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Topic : 12/07 A Killer Among Us

Number of Replies: 291
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Created on : Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 04:09:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every nine seconds a woman is battered in the United States. More shocking is that 50 percent of all women murdered in the U.S. are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance. Dr. Phil goes inside a story that has captured national attention for over a month. In this ripped-from-the-headlines show he delves into the events surrounding the disappearance of 23-year old Stacy Peterson, mother of two, and wife of Drew Peterson. Attorney Lisa Bloom, and Drew’s former fiancée, Kyle Piry, weigh in on this mysterious case. Is Drew involved in his fourth wife's disappearance, or did his wife really leave him for another man, as he claims? Then, meet another couple in crisis. Amanda says she lives in fear of her husband, Chris. She says he abuses her and she worries one day he will go too far, but she stays in the marriage anyway. Amanda's mother, Debby, thinks her daughter is living in denial and fears she will end up like Laci Peterson. Chris admits to being abusive but wants to try and salvage the relationship. You won't believe Chris' mother, Cheryl’s, explanation for his behavior!  And, Kim Gandy, the president of the National Organization for Women joins Dr. Phil with some startling domestic violence statistics and teaches victims how to develop an escape plan. If you live in fear of your spouse, this show just might save your life. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

December 7, 2007, 6:51 am CST

Guilty as sin

Yes I beleive he is a killer, and has been getting away with it for years. Thats all I have to say.
 
December 7, 2007, 7:14 am CST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

I guess Ill probably be the only one who believes that Drew is not guilty.  I knew him in the past.  Good Police officer, good father and of course I was not married to him so I cant say what kind of husband he was.  I can tell u that I could pick out all kinds of similar circumstances where someone has left (their children), someone  has said violent terrible things, and even instances where the couple have large age differences.  That doesnt mean he is responsible for the death or whereabouts of these women.  Look at the truck drivers who lied, the neighbor who was "best friends", hah!
 
December 7, 2007, 7:31 am CST

You are so right!

Quote From: mommajulie

Women stay in abusive relationships, NOT because they are stupid, but because they feel stuck.

They believe they are stupid, because the abuser has drilled that into them.

They may have no acess to money or things they need. Many have children that they need to care for.

The shame and embarrassment is overwhelming.

Pick up and go to a shelter you say?

The abused woman says to herself," Then everybody would know."
Women dont tell because they feel judged. How many posts have you seen on this very forum calling them "stupid" for not leaving?

Women dont tell because of the stigma surrounding violence. They tell themselves he will get better. They tell themselves their story isnt as bad as the one they saw on tv. They tell themselves they brought the abuse on by the way they talked/dressed/cooked.

They buy into the "Im sorry's" that come right after being abused. They pray that this time he really is sorry and maybe this time he has found a way to control himself.

They know if they leave, they may be leaving with no car, no money, no food and no resourses for their children. The abuser may have threatened them. He will find them.......he will hurt their family........he will take their kids away.

The abused person may have sought unhealthy outlets that she felt helped her cope (drugs/alcohol) but now fears all of her mistakes will be brought into light........and she may lose her children.

 

Abused women DO NOT need you to judge them. They need you to help them.

 

Why don't people understand this? It sounds so easy to just  "Get out"   If all the women and children finally did "Get out" This country would go bankrupt trying to "Help them" 

 
December 7, 2007, 7:37 am CST

Awesome program

My divorce came in 2004.   He did not strike me, but grabbed and pushed me a lot, yelled, and called me degrading names which lowered my self esteem.  The police later informed me that the shove was considered an assault, and the grab was considered battery. 

I caught him on the net cheating.   I had an email complete with details right down to the candle.  The email was accepted in court.

I was the third wife.

The FBI came to my home a few months ago to do a back ground check for a top secret clearance, and with the help of my former friend who testified in court for me, he did not get it.

Strangely enough he called me the next day and let me know that he had supposedly got his life straightened out; however, he is getting married for the fourth time.

I told him he would only screw it up.  Better remain unmarried. 

Abuse, violence, murder is a terrible thing to have to live with a person in your own home and for the victims to die at the hands of their woes.

Good job Dr. Phil.  I like the way you handled it. 

This new couple needs to move on different sides of the country before he kills his wife and child. 

 

Regards, Janice in South Carolina

 
December 7, 2007, 7:38 am CST

things wil get better

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

 I grew up in a family where there was a lot of abuse. My mother and father were in their teens when they married. My mother was 17 and my Dad was 18...My mother turned 17 in Sept. and was married in Oct. She was just a child..I was born when my mom was 18, Dad was 19. I have two other sisters. What kind of a life we had, can only be described as abusive and angry. My Dad would beat my Mom and then he would think nothing of abusing us. Not always physical, but verbal was almost always. They finally divorced when my youngest sister was 18. My Dad sat us down and said they were divorcing, and he wanted us to appreciate the fact that they waited until we were grown. He asked for our response. My response, Are you Kidding?? You made our homelife HELL and now you are telling us, you stayed together for our benefit. They would of done us kids a favor, had they divorced when we were little. The only reason my Dad wanted the divorce???He found someone else. My mother was devastated, and believe me, she took her time to get over this.  It was for the best. She found a job, got a car, an apartment, and for once in her life, she was free from abuse. That was several years ago. If she speaks about it today...this is her quote,"I could of taken the beatings, but the cheating on me, I could never take." Is this not pathetic or what??I asked why she allowed us to be beaten...her answer..I was told to shut up, and if I said anything I would be next!!! Needless to say, my sisters and I don't discuss this with her, we know how she feels. She honestly thinks, staying for us, so we could have a home, was the sacrifice she made. Please, don't ever think for a minute that your children (if you have some) will ever hate you for getting them and yourself out of that kind of life. I wish my Mom would of done it. My memories are not happy!!! God Bless You    
 
December 7, 2007, 7:39 am CST

intimate parter violence

Hi Dr. Phil, producers, other viewers, etc.

   First, please let me say that via this post I do not with to express any judgement regarding Mr. Peterson what-so-ever. Please keep this in mind.

   As an intimate partner violence advocate, especially in light of this particular show as well as a former show titled something like, "model in a dangerous marriage," I would strongly urge Dr. Phil to provide his viewers with basic information about intimate partner violence (sometimes called domestic violence, partner violence, or IPV), especially since it is so frequently misunderstood, thus leading to victims not truely understanding the urgency of their situation.

   Before I begin with the following, I do not wish the following information to be considered advice in place of a professional, but rather basic information and an urge to seek further information. I understand that this forum is not at all to be used for advice, so I understand completely if this posting thus will need to be removed.

   After presenting some questionable IPV cases via his show, I was exceptionally concerned that Dr. Phil did not use any relevant language, such as domestic or intimate partner violence to properly educate viewers about the topics he's discussing. Further, confronting a batterer in front of his victim can be exceptionally dangerous for the victim if a batterer decides to retaliate. I choose not to continue to expres my concerns here, but while I certainly recognize and acknowledge Dr. Phil's competence on many levels, I sincerely hope that he is able to thoroughly educate himself on intimate partner violence and working with batterers and victims while dealing with such possibly related situations. Again, that is not to say that I believe one way or another that either guests were batterers. That is not for me to judge. Please keep this in mind.

   Viewers as well, please educate yourselves. There are several organizations with informative internet site, but if you think you may be a victim, do not use your home computer (or a computer your batterer has access to), b/c if he or she finds you've been looking for help, you could certainly be in danger. Instead, go to a library, friend's house, or use your computer at work. Here's what I want you to know right now:

   First, intimate partner violence can be deadly! Usually escalating over time, what begins as name calling, threatening, intimidating, pushing, slapping, stalking, pressured sex, controlling economics, controlling schedules, work, or social life, and so on, can certainly escalate to lethality.

   The roots of intimate partner violence are frequently misunderstood. Rather than being about poor anger management, as is commonly mispercieved, IPV is about an individual's need to have power or control over an intimate partner, such as married partner, dating partner, or former partner for example. IPV could even be perpetrated by someone who only wants to be in a relationship with the victim, but never has.

    If you think you may be a victim, please know you do not deserve to be abused in any way regardless of what your partner tells you! And there are resources available to help you! From a safe location, contact the a local women's commission or domestic violence shelter to find out more about resources in your community, or call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

 
December 7, 2007, 7:51 am CST

retract my criticism

And I spoke too soon!

    Awesome, Dr. Phil and Producers! Thank you for beginning to use the term "domestic violence," talking about safety planning and having the NOW representative provide detail about danger! Please disregard my previous message! My apologies for "freaking out" and not having more faith...

 
December 7, 2007, 8:35 am CST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

Quote From: gander

 I grew up in a family where there was a lot of abuse. My mother and father were in their teens when they married. My mother was 17 and my Dad was 18...My mother turned 17 in Sept. and was married in Oct. She was just a child..I was born when my mom was 18, Dad was 19. I have two other sisters. What kind of a life we had, can only be described as abusive and angry. My Dad would beat my Mom and then he would think nothing of abusing us. Not always physical, but verbal was almost always. They finally divorced when my youngest sister was 18. My Dad sat us down and said they were divorcing, and he wanted us to appreciate the fact that they waited until we were grown. He asked for our response. My response, Are you Kidding?? You made our homelife HELL and now you are telling us, you stayed together for our benefit. They would of done us kids a favor, had they divorced when we were little. The only reason my Dad wanted the divorce???He found someone else. My mother was devastated, and believe me, she took her time to get over this.  It was for the best. She found a job, got a car, an apartment, and for once in her life, she was free from abuse. That was several years ago. If she speaks about it today...this is her quote,"I could of taken the beatings, but the cheating on me, I could never take." Is this not pathetic or what??I asked why she allowed us to be beaten...her answer..I was told to shut up, and if I said anything I would be next!!! Needless to say, my sisters and I don't discuss this with her, we know how she feels. She honestly thinks, staying for us, so we could have a home, was the sacrifice she made. Please, don't ever think for a minute that your children (if you have some) will ever hate you for getting them and yourself out of that kind of life. I wish my Mom would of done it. My memories are not happy!!! God Bless You    
I am so sorry to hear how you were raised.  I truly don't understand WHY "women" stay.  If I ever saw my husband abuse my kids he would be picking himself off the floor.  I truly hope the second part of your life is a happy one.  I pray you find a kind man to marry and that if you choose to have a family that you can give your children a truly wonderful life.  My heart truly goes out to you and your sister.  BE ALL YOU CAN BE.....
 
December 7, 2007, 8:46 am CST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

Quote From: sheerbiiss

Why don't people understand this? It sounds so easy to just  "Get out"   If all the women and children finally did "Get out" This country would go bankrupt trying to "Help them" 

WHY do women that are being abuse bring children into these relationship.  Usually not one but many.  This is where I believe a lot of use think these Women are Stupid as who would in their right mind would bring children into this kaos.  Please explain that to me so I may how some kind of understanding on this.  Children have NO way out. 

 

 
December 7, 2007, 8:46 am CST

The Power and Abues of Authority....

Is anyone else concerned with the fact that we have police officers like Drew perpetuating and committing the crimes they take an oath to protect and serve the public from????!!!!      Not that it is acceptable for anyone to beat/stalk/murder their partners, but these poor women who have been subjected to this, call the local constabulary for assistance, just to be talked out of pressing charges??!!!!!!

I think the Police Dept that Drew is employed by have A LOT to answer to!!!!  Hello???  20 calls to 911 for domestic disputes???    This police dept is in dire need of an overhaul, some serious firing and a few lawsuits for their lack of accountability in all this..........       How stupid.... give this Drew guy a position of ultimate authority and of course, the weapon as well, so that he can continue to abuse his power and authority?    I am sickened by the injustice to these poor women!!!!!!

 

Drew has obviously stepped up his game.... with Kathleen he left a body that may be subject to new scrutiny now, so he was sure to not leave any 'evidence' behind with Stacy.    My prayers go out to Stacy's family..... how awful for you not to know where your precious daughter/sister is.

 

Drew... I hope you get what is coming to you.......    if there is ever a time for vigilante justice??  I hope you get your just desserts when you get thrown in jail.... you know how Police officers are treated in there....

 

Amanda - Get the hell out of dodge -- what are you waiting for?????...... his mother is deluded in to thinking her child could never be violent and it is obviously your doing that he gets so upset........  

Get your daughter and get out!  You are not doing her any favours by showing her what is acceptable in the way men can treat women... is this the example you want to set??         You should be scared out of your drawers that he can even articulate what would happen if he did kill you.... the fact that he can say those words out loud show that they are not too far from the surface......    Life is too precious and short to be living in your circumstances.  You and your baby deserve better.  Now get out!

 
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