Topic : 05/20 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp

AMEN! Actually, I don't believe in corporal punishment, but I do believe in parental rights.  Parents have the right to discipline. 

calling a spade a spade ... you like that word "spew" don't you?

I see myself there, 15, 20 years ago. Several of them are clearly very intelligent and mature--and full of a lot of anger and pain. Being able to express in words often isn't enough.

I wish these families the best of healing, but for any of you out there dealing with angry, violent kids, who feel like it's only going to get worse at school and socially and at home... it doesn't have to.

Every teacher and counselor and psychologist who talked to me was convinced I'd end up pregnant and/or on drugs and a high school drop out because of my anger issues. I can't say what changed--maybe it was a maturity thing, but once I hit 7th grade, i started to mellow out. I was, quite honestly, a boring teenager.

Fast-forward 10 years, and I'm starting my PhD this fall. I'm a successfully published author and happily married. Life is not without its lumps, but I turned out far happier and more stable than anyone could have imagined.

The real problem as a child, I think, is that no one believed in me except me.

Right on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this kid is such a con artist he should try out for the road show of the Sting. If that brat slapped me he would get the wake up call of his life. Thats why he is doing this the mother is afraid of him and he knows it. You notice when Dr. Phil wouldnt play along with his little bratty game he stopped right quick. He is an attention hog and I believe was playing to the camera as well. The joke is on him though because after this show airs he wont be able to scam anyone anymore. One last thing, why does the mother argue with him? she should tell him to do it and get it done. If he elbowed me on a plane and told people I abused him he would be sorry for that ridiculous stunt. Get a backbone, Mom. Why do these parents all try to be friends with their kid???????? its ludacris.

I recall a show Dr. Phil did on bullies.  The experts said that it was a false belief that bullies were comprised of children with low self esteems.  In fact, the kids on the panel agreed that they had high self esteems.  They bullied because they felt entitled to...they could get away with it.  I was really shocked to learn this perspective on bullying.

be sure to have your angry child evaluated by a psychiatrist with a Good reputation. I was raised by a father with manias & depressions. He is better now, in his 80s, on meds. But for years, he'd get fits of anger, hit us, tell us to kill ourselves etc.  Often, depression shows up as anger. The boy who hit his Mom acts like I used to when I was in a depression. I never acted like that towards my parents, I'd have been quite literally beaten half to death. But I would rage outdoors & scream & scream into my pillow at night. In my mid-40s, I finally got good meds & therapy for all the problems from my childhood but it took me decades to realize something was really wrong with me.  My parents & I have worked on becoming friends since I was 25. From age 18-25, I stayed away from home due to Dad's furies & Mom standing there, letting him beat my brother & me. Kids' anger comes from somewhere--whether it's divorce, death of a sibling or parent, or brain dysfunction.  I believe my father's & my manic-depression is genetic.  His mother had the same fits of anger.  All 3 of us are generally popular, upbeat, highly achieving people.  I have faith that these kids can be turned around.  But they need more than discipline & certainly NOT tough love.  That is a damaging idea.  Consequences yes---taking away their favorite things, whether it's books (my favorite as a kid) or video games or whatever.  But never yelling or hitting your kid.  Never theats to have them sent to jail or juvenile detention. That passes anger on & that damaged kid grows up to be a bully & a mean parent.  Parents need Time Outs, too.  Just walk away from an argument & do not get engaged in it.  Tell the kid "Mom needs some time alone, we can talk about this when we are both calmed down."  But again, I URGE all parents to take their angry or bullying child to a psychiatrist who can prescribe the proper medications & give good talk/play therapy. My life would've been So much better had my parents admitted I needed help at age 7!  The stigma of mental illness is so bad that kids would rather kill themselves than admit they need help.  Often, parents don't realize anger is depression until it's far too later & the kid goes on drugs/alcohol or worse, kills him/herself.  God bless you all.  I chose not to have kids for fear of being like my father.

Since you are asking politely, and not attacking me as a parent anymore, I will answer you. 

 

Actually, I treat her with the same respect as an adult, but with the understanding that she is only 4 years old. 

 

I ask that in the future you don't ask question about my family. Thank you.

 

 

Just because a child is highly intelligent past their  years does not mean they are as emotionally developed.  Treating a ten year old like an adult just because he is smart could be severly damaging.  That's like treating a teenage girl like she's older just because she has physically developed early.  It is just wrong.  I am all for discipline.  But there is a way to do it without robbing the child of their dignity if it is done consistently and with mutual respect. Wendy has not as of yet been able to grasp this concept.  I am certain she has slapped or pushed Noah. Otherwise there is no way he would even dare.  It must have been significant too.  My mother slapped and pushed me. I never did it back. I got older and stronger and one day when she was about to do it, I told her I would think carefully if I were her before she hit me.  She never did it again.  Noah's mother touched him in an abusive enough manner enough times to teach him "well, this must be the way to get people's attention, this is the way my mother does it"