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Topic : 05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Number of Replies: 936
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Created on : Friday, May 02, 2008, 01:29:24 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When is it time to call it quits in a marriage? Jason and Shani have been married 11 years and have three young sons. Jason recently found out that Shani has been having an affair with her friend's husband. He is devastated and will do anything to save his marriage. Shani says she tried for two years to warn Jason that she needed more from him, but she says he ignored the signs. She's moved out of their house and says she's ready to move into the arms of Greg, her boyfriend of three months. What does she say is her only regret? Next, hear what Greg has to say about their relationship. Why do his comments infuriate Jason? Then, Shani's sister, Amber, who wrote to the show, weighs in. What does she have to say about her sibling's infidelity? When Dr. Phil tells Shani what he thinks needs to happen, will she take his advice? Is there hope for this couple on the brink of divorce?  Tell us what you think.

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May 3, 2008, 9:52 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

So, Shani's ready to move into her boyfriend's arms? Whose arms will she move into when he quits "meeting her needs"? Listen up, Greg. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
 
May 3, 2008, 10:14 am CDT

Doctor Phil Show

Doctor Is Marriage Over Phil Really This. Are you kidding me? That is why Doctor Phil is so good to me.----

See you on Thursday May 08th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-------------------------------------------

 
May 5, 2008, 10:21 am CDT

yes

How can this lady , go and have an affair with her FRIENDS husband? VERY tasteless in my eyes. She should have just tried to spice up her OWN relationship with her OWN husband. Not very smart.
 
May 5, 2008, 10:23 am CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: ramair

So, Shani's ready to move into her boyfriend's arms? Whose arms will she move into when he quits "meeting her needs"? Listen up, Greg. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.
your right.
 
May 5, 2008, 4:42 pm CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

This day and age , its all about me, one never thinks the consequences of the future in this respect, it not only effects the partners involved, but turns the children upside down, for not understanding how mummmy and daddy jst stop loving each other, and the house of cards falls apart.

Possibly when there was problem earlier on, it would have been a good idea for counselling, if both parties wernt aggreeable then surely one of the partnership needed this stability to reach a better decison to either end the relationship, or try new stratedgy's to enahnce the partnership, it does take 2 people to make and break anything, so responsibility falls on both people.No one drives anyone into another mans or womans arms, its a a choice one makes, for veiw of greener pastures, but that myth is really just as it says a myth, these days we bring so much into parneting and doing the right thing for our children, but when do we do the right thing for ourselves, if we show this pattern of our self for an example to our children, i really think they need to forgive each other, move to professionl counselling,find what particular problems need to be worked on, forget the man with the affair, and really get savvy and focus on their marriage, it never should be that easy to leave, throw your hands up in the air, and say its over, and its never about ego.....

 
May 5, 2008, 4:53 pm CDT

I know what she is going through

I was in a similar situation and my husband would not give me the time of day.  It got to the point where I felt that the only way out of the relationship was to start a new one, and I started an email affair with a man at the other end of the country (I live in NZ).  My husband found out and wanted to get back together.  I do love my husband very much and we went to counselling to sort out the problem, however it was to sort out my problems, and once we started focusing on his problems, he decided that we could no longer afford the counselling sessions. 

 

We are now at a stage, where we are just about back at the start, because he does not listen to me.  He tells me he wants me to talk to him about how I really feel, and when I do, he sees it as a personal attack against him.  I admit I am not good with words, and better at writing things out.

 

I do understand where Shani is coming from - if you feel that your husband does not love you or is not interested in you, you will go out to find love, even if it is with your best friends husband.  It is not ideal, but when you think that your world is crashing in around you and no one cares, a single lifeline, a shoulder to cry on, a laugh at the end of an email, is all it will take to make have a lifeline to cling to so that you can get out of your relationship and still have love at the end.  It doesn't work, I have spent my entire life ending relationships this way.  It is only now I realise this, and honesty with myself and my husband is the best way to deal with this.

 

It is easier to judge someone when you haven't been in that situation yourself.

 
May 6, 2008, 5:59 pm CDT

UNBELIEVABLE!

It was 2 years ago that Shani spoke about a mutual friend that was having an affair and how disgusted she was in her and what she was doing to her family.  I truly don't know of a perfect marriage.  We all struggle.  I have been tempted to seek out attention with men because my husband is "ignoring" me.  My husband has treated me poorly in hopes of making me angry so he can "justify" seeking affection of another woman, BUT we stood strong, sought counseling and work on our relationship EVERYDAY!    Shani repeatedly spoke of how selfish it is to have an affair.  What the heck happened?!  I am blown away.  There are kids involved.  Great kids.  Granted I don't live with them, but to watch how Jason interacts with his kids is awesome.  Even at social events in the past he would show such affection for Shani. What more can he do?  Seriously.  We can all hope that everyday is a honeymoon, but that is not reality.  How about end the marriage first and then seek a new relationship?   I can't even imagine how the "friend" that she was hanging out with feels about this ultimate betrayal.  More kids on that side that now have had their lives turned upside down.  Flat out selfish. 
 
May 7, 2008, 4:02 pm CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

Quote From: whtajke10

It was 2 years ago that Shani spoke about a mutual friend that was having an affair and how disgusted she was in her and what she was doing to her family.  I truly don't know of a perfect marriage.  We all struggle.  I have been tempted to seek out attention with men because my husband is "ignoring" me.  My husband has treated me poorly in hopes of making me angry so he can "justify" seeking affection of another woman, BUT we stood strong, sought counseling and work on our relationship EVERYDAY!    Shani repeatedly spoke of how selfish it is to have an affair.  What the heck happened?!  I am blown away.  There are kids involved.  Great kids.  Granted I don't live with them, but to watch how Jason interacts with his kids is awesome.  Even at social events in the past he would show such affection for Shani. What more can he do?  Seriously.  We can all hope that everyday is a honeymoon, but that is not reality.  How about end the marriage first and then seek a new relationship?   I can't even imagine how the "friend" that she was hanging out with feels about this ultimate betrayal.  More kids on that side that now have had their lives turned upside down.  Flat out selfish. 

Anyone who could profess disgust with another woman for having an affair, then do the same thing herself is nothing but a damn hypocrite.

 
May 7, 2008, 4:49 pm CDT

WORRIED

i had the privilege of getting to know Shani and her family especially the boys.from what i saw both parents love they're children to pieces.as you can see i posted that i was worried.mostly i am worried that people posting, participating in the show and also those who will view this show will begin to make Shani a villain.i hope everyone that watches and post they're comments keep in mind that she is human and needs love and affection just as much as the next person.everyone makes choices be them good or bad.what matters is what you do after those choices.i personally know that Shani is a good person and does not mean to hurt those around her. Shani if you read this I AM PULLING FOR YOU AND I AM THERE FOR YOU REGARDLESS OF YOUR VERY PERSONAL DECISIONS.HANG IN THERE GIRL AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED!
 
May 7, 2008, 5:42 pm CDT

05/08 Is this Marriage Really Over?

If you're not getting what you need from your husband, you turn TOWARDS him. You discuss your feelings, concerns, wants and needs. You suggest counseling. You do what you can to help your relationship survive and thrive. After all is said and done, if it is decided the relationship just cannot be worked out, you part ways. You deal with the issues as you learn to live separately and co-parent as a non-couple. When everyone is settled and adjusted, THEN you move on to someone else. You don't move on and involve more people when you still have unfinished business to take care of. It is selfish and unfair to all parties involved.
 
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