I have a friend in EXACTLY the same position. She does not know that I know, although I think she has a feeling I suspect her of this. In fact, she has basically dumped me and our other best friends about 4 months ago. I tried talking to her but it went nowhere. After wracking my brain to try to figure out why, I suddenly realized it was because I was getting to close to the truth. I am appalled at what is going on.
We were all close as couples, including the couples involved in this situation. We spent tons of time together and even travelled together. The only thing that was always so awkward was that my friend absolutely dissed the wife of the guy she is now involved with. It was really bad. She used to say THE WORST things about this woman and it was totally obvious that she did this bc she viewed this woman as her "competition". Bizarre, I know. But then when she dumped all of us and had no other way of hanging around the guy that at the time was merely an out-of-control obsessive crush, what does she do? She befriends this poor woman and becomes like BFF's with her. This poor other woman doesn't have many close friends, and was totally thrilled at what she perceived as a genuine friendship. It was heartbreaking to watch this sick maneuvering.
While you never know what is actually going on behind closed doors, I feel like I know my friend well enough that I would have had some clue if things were so horrible. I basically spoke to her every day for 5 years. it got bad though the past 2 yrs, bc all she wanted to talk about was how much she hated this woman, or to dissect even the slightest thing this guy did or said. I even told her a couple of times that this was coming across like she had a crush on him-- an accusation she obviously denied. I think her big issue, subconciously, is that she has no life-- she is bored and has no interests. Her youngest child left home two years ago, her husband does all the cooking, and she is not involved in any outside activities at all- no clubs, no sports, no activities, nothing. Her pasttimes were talking on the phone, and fantasizing about this guy. And maybe some shopping, internet surfing and hair appointments. I think she was looking for an escape to a new level of excitement, bc she never really had any complaints about her husband. And he's a really great guy, at least from the outside looking in.
Meanwhile, to make things even worse, the guy she's having an affair with is best friends with her husband. How he can do this to his best friend is beyond me. I always considered this guy a little more honorable than that. I have lost total respect for him. These two guys are together in a weekend volunteer job, and do stuff together all the time. The guy she's having an affair with is in a lackluster marriage of his own, so for him to end it and move on would surprise no one. But to move on to his BEST FRIEND'S WIFE??? I don't care how much he needs affection. If you need to seek out affection, (divorce first), then do it SOMEWHERE ELSE. Is he crazy? This whole thing is so wrong on so many levels, I can't even start.
The only slight excuse I can give this guy is that my friend absolutely was throwing herself at him and making it very clear she was "game". If all of our friends could see this as obvious, the point could not have been missed on this guy. Nonetheless, lame excuse.
I have 100% solid evidence that this is going on. I know it was consumated this last weekend. I just don't know what to do about it. Should I tell their spouses? Would doing so, make things worse? i have been spending way too much time worrying about this. I just wish I had no clue because this is killing me. I feel so bad for the unsuspecting other wife who has difficulty making friends, and is being used and duped into thinking she's got a good friend, when nothing could be further from the truth. I feel so bad for the unsuspecting husband, who is really a proud guy, because everybody knows but him. They are making a fool out of him and everyone can see that. He is being betrayed not only by his wife, but by his best freind. He would be so devastated if he knew. I feel a little bit bad for my friend, bc I think she has gotten to this point bc she had no life, and now she's about to throw away EVERYTHING. She's already thrown away her best friends, and she's about to lose her family. A friend of ours said, "This is not going to end well." He's right-- that's the understatement of the century. And then finally I feel kind of bad for the other guy (the one having an affair) bc he's a big leader of our group and everyone has totally lost respect for him, and if he knew he would be so ashamed of himself. And I think he got here bc he's looking for an "out" from his own marriage and is either too clueless as to how to deal with it or to chicken to take that final step.
The show today reaffirmed that this is just not right--- no matter what drove them to this point.
Help! What should I do?
When is it time to call it quits in a marriage? Jason and Shani have been married 11 years and have three young sons. Jason recently found out that Shani has been having an affair with her friend's husband. He is devastated and will do anything to save his marriage. Shani says she tried for two years to warn Jason that she needed more from him, but she says he ignored the signs. She's moved out of their house and says she's ready to move into the arms of Greg, her boyfriend of three months. What does she say is her only regret? Next, hear what Greg has to say about their relationship. Why do his comments infuriate Jason? Then, Shani's sister, Amber, who wrote to the show, weighs in. What does she have to say about her sibling's infidelity? When Dr. Phil tells Shani what he thinks needs to happen, will she take his advice? Is there hope for this couple on the brink of divorce? Tell us what you think.
