Topic : 05/09 Mama Drama

 

         Histrionic personality disorder means "actor."   They love being on center-stage and dislike the hum-drum existence of most people.  "High drama" is their calling in life.  They exaggerate their own problems into catastrophes--and if they don't have one of their own--someone else's will do.  They will simply not pass up the opportunity for contributing to a "big scene."  

       They make excellent liars.  They prepare their lies, carefully.  As if it were a well written script.  They do not make the mistake of blurting out half-truths without preparation.  Half the "art" is in the telling.  They are very careful how they are perceived.  With a ghastly sincerity, they observe the reaction of the person receiving their story.

       They will never admit to telling fibs.  Does this sound familiar?  "She wouldn't walk ten feet to tell the truth, but that woman would crawl 20 miles through wind and rain and dark of night to tell a lie."           

      

Doctor Drama Mama Phil. I am glad that I was not invode in this place. Comendy that I do like but not dra---

ma at all. See you on Friday May 09th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-----------------------------------

THIRTY-THREE YEARS AGO,  I HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM.  I was divorced.  At the time, my daughter was in the Mother role at times and when I stopped drinking, (she was 13 years of age) I became the Mother that she needed in most ways.  From the way she acts now, I do not see any FORGIVENESS.  She has always felt that I had no boundries and although she feels that she has boundries with her children today, I see nothing of the kind. For me, I never know what she is going to do next because she flip-flops on decisions all the time which drives me nuts. 

 

When I visit the family of late, I do not feel welcome.  I feel that this is something that my daughter allows me to do with a visit once or twice a year when for many years I use to visit the children at least every three months.  At the time, I was very close to my two grand children, my girl is almost 15, June 18th and my grandson just turned 12 in March.

 

My granddaughter is going through her teen age stuff which is normal but to me, her attitude and behavior is not loving.  Her main concentration is totally herself and my daughter defends this situation.  I am not allowed to call their cell phones.  If I wish to call the children, I must call the main number and my daughter will hand the children the phone to speak to me.  Can you create the feeling that this applies to my persona?

 

When the family came to visit this spring, my daughter sent me an Agenda of what they were going to do. Her husband's Mother also lives in the vicinity so of course each of us needs time with the children. Still, without any  discussion on our parts, this Agenda stood for the week they were here.  I was told when and where and that was that.  I adore discussion when decisions are to be made especially when they are coming to my neck of the woods.

 

They do not stay with me as My daughter's husband is allergic to my cats.  The children can visit because they do not have this problem and they do. This time, each had an evening with me.  The daughter had a friend with her.  I never saw them as they went into their room and watched television and were on the cell phones all night long text messaging.

 

As President of a Toastmaster group in Fort Lauderdale and so use to TEAM  decisions. I will turn 75 this June and when I am told what and where to go and do without a mindful discussion, I find this very frustrating.  I know that she does not appreciate this fact of my age or that I may not be around forever.  My friends are so much nicer then my daughter and so are the children at church . . . what ever I have done or will do,  I live in the seat of FORGIVENESS.

 

Of course I understand teenage behavior.  I teach Sunday school once or twice a month. And, we have constant trainings.  At least three a year.  Most of my children are from 13 to 18.  They adore me and we have open and wonderful discussions about life intertwined along spiritual thinking.  Winding the spiritual into their daily lives is  great safety net for the teens.  They are getting to love the entire Bible.  I teach expoentially and they feel calm and safe in this environment.

 

I wonder if other Grandmothers feel as I do? Having talked to a few of my friends, I get a yes from some.  I am scared of my daughter's mouth as I was with my Mother.  With both, I never know what is coming next.  I feel that I am a loving grandmother.

 

There is a situation that I am sure is a hangup with my daughter.  I have had 8 back surgeries and cannot do much driving.  I also have a walker which my son-in-law calls an appendage.  In their space, I feel very disabled where in most everyones space, this is totally ignored as my persona is seen for me, not the walker .  All of my friends and they are quite numerous, accept everything about me.

 

In 2004, my best friend and I went to France for three weeks.  We went to Cannes and I walked all over the place with my firend.  Of course, she marched ahead of me withher small dog.  What a wonderful time we had together and also,  we did much our own thing when we felt like it.

 

I take classes at my church all the time.  I am Jewish but found the philosophy called UNITY which has help me to gorw to my highest self..  My daughter has brought the children up in the Jewish religion Both she and her husband are not happy about what I am doing.  They would not come to church when I was honored for something until two years later.  I cried. Instead of seeing their Mother and Grandmother as the person that she is, they see a so called faith that I am involved with instead of me.

 

If this is what the Jewish religion is all about, I want no part of it.  I have been confirmed at Temple Emanual in NYC and there is one thing that I know and honor,  Rabbi Hillel said something so astute many years ago, "IF I AM NOT FOR MYSELF, WHO WILL BE FOR ME?  AND, IF I AM ONLY FOR MYSELF, WHAT AM I".

 

To me, this is what this nation needs to bring all our people together, To Love Thy Neighbor as THYSELF.

Everything begins at home.  If we can't love one another and forgive, after we are gone, all that is left of each person is either their stuff or the difference that they have made in other peoples lives.

 

Thus, I am at a total loss why my daughter feels that she MUST control not only  me,  but her children and her husband?  The main purpose/JOB given parents, is to show their children how to live on their own, to make their own decisions, to do their own homework, so that when they leave the nest, they will be prepared to discern different situations from a high consciousness.

 

I ADORE BEING A GRANDMOTHER. If I did not have this so called disability (lots of pain from the surgeries)  I would go out and get some boys and girls to love. Again, I am totally aware that I am NOT the  only grandmother in this situation.  It is a different world today.  How can I be a part of the change?  I would adore guidance Dr. Phil.  I am use to critque.  I know that it takes two and one more to tango, so I would love to be able to heal this relationship and to be responsible for my part in this situation..

 

Thank you. Sometimes, I watch your show from 9 to 10am and then again from 5 to 6pm.  I always receive some tid bits of information even when I have seen one of the shows twice.  Repetition is good, because sometimes the second time around, I get it, we all get it..

 

JONI ROSENTHAL

Grandmother of Two of the Loveliest Children In This World

Okay, at fourteen, little Miss Sherri's going to think her mother's embarrassing, no matter what her mother does.  And, so what if her mother feels the need to sing and dance wherever she goes?  It sounds like she's enjoying her life and who among us can say that?

 

Jessica needs to either pay for a personality transplant for her husband or ditch him.  She gained weight carrying HIS children and bringing them into the world.  He needs to knock off the hurtful and hateful comments and realize that he's not making things better.  Comparing your wife and the mother of your children to a pig isn't being helpful, which is what he's going to claim he's trying to do.  You don't motivate someone into changing by hurting and humiliating them.

 

As for Grace, state your opinion and then SHUT UP.  A grown child doesn't have to do what you tell them to anymore.  So, insisting on getting your way all the time is a sign of deep immaturity and you need to stop and think about what you're doing to your relationship not only with your children but your grandchildren (if you have any).  There's a point in your life that you have to let go of being an active parent and become a hands-off advisor and confident.  If you don't let go, your children will avoid you and you'll lose them.

 I see red everytime my oldest daughter calls. She constantly complains about her  job, children and any part of her life. She is a habitual liar and has been since her early teens. Making up lies about her friends until she lost them.  She has been married 5 times, all were thier falts.  She dresses like a  teenager  ,tells  any one who will listen what a horrible life she has had which is fabrication. She is almost forty and none of my family or relatives invite her to any thing because of the scenes she causes or stories she will tell them. Her children cannot have anyone over because of her and can't wait until they can move out.
I have tried to talk to her so many times that you lose count.  Her answer to me is mind my own business and stay out of her life.

     Thirty-three years of sobriety for you is an accomplishment.  The odd part of the story is that a co-dependent requires twice as long recovering--if at all.  The whole time, everyone sees the damage alcohol has done to the drunk.  Utter strangers feel sorry for them.  Once the drunk stops drinking, the co-dependent's life is supposed to be miraculously changed.

     Few addicts understand the effect their illness has on their family.  They have broken the heart of people unfortunate enough to love them.  You daughter feels as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.  She's done the best she could, and she still can't make you happy. 

     Now be honest, you want your daughter's forgiveness because it would be convenient for you.  You'd be off the hook.  You wouldn't have to feel guilty.   

                 

Please do a show on chronic pain. There have got to be other people out there who are in my situation and who do not know who to turn to next. Pain every single day of their lives, altering what their life used to be like. Go to the doctor and get the same old responses. Here are your pain pill prescriptions, see ya in a month. Family thinking that you are already a drug addict because you are on medicine prescribed to you by a M.D., but that doesn't matter you are bound to be an addict at some point in your life. (According to them).  Friends who don't understand that "no, you don't feel like coming out for dinner because all you want to do is to lay in bed because you are in pain or are tired from the pain pills or depressed over your situation. Unless you have ever had chronic pain and have suffered from it daily you have NO idea what we go through on a daily basis. It just gets old, people don't understand us. I would LOVE for dr.phil to do a show on chronic pain and have a pain psychologist  or a pain doctror there with our group who can actually give statistics of what our pain does to us on a dad to day basis and just how common of a problem this is for us. thanks, brenda fattig

The saddest day for me is mother's day.   I hear all these stories about how "wonderful" mothers are and I don't have one of those.   I haven't spoken to my mother in 4 years.   I'm 59 and she's 82.   When I told her I was pregnant (at 35 after 10 years of marriage) her response "I'm too old to be a grandmother, why didn't you have a baby 5 years ago when I wanted you to have one".   In the hospital while in labor, the doc said I'd have to have a C-section and I was scared.   My husband called my parents to tell them and hope they'd  come to the hospital.   Instead my mother said they were going on a bus trip to Atlantic City and they'd call from there to see if everything turned out OK.   Years later she told me she wasn't going to give up her "day off from work" to come to the hospital.   At my father's wake 4 years ago I noticed a poster near his coffin with family pictures.   There was NO picture of me.   There was a picture of my father holding a fish, but no picture of his only daughter.   That started a huge fight in the funeral home.   My brother was there with his fiance (who she refused to meet) and my mother turned around and called her a Whore!!   My brother has not spoken to her since then either.   All my life she treated me like dirt.   I've always wondered what I ever did to deserve such treatment.   She should never have had children.  I would have been better off not being born instead of being so emotionally screwed up. 

I too know your loneliness and your fears. Thank God for Alanon.

I am learning to be me all over again. Be gentle with yourself & work the 12 steps for sanity.

My entire family has been affected by alcohol.

My mother has never been there for me. I tried to be there for my 4 children but they want me out of their lives. I miss my grand daughter sooo much. I was not allowed to see her.

Everyone blames everything on me.

It hurts deeper than life itself.

You are in my prayers for a peaceful life with your family.

 

More fat abusers?  How depressing!  Society has been grooming this abuse for some time- skinny is chic, skinny is healthy, heroin addict is the "ideal look".  You can't even have a natural pair of C-cups (male or female) anymore without being labeled a "fatty".  We got the message, carrying around extra weight isn't healthy/aesthetic, quit hammering the indoctrination of fat-hate into the general public.  The importance of beauty is just the symptom of a fallen society.

 

Jessica's husband is the pig here, not her.  It's hard to lose weight after having a baby, maybe HE should gain 30 lbs and take some estrogen pills and see how hot HE looks!  It's hard even when you excercise, eat right, and breast feed.  If appearance is the only reason that he married her, then no wonder he's so disappointed, because that's all the relationship was based on.  If he's that worried about it, why doesn't he PAY for the plastic surgery?   Until then, he needs to shut his mouth and get HIMSELF in shape.