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Topic : 12/07 A Killer Among Us

Number of Replies: 291
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 04:09:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every nine seconds a woman is battered in the United States. More shocking is that 50 percent of all women murdered in the U.S. are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance. Dr. Phil goes inside a story that has captured national attention for over a month. In this ripped-from-the-headlines show he delves into the events surrounding the disappearance of 23-year old Stacy Peterson, mother of two, and wife of Drew Peterson. Attorney Lisa Bloom, and Drew’s former fiancée, Kyle Piry, weigh in on this mysterious case. Is Drew involved in his fourth wife's disappearance, or did his wife really leave him for another man, as he claims? Then, meet another couple in crisis. Amanda says she lives in fear of her husband, Chris. She says he abuses her and she worries one day he will go too far, but she stays in the marriage anyway. Amanda's mother, Debby, thinks her daughter is living in denial and fears she will end up like Laci Peterson. Chris admits to being abusive but wants to try and salvage the relationship. You won't believe Chris' mother, Cheryl’s, explanation for his behavior!  And, Kim Gandy, the president of the National Organization for Women joins Dr. Phil with some startling domestic violence statistics and teaches victims how to develop an escape plan. If you live in fear of your spouse, this show just might save your life. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 7, 2007, 8:53 am CST

what is wrong with me?

 

   I have been married 4 years and have a 4 year old boy.  my husband has always verbally abused me.  name-calling, shouting, fits of rage.   he is an alcoholic.  drinks around 15 beers a night.   i quit my job of 10 years in May of 2007  because i could not handle the stress of my home life and work and a child.  he has recently, in the last 6 weeks started physical abuse.  he has belly bumped me into a corner, hit me in the side of the head with his hand, and actually spit on me and my little boy .  he has told me if i ever call 911 that the police will have to scrape me up offf the floor when they get here.   his friend works for the police in our township so he always tells me he'll get out of it anyway.  i feel TRAPPED!  don't want to tell my parents.  they are older and are both going through alot of stress right now, as is my entire family because my niece is dying of bone cancer.  not sure what to do or when!

 

anita in ohio

 
December 7, 2007, 8:59 am CST

thank you

Quote From: mommajulie

Women stay in abusive relationships, NOT because they are stupid, but because they feel stuck.

They believe they are stupid, because the abuser has drilled that into them.

They may have no acess to money or things they need. Many have children that they need to care for.

The shame and embarrassment is overwhelming.

Pick up and go to a shelter you say?

The abused woman says to herself," Then everybody would know."
Women dont tell because they feel judged. How many posts have you seen on this very forum calling them "stupid" for not leaving?

Women dont tell because of the stigma surrounding violence. They tell themselves he will get better. They tell themselves their story isnt as bad as the one they saw on tv. They tell themselves they brought the abuse on by the way they talked/dressed/cooked.

They buy into the "Im sorry's" that come right after being abused. They pray that this time he really is sorry and maybe this time he has found a way to control himself.

They know if they leave, they may be leaving with no car, no money, no food and no resourses for their children. The abuser may have threatened them. He will find them.......he will hurt their family........he will take their kids away.

The abused person may have sought unhealthy outlets that she felt helped her cope (drugs/alcohol) but now fears all of her mistakes will be brought into light........and she may lose her children.

 

Abused women DO NOT need you to judge them. They need you to help them.

 

 

this is exactly how i feel.  i have used alcohol to kill the pain and am afraid that the few times i have done it he will use it against me. my biggest fear is losing my child but i know it will never happen.  i am still terrified.

 

anita in ohio

 
December 7, 2007, 9:04 am CST

The daughter learns by watching parents.

Today's show was very scary to watch.  I was extremely surprised that no one seemed concerned about the child seeing her father's anger and how he expresses it.  The child will only learn what she is shown on how to behave.  His mother also seems to be in denial.  I was pleased that the husband did own up to his actions and words.  I believe that he can be helped with anger management counseling.  I hope the wife gets help also.  Her child looks to her for how to respond in situations.  I hope the child hasn't already learned that it is okay for a man to put his hands on her in anger.  I hope all the best for the family, and appreciate the strength it took to share their story.  Let this serve as a warning to other families to walk away and have a time out period when angry.
 
December 7, 2007, 9:06 am CST

HE KILLED HER

 Drew Peterson killed his wife and I don't care if he admis it or not. I have been a victim of spousal abuse and I know that he killed her. Just like Lacey Peterson's husband killed her now it is Drew Peterson killed her. I wonder if they are related .

 
December 7, 2007, 9:13 am CST

Spouce Abuse

 I don't know if women just plain like to be abuse or what? I didn't and I got out. If you are afraid of the man or husband you or with then call someone , anyone to come to your rescue. Get out before you are the next deadly victim.....like Lacey and Stacey. ...!!!!! These men have problems and you can't help them...They have to acknowledge that they have problems...It is mental problems too...They won't get better on their own...
 
December 7, 2007, 9:22 am CST

I totally agree with Anita 45

I am so glad that someone out there really understands why women stay with abusive men. Sometimes the reason is very basic one ..... They have no where else to go. They buy into the: Im sorry, it wont happen again, Or have been abused enough to know if they leave the man will find them and kill them. I was in a situtation like that one. I had two kids and no hope at all. It was easy to sit on the side and say just pick up and leave but if you have no money, no car, two kids and no where to go, it isn't so easy. We need to find a way to help these women and children. This is a problem that will take more than Dr. Phil to fix. It will take a nation to stand up and say you are not allowed to do that. We need laws that protect women and cops and judges who are not afraid to actually apply those laws. Until that happens, these horrible things will happen over and over and over again.
I finally got out of that situtation and I am with a man who loves me and my kids and would never hurt us in any way. I still have to deal with my ex-husband and not knowing where he is or when he will pop back into my life but he doesn't scare me anymore. I know I am safe and that my kids are safe. I will never go back to that again. For all of the women who have ever been in those situtations but have gotten out .... THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT YOU ARE SAFE AND PRAY FOR THOSE WHO AREN'T.
If you know someone who is in those situtations don't be afraid to offer help if you can.
 
December 7, 2007, 9:53 am CST

Why do I have to go through my life sober?

Quote From: anita45

 

this is exactly how i feel.  i have used alcohol to kill the pain and am afraid that the few times i have done it he will use it against me. my biggest fear is losing my child but i know it will never happen.  i am still terrified.

 

anita in ohio

    Dear Anita,

    This is a big problem, and it is too large for you to carry alone.

    Do you feel as fragile as crystal?  Do you wonder what self-esteem is because you haven't had any for so long? 

   Of coarse he will use it against you!  He knows threatening to gain custody is how to really  hurt you!  He abuses you because he gets away with it!  You have let him!

   (Do you think that maybe I've walked a few miles in your moccasins?)    

 
December 7, 2007, 10:05 am CST

Get out!

Quote From: anita45

 

   I have been married 4 years and have a 4 year old boy.  my husband has always verbally abused me.  name-calling, shouting, fits of rage.   he is an alcoholic.  drinks around 15 beers a night.   i quit my job of 10 years in May of 2007  because i could not handle the stress of my home life and work and a child.  he has recently, in the last 6 weeks started physical abuse.  he has belly bumped me into a corner, hit me in the side of the head with his hand, and actually spit on me and my little boy .  he has told me if i ever call 911 that the police will have to scrape me up offf the floor when they get here.   his friend works for the police in our township so he always tells me he'll get out of it anyway.  i feel TRAPPED!  don't want to tell my parents.  they are older and are both going through alot of stress right now, as is my entire family because my niece is dying of bone cancer.  not sure what to do or when!

 

anita in ohio

Simply just leave. There are battered women shelters and safe houses.  Search for them on-line near where you live. They will come get you and keep you safe. Some have programs to get you a place to live and a job. Your parents do not need to have to have to go to your funeral too. And tell your parents. My guess is they already guess that something is wrong!
 
December 7, 2007, 12:23 pm CST

I agree

Quote From: angelfire1st

 Drew Peterson killed his wife and I don't care if he admis it or not. I have been a victim of spousal abuse and I know that he killed her. Just like Lacey Peterson's husband killed her now it is Drew Peterson killed her. I wonder if they are related .

 I agree with this writer that Drew Peterson killed his wife, the quest on the is in great danger. She should not go home with this man until he get some extensive counseling. I saw his face as he talked about thinking about murder,suicided. I am really worried about people like him, I feel that mother just don't want the face the fact about  her son. I have a 40. year old son  I love very much also.

 

I worry that Drew Peterson might get away with his wife disappearance. He just frustrates me, I wonder if anyone would have thought about his third wife if this wife had not disappeared.

Sincerely,

Worried

 
December 7, 2007, 12:27 pm CST

Abusers

I have read all the stories of the other women that have been abused and i put my little story forward as well.  I can relate to everyone of their stories from mother of 5 to beatinut50 as i have been what they have been through even though it was not in America but in Australia.  When i first met my ex husband in mid 98, he seemed gentle, loving, caring and thoughtful and of course he showed very little of what he really was, a control freak, a manipulator, psychopath, sociopath and a sexual deviant as well as a liar, a cheat, a jekyl/hyde complex. 

 

Chap2phil, we are not crazy, stupid or value less of ourselves.  Before i met my ex husband, i was outgoing, energetic, popular and just enjoyed life but after i married him and had our first child things changed.  On our wedding day, he allowed some people to do horrible things to me for our pre wedding celebrations as i was 4 months pregnant and i left that night which was before our wedding and then when i confronted him about their behaviour the next morning (one was his eldest son from a previous marriage and the other one of my bridesmaids) he said he would sort it out and it would never happen again, 8 months into the marriage he started to change, he started bringing men into the marriage without my permission and threatened me to do what he wanted them to do to me otherwise i would lose our eldest son who was only a baby at the time and then it turned into our other children whom he would use to manipulate everything and this continued on and off, he pimped me out while i was pregnant up to the 2nd of our children until i made sure it would not happen again but still without my consent or knowledge brought men into our home with our children around and threaten me with them, my family and threatened me with my life. 

 

He did it in a way where the men he brought in did not know about his abuse to me, but a few found out afterwards when i told them when i asked them to leave when he was out of the room , he never got them around again because i told them what he was doing, so he went (as i found out from police) on the computer to find more men and lied to them to get what he wanted.

 

I have already said before what he did to me and our children.  He cheated on me on our 3rd wedding anniversary with a prostitute and thought it was alright  and justified why he did it when i found out after he arrived home 6 hours late after doing some cattle transport, he said to me that i could do it but i said no as i was not brought up that way and i was also pregnant with our 3rd child.  I left the marriage for a week and tried to get away but i could not, i had no money, no back up, no one to turn to for help as he was making statements and threatening to take me to the police for kidnapping our 2 children even though he was committing a crime against us and threatening to ruin my eldest son who was in another country.    This did not stop him committing adultery behind my back, i even confronted him about this as he found them on the internet and i caught him doing it on the computer one day and found out exactly what he was saying about me and other things to them about me.  It hurt but i knew i had to get out.  The batterings, pyshical abuse got worse, the verbal abuse got worse but i tried to stand up to him as much as possible, he was like a fat lard and he knew how to abuse them when they didn't do what he wanted them to do. 

 

He attacked my mother when she visited and then she knew what was going on and started to help us leave and then finally i met our last nanny who helped us as my parents were still in another  country.  In early dec 2004, i got the police to come to our property to get the kids, the nanny and myself out  as he was not going to let me leave with the kids and i needed to protect my kids but it was a fight after that, proving that he was the liar and what he had done to us, within 2 years everything i had told them came to reality when he admitted indirectly when he said and did to us and that he was bi-sexual and that he would do anything he wanted and nobody was going to stop him and what he had done to me by his sexual deviance behaviour  and nothing was going to change, he was going to continue to do it, and still he walks free, that is Australian Law for you after everything he did to us, no justice for us. 

 

The police heard his threats to me when he rang them after i told him i had spoken to them and threatened me when i wouldn't tell them everything was alright but the police officer heard and he testified for me against him within a short time we were taken out. 

 

When i left in early dec 2004, the police didn't really totally believe me, the courts didn't totally believe me, the councellor for the court did not totally believe me because he was telling them i had bi-polar, i was fantazing, that i instigated the whole thing as he already had a conviction of doing one of the major crimes which was pimping and profiting from his first wife and he didn't want that to come out, he didn't want the courts to know what he was, the police knew but they didn't know everything, he tried to make out our marrriage was perfect, but it was far from perfect. 

 

I found out by the police that he had been trying to organise a hitman to get rid of me and make it look like 3 scenerios  1. It was an accident    2. That  i just committed suicide    3. I just left the marriage and the kids (which i would never do)  as he was setting up the scene in our hometown to people and lying to them to make out i was something else but they did not believe him as he wanted to get rid of me because i was no longer submissive to him and i was starting to fight back with a vengenance so it had to look like he had nothing to do with it  and that i did it and this was all planned when i was away visiting my family in late 2004 just a few weeks before i left the marriage and that he was arranging it after i came back from visiting them but when the police seized our computers a few weeks later and found it on our computers and warned me and kept a close eye on my whereabouts by having someone follow me after they found out what he was trying to do.   They had seized the computers due to information received from a witness regarding his pornographic activities on the computers  involving our eldest son where he showed him homosexual and hetrosexual sex acts as well as on dvd's.   He used the computer for all his acts of crimes.

 

I was treated as if i was the criminal at the beginning even though i was not because he was denying everything but that soon changed within 6 months when his behaviour started to show through, he even verbally attacked his lawyer at the courthouse when it didn't go his way..

 

I went through councelling to help me deal with all the abuse to myself and my children and even still i do not trust men completely.    My kids because of what he did to them are having to undergo severe trauma treatment to help them.

 

A word of advise, i know it is hard for people to say what you should do and how you should do it, but i have been there where others have been, please what ever you do, remember if they are doing this to you and say, i will change, it will never happen again, i love you, and anything they have to use against you, PLEASE GET OUT, get out for your children, get out for yourself.  They will never change, it is all an act. 

 

Become free again, it is worth it, than living with abuse and your children living with abuse.  I know that it is scary but it is better to be safe and alive, than dead.    It may seem like a lonely road and a scary one at that, i know, i have been there, we had no money and i was lucky we had a house in town to live in that our company owned, even though he tried to have us kicked out of it but the courts stopped him doing that, otherwise we would have had nothing, that is what he wanted us to have because i didn't do what HE wanted. He wanted to financially break me so i would give him the kids because he was keeping the money but i did not allow that.   Leave, it is not worth it for you and your kids sake. 

 
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