Topic : Over 40 and Pregnant

Yes i think every women no matter how old should have a chance of having a family i am 24 and i have three boys they are the most precious people in my life and i would not change it for the world so i hope everyone that has children or are going to have children think about it alot  it is a big step in your life but it is the best challenge you could ever want.

thank you

Denise

A few years after I gave birth to my 3rd and last child at age 40, I wrote an illustrated humour book about life as a midlife mom, entitled "Parentally Insane:  Insights From The Edge...of Midlife!".   Having a child in midlife certainly has its nuances.  You are much more tired (I call myself Zombie Mommy, Queen of the Walking Dead), but you have acquired wisdom:   You no longer sweat the small stuff and are more relaxed about parenting.  Baby dropped the binky?  Younger moms boil it or have it examined by men of science.  Not so with a midlife baby - you just pop it in your mouth for a cleansing suck, then give it back to Junior!  Pre-midlife babies get a diaper change every time they pee a spoonful.  Midlife babies learn to tread water.  And how many of us midlife parents are raising our kids to be future gerontologists, since Lord knows we will need someone to change OUR diapers in another couple years! LOL!! :)

Oh, I could go on...but you should read my book! :)

One more thing,. Older children should not have to help out, They did not ask you to have another baby. My Step grandmother  was the oldest of the girls,, she was the 2nd child and she had to help her mother and my grandma never had kids b.c she had to help raise her sibs. She said she had enough and so she never got a chance to have that joy of her own. So its not the kids job.

So, I suppose that women who might be overweight or those with a disability, lower back pain, should not have kids then because being able to get up a slide is what counts as a parent.  I would think that maturity, self-confidence, experience, knowlege, etc, all those things gained by 40 would count.  I know I would rather a confident, self-secure, intelligent and wise woman, over a 20 to 30 year old who might go up the slide but is constantly insecure, still trying to figure out the world and how to be a woman and an adult.  Someone who is gaining their learners permit on me.

I know this might come as a shock to you, but 40 is not ancient, your body doesn't disintegrate when you turn 40 or 50.  I have seen 70 and 90 year olds doing things that I would find difficult, like digging the back yard to build a garden.  It doesn't matter what age you are, you can still be fit and strong.

Besides, children should be spending most of their time with other children.  I have now raised two of my own, they only wanted to know me for as long as it took to get them to kindi and later school.  Once they hit five, you are only cramping their style if you try and hang out with them. lol.

I'm married and have been for several years. At 42- I thought it was too late to have kids. That was OK because my husband has children from his first wife that are almost grown now(both in college) We had discussed children and he said-at that time- "he would be Ok with me having them...or not" I had numerous female problems  since we've been together (7 years) and had pretty much given up the possibility of children. Then- OMG! The stick turned up positive. After a bit of soul searching. wrestling with my selfish side that wanted to remain the focus of everything...and with the other side  of me that sees this as something of a miracle and worth recentering my life for- I decided I was happy and excited about it. . I discussed it with my husband and we  both agreed a "special needs" child was NOT for us and that if the prenatal testing showed that the baby was NOT normal- then we'd abort. But as test after test has come back with great news- my husband got more and more depressed. Now - as actually becoming parents is looming closer- he says at 42 ( with 2 grown children from a previous marrage) that he is to old to "do it all again" he also says financially we are not able. And he's freaked out that we still may have a special needs child.

Based on his reaction...I feel very alone. My family lives far away and I don't think my husband will be the supportive partner I hoped for. He's been there before so he won't be changing his mind "when the father's love" of holding a newborn  is supposed to kick in either. But at the same time- I've seen the baby on the sonogram. I'm at 13 weeks and I saw a profile, little hands. arms...even a response to the sonogram equipment(it moved around & my heart melted) I have always thought abortion was a viable option when both parents wanted it- but I don't and he does.  My Dr says I can choose up to week 20. So - I guess for me- it's not a blob anymore but a bonafide baby that I WANT...my husband refuses to come to see a sonogram and is adamant about aborting. We basically have 6 or 7 weeks to decide how to handle this.

My husband says it's not fair to make him be a parent again at our age, given our finances, his health and his other family responsibilities( he is NOT a deatbeat DAD at ALL!) That's why he's terrified of a new baby- he takes his responsibilities VERY seriously 

I say it's not fair to deny me the experience of being a Mom at all.

I love my husband...but I love me too

How do you find a compromise on such a black or white question?

Oh and PLEASE>>>PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS into a virulent "pro life"/pro-choice" forum. I don't CARE what anyone's personal feelings about that question are. I want to some good advice- especially from those that have BEEN IN MY SITUATION, or from MEN about what is a loving and fair way to handle this between me and my husband. AGAIN- PLEASE NO!!!! prolife/prochoice" answers! This is about a man and a womans rights and which one takes precidence- NOT a moral issue of "is abortion right or wrong"  I don't want to be condemned for considering my options...I want to have a loving relationship with my husband..and if possible- a family.  But from where I stand..."one" of us is going to feel "wronged" and "bitter" no matter what the final outcome is. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated!