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Topic : 06/26 Teens Having Babies

Number of Replies: 562
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Created on : Friday, January 25, 2008, 01:22:11 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/01/08) Parent alert: If you have a teenaged son or daughter, you'll want to sit down with him or her and watch this show! Dr. Phil takes a hard look at what happens when young girls find themselves having a baby while they're still babies themselves. It doesn’t just happen to the bad girl down the street; your child can become pregnant while living under your roof. First up, Ansley is 14 and says she's ready to have a baby now. She's so desperate to be a mom that she lied and told people she is pregnant. Her dad and stepmother say she's gone so far as to show people fake sonograms! Are Ansley's elaborate lies just ploys to get attention, or is there something more going on? When Dr. Phil shows Ansley a glimpse of what it's really like to be a teen with a baby, will she change her opinion? Next, Pam was shocked to receive a phone call from the high school principal telling her that her 16-year-old, Kaylee, was four months pregnant. She says she had no idea her daughter was even having sex! Did she miss the signs? Now eight months along, see Kaylee's emotional story of how her pregnancy has impacted her entire family. And, 19-year-old Amber is mom to an 11-month-old and recently discovered she was pregnant again. Was she trying to trap the baby's father as his mother claims? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 29, 2008, 1:14 pm CST

Teen parents

I had my first child at the age of 14......my husband was 16. Things were not always great and at times were very hard, but we had 3 more and my husband worked very hard to support his family. My parents helped out to start with a little and were always there if we needed them. To make a very, very long story readable in a few minutes, we have been married for over 44 years and have been successful in raising our children. My husband and our son are in a very lucrative business together and our three daughters are all in the business of education as master degreed teachers, an assistant principal with her 6 year specialist degree and a certified special education para-pro working with autistic and downs syndrome children. We have 8 beuatiful, talented, athletic and smart grandchildren with the eldest graduating from college last May in the top 10 percent of her class. She won so many awards I lost count. She now is a teacher at the school where her Mom teaches and will be married in October as well as being the youth pastor at her church which is a salaried postion.  Am I proud of my family?......you betcha!!! Am I proud of getting married so young?.....depends on the day of the week..........but for the most part I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I think God puts you where He wants you to be at any given time, but He also gives us, as parents, a responsibility to watch over our children and protect them from things that might wreck their life. If parents would slow down a little and take a good, long, hard look a the life they are leading ...they might do some soul searching and wondering what they can do to prevent  their children from making the mistakes of some of the ones they see on TV. My first order of advice would be to stop thinking you have to have everything you see and everything your parents have worked all their lives to get. It took us almost 20 years to be able to afford the luxuries so many of our friends took for granted, because both spouses worked, but most of their children either got on drugs, got pregnant at an early age and either had abortions or put the kid up for adoption, are alcoholics or worse. A few of them have children that are minimally getting by, but very few of them have college educated, professional children and none have all of their chilkdren that are successful.  Would I recommend other kids get married so young? Not in this day and age. I could sit here and write a book on the subject of parental responsibility and all sorts of other related subjects, but there is not enough room or time so I will end my little soap box stance with this. ........Always know where your children are, who they are with, what they are doing and one of the most important things is an early curfew!!!! No decent parent is going to let their children, especially a daughter stay out past 11 PM on weekends and 9 PM on school nights. Enough said.
 
January 29, 2008, 4:38 pm CST

10 months and nobody knew!!

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

I was 19 when I had my first daughter, Kayla. I lived with my parents, and sister my whole pregnancy, and was also working part/full time a local grocery store. My monthly period had never come as it  was supposed to. One day in the shower my flat belly began to move, I thought it was just gas. Well after more movement, I knew It was not gas, I was pregnant. I did not want to tell anyone, I was Ukranian Catholic and my Mother was the manager  at the Church Cultural Center and relied on volunteers to run the hall. If this got out my Mother would not have any volunteers, and our family would be the most gossiped about!! I did not want to dissapoint my Mother!!! Since  my brothers girlfriend was a nurse at the I thought she  could get me in to see a doctor. I went over to my Mike and Louises to break the news. My brother said "BULL """""""!!!!" I lifted my shirt and said yes It is true, he still did not believe me, I took his and hand and placed it on my belly just as the baby started to move. I did go to a OBGYN and I was 5 months along. I continued my normal daily activities (working etc.) until  I was told my baby was low on amniotic(?) fluid , and overdue, and had to go into hospital to be induced.  I told my Mom I was going camping for  the weekend and needed a housecoat to keep warm and she bought me one. In actuality, I was going into hospital to have my baby. I also worked until Thursday and went into hospital on Friday,  (overdue) amazingly enough KNOWBODY knew I was pregnant  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I had Kayla and decided to give her up for adoption. Which I did, although in the contract I had 10 days to change my mind. On the 10th day my Mom would not leave me alone asking me, "where did you go for so long?" I finally threw her a photo album(which she opened at the back. lol) I said turn it around, she looked at pictures of kayla and asked"who's baby is this?" I said " Mine" she asked where she was and I said with the adoptive parents and she said " Marilyn, You have to get her back" This shocked me, but also excited me, I could get my daughter back. I thought long and hard about the adoptive parents and the fact that they have had Kayla for 9 days already and their family had  already met Kayla.  What to do? I have very deep sorrow still to today for the parents who's dream came true for a baby girl and I took it all away from them. I do have Kayla, and her sister today and I love them both very much, and would not change a thing. Although every day when  I Iook at  Kayla I think of the parents she could of had, and the life I took her from. I feel she would have been  happier and better off with the adoptive parents.  My main reason for writing this is:

 

 

DR.PHIL.....................................

 

YOU ASK THE MOTHERS OF THE TEENS      " HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW YOUR DAUGHTER WAS PREGNANT???????)

IT IS POSSIBLE TO GO THROUGH A PREGNANCY WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!  I HAVE DONE IT AT THE AGE OF 19. At 5 FEET AND10 INCHES TALL, 150 lbs.

 

MY DAUGHTER AND I ARE LIVING PROOF!!!!

 

Best Regards

 

Marilyn Kashuba

 
January 30, 2008, 6:50 am CST

Info for teens

 

 I think there should be more information to teens about pregnancy.  There's info on sex, STD's, condoms, and how NOT to get pregnant, but I think sex ed programs in school should talk about the challenges of being pregnant and how hard it is to have a baby (as well as emphasis that it effects the rest of your life).

 

They should talk about all the physical changes from beginning to end and the toll it takes on the body, from skeletal changes, to stretch marks, to healing afterward, etc.  The toll on finances, the toll on emotions, and personal freedoms should also be underscored.  Teens can't always predict how hard this really is and need to be equipped with the knowledge of what to do if they find themselves in this situation as well as how to take care of themselves if they contract an STD or what to do if they're raped.

 
January 30, 2008, 7:38 am CST

I Understand

Quote From: destinlady

I had my first child at the age of 14......my husband was 16. Things were not always great and at times were very hard, but we had 3 more and my husband worked very hard to support his family. My parents helped out to start with a little and were always there if we needed them. To make a very, very long story readable in a few minutes, we have been married for over 44 years and have been successful in raising our children. My husband and our son are in a very lucrative business together and our three daughters are all in the business of education as master degreed teachers, an assistant principal with her 6 year specialist degree and a certified special education para-pro working with autistic and downs syndrome children. We have 8 beuatiful, talented, athletic and smart grandchildren with the eldest graduating from college last May in the top 10 percent of her class. She won so many awards I lost count. She now is a teacher at the school where her Mom teaches and will be married in October as well as being the youth pastor at her church which is a salaried postion.  Am I proud of my family?......you betcha!!! Am I proud of getting married so young?.....depends on the day of the week..........but for the most part I wouldn't go back and change a thing. I think God puts you where He wants you to be at any given time, but He also gives us, as parents, a responsibility to watch over our children and protect them from things that might wreck their life. If parents would slow down a little and take a good, long, hard look a the life they are leading ...they might do some soul searching and wondering what they can do to prevent  their children from making the mistakes of some of the ones they see on TV. My first order of advice would be to stop thinking you have to have everything you see and everything your parents have worked all their lives to get. It took us almost 20 years to be able to afford the luxuries so many of our friends took for granted, because both spouses worked, but most of their children either got on drugs, got pregnant at an early age and either had abortions or put the kid up for adoption, are alcoholics or worse. A few of them have children that are minimally getting by, but very few of them have college educated, professional children and none have all of their chilkdren that are successful.  Would I recommend other kids get married so young? Not in this day and age. I could sit here and write a book on the subject of parental responsibility and all sorts of other related subjects, but there is not enough room or time so I will end my little soap box stance with this. ........Always know where your children are, who they are with, what they are doing and one of the most important things is an early curfew!!!! No decent parent is going to let their children, especially a daughter stay out past 11 PM on weekends and 9 PM on school nights. Enough said.
I was 14 when I first met my husband. We had our first child at 17! I am happy to report that we 've been married for over 10 years and have 2 other children together. We have built a life together when everyone else had wagers on how long it could last. It's my own opinion, though, that the reason we've made it is becuase we took our wedding vows seriously! I intend on giving my children 2 parents and a safe home. I am happy to hear that someone elses 'doomed' teen marriage survived! My husband and I both work veryhard for thelife we now have and I am very proud of it!I hope to have a successful story like yours in the years to come.
 
January 30, 2008, 7:45 am CST

Confused. That's it, just confused.

I'm always interested in stories of teen pregnancy, especially when they are unabashedly planned.

 

It just seems beyond all rhyme and reason to me.

 

Back in the days of the Ricki Lake show, it was one of her biggest topics.

 

Would like to see Dr. Phil's show, but it'll take a while til it gets here, so I will just have to make do with the site and the board.

 
January 30, 2008, 7:45 am CST

The Real Story

Coming from 'teen pregnantville", I must say that the real issue is that these girls want to get pregnant!  There is plenty of information out there, birth control, etc. These girls want to have babies and we need to ask ourselves why!! I'm not  a firm believer in  whole lot of 'accidental' pregnancy thing  these days, I don't understand how  it's possible! We need toget our girls straightened out and ask the hard questions.Maybe it's just the quickest way to be a 'grown up? Maybe it's their way of getting attention? I'm not sure. But I do know several girls who told me upfront that they did it on purpose, they wanted a baby (back in school), they didn't even care (sometimes know) who the baby Daddy was as long as they got pregnant. This is not an isolated problem, I've seen it in the highest communities to the average. It's a big problem and I think most of them have done it on purpose! I can't wait to see the show
 
January 30, 2008, 9:42 am CST

sick of all teen girl's getting a bad rap if they had a baby

 

  I was 17 when I got  pregnant for my daughter.I didn't sleep around with a bunch of guy's.I was actually a quiet girl at school who got along with everyone. I  am so tired of teenagers being called bad parents for having a baby at an early age. By the time I was 22 I had two kid's and I think they have both turned out great. their both teenagers theirselves now. one is 16 and one is 13. So I wish Dr Phil would stop making all the teen mother's out to be such horrible people!!Not all of us are bad parents!!! I have been married now for almost 15 years now and I was married at 20.So that's another thing Dr Phil say's isn't good for young people. Go Figure!

 
January 30, 2008, 11:00 am CST

Teen Mothers.

    I was a teen Mom and now I have teenage girls. I had my daughter the day before my 18th birthday and 4 weeks before I started my senior year of HS. It was hard I worked full time went to High School full time and was raising a child with a boyfriend that was also beating me on a regular basis. As bad as those things were and as hard as it was I am not resentful and I am not angry let me tell you why. I have 3 amazing children. I have a stepdaughter that is 15, my daughter is 14 and a 10 year old son. I thank God everyday that he gave me the opportunity to have these children. See if I hadn't gotten pregnant so young I would have never had children. I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 26. So if I had done everything right and waited until I was older then I never would have been able to have children at all. all those things that happened to me when I was younger has made me the person that I am today. I am a very good Mother and my children are proof of that. My daughter that I had in high school is an honors student who wants to be a youth minister when she grows up and is already taking every opportunity given to her to speak about the word of God and to support and pray with and for her friends and family. She is a leader in her school as well as in her youth group at church. My son has overcome a learning disability and a speech disability. He works so hard and is one of the smartest people I know. I can have a more intelligent conversation with him than I can with most adults and he is only 10. So for someone to say that a teen parent CAN'T be a good parent is pure ignorance on their part. Now with that said it is not something that I condone either. It breaks my heart to see teen Moms because most of the time they look so lost and alone because this society instead of supporting them and teaching them they condemn them for making a bad decision. And that is what it is, a bad decision. Guess what people that is what teens do, they make bad decisions! It is your job as a parent to teach them and talk to them and guide them. Yes that does mean that you HAVE to actually have a conversation with them about sex. Also there needs to be a lot more parental involvement. I have done so many things with my kids and it always makes me so sad because the parents that are there are always the same ones. It is a small fraction of who should be there. Teenage pregnancy has been a growing problem in this country for many years. I think our best coarse of action is to start putting our kids first. Not our job or what is going on in the neighborhood. And talk to our kids when someone famous does something stupid and the media chooses to sensationalize and make it look cool. To those teens that want to get pregnant on purpose yes you need to show them what they are really getting themselves into but that is not the only solution. Most every teen parent I have ever known just wanted to feel that unconditional love that that they don't feel they have in their lives. They may get that love from their parents but for some reason they are not seeing it. So getting to the root of that needs to be done also. I didn't feel that I was loved by my parents as much as my brothers and sisters were. It wasn't until I had a child I realized how much they really did love me. I was so blessed to have a Dad and Step-mom that supported me and taught me how to be a strong Mother.
 
January 30, 2008, 11:50 am CST

02/01 Teens Having Babies

Quote From: pinkjorgensen

Coming from 'teen pregnantville", I must say that the real issue is that these girls want to get pregnant!  There is plenty of information out there, birth control, etc. These girls want to have babies and we need to ask ourselves why!! I'm not  a firm believer in  whole lot of 'accidental' pregnancy thing  these days, I don't understand how  it's possible! We need toget our girls straightened out and ask the hard questions.Maybe it's just the quickest way to be a 'grown up? Maybe it's their way of getting attention? I'm not sure. But I do know several girls who told me upfront that they did it on purpose, they wanted a baby (back in school), they didn't even care (sometimes know) who the baby Daddy was as long as they got pregnant. This is not an isolated problem, I've seen it in the highest communities to the average. It's a big problem and I think most of them have done it on purpose! I can't wait to see the show
Neither can I. Ever since Maury Povich ran several shows about teens as young as 12 doing everything under the sun to get pregnant, I've wanted Dr Phil to tackle this issue.
 
January 30, 2008, 2:23 pm CST

Hard at any age

It's hard enough to be the mother of a preschooler and an infant at age 30, let alone as a teenager. The sleepless nights, the tantrums, the health and developmental problems that may ensue - it's a lot to handle, even for someone who doesn't have to work outside the home. There are some days that the kids have irritated me so much, or I haven't gotten any sleep, that I'm happy to hand them over to my husband - and he's happy to do the same when he needs it. We feel that our children deserve both of their parents in the home, in a loving and stable relationship.

 

Growing up, my parents were supporters of Planned Parenthood, and made sure to talk to me about contraception throughout my teenage years. Fortunately I didn't need it, because I was not interested in having serious boyfriends at such a young age - I was too busy going to school and participating in extracurriculars. In other words, I only cared about myself. Was I selfish? Absolutely. I knew that I had no business having sex and risking pregnancy or STD's when I was not emotionally or financially prepared to accept the consequences.

 

Once I turned 18 and started having serious relationships, I was adamant about taking necessary precautions. I did not want to catch a disease, and I did not want to have a child without having a husband first. I had watched too many of my peers struggle with the consequences, and while I was supportive I was privately glad that I didn't have to deal with the issues they were facing.

 

I met my husband when I was 24, while we were both serving on active duty in the Army. We were bound and determined to not end up like a lot of young military people who get pregnant and then feel like they have to get married, only to get divorced within a year or two and then struggle as single parents with child support payments and custody battles. We married a little over a year after we met, and that year was spent learning about each other and ourselves, and our life goals. My husband and I are both glad that we developed our relationship before we had the kids - between our life experiences and the amount of time that had passed since reaching adulthood, we had each reached the point where we were comfortable with who we were and what we stood for.

 

The paths that we chose worked for us, but they may not work for everyone. Some young mothers (and fathers) make excellent parents, while some don't. I don't think becoming parents at a young age is a good idea, but on the same note I cannot sit in judgment and lump everyone together without knowing the circumstances of each situation.

 

All I would say to teenagers is, don't rush into something without knowing the risks and possible consequences. If you want a baby or are not using birth control, spend 24 hours caring for someone's young infant for a day, and see just how much work it is, even with two parents in the home. Please don't allow yourself or your child to suffer because you didn't have the maturity or wisdom to think things through.

 
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