Topic : 03/27 "Get Your Act Together!"

I am a firm believer in tuff love.I have three sons and unless there is a medical situation, they are not allowed to move back home. I raised the boys on my own and taught them well. "if your on the bottom, there is only one way left to go and that is up", this is what I used to tell them all the time and then taught them how to do it . LEGALLY. without leeching, selling drugs or anything else. the parents need to stand strong, they have done their jobs  and now it is time for the children to stand on their own My sons now all have their own lives and I am proud of what they have done for themselves and their family

Yet another show about adult children mooching off their parents.  I've rarely seen one of these shows where the parents don't enable these adult children to become what they are......irresponsible, immature, self-centered & spoiled.  Yes, I'm sure there are exceptions now & then, but in my lifetime I've known many Mothers & Fathers who've been in this situation with adult children, & the vast majority enable their kids by not MAKING them simply grow up.  It's not easy, but has to be done.  Parents are not doing their kids any favors by letting them walk all over them.  If someone is letting their adult child take advantage of them when they are in their teens or twenties, mostly likely they'll still be doing it when they're in their forties or older. 

Hi

 I THINK THAT THESE TWO ADULTS SHOULD NOT BE LIVING AT HOME WITH THE PARENTS, I MEAN

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS ONE DR.PHIL

 

SEE YOU ON THURSDAY AT 4:00 pm

 

H wilson

The brain is involved in everything we do.  How we think, how we feel, how we act, and how well we get along with other people is related to the moment-by-moment functioning of the brain. When the brain works right, people tend to work right. When the brain is troubled, people tend to struggle being their best selves.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage. 

 

A depressive disorder is a whole-body illness, involving your body, mood, and thoughts.  It affects the way you eat and sleep, the way you feel about yourself and the way you do things.  A depressive disorder is not the same as a passing blue mood.  Without treatment, symptoms can last for weeks, months, or years.  Possibly the saddest fact about depression is that much of this suffering is unnecessary.  Most people with a depressive illness do not seek treatment.  Unfortunately, many people do not recognize they have a treatable illness.  Appropriate treatment however, can help most people who suffer from depression including psychotherapy and depending on the severity, medication.

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 

        Take a good, deep breath.  Try to calm yourself.  If your parents have aged about 20 years because  of what your youngest sister has done, they do not need lectures over the telephone from you.

      Your parents are adults.  They want to handle their own problems.  

I am glad that you are airing this show again, if my in-laws missed it the first time, maybe they will see it this time.  My husband's brother is going to be 34 and still living at home, and even drives his mothers car because "his truck is so old". 

 

My husband and I choose to look at this maddness as that we are the lucky ones not him!! 

 

The problem that I have is that my husband is out of work for a second time in two years, both compainies told him it was "not his fault, he did a great job".  We made it last time with little help (we relocated to a city where my parents live and they let my husband live there for $35.00 per week).  We are making it fine this time too, but the problem is my husbands mother gets him on the phone and tries to tell him what he should be doing to get a job and tells him she hopes that he has enough in his retirement to pay for us to live etc.  She wants him to take a "dead end" job.  My husband is not his brother he is very ambitious and smart and likes to exceed in life.  He wants to do something that he enjoys not just go get the pay check. 

With all that she  says to him we are almost being punished and verbally abused for actually doing things the right way.  His parents need to be needed and we are the types that make it on our own or don't make it at all.

 

The strange thing is that if you ask them they love the fact that their son lives there and would not have it any other way.

The moochers in our family are my husband's brother and wife.  They have come to "visit" us three times, and just refused to leave.  They show up, park themselves in one of my kid's rooms and within a day or two, they have oozed into the rest of the house.  The week visit they claim to be making turns into week after week.  They don't work, but stay up all night watching tv, playing cards with friends they invite over and chain smoking in our "non-smoking" home.  Then, they sleep until 2 or 3 in the afternoon.  Their son, of course, doesn't keep these hours, so I end up taking care of him all day.  They don't pay for anything, because they tell me that they are "guests."  They are happy, however, to provide me with a detailed shopping list of all of their favorite foods, their personal hygiene needs and even their cigarettes.  The first two "visits", I was a wimp and let them get away with this behavior.  Visit one ended up lasting 7 months and visit two lasted over a year.  My husband was transfered and we left the state and sold our house which was the only reason we were able to get them out.  Last year, my BIL called and asked to stay a week.  My husband agreed, but told him repeatedly that they could only stay a week as we were leaving on vacation.  On day 7, they showed no signs of preparing to leave.  My husband reminded them that we were leaving soon, and they needed to be on their way.  At that point, they told us that they decided to just stay and "house sit" for us.  My husband stuck to his guns and insisted that they leave on the agreed day.  They were so shocked and angry, they left within the hour in a big huff promising never to speak to us again.  My husband was hurt, but knew it had to be done.  Since then, my BIL has called 2 times asking to come for a visit - I guess he is still speaking to us after all.

 

if your mother has not called child protective services then kicked them out then she has no one to blame but herself. You can only help someone that want's to change, and apparently she doesn't.

     

     They are professional moochers.  They've quickly recovered from "never talking to you again."  I am happy knowing that your husband made them stick to the original plan.  They are his relatives.  It was his place to do the dirty work.  

 

    Fifty-three.

    Do you know what CoPD is?  My father is 78, and he had his first major heart attack at the age I am now.  After surgery, he had several good years.  As his heart has failed,  he has developed the accompanying pulmonary problems.  He is on oxygen 24 hours a day.  He is one tough ole bird because he can still walk to the bathroom with his walker!  He needs assistance at any task requiring him to stand for more that two minutes.  The hospice nurses (for terminal cases)  come three times a week.

   I think I forgot to tell you about the diabetes. 

   My mother is 74.  She spends most of her day sitting in the lounge chair beside Dad.  They watch television and gossip about the rest of the family.  There isn't much else they can do.  If I wasn't here, they would be in a nursing home.  That is much, much more expensive than I am.

   Before you attack me, ask how I spend my day.  (Today, I am defrosting a downstairs deep freeze.  It is in the pantry.  There are 300 quart jars down there.  I do all the gardening in the summertime, too)