I continue to be sad for this family. They are all forgetting the important things. Michelle seems to be very adamant about not wanting her mother-in-law in their lives. She does NOT want things to work out with her. It is very obvious in her statements and demeanor.
Michelles's actions are going to come back to bite her in the rear. She seems to believe that she has all the balls in her side of the court. Jane will be gone one day and Jay will not forgive her for the loss of the relationship he once had with his mother. She may not believe this now, but it will happen. Michelle appears to be very self-righteous and thinks she bears no blame. She does.
Jane too has blame as well, but appears to be making an effort to step back and allow them to live their lives. She is not able to do this alone. Michelle seems to be very self serving and self centered as if everything is about her. I so agree with Dr. Phil, neither Michelle of Jay are being very gracious. Her spirit is not very loving, very empathic or concerned about anything but herself and how the situation affects her.
Jay, your Mother is always your mother, no matter what. One day, whether you foresee it now or not, Michelle's lack of understanding, sympathy and compassionate feelings towards your Mother, may very well be directed at YOU. Karma is out there. Women sometimes come and go, although you may not believe so now. I am sure you have had other relationships in the past that you thought would last, they didn't. You are still in the honeymoon phase. Do not turn your back on your Mother or your family. They will ALWAYS be there for you. I know it is difficult being in the middle between your wife and your mother. At some point they will BOTH have to understand that both relationships are important to you and attempt to come to terms with that. If your wife truly loves you, even if your Mother is Attila the Hun, she will go above and beyond to make this work. As for your Mother, if she recognizes the importance of the relationship with your wife and what it means to you having Michelle in your life, she too will have to stand up and do all she can to make this work.
Ultimately, sometimes we don't always LIKE those we love. Yet we still make a CHOICE to love them anyway. Don't make decisions you will regret.
Michelle, I know how difficult it is to have someone in your life whom you feel hates you and who tries to control every aspect of your life with your husband. Jane will not always be around, we never know what lies before us, anything can happen. I don't see that you have a true desire to work things out, but maybe you have reasons. Be the bigger person and make the effort, even if you have done so in the past. Today is a new day and keep trying, even if you don't see it from Jane initially. Try and then try again. For your husband. This is his Mother. What would you do and how would you feel if Jay could not get along with your Mother?
As I have written this, I feel that maybe there is more than what we can see in 2 hours of television. Maybe Michelle's true character isn't showing. Maybe Jane has more fault than can be seen in this time.
I do agree with Dr. Phil, in that there is a sense of graciousness that we must exude and apply in our relationships with family and others. Please make the effort. ALL of you must do so, for the sake of yourselves, your immediate family now and for your future family. If you give it all you have, really A#L you have, I believe you can reach a relationship that may not be the best one, but a relationship that will benefit you all in the long run. Also, I don't know you're spiritual backgrounds, but it can only help to pray, search your Bible for wisdom and seek God's counsel.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I truly wish you all the best as you move forward in your efforts to heal these relationships!
(Original Air Date: 11/27/07) Dr. Phil follows up with a family torn apart when the mother was banned from her only son’s wedding. The bride-to-be, Michelle, said she’d rather burn in hell than let her future mother-in-law, Jane, attend the ceremony, and her fiancé, Jay, stood behind her decision. This sent the entire family into a tailspin, with the best man resigning, the aunt disowning the groom and the wedding planner on alert to call 911 if Jane showed up. The big day has come and gone, and everyone returns to update Dr. Phil with the latest. Were they able to bury the hatchet before the wedding? Jane has gone through a rollercoaster of emotions, and Dr. Phil finds out what has her so mad at him, she even wrote him a scathing letter one week after her appearance. Has Jane done a 180-degree turn since? Has Michelle stopped her “campaign of hate mail” as Jane called it and opened up her arms to her husband’s mother? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
