Topic : 12/07 A Killer Among Us

 I am so frustated that more women do not let it be known that they are being abused. I know that I was abused 23 years, and know men will do most anything to a women that they want to do. I weighed 100 lbs. and my ex weighed 240. I was slammed up against walls, pulled through the house by the hair of my head and was told he would kill me if I left him. Well, after 2 children an d a lot more beatings, I might as well been dead. I finally got divorced when my kids finished school. I was told by him and my mother that I was not smart enough to raise children by myself. Boy, was I wrong. I am so sorry that I did not get out sooner. I pray that other women that read this get out. It is not worth it. You do die a little emotionally and mentally.

                                               Thanks, Dotty

In 1994 I was assaulted by my husband, a police officer with LAPD; he slammed me into the wall and fractured my arm in front of our daughters and kids I was watching. He had already been verbally and mentally abusive for the last two years. I contacted my attorney right away who took pictures and took my declaration to court.  I left the next day after getting a Temporary Restraining Order; we went to court a few weeks later where I was granted permission to move to northern California. I didn’t find out until after moving that I was not given a permanent restraining order because we never went in front of the judge on the domestic violence issue. I was never told how it all worked. He got away with it. Two years later, 1996, during an exchange with our girls my ex was upset again. In yet another rage my ex slammed my leg with the car door refusing to release the door from my leg, I was 5 months pregnant, and my boyfriend had to get out of the car to get him to back off. Our daughters and his wife were also witness to his behavior. I called the Bakersfield PD where the incident happened and of course they said they would take no further action to my claim even though they had a report and picture of my injury.

I tried to warn his new wife about the type of person he was; she told me she knew he didn’t mean it and would never do such a thing to her. In 2006 my ex came to my house over a personal issue with our daughter. He was forcing his way into my house and ended up running off after stealing my cell phone from me. I contacted Modesto PD who of course wrote the report with many discrepancies not to my surprise and he later tried to file criminal charges against me, which were later rejected. Again he got away with abusing his authority. Now in May of this year he became violent with the wife that I warned years before. The same games are being played with her now; the PD does not want to do anything against their officer. Not only did I warn his wife of who he was, I also warned Modesto PD who chose to make it a joke and tell my ex everything that was said, after they told me that what I was saying was confidential in his back ground investigation. I am glad they are so proud of their officer that they tell me they hold to a higher standard.

The worst part of all is every since I left he promised that he would turn our daughters against me when they became older. He has done a good job at this with our oldest. Even though the courts acknowledged his alienating our daughters against and the last of supervision at his house, the courts did nothing. Not only will the legal system not protect us from domestic violence, they won’t even protect our children from the lasting effects of the domestic violence.

Hi all,

 My boyfriend is a chicago police officer... not all of them are bad.

and  YES we BOTH  think Drew Peterson is guilty.

He had motive and the oppertunity to do so...

they just need the evidence to convict...

I also hope that they find more evidence in Kathleen's murder to convict him for her

murder also.

She deserves to rest in peace.....

and i believe that neither of them will until the

full truth comes out.

we all know what kind of man he is........

he's been found out.....and he's running scared......

you can see it in his eyes.......he will answer to his crimes some day REAL soon.

America's Most Wanted  (www.amw.com) has alot more info  into this case.....check it out

just search  stacy peterson...or kathleen Savio (peterson)

This is a very hard topic to discuss but i feel it needs to be brought up for all the women and children that are going through domestic abuse by a spouse, a father and even a mother.  My story is very long but i will keep it short.  It is hard when you are in domestic abuse to get out, as most of us know, unless you have proof against someone who is doing the abuse, people do not usually believe you, they think you are being hysterical, mentally deranged or something else. 

I went through Domestic Violence and in the most horrific way, my husband of 6 years who is 12 years older than me in which he physically abused me, sexually abused, raped me, threatened to kill me, even putting a gun to my head threatening to shoot me and bringing a knife out to show me how he was going to kill his sister, our ex nanny, myself and our present nanny and then threaten to destroy and kill my family, threaten to ruin my eldest son and threatened others when i did not do what he wanted.  He pimped me out to others for money even when our children were around and even cheated on me behind my back with both men and women.  After i left him in early dec 2004, i then found out he had a criminal record for pimping out his first wife which i had no knowledge of, i then found out that he had physically taught and showed our eldest boy who was 5 at the time homosexual acts via dvd's (as i found out he was bi-sexual), i also found out that he molested our 3 year old daughter and it had been happening for a long time due to her injuries of which were compared to a 30 year old woman who had been sexually active since her teens and now finding out what he did to our youngest child who was only 2 at the time before separation which was the same as what he did to our eldest son. 

When i found all this out, i knew i had to do something to STOP him from doing it to them again and hopefully stop him doing it to someone else's child but he walks FREE and can do it again.  He is Australian.  When you are with someone who has no regard for others and manipulates, controls, threatens, abuses you, your self esteem goes down like a ball of flames, you feel like nothing, you cannot escape, you cannot run and hide, i was in a country where i had no family, so i depended on a staff member whom we had hired for our business to help me, she stayed with me and the kids all the way till it was finalised where she testified to what she witnessed and my parents after they retired came to help us and without them, i would probably be dead now but especially to her for being there at my time of crisis .   

During the time before the court finished which was 3 months short of 2 years, he violated court orders, continued to abuse our kids even though he was supervised (even though one of the supervisors was his eldest son from his first marriage) evidence showed the abuse was happening on his watch but the authorities did nothing until the end, threatened me, got others to threaten me, use my father  who was undergoing cancer treatment and my eldest son who were in another country  at the times when he abused our daughter during our marriage and after separation and used them as an escape goat for his abusing our daughter, subjecting our kids to DNA testing: even though the facial and physical attributes from him showed in the kids and results came back to show he was the father, it did not stop there,  not paying child support and when he did which was 1 month asking for it back, spending our money on his new woman (whom he met on the internet, leaving her husband for him after him claiming to be a multi-millionaire cattle property owner which was further from the truth, as i was a director of our company  which i had to resign from as he stole my share of our money to give to her and created serious debt which no one in this world could afford, unless they are really multi-millionaires or billionaires so what he claimed he was really nothing he claimed to her to be and is a cross between Homer Simpson with hair and Ted Bundy personality) and her two daughters and his own family and leaving his kids with nothing. He left us with very little but to survive.   

Even when we left our area after the verdict came in, it did not stop him, he lied to the police, child services to try and locate where we were as he lost his parental rights and access rights (even though lying to people why HE did not have the kids).  The law was on our side but they could do not do anything even though they knew he was lying.  Now we are safe and free. 

That is why, unless people walk in our shoes and feel what we feel, it is hard to understand and know, that it is hard to get out, when you have someone badgering 24hours a day, endless batterings, endless abuse.  I  died because of him but thanks to my kids nanny and the medics, they revived me and i can tell my story, just like thousands of other women and children and yes, there are men that go through the same thing but we do not hear about it.

Please do not sweep this under the carpet, let's stop this abomination of crime and help those who are afraid to speak up and stretch out our hands with understanding and love.  One day, it could be someone you love who needs a helping hand to get OUT!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading my story, we all must be strong, even though the dark clouds surround us, we will become strong as we become one voice, one voice to stop what is happening to us in silence, silence no more, it must STOP!!!!

Yvonne

Women stay in abusive relationships, NOT because they are stupid, but because they feel stuck.

They believe they are stupid, because the abuser has drilled that into them.

They may have no acess to money or things they need. Many have children that they need to care for.

The shame and embarrassment is overwhelming.

Pick up and go to a shelter you say?

The abused woman says to herself," Then everybody would know."
Women dont tell because they feel judged. How many posts have you seen on this very forum calling them "stupid" for not leaving?

Women dont tell because of the stigma surrounding violence. They tell themselves he will get better. They tell themselves their story isnt as bad as the one they saw on tv. They tell themselves they brought the abuse on by the way they talked/dressed/cooked.

They buy into the "Im sorry's" that come right after being abused. They pray that this time he really is sorry and maybe this time he has found a way to control himself.

They know if they leave, they may be leaving with no car, no money, no food and no resourses for their children. The abuser may have threatened them. He will find them.......he will hurt their family........he will take their kids away.

The abused person may have sought unhealthy outlets that she felt helped her cope (drugs/alcohol) but now fears all of her mistakes will be brought into light........and she may lose her children.

Abused women DO NOT need you to judge them. They need you to help them.

   I believe that many of the inmates you are  teaching in prison are not capable of empathy.  There is a big glaring reason that they believe that their "behavior" toward their ex-wives or girlfriends is justified.  Anger management does wonders for a person with a bad temper.  It is much, much too little, too late for repairing a conscience--or even for forming one--in a convict. 

   Normal people have four, basic emotions:  love, anger, jealousy, and guilt.  We need all four of them to be functioning peoples.  Most humans understand that we need love--we say we love chocolate, our favorite football team, Christmas etc etc etc.  We often deny the need for anger.  Anger is energy; it makes us do things.    Two year old children are blessed with lots of anger.  It isn't always pretty, but it is necessary.  And, then there is jealousy.  "Mine!"  Every parent hears that one from a three year old.

    Guilt is the one that separates the children from the adults.  Guilt is the knowledge that we have  options.  Guilt is the thing that tells us it is wrong to kill all five customers standing in the line during the bank robbery.  Guilt gives us brakes.  It stops us from considering things we can't justify later. 

     An absence of guilt, is to be antisocial.