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Topic : 05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Number of Replies: 273
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Created on : Friday, May 23, 2008, 07:38:19 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It’s the last day in The Dr. Phil House for four families struggling to tone down the chaos, fighting and unhappiness. Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall and listen to what your kids say about you? Well, the moms get that chance. They watch and listen behind a two-way mirror as their kids have a conversation with one of their peers. Don’t miss Wendy’s reaction when her son, Noah, opens up about his sister’s death. When Dr. Phil puts the kids to the task of cleaning up a filthy room, will the challenge be too much for them … or their parents? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with the mothers and the fathers separately for some no-nonsense parenting advice. If you’re a parent, you won’t want to miss this valuable lesson in parenting! Then, Dr. Phil helps the parents make the first step in creating a phenomenal family. Plus, how are these families doing now? Don’t miss the surprising update! And, are you looking for something fun for your kids this summer? Deborah Gibson has gone from teen pop sensation to an inspiring musical mentor. See how she makes deserving children’s dreams come true at her Camp Electric Youth! Join the discussion.

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May 27, 2008, 8:52 am CDT

Practice for future bad relationships?

 

Well, nothing but a re-reun on today, I'll have to wait until next week for the final part.

 

I rewatched a little bit of it, and it seemed like so much spinning of the wheels with Noah and Ethan.  If you have to argue back and forth with a child, you've already lost.  I think not only does it mean you're failing to establish parent/child dynamics, but that you're focusing the child's mind on winning the argument.  I think Noah is smart enough to know he's being abusive to his mother.  But he justifies that with his stance that his mother is wrong on the issues.  He's focused on that. 

 

Two patterns of behavior are resulting from that.  One, he's learning that debate is more important than understanding, and an extension of that is that he cannot be wrong in a debate.  Two, he's learned that abuse can be covered up by arguments and debate. 

 

Anyone who's had a bad adult relationship, or some bad behaviors in the relationship, know what I'm talking about.  It's very common to see this exact dynamic during adult disputes.

 

My point here is, Noah is all set up for disastrous relationships in a few years when he begins dating.   And I think he's a pre-teen now, right?  So that isn't far off.  In the beginning, dating will be fun and a novelty.  But eventually, he's going to have to face her when they have disagreements.  And you can bet that once she starts interrupting him, or insisting she's right in an argument, Noah will feel very frustrated and angry and fall back in the pattern of he's right and she's wrong.  Subconciously, he's going to try to win the arguments he felt he could never "win" with his mother.   Once again, he's going to see this person as someone who should love him, but refuses to.  And the abuse will reappear too, because Noah's gained emotional satisfaction (an emotional payoff) from the reactions of those he's abusing.  This is reaaaaally bad.  So Noah needs to start establishing different patterns now, before he hits his teens.

 
May 27, 2008, 9:06 am CDT

Noah is unbelievable!!!

Dear Dr. Phil;

 

That young man is amazing.  My wife and I watched the show yesterday.  We couldn't believe Noah.  How could he even say after talking with you and his mom, that Wendy was trying to start a fight with him after you left the room.  If anyone was trying to start a fight it was Noah.  You have your hands full with this kid.

We'll keep watching hoping you can correct this situation.

 

Good Luck!!!

 

Merv & Amy Davis

 
May 27, 2008, 9:23 am CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

How does a parent lose control of their child like Noah and Ethan???????My kids love the show super nanny, and you see parents on that show just clueless as these in how to raise children. Did they not have parents that parent them? Did their parents lack consequences and consistancy with them???

come on people its not that hard to say what you mean and mean what you say, when you are dealing with kids, if you are always changing the rules how do they know what the true rules are in your house????? YOU had them now you need to take the time and teach them!!! they don't come already programmed with dos and don'ts morals and ethics all that needs to be instilled in them!!!!!! they can't instill it in themself from watching tv. or a new video game, you have to do the work. for we all don't have to pay the price or your lazyness!!!!!!

 
May 27, 2008, 10:09 am CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

During the show today once again I was irritated with some of the mothers behaviors.  However instead of bashing any of the adults or children I'd rather just wish them all the best of luck.   Some will need it more than others.

 

Also wanted to say I just love Haley's mom.  What an awesome lady, she really got it. And the way she was so kind and helpful to Noah and Wendy.  She is truly a caring person.  I believe her and Haley have a very bright future together.

 

And to Noah, You're a smart little guy.  Please don't grow into an angry adult.  Try very hard to give your mom a break and hopefully she'll give you one as well. Take care little fella.

 
May 27, 2008, 10:15 am CDT

what worked for us

Watching the show and reading and listening to the material on Dr.Phil.com made me really frustrated.  It's fortunate that I am not some of these kid Mom as I would likely do something very un-mom-like. I watched with my 12 yr old daughter and she was shocked at the attitude  and dis-respect shown by some of these kids. I was frankly surprised at her view. We have had our battles over the years.

 

She recommended that the parents do what I did when I reached the end of my rope a few years ago with her and her sister. They were abusing their bedroom big time... peeing on the floor, hiding rotting food in the closet, drawing on the walls, peeling the walpaper border off, you name it my sweetlings were doing it. I took away everything, and I mean everything, from their room... the carpet(down to the subfloor), the beds, their clothes, their toys and stuffies, the wall hangings, everything.  I left their pillows,mattresses, blankets and books (I'm an avid reader and would never take away books). They were embarrassed to have their friends over, I can't blame them it looked awful. 

 

This went on for weeks until a friend of theirs said " Why don't you behave so you can get your stuff back?"

 

 A simple enough question, but one that created an aha moment. I was frankly running out of things to take away... we were all miserable. Fast foreward 5 or so years later and both girls keep their rooms fairly nice ( we have had a few more battles but not so much) and they now know that Mom and Dad mean business. We have learned that raising a family takes on-going adjustments and re-negotiations...it's never perfect but now it is at least manageable. We still have to call the kids (we have 4) on their behavior but they also call us on ours. Home is a place of relative peace and much love.

 

You can't let the lunatics take over the assylum... someone has to be in charge and that will NOT be someone who isn't even allowed to vote.

 
May 27, 2008, 10:16 am CDT

They need a REAL Dr!

I havent seen todays show yet so I dont know what else Dr Phil has done but from what I saw yesterday he wasnt helping them one bit!! He tells Noahs Mom to stop yelling and hitting and then he turns around and says that if he would have been there and seen him slap her, he would have jerked that kid up!! Jerked him up and done WHAT with him!! Everyone keeps saying "MY CHILD WOULD NEVER GET AWAY WITH THAT" so what would they do about it?! All he has done so far is blame the Parents over and over and over and then turned around and said "Its not about blame!" From the previews it looks like the Parents are apologizing to the kids!! What good is it going to do to apologize to them!! That will only give the kid more power!! That will make them think even MORE that they are the 'right' ones!! Sure whatever the Parents are doing isnt working... but what will??!! Thats what they want to know!!  They KNOW what they are doing isnt working!! Thats why they are there!!! Lets get past that part and start giving these parents so help...instead of blame!! Noah has some serious mental problems! At this point his Mother cant fix him. He needs professional help. He is too far gone and I dont think its ALL his Mothers fault. He needs counseling and medication!! He needs to be seperated from his Mother and have intense therapy. Otherwise he is never going to get better. Tere is A LOT going on there. ANd I also think his Mother needs to be away from him also until they both have lots of counseling. Tat is a horrible situation. Very sad.  So far, Dr.Phil's advise has NOT impressed me one bit!! But I havent seen the whole story yet. I wont make a final judgment until I see the whole series. Someone needs to help Noah NOW...because he is on his way to total destruction!!
 
May 27, 2008, 10:34 am CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Noah is a very intelligent child! He has figured out that he can really hurt his Mother by accusing her of child abuse. I have no doubt that his Mother has done some abusive things but only out of total frustration and not knowing what else to do. I dont think her "abuse" is the entire problem. Noah has many psychological issues that need to be dealt with, and this is not a matter that should be left entirely up to his Mother. They both need intense counseling. This is not something they can fix by "forgiving" eachother and just stoping.
 
May 27, 2008, 11:19 am CDT

05/27 The Dr. Phil House: Brat Camp, Part 3

Quote From: katrinakaye

I havent seen todays show yet so I dont know what else Dr Phil has done but from what I saw yesterday he wasnt helping them one bit!! He tells Noahs Mom to stop yelling and hitting and then he turns around and says that if he would have been there and seen him slap her, he would have jerked that kid up!! Jerked him up and done WHAT with him!! Everyone keeps saying "MY CHILD WOULD NEVER GET AWAY WITH THAT" so what would they do about it?! All he has done so far is blame the Parents over and over and over and then turned around and said "Its not about blame!" From the previews it looks like the Parents are apologizing to the kids!! What good is it going to do to apologize to them!! That will only give the kid more power!! That will make them think even MORE that they are the 'right' ones!! Sure whatever the Parents are doing isnt working... but what will??!! Thats what they want to know!!  They KNOW what they are doing isnt working!! Thats why they are there!!! Lets get past that part and start giving these parents so help...instead of blame!! Noah has some serious mental problems! At this point his Mother cant fix him. He needs professional help. He is too far gone and I dont think its ALL his Mothers fault. He needs counseling and medication!! He needs to be seperated from his Mother and have intense therapy. Otherwise he is never going to get better. Tere is A LOT going on there. ANd I also think his Mother needs to be away from him also until they both have lots of counseling. Tat is a horrible situation. Very sad.  So far, Dr.Phil's advise has NOT impressed me one bit!! But I havent seen the whole story yet. I wont make a final judgment until I see the whole series. Someone needs to help Noah NOW...because he is on his way to total destruction!!

My heart goes out to all these parents.  I agree that Dr. Phil's telling Noah's mother not to resort to physical punishment is at odds with his statement that he'd have jerked that kid up out of his chair.  Yeah, and done what? When he berated the parents for asking what they should do, he lost me.  YES, they'd been listening, and YES, they got what he said, but theirs was a valid question. What SHOULD they do when their child slaps them or exhibits deep contempt?  

 

I agree, too, that the parents' behavior has greatly contributed to the ghastly conduct of their children, and I agree with the previous poster that they KNOW this and that's why they're there.  Surely more than a couple of us feel that Dr. Phil's arrogance occasionally precludes helpfulness on his part.

 

 

 
May 27, 2008, 12:02 pm CDT

Special Needs Children Live with same societal Expectations

Quote From: txscfan

 I have to agree with this post, even though I almost always agree with Dr. Phil.  I felt maybe Ethan had some deeper psychological (mental?) issues going on.  Noah seemed incapable of seeing his roll in the chaos - losing a sister to cancer can set your emotional growth back a bit, but I didn't feel there was ever an "aha" moment for him.  I hope both of these young men have mental health resources available to them in their home towns.
I completely disagree.  The only mental health issues Noah and Ethan have is manipulation and abusive behavior.  I'm sure both boys were screened prior to going on the show.  Trust me, if either Noah or Ethan had a mental health issue the parents would be screaming it out loud.  I can't stand it, but it's true.  Parents use mental health and disabilities as an excuse for bad behavior.  As a parent of a child with two hidden disabilities, it shames me to see when parents put the disablity even before the child's name. "Hi, this my Autistic son Allen, or my ADHD daughter Kate."  Children with special needs deserve respect and need to have the same if not similiar expectations as neurotypical children.  Noah and Ethan, if you want respect from others you have to give it back in return with no excuses
 
May 27, 2008, 12:23 pm CDT

my god what is wrong

THE KID THAT HIT HIS MUM HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE FLOOR I WOULD'NT HAVE PUT UP WITH THAT FOR ONE SECOND.AND THESE OTHER KIDS WHAT DRAMA QUEENS THEY ARE.AND THE PARENTS OF ALL THESE KIDS SHOULD OF NEVER HAD KIDS.GOD I HAD KIDS AND THERE NO KID THAT IS PERFECT BUT MY GOD THESE KIDS ARE OUT OF CONTROL BIG TIME BUT IT'S THE PARENTS FAULT.THEY SHOULD OF NEVER HAD KIDSA IF THEY DID'NT KNOW HOW TO RAISE THEM OR TREAT THEM.AND THIS MOTHER THAT THE SON HIT HER.SHE LOST A CHILD WELL SO DID I.YOU CAN'T USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE.AND LET HER SON PAY FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS'NT HIS FAULT.GROW UP PEOPLE AND GET A LIFE.
 
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