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Topic : 12/07 A Killer Among Us

Number of Replies: 291
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Created on : Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 04:09:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every nine seconds a woman is battered in the United States. More shocking is that 50 percent of all women murdered in the U.S. are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance. Dr. Phil goes inside a story that has captured national attention for over a month. In this ripped-from-the-headlines show he delves into the events surrounding the disappearance of 23-year old Stacy Peterson, mother of two, and wife of Drew Peterson. Attorney Lisa Bloom, and Drew’s former fiancée, Kyle Piry, weigh in on this mysterious case. Is Drew involved in his fourth wife's disappearance, or did his wife really leave him for another man, as he claims? Then, meet another couple in crisis. Amanda says she lives in fear of her husband, Chris. She says he abuses her and she worries one day he will go too far, but she stays in the marriage anyway. Amanda's mother, Debby, thinks her daughter is living in denial and fears she will end up like Laci Peterson. Chris admits to being abusive but wants to try and salvage the relationship. You won't believe Chris' mother, Cheryl’s, explanation for his behavior!  And, Kim Gandy, the president of the National Organization for Women joins Dr. Phil with some startling domestic violence statistics and teaches victims how to develop an escape plan. If you live in fear of your spouse, this show just might save your life. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 6, 2007, 9:55 am CST

I BEG TO DIFFER

Quote From: y1lriley

I have lived with an abusive man for the past seven years. I fought back and I have had him arrested twice. It wasn't until the last time he was arrested that he finally got the help he needed. Many states have domestic abuse laws however, some of them are a joke. In the state of Florida it is not left up to the woman to choose whether the abuser is prosecuted it is up to the state attorney. Thank God. My husband was forced to go to 6 months of anger management and alcohol abuse classes. Since then we have not had but two arguments in which he used some of the skills he learned to difuse the situation. He has changed in so many ways for the better. I say to you that you need to keep your head up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and make a plan to make things better for yourself. You gained your life back when you divorced this man, now take control and take it one day at a time. You have a bright future all you have to do is look ahead and not look back. If you are a spiritual person pray, pray and pray. God will answer your prayers and things will get better. Get out of the pity party. You have come this far and you can go even farther. You cannot merely exist. You have to take charge. If you don't he is still winning.

Thanks for the advice, I'm sure you mean well, but I am definitely not in a "pity party".  If I were, I would still be in my marriage, feeling sorry for myself, fearing daily for my safety and my life.  The facts of my life now are what they are.  I live from paycheck to paycheck.  I have never had to do that before, but I am doing it.  I know I will never retire; that money is gone.  I live in fear I will lose a place to live, but I cope with that and function.  God help me if there is an emergency becauce there is no money to cover one; that is where the prayer comes in.  I can't allow myself the luxury of sitting down and adding up how much debt I am in because I know that would send me into a panic I might not recover from.  I just write the checks as I can each month and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  To stay out of bankruptcy and pay my bills, I had to relocate to another state; I am living in a city where I literally know no one.  I am hundreds of miles from my family.  That's isolation.  And no, I haven't built a "new life" in the six months I've been here.  I AM in survival mode still.  But PITY?  No.  I pity the women who don't get out and still fear for their lives.  Don't tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself, because I don't.  I'm proud I got out; the facts of my current situation are just hard ones.  I am lucky and blessed I am alive no matter how bad everything else is.

 
December 6, 2007, 10:04 am CST

A Killer Amoung Us

 Everytime I hear about these things I thank God that people are finally listening to women and the things that happen with abuse.  I remember a time when no one talked about any of these issues and it ruined many lives, including mine.   We didn't talk about abuse whether it was at home, or in our personal relationships, it was all kept quiet and you dealt with what came.  Some did survive and learned a better way of living, others lost their lives or the life of a loved one.   I pray for all these victims and thanks to people like Dr. Phil and others it's out in the open more and more and I thank you.
 
December 6, 2007, 10:08 am CST

Where is Stacy?

My question is simple?  Why hasn't anyone, Matt Lauer, or other reporters confronted Drew Peterson and simply asked him, "If you claim Stacy is alive, why, why, why has she not called the police, a local news station, or her local public library and told them---HEY - I'M ALIVE, BUT DON'T WANT TO BE FOUND RIGHT NOW???????????  Why, because she's dead.
 
December 6, 2007, 10:22 am CST

Domestic Abuse

ALWAYS listen to your instinct.  Behavior is important to observe.  REACT; GET OUT.  ASK questions later.  Anyone who later says they could not get out is blantantly not out for saving their life.  For people of the belief you can hang in there and change an abuser - It is NOT your responsibility to CHANGE the abuser. Leaving an abusive relationship is much easier than being abused and possibly being murdered.  I survived a first marriage that turned physically abusive, right down to being strangled.  I survived a second marriage that was not physical, but very emotionally abusive, and WAS about to become physically abusive.  It is ALWAYS about control.  ALWAYS.  If you are a person being controlled by another, put down, slapped, punched, threatened - GET OUT.  That is not how two people are to love one another.  Most people in abusive relationships, that is both the abuser and the abuset have usually come from an abusive family growing up that demonstrated control issues, not to exclude sexual abuse.  Sexual abuse is not always rape.  Some are molested or copulated by a family member or friend of the family.  How we act as adults always comes from dysfunctional or functional upbringing.  I don't know anything though.  My first marriage was very physically abusive (but a very brief marriage), unfortunately it included a child that I had enough sense to think about more than myself, which helped me to get out.  My second marriage, over 20 years, was very emotionally abusive, which was very close to becoming physical abuse.  Because of the latter, the emotional abuse, an added child, which by this point included both children has scarred them horrifically.  For that, I blame NOT the abuser, but myself, because how I look at is I was an abuser as well, by not getting out.  I should have thought of my children, and thought emotional abuse was nothing like what I had been through in my first marriage. The best advice I can write, is ALWAYS, ALWAYS think of your children.  They do NOT and should NOT be a participant through observation.  Abuse is a two way street.  Both people in the domestic dispute are participants.  One being the abuser, and the other allowing it does not qualify a person as not being an abuser as well.  By staying in relationship, YOU breed the next generation.  Children should always be the number one priority in our lives.  If you have no children, ALWAYS THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.  YOU are number one with or without children.  You have to make wise choices for you to save your family so they can be saved.

 

As for the police officer, Drew Peterson (en ?), changes must be made in this country regarding how law enforcement is held accountable.  Recently in my own town, an off duty police officer was caught red-handed abusing his police officer wife.  I have known many people in law enforcement.  I would say over half of those relationships demonstrate a lot of abuse.  One friend said how her husband (x) , while driving home from a police officer party, while he drove, took her head with his right hand around the back of her head, and smashed her head repeatedly against the dashboard.  A highway patrol officer had pulled the vehicle over, but when he found out the driver was also a police officer, he ingored the situation although the wife was seriously injured.  Abuse runs in law enforcement and it is sick.  Just think - Isn't it wonder these very officers are called to domestic violence situtations, writing reports, and testifying in a court of law.  It is extremelly difficult to have the gutts to approach a police department and speak to a superior about what you have witnessed regarding a police officers abuse.  You can become the target, depending upon the superior, if he or she will listen to you as the "outsider."  If a person is too afraid, send it at least annonymously.  I am only speaking about abusive officers.  There are many who are respectable and do protect and serve.  But the ones that don't - the other half of the department SHOULD be stepping up to the plate and reporting a fellow officer for the protection of the public.  The good cop just may have saved the bad cops girlfriend, wife, children, or a member (s) of the public.  By not doing nothing - the breeding goes on, because the abuse goes on.

 
December 6, 2007, 10:27 am CST

It happens to too many!

I was married at a young age to my first husband, and when he was involved in a serious car accident that killed his brother, he changed.  He started drinking very heavily and doing some drugs, I don't know what he was taking, but he could look at you and see nothing. He would accuse me of things that I would never imagine and then the beatings started. I had him put in jail and then he left me and moved home to his mother who thought he could do no wrong. After 5 years, I came back to him, I was tired of being alone and thought maybe this time apart, he would have grown up alittle. We weren't together for 6 months and it started all over again. The last straw was when he through a knife at me as I was leaving a dispute. I filed for divorce the next day. I then found my 2nd husband, he was a good man, except he couldn't leave the drugs alone. Even his young child was doing drugs that he stole from his dad. Whenever my stepson got upset with me, he would pound on me. I begged my husband for help and all he would say was, "leave him alone and he won't hurt you!" Needless to say, I left and filed for divorce. Next in my attempt to find true love, I honestly thought that I had found him, well you know-alcohol and temper doesn't mix, he broke through a steel door to get to me and through me around like a rag doll and at the time I out weighed him by at least 40 pounds. I am now married to the man of my dreams, a good loving man who puts me right beside him, not in back of him. I am so lucky to tell my story and to have survived. Ladies, you need to put yourself first, not last! Sure, you may spend some lonely days by yourself, but you have to go on. Lonely days can be made into memories of the past, but don't let them take your future, there is too much of life to look forward to!
 
December 6, 2007, 10:45 am CST

Re: "My Dad changed"

Quote From: byhispirit

I agree about all the talk about abusers. But I am happy to say this one thing. My dad stopped abusing 28 years ago. He and my stepmom had been married about a year, when he attempted to slap her .  He was 6'1", she was 5'1".  She was so shocked, she holed herself up in their extra bedroom, thank goodness it had a half bath. But before she did that she ran to the kitchen and got the biggest butcher knife they had. She stuck it up to my dads face. And called him a bad name and said you B--, i f you ever do that again, you will  be  a dead man.  She stayed holed up for 3 days , only sneaking out at night to eat etc.. when he would be snoring real loud in the next room.  He begged and begged for her to come out, would go get her food and sit it on the floor by her door (she would not eat it in case he poisoned it) .  Finally she came out, but then would not speak to him for weeks.
I am Glad to say, he has never even attempted to hurt her again.
They have been married 29 years now.
Now my mom was another story. he beat her till he messed her up mentally. At 49 she died from a brain disorder, caused normally from damage done to her brain.
I finally forgave my dad , only because I know he has changed.
WOMEN wake up if they beat you up and then promise they will quit, do not believe them, get out.  At 12
I had to stay at home from school to take care of my mom.  I finally dropped out at 16 cause I was so far behind. (I have a GED NOW though).  She died when I was 18.  I am 49 now and married to the same man almost 30 years.  I warned him if he ever wanted to hit me to walk out.  He never has had to walk out thank goodness.  (I did explain about my mom, and added I'd kill a man if he ever hit me ) But my hubbie is like a big gentle bear.  Awesome hubbie and dad to our 5 children and now a wonderful grandpa to our grandchildren . Women it takes time to know a man.  These short relationships of not knowing a man are so stupid and dangerous.  My husband was my best friend for 5 years before we realized we wanted to be married. 
Women always remember YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED DECENT!!

Women who go to a kitchen grabbing a butcher knife to protect themselves, also are abusers.  You have witnessed a lot, and are denial of abuse.  Your message is very mixed regarding abusive relationships.  You write about this abuse by your father on your biological mother, then your step mother, yet writing how women need to get out although your father has changed, but your biological mother died probably from a brain disorder perhaps caused from abuse by your father.

 

I am glad you obtained your GED though, married young, told your husband he better never lay a hand of abuse on you, and then you had your lovely 5 children, including being grandparents by the age of 49.  That is great news.  I will definitely remember, "YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED DECENT!"  "WOMEN wake up if they beat you up and then promise they will quit, do not believe them, get out."

 

I am very sorry that you grew up with this father though, and two women who are (in my opinion), not only did not get out, but did not think of the children or themselves.  "Sneaking out at night" to get something to eat, and then returning to shut the door and be "holed up" is agh, well.....   I have no reply to that statement.

 
December 6, 2007, 11:12 am CST

do what i had to do

 

   i went through all this for 15 years,always hoping he'd change.he got to where he drank more and more,and things got worst.well i finally went to battered women and had been going there without him knowing.when i finally got up the nerve to do what i had to do,they took my case.they asked me if i had police reports and i told them yes,so they started searching things about him.and they found all they needed to know,so to make a long story short,i was a widow and a divorcee at the same time.the morning of his death,he had called me wanting to know if we could still be friends and i said of course so,cause i still loved him,but couldn't live with him,and then i went to work and about 11am that morning i got a call from his aunt in Mississippi where he was living that he had died.when she told me that,it felt like a weight was being lifted off my shoulders.i wasn't happy that he had died,but was happy not to have to worry about him coming back when he was drunk and beating on me again.anyone that is going through what i did get away as fast as you can cause they will not change,no matter how much you love him he will end up killing you,i was told that many of times and finally did what i had to do.....pat

 
December 6, 2007, 11:17 am CST

They don't change

first on the Stacy Peterson case. This man is a bully with a badge like it was said before. I believe he had killed his other wife before her and covered it up. Being a cop he knew he could get away with it and make it look like something else. I pray they lock him up for a long time. As far as abusive men or women depending they don't change they'll do it as long as they know they can get away with it. Best thing to do is to get out and never look back again.
 
December 6, 2007, 11:32 am CST

The Killer Is Him

I beleive  holeheartedly that this man killed his wife..all the facts are there...he has never shown any worry of her at all..and now he is with the children !!!...I think that someone should go and get them from him as you never know what he would do...Would I trust him...NO...I'm glad that you are doing this show to let everyone know that yes even a cop can kill and be protected as that is what they are doing...Nannie1265
 
December 6, 2007, 11:33 am CST

The Killer Is Him

I beleive  holeheartedly that this man killed his wife..all the facts are there...he has never shown any worry of her at all..and now he is with the children !!!...I think that someone should go and get them from him as you never know what he would do...Would I trust him...NO...I'm glad that you are doing this show to let everyone know that yes even a cop can kill and be protected as that is what they are doing...Nannie1265
 
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