL!!! Yes, a ruckus it be! I am having a bad week aren't I? It seems that I couldn't win for anything, oh that is life in the slow lane! LOL!!!!!!!  Luckily, I have friends like you who can always help me to see the lighter side of things. Thank you so much for that, for it is invaluable! Do you remember by any chance a few months ago before I got to know you when the two of us locked heads? I'm pretty sure it was you. But I also remember that it was never anything rude, insulting, or nasty. Just a different point of view. That is to be expected, and there is nothing wrong with that. Then you disappeared for awhile and when you finally showed up I noticed you immediately. I remember writing a message in reply to one of yours at that point saying "I was wondering when Penny would put her 2 cents in. It was a double joke, "penny and 2cents", I thought they went together! It was meant in jest! We can always count on you to keep things exciting!
 
July 18, 2008, 7:09 pm CDT

07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Quote From: jewelsf

LOL!!! Yes, a ruckus it be! I am having a bad week aren't I? It seems that I couldn't win for anything, oh that is life in the slow lane! LOL!!!!!!!  Luckily, I have friends like you who can always help me to see the lighter side of things. Thank you so much for that, for it is invaluable! Do you remember by any chance a few months ago before I got to know you when the two of us locked heads? I'm pretty sure it was you. But I also remember that it was never anything rude, insulting, or nasty. Just a different point of view. That is to be expected, and there is nothing wrong with that. Then you disappeared for awhile and when you finally showed up I noticed you immediately. I remember writing a message in reply to one of yours at that point saying "I was wondering when Penny would put her 2 cents in. It was a double joke, "penny and 2cents", I thought they went together! It was meant in jest! We can always count on you to keep things exciting!
Oh yes! It was me and I have no doubt we'll disagree again. But I respect and like you...and that is all that matters in the end.

I do get in my moods where I want to debate for sure.

I usually am on the Religious Debate Board...I am the resident atheist...but I do peak on the show boards now and then.
 
July 19, 2008, 8:25 am CDT

I respect and like you too!

Quote From: PennyLane78

Oh yes! It was me and I have no doubt we'll disagree again. But I respect and like you...and that is all that matters in the end.

I do get in my moods where I want to debate for sure.

I usually am on the Religious Debate Board...I am the resident atheist...but I do peak on the show boards now and then.

Just because we don't always agree doesn't mean anything, we are allowed to have a difference of opinion. I think the world would be a very boring place if everyone thought the same way. And BTW, I am a Christian but at the same time, I feel everyone has the right to believe as they may there also. I know as a Christian that I'm not supposed to be this way, but I don't believe in trying to change other people's beliefs. I do not think it is any of my business and I wouldn't want someone trying to tell me what to do or believe. Actually, that is a real pet peeve of mine! And yes, I get into my moods also, especially on a topic that I feel passionately about. I can get pissy sometimes, such as on the message board of "Male Egos Out of Control". Or frankly when someone insults me, that sets me off too! I believe that people can debate a subject and have different opinions without having to insult each other. It doesn't always turn out that way! Oh well, that is life........................

Have a good day, Jewels

 
July 19, 2008, 11:42 am CDT

07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Quote From: zack67

Hi,

  As someone who suffer's from this , we are not lazy or looking for a compliment.

  That to me is the mos frustrating part of havind BDD,   I have been called conceited , a snob,you name it and  I have been called it.

   Until you walk a day in our shoe's, you have no Idea how much we suffer.

   A also had childhood trauma, and even in Therapy it is still hard to deal with it.

   I don't take compliment's very easy at all, and I am not out there asking for them, but I know the anxiety that I have is real and I am working on it.

   Believe me , we know that we have it good and there are so many people with worse problem' and tha just make's us feel worse.

   The reason we don't tell alot of people , is because of response' like yours.

   I truly believed the first woman, but the second girl  , I  did not - We wound never put ourselves out there like you do for  a Pagant, I do think she has a problem, thinking the only thing good about her is her look' s

and that is something she will have to get help for.

   But in " NO WAY  is it BDD!!

   Read about, before you make fun of some one.

 

  From someone who suffer's from BDD , I just hate it when people think we are conceited or don't realize all the Bad situation's there, but making fun of us, it is like being back in Highschool.

  As my Nana alway's said; " I you can't say anything nice about someone , then don't say anything"

Again until you walk our shoe's  , don't be the first to cast a stone.  Read about it first.

Zack67

What if it is conceited to spend so much time on appearance? What if it is absolutely self indulgent to spend hours looking in the mirror focusing on how hideous you are?  What about the lost days and years? What opportunities have you denied yourself what gifts of you have you denied other people by living in this cocoon of pain?

 

  I say this from experience. 

 

If a person puts the main focus on their flaws it will only lead to that part of themselves being amplified.  What would lead to the assumption that I mean to attack you and others as a person when I am actually agreeing on a point about the disease?  Answering this will help me better understand how to approach things in the future.

 

 I have no intention of hurting you.  Who you are has nothing to do with BDD anyones opinion, or even who you think you are.  You are a beautiful creature of the universe as I am as Sarah my daughter is.  Nothing anyone says will ever change that. 

 

I don't feel bad for you.  And you'll never need me to. 

 

Please take note that I didn't write that comment. I support it. I didn't see it as cruel,  just honest.  And I sincerely apologize if my supporting it in any way hindered your progress. 

 

~April

 
July 20, 2008, 12:24 pm CDT

07/04 Body Dysmorphia

Quote From: jewelsf

Just because we don't always agree doesn't mean anything, we are allowed to have a difference of opinion. I think the world would be a very boring place if everyone thought the same way. And BTW, I am a Christian but at the same time, I feel everyone has the right to believe as they may there also. I know as a Christian that I'm not supposed to be this way, but I don't believe in trying to change other people's beliefs. I do not think it is any of my business and I wouldn't want someone trying to tell me what to do or believe. Actually, that is a real pet peeve of mine! And yes, I get into my moods also, especially on a topic that I feel passionately about. I can get pissy sometimes, such as on the message board of "Male Egos Out of Control". Or frankly when someone insults me, that sets me off too! I believe that people can debate a subject and have different opinions without having to insult each other. It doesn't always turn out that way! Oh well, that is life........................

Have a good day, Jewels

I am a Christian also, and I feel the same way about trying to change someone's point of view. I'm a live and let live person when it comes to most things. Sometimes, I get more frustrated at Christians than I do at non-believers. (And, I know, that's judging) But, for example, I have a SIL who is a Christian, married to a minister for about 44 years. When I first met her over 34 years ago, she was different. As the years have gone by, she has changed a lot. To hear her talk the only sins are smoking, drinking and unmarried mothers. She is very self righteous and goes to church all the time (wife of a minister) and shouts in church. But, on the other hand, she absolutely hates her adopted brother and he was not mentioned at her mother's funeral (Which her husband preached and mentioned the 5 bio children by name and the adopted son was sitting right there on the pew. And did I say anything about it- no.So what does that make me? Although I DID speak up when the other SIL told the adopted brother that he couldn't get in the line for the funeral procession with the rest of the family)and she, along with the others does not want him to get a share in the settlement of the estate. So, is that a Christian way to feel? Is it Christian of me to be judging her? No, but sometimes it gets to me. God help me.The reason they hate him so much, I think, is because at the time thier mother adopted him, which he had absolutely no choice in whatsoever because he was a toddler, they were jealous and resentful that thier parents did that (Adopted him) Then, he went on to have learning disabilites, but he couldn't help that either. Comments were made back then, he is 34 now, behind thier mother's back about the adoption. My thinking is, they transfered thier bitterness and jealousy and resentment over the adoption to the adoptee, because they didn't want to feel that way about thier mother. It's not that this boy(well, man) has ever done anything but be born and babysat and eventually adopted by their mother and they hate HIM for it.
 
July 21, 2008, 1:43 am CDT

Hello Housewife52...................................

Quote From: housewife52

I am a Christian also, and I feel the same way about trying to change someone's point of view. I'm a live and let live person when it comes to most things. Sometimes, I get more frustrated at Christians than I do at non-believers. (And, I know, that's judging) But, for example, I have a SIL who is a Christian, married to a minister for about 44 years. When I first met her over 34 years ago, she was different. As the years have gone by, she has changed a lot. To hear her talk the only sins are smoking, drinking and unmarried mothers. She is very self righteous and goes to church all the time (wife of a minister) and shouts in church. But, on the other hand, she absolutely hates her adopted brother and he was not mentioned at her mother's funeral (Which her husband preached and mentioned the 5 bio children by name and the adopted son was sitting right there on the pew. And did I say anything about it- no.So what does that make me? Although I DID speak up when the other SIL told the adopted brother that he couldn't get in the line for the funeral procession with the rest of the family)and she, along with the others does not want him to get a share in the settlement of the estate. So, is that a Christian way to feel? Is it Christian of me to be judging her? No, but sometimes it gets to me. God help me.The reason they hate him so much, I think, is because at the time thier mother adopted him, which he had absolutely no choice in whatsoever because he was a toddler, they were jealous and resentful that thier parents did that (Adopted him) Then, he went on to have learning disabilites, but he couldn't help that either. Comments were made back then, he is 34 now, behind thier mother's back about the adoption. My thinking is, they transfered thier bitterness and jealousy and resentment over the adoption to the adoptee, because they didn't want to feel that way about thier mother. It's not that this boy(well, man) has ever done anything but be born and babysat and eventually adopted by their mother and they hate HIM for it.

   I've noticed that you and I tend to agree on many of the same subjects and apparently think very much alike. You must be a great person! LOL!! I always enjoy seeing what you have to say.

   Until tonight! This is such a terribly sad story, I don't understand how people can treat someone that way. I do NOT find you to be judgmental on any of this. I consider your views on this to be more down the lines of compassion and justifiable anger towards those who have so much hate in their hearts. When you are legally adopted, there is not supposed to be ANY difference between the adopted child and the biological ones. Even if you aren't "legally" adopted but raised from a wee one to adulthood by the same set of parents, I consider that to be no different. You are still a member of the family.

   How cold and cruel can a person be to actually tell someone that they cannot stand in the procession? It just blows my mind! And breaks my heart! I hope that the law protects him when the estate is settled, it's supposed to. As you know, I am a Christian but of course there are times when you can't help but to judge others for their behavior. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. If nobody judges when someone else is doing wrong, then who or what will ever stop them? Yes, they will by judged by God when their time comes, but what about until then, when others are suffering due to their behavior? I know that I am unable to turn a blind eye, and if that makes me a hypocrite, than so be it. I am comfortable enough with my own self and I know my own heart.

   And again, yes, their are way too many hypocrites in the Church, there always have been. Just like anywhere else, there are the good and the bad. Your SIL falls into the latter category. She is so judgmental, being a ministers wife and all, that she is obviously unable to find forgiveness in anybody who doesn't meet her standards. Somehow, I don't think that is what the Lord had in mind. Do you? This woman hates a man for absolutely no good reason. There are times when it is hard to forgive someone, like a murderer who killed a lived one, but that is a whole different set of circumstances. That would be understandable! I have rage that I am still trying to overcome for the surgeon who performed malpractice on me and made me permanently disabled. I am force to live in severe pain everyday of my life and because of the continuous stress on my heart, and because of the over use of over the counter pain meds, plus the prescribed ones, my life will be shorter than normal. I already know this. So yes, I have anger issues, but I don't think that it makes me a bad person. It just depends on the circumstances. I feel so bad for this man that you talked about, I can't imagine how he must have felt at the funeral that day. And now, who does he have for family? A very, very sad story. I hope the best for this man and I hope that he finds happiness and peace. He deserves it.

 
July 21, 2008, 3:21 pm CDT

Well Put

Quote From: twistypri

What if it is conceited to spend so much time on appearance? What if it is absolutely self indulgent to spend hours looking in the mirror focusing on how hideous you are?  What about the lost days and years? What opportunities have you denied yourself what gifts of you have you denied other people by living in this cocoon of pain?

 

  I say this from experience. 

 

If a person puts the main focus on their flaws it will only lead to that part of themselves being amplified.  What would lead to the assumption that I mean to attack you and others as a person when I am actually agreeing on a point about the disease?  Answering this will help me better understand how to approach things in the future.

 

 I have no intention of hurting you.  Who you are has nothing to do with BDD anyones opinion, or even who you think you are.  You are a beautiful creature of the universe as I am as Sarah my daughter is.  Nothing anyone says will ever change that. 

 

I don't feel bad for you.  And you'll never need me to. 

 

Please take note that I didn't write that comment. I support it. I didn't see it as cruel,  just honest.  And I sincerely apologize if my supporting it in any way hindered your progress. 

 

April

Hello, April.  I enjoyed reading your response for a number of reasons.  One, because the board got back on topic of body dysmorphia (BDD) (Lol, so much discussion about the disability thing – no offense to anyone), but mostly I appreciated your respectful way of getting across your questions and thoughts.

The questions you raised were all questions that I had asked myself once I received the support and therapy that I desperately needed for BDD.  The hours spent mulling over distorted flaws, and all the opportunities of happiness, love, or other gifts that I denied myself and those I loved are really quite disheartening when I really think about the past.  I do not even want to calculate how many days in total I wasted.  When I severely struggled with BDD, I did not consider it “wasted” time though ... it consumed me... almost an obsession that made me a monster on the inside and eventually tore at all my relationships.  It was as though I was sabotaging everything and everyone I loved even though deep down I didn’t mean to do it.  How the mind is a powerful tool!

Your one comment, “I don’t feel bad for you.  And you don’t need me to” was a very powerful statement ... at least in my opinion.  You are completely right, feeling bad for someone who suffers from BDD is pointless... it will not matter what anyone says or does... those inner thoughts or beliefs will control the person until they stand up to them and like you stressed, focus on the positive rather than the negative so that the negative doesn’t have a chance to amplify and manifest into the only self-perception that one has.  This of course takes so much emotional and mental strength, and there will be days that those negative self-perceptions will rise above all else, but it can be beaten.  Thank you for your honesty. J

 
July 21, 2008, 3:41 pm CDT

Have they heard of the Golden Rule???

Quote From: housewife52

I am a Christian also, and I feel the same way about trying to change someone's point of view. I'm a live and let live person when it comes to most things. Sometimes, I get more frustrated at Christians than I do at non-believers. (And, I know, that's judging) But, for example, I have a SIL who is a Christian, married to a minister for about 44 years. When I first met her over 34 years ago, she was different. As the years have gone by, she has changed a lot. To hear her talk the only sins are smoking, drinking and unmarried mothers. She is very self righteous and goes to church all the time (wife of a minister) and shouts in church. But, on the other hand, she absolutely hates her adopted brother and he was not mentioned at her mother's funeral (Which her husband preached and mentioned the 5 bio children by name and the adopted son was sitting right there on the pew. And did I say anything about it- no.So what does that make me? Although I DID speak up when the other SIL told the adopted brother that he couldn't get in the line for the funeral procession with the rest of the family)and she, along with the others does not want him to get a share in the settlement of the estate. So, is that a Christian way to feel? Is it Christian of me to be judging her? No, but sometimes it gets to me. God help me.The reason they hate him so much, I think, is because at the time thier mother adopted him, which he had absolutely no choice in whatsoever because he was a toddler, they were jealous and resentful that thier parents did that (Adopted him) Then, he went on to have learning disabilites, but he couldn't help that either. Comments were made back then, he is 34 now, behind thier mother's back about the adoption. My thinking is, they transfered thier bitterness and jealousy and resentment over the adoption to the adoptee, because they didn't want to feel that way about thier mother. It's not that this boy(well, man) has ever done anything but be born and babysat and eventually adopted by their mother and they hate HIM for it.

Wow, that poor man.  He must have been put through so much by his siblings (well, I guess adopted-siblings).  By the sounds of it, a positive would be that he had the opportunity to be loved by his adopted parents... at least it sounds as though they treated him as though he was one of their own by blood.

I also am Christian and sometimes find it extremely frustrating when I see how other Christians treat other people.  I find this to be the behaviours of a hypocrite.  You are so completely right that this child (at the time) had no choice in the matter or about his learning disabilities.  Perhaps this sounds judgemental, but who are they to decide whether he should be loved or not... or whether he should be able to be part of the funeral procession or so forth?  And to be so concerned about the material values of the settlement, I mean they WERE his parents as well!  “Do onto others as you would wish them to do onto you” or another way of stating it, "Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you".

I am glad to hear that you had the courage to “stick up” for him at one point.  It takes great courage to do the “right” thing when everyone around you is doing the “wrong” thing.

 
July 21, 2008, 8:46 pm CDT

You had it right.....................

Quote From: rubberbootz

Wow, that poor man.  He must have been put through so much by his siblings (well, I guess adopted-siblings).  By the sounds of it, a positive would be that he had the opportunity to be loved by his adopted parents... at least it sounds as though they treated him as though he was one of their own by blood.

I also am Christian and sometimes find it extremely frustrating when I see how other Christians treat other people.  I find this to be the behaviours of a hypocrite.  You are so completely right that this child (at the time) had no choice in the matter or about his learning disabilities.  Perhaps this sounds judgemental, but who are they to decide whether he should be loved or not... or whether he should be able to be part of the funeral procession or so forth?  And to be so concerned about the material values of the settlement, I mean they WERE his parents as well!  Do onto others as you would wish them to do onto you or another way of stating it, "Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you".

I am glad to hear that you had the courage to stick up for him at one point.  It takes great courage to do the right thing when everyone around you is doing the wrong thing.

Actually, you had it right when you said "He must have been put through so much by his siblings". Once you are adopted, there isn't supposed to be a difference, biological or not. And his parents (who adopted him), apparently they weren't as small minded as his siblings were, so yes, I imagine they treated him as the true son that he was. Obviously the parents were capable of having very large hearts and enough love for everyone, which is how it should be. Too bad that the other children didn't take after their parents!
 
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