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Topic : Over 40 and Pregnant

Number of Replies: 14
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Created on : Tuesday, January 22, 2008, 10:10:03 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Should women over 40 get pregnant? Is it too risky, or does it matter as long as they are healthy and happy? Share your thoughts!

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January 22, 2008, 6:26 pm CST

Over 40 and Pregnant

Yes i think every women no matter how old should have a chance of having a family i am 24 and i have three boys they are the most precious people in my life and i would not change it for the world so i hope everyone that has children or are going to have children think about it alot  it is a big step in your life but it is the best challenge you could ever want.

thank you

Denise

 
January 22, 2008, 8:16 pm CST

Proud Mom Over 40

  I was 6 weeks short of my 40th birthday when I gave birth to my third and final child.He is now 5 with his sibs 16 and 10.He is a joy and I could not imagine how quiet our house would be without this little bundle of energy.Sure,sometimes I feel like I can't keep up with him like I did the other two but that is okay.With age comes a few perks,such as more patience.Plus the older sibs are a great help too.The 10 year old is the mother hen and the 16 year old  is there to help show him how to pass a football or baseball,and we are active parents in our kids lives.
 
April 21, 2008, 7:21 am CDT

Midlife Momming is funny!

A few years after I gave birth to my 3rd and last child at age 40, I wrote an illustrated humour book about life as a midlife mom, entitled "Parentally Insane:  Insights From The Edge...of Midlife!".   Having a child in midlife certainly has its nuances.  You are much more tired (I call myself Zombie Mommy, Queen of the Walking Dead), but you have acquired wisdom:   You no longer sweat the small stuff and are more relaxed about parenting.  Baby dropped the binky?  Younger moms boil it or have it examined by men of science.  Not so with a midlife baby - you just pop it in your mouth for a cleansing suck, then give it back to Junior!  Pre-midlife babies get a diaper change every time they pee a spoonful.  Midlife babies learn to tread water.  And how many of us midlife parents are raising our kids to be future gerontologists, since Lord knows we will need someone to change OUR diapers in another couple years! LOL!! :)

 

Oh, I could go on...but you should read my book! :)

 
April 21, 2008, 8:35 am CDT

I think they need to think about it

I am 24 and I have a  2 yer old. I take my daughter to bounce play  and i get up there and play with my daughter. All the older moms i see cant even get up to the top of the slide so they just let there kids play on there own. I have a friend who is older then me and when we went , i was the one who took her daughter up the slide and stuff untill they got the hang of it. I see the other moms saying there too old or just too tired to do that suff. Well you should had your kids early so u could play with them. My husband and I we will be in our 40's when she leaves to go to college. And my husband I will still be young enough to go do the things we want to do. I pass no judgemnt on these women, but they need to know if they can keep up. If they have a kid at 40 they are going to be 50 when they are ten and 60 when they go to college. Also think of all the health risks. Your chances increase of having a baby with a disibility and yes everyone has that chance but they say women over 35 it inceases so much more. 
 
April 21, 2008, 8:40 am CDT

Over 40 and Pregnant

One more thing,. Older children should not have to help out, They did not ask you to have another baby. My Step grandmother  was the oldest of the girls,, she was the 2nd child and she had to help her mother and my grandma never had kids b.c she had to help raise her sibs. She said she had enough and so she never got a chance to have that joy of her own. So its not the kids job.

 
June 25, 2008, 4:39 am CDT

Over 40 and Pregnant

Quote From: ccrr79

I am 24 and I have a  2 yer old. I take my daughter to bounce play  and i get up there and play with my daughter. All the older moms i see cant even get up to the top of the slide so they just let there kids play on there own. I have a friend who is older then me and when we went , i was the one who took her daughter up the slide and stuff untill they got the hang of it. I see the other moms saying there too old or just too tired to do that suff. Well you should had your kids early so u could play with them. My husband and I we will be in our 40's when she leaves to go to college. And my husband I will still be young enough to go do the things we want to do. I pass no judgemnt on these women, but they need to know if they can keep up. If they have a kid at 40 they are going to be 50 when they are ten and 60 when they go to college. Also think of all the health risks. Your chances increase of having a baby with a disibility and yes everyone has that chance but they say women over 35 it inceases so much more. 

 

So, I suppose that women who might be overweight or those with a disability, lower back pain, should not have kids then because being able to get up a slide is what counts as a parent.  I would think that maturity, self-confidence, experience, knowlege, etc, all those things gained by 40 would count.  I know I would rather a confident, self-secure, intelligent and wise woman, over a 20 to 30 year old who might go up the slide but is constantly insecure, still trying to figure out the world and how to be a woman and an adult.  Someone who is gaining their learners permit on me.

 

I know this might come as a shock to you, but 40 is not ancient, your body doesn't disintegrate when you turn 40 or 50.  I have seen 70 and 90 year olds doing things that I would find difficult, like digging the back yard to build a garden.  It doesn't matter what age you are, you can still be fit and strong.

 

Besides, children should be spending most of their time with other children.  I have now raised two of my own, they only wanted to know me for as long as it took to get them to kindi and later school.  Once they hit five, you are only cramping their style if you try and hang out with them. lol.

 

 

 

 
July 30, 2008, 10:04 am CDT

over 40 and pregnant

Quote From: clarityknot

 

So, I suppose that women who might be overweight or those with a disability, lower back pain, should not have kids then because being able to get up a slide is what counts as a parent.  I would think that maturity, self-confidence, experience, knowlege, etc, all those things gained by 40 would count.  I know I would rather a confident, self-secure, intelligent and wise woman, over a 20 to 30 year old who might go up the slide but is constantly insecure, still trying to figure out the world and how to be a woman and an adult.  Someone who is gaining their learners permit on me.

 

I know this might come as a shock to you, but 40 is not ancient, your body doesn't disintegrate when you turn 40 or 50.  I have seen 70 and 90 year olds doing things that I would find difficult, like digging the back yard to build a garden.  It doesn't matter what age you are, you can still be fit and strong.

 

Besides, children should be spending most of their time with other children.  I have now raised two of my own, they only wanted to know me for as long as it took to get them to kindi and later school.  Once they hit five, you are only cramping their style if you try and hang out with them. lol.

 

 

 

Well said.
 
September 28, 2008, 2:00 am CDT

I'm married and thrilled to be pregnant-he wants to abort

I'm married and have been for several years. At 42- I thought it was too late to have kids. That was OK because my husband has children from his first wife that are almost grown now(both in college) We had discussed children and he said-at that time- "he would be Ok with me having them...or not" I had numerous female problems  since we've been together (7 years) and had pretty much given up the possibility of children. Then- OMG! The stick turned up positive. After a bit of soul searching. wrestling with my selfish side that wanted to remain the focus of everything...and with the other side  of me that sees this as something of a miracle and worth recentering my life for- I decided I was happy and excited about it. . I discussed it with my husband and we  both agreed a "special needs" child was NOT for us and that if the prenatal testing showed that the baby was NOT normal- then we'd abort. But as test after test has come back with great news- my husband got more and more depressed. Now - as actually becoming parents is looming closer- he says at 42 ( with 2 grown children from a previous marrage) that he is to old to "do it all again" he also says financially we are not able. And he's freaked out that we still may have a special needs child.

 

Based on his reaction...I feel very alone. My family lives far away and I don't think my husband will be the supportive partner I hoped for. He's been there before so he won't be changing his mind "when the father's love" of holding a newborn  is supposed to kick in either. But at the same time- I've seen the baby on the sonogram. I'm at 13 weeks and I saw a profile, little hands. arms...even a response to the sonogram equipment(it moved around & my heart melted) I have always thought abortion was a viable option when both parents wanted it- but I don't and he does.  My Dr says I can choose up to week 20. So - I guess for me- it's not a blob anymore but a bonafide baby that I WANT...my husband refuses to come to see a sonogram and is adamant about aborting. We basically have 6 or 7 weeks to decide how to handle this.

 

My husband says it's not fair to make him be a parent again at our age, given our finances, his health and his other family responsibilities( he is NOT a deatbeat DAD at ALL!) That's why he's terrified of a new baby- he takes his responsibilities VERY seriously 

I say it's not fair to deny me the experience of being a Mom at all.

I love my husband...but I love me too

How do you find a compromise on such a black or white question?

 

Oh and PLEASE>>>PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS into a virulent "pro life"/pro-choice" forum. I don't CARE what anyone's personal feelings about that question are. I want to some good advice- especially from those that have BEEN IN MY SITUATION, or from MEN about what is a loving and fair way to handle this between me and my husband. AGAIN- PLEASE NO!!!! prolife/prochoice" answers! This is about a man and a womans rights and which one takes precidence- NOT a moral issue of "is abortion right or wrong"  I don't want to be condemned for considering my options...I want to have a loving relationship with my husband..and if possible- a family.  But from where I stand..."one" of us is going to feel "wronged" and "bitter" no matter what the final outcome is. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

 

 

 
December 3, 2008, 3:13 pm CST

Over 40 and Pregnant

Quote From: oneofakind864

I'm married and have been for several years. At 42- I thought it was too late to have kids. That was OK because my husband has children from his first wife that are almost grown now(both in college) We had discussed children and he said-at that time- "he would be Ok with me having them...or not" I had numerous female problems  since we've been together (7 years) and had pretty much given up the possibility of children. Then- OMG! The stick turned up positive. After a bit of soul searching. wrestling with my selfish side that wanted to remain the focus of everything...and with the other side  of me that sees this as something of a miracle and worth recentering my life for- I decided I was happy and excited about it. . I discussed it with my husband and we  both agreed a "special needs" child was NOT for us and that if the prenatal testing showed that the baby was NOT normal- then we'd abort. But as test after test has come back with great news- my husband got more and more depressed. Now - as actually becoming parents is looming closer- he says at 42 ( with 2 grown children from a previous marrage) that he is to old to "do it all again" he also says financially we are not able. And he's freaked out that we still may have a special needs child.

 

Based on his reaction...I feel very alone. My family lives far away and I don't think my husband will be the supportive partner I hoped for. He's been there before so he won't be changing his mind "when the father's love" of holding a newborn  is supposed to kick in either. But at the same time- I've seen the baby on the sonogram. I'm at 13 weeks and I saw a profile, little hands. arms...even a response to the sonogram equipment(it moved around & my heart melted) I have always thought abortion was a viable option when both parents wanted it- but I don't and he does.  My Dr says I can choose up to week 20. So - I guess for me- it's not a blob anymore but a bonafide baby that I WANT...my husband refuses to come to see a sonogram and is adamant about aborting. We basically have 6 or 7 weeks to decide how to handle this.

 

My husband says it's not fair to make him be a parent again at our age, given our finances, his health and his other family responsibilities( he is NOT a deatbeat DAD at ALL!) That's why he's terrified of a new baby- he takes his responsibilities VERY seriously 

I say it's not fair to deny me the experience of being a Mom at all.

I love my husband...but I love me too

How do you find a compromise on such a black or white question?

 

Oh and PLEASE>>>PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS into a virulent "pro life"/pro-choice" forum. I don't CARE what anyone's personal feelings about that question are. I want to some good advice- especially from those that have BEEN IN MY SITUATION, or from MEN about what is a loving and fair way to handle this between me and my husband. AGAIN- PLEASE NO!!!! prolife/prochoice" answers! This is about a man and a womans rights and which one takes precidence- NOT a moral issue of "is abortion right or wrong"  I don't want to be condemned for considering my options...I want to have a loving relationship with my husband..and if possible- a family.  But from where I stand..."one" of us is going to feel "wronged" and "bitter" no matter what the final outcome is. Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

 

 

At 39 I discovered (on April fools day at that) that I was pregnant with my third child.  Our son was 14 and daughter going on 10 and my husband and I was totally shocked and caught off guard.  After a few days of recovering, both my husband and I decided to abort.  Less than a year later, we were pregnant again!!! 

 

For weeks after finding out that we were pregnant again I struggled with wanting to keep the baby, seeing it as a second chance to make up for the quick decision that both my husband and I made.  My husband remained stern with feeling that we were too old and not wanting to start over again.  I remember crying in the car on my way too and from work not knowing what to do.  Ultimately, since I am the major breadwinner, and would have to shoulder the financial responsibility, as well as deal with my emotions without the support of a happy father to be-at 12 weeks pregnant-I aborted for the second time in my life!

 

Its been almost two years since the first unplanned pregnacy and as I look back I REGRET  that I didn't go through with it!!  Now at 41 I'm trying to get pregnant again, and my husband (after living with me being tormented about my decision) is finally on board-But now I'm 41 instead of 39!!!!!

 

I say, its your baby and he may not always be your husband, so do what pleases you and the rest will fall into place.

 

Oh and by the way, my husband (boyfriend a the time) wanted me to abort our 15 year old son and I refused-today they are always running around to football or basketball games, etc.

 

If you already aborted-you may very well regret it and resent your husband afterwards.  If you decided to keep the baby-hang in there!!  Once he sees how happy the baby makes you-he will be ok too!  Just have faith!

 
January 19, 2009, 9:29 am CST

over 40 and pregnant

i am 20 years old and have a lil girl she is my only child. and my husbands dad and new wife had a baby 3 weeks before me. they are 43. and i feel that i am a better mother, i play with my daughter all day and i breast feed, i am more patiant. and there child is slow. she is almost 11 months old and cant crawl or talk or anything, so they are thinking something is wrong with her. so i dont think you should have kids over 38 if you cant handle something being wrong. but i think the big thing with me is if other women over 40 want to have kids good for them, i am just upset that my step mother in law had a baby the same time as me. i got pregnant first!!! and she had her baby premature. and she doesnt breast feed so she can drink. they both go out and take there baby and drink and drive. and it just upsets me, i have babysat before and all there child wants to do is sit infront of the t.v. and if i turn it off she screams untill its back on because thats all they do with her. they even said after having there child that they were to old to be parents.

   but what really ticks me off is they dont act like grandparents because they have there own baby and they want my daughter to call there child auntie and she is only 3 weeks older. i think that they are all a bunch of freaks. so from my experience i dont think women over 40 so have kids.

 
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