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Topic : 08/29 Internet Dramas

Number of Replies: 83
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Created on : Thursday, August 21, 2008, 04:08:59 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
More than half of the households in America have one or more computers. These days, it’s common to surf the net, pay bills or even shop online, but do you know someone who spends way too much time on the computer? Dr. Phil’s guests are desperate to get their loved ones off the PC because their obsession with the Internet is causing major drama in their families and marriages. Chris and Virginia say they had no idea their 10-year-old daughter was having sexual conversations with men online, until a phone call in the middle of the night shocked them to their core. Parents, you won’t believe where the inappropriate conversations started! Then, meet Bob, a husband and father who is so addicted to the online game EverQuest that he admits he’s forgotten to feed his children! He spends up to 80 hours a week playing his computer game and has stopped eating with his family, playing with his kids and even sleeping in the same bed with his wife, Tiffany. See what happened when Tiffany gave him an ultimatum: give up the game or his family. And, meet a mom who spends all her time perfecting the online profiles she created for her dogs! Her two sons say, "What about us?" Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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August 29, 2008, 3:49 pm CDT

My Conclusion

After reading and commenting on a few of the posts for this show I can see that a lot of people just don’t get it.  The internet isn’t bad it’s great but just like all things it can be used for bad.  This goes for many things in people’s lives including but not restricted to TV, Drinking, Drugs, Guns, Cars and Gaming.  All of those things have good uses but if abused they are also all bad.  A lot of you will say well what good is drinking?  And I can tell you that alcohol in moderation is good for you same goes for drugs, if used for the right reasons drugs are a good thing, not illegal ones but prescription drugs.

 

A lot of you seem to be paranoid, like the lady with the 21 year old that likes video games.  Yes he likes games but I seriously doubt that they are the reason he is how he is, trust me on this one because I have been a gamer for over 30 years and have a family and all of us are very happy.  The guy must have many issues but the gaming is a release, a way to get away from real life issues.  In essence it’s a way out but not the cause.

 

Time to go home so everyone have a great Holiday Weekend;-)

 
August 29, 2008, 3:49 pm CDT

I can relate!!

The episode that Dr. Phil has on now, with Bob and Tiffany and internet gaming I can relate to so veryHe has been a member for 10 years, I think it is, ever since it was created.  My husband is addicated to EverQuest like it is going out of style.  hAt first when he started to play, it was only for a few hours at a time.  It was his down time from work.  Which I thought was okay because he needed down time just like the rest of us.  When I got pregnant, the gaming got more intense and less time spend with me.  This got to become a problem more after our son was born because he didn't know how to relate to our newborn, so he would go on his computer and play until wee hours of the morning.  That bothered me because "we had to be quiet cause Daddy was still sleeping."  I started to resent my husband so much because of this stupid game and the hours he so should have been playing with his son or spending time with his new wife.  The day that I voiced my opinion on his gaming time, he got so mad at me, he deleted the whole game off his computer and threw it in the garbage and asked if I was now happy that he had nothing.  That made me feel better for a short period of time because we were finally doing things as a family.  But that was short lived.  Behind my back, he went and bought that damn game again.  He said that he would only play it when our son was asleep.  Ya right, he did for a short period of time but the game got more intense with more quests, more raids and upgrades, he really drove a wedge between us and I left him for a week.  Well, that changed his gaming in a hurry.  Again short lived.  I got pregant again 2 years later and he quit playing EverQuest for my whole preganacy.  That was nice because he was more involved with this one than that of the first.  But after the baby was born, that was it, back to playing because he needed the time to not be stressed from the day.  Hell, what about me, when do I get my down time?  I have not had any down time with two kids that are younger than 3 and dealing with everything in the house.  It is just not fair.  I can't play any computer games, because I am the one that deals with the kids issues, let it be changing diapers or staying up with a sick kid or waking up in the middle of the night to a baby crying.  Him on the other hand will just be coming to bed or still playing on the computer.  One morning I can remember he had to be up and out on the road by 630 am, he was still playing his stupid game at 5 am when I had to be up with the baby.  Man, I can't begin to tell you how mad that made me when he has the gull to tell me to wake him up in an hour, then he complains all day how tired he is.  I HATE EVERQUEST!!!!! 
 
August 29, 2008, 3:55 pm CDT

Internet Monitorring

We have to be very careful that we don't put the responsibility on the government for monitoring the Net. It is just this kind of thing that would bring on legislation to control more of what is going on and what is available to us. We must find ways to entertain our children and if required use a net Nanny program available online to monitor where they go or can't go. We don't want to become like China where there is no freedom of thought and print available and we can't let the children be the reason this might happen. Every parent must take responsibility and revisit their relationship with their child. There will always be threats in life. We must weigh this with the beauty of what the Internet has provided to us and protect it at all cost.

 
August 29, 2008, 4:17 pm CDT

reform internet addict

i used to be online from 11am until 11pm and i wasn't helping around the house and it was frustrating my mother.  this happened 8 yrs ago when i wasn't doing anything at that time i was going to therapy.  the therapist asked my mother what upset her the most and she mention that i'm always online all day long and don't help around the house.  the therapist, my mom and me came up with a solution to see if i could spend at least an hr a day online and its been working for me for the past 8 yrs. sometimes my friends ask me to stay on longer and i tell them no.  some parents need to monitor their children internet hours.
 
August 29, 2008, 5:08 pm CDT

fixing to be a world of warcraft widow

I just got finished watching the show today and was in tears because i have been going through the same thing for 4 years now with my husband. it has been off and on though everquest,guild wars,city of heros all kinds but now its world of warcraft. and ill addmit before we had our girls i played to and got suck in at one time so i know how addicting it can be.but now our girls our 1 and 4 . and our 4 year old says things like were going to the store but daddy cant go because he has to play his game.he works for the state prision sdo i can see some need to escape.but he starts most evenings at 4-8pm and play all night til 8 am the next morning and when hes supposed to be sick he stay up all night on that game instead of resting.i would not care if he played if he managed his time but clearly he cannot.he spends the rest of the day sleeping too. Also when he comes home he will log on to his voice chat just to hear what his guild is talking about instead of asking us how our day was.we havnt even slept inthe same bed in months and he doesnt seem to care.he say i can never be pleased but ive told him just managed your time get off the game.ive even threaten to cut it off and someone from his guild offered to pay our bills so he can keep playing ! so now i have caom to the relization tha he will never look forward to spending time with me just the game and his guild.i have even lost weight,gotten a second job to help things,done the yard work,and nothing.so im now in the process of trying to leave but i am hoping that he will see when hes here alone with nothing but his computer.lifes too short to be unhappy and this is not what i pictures 6 yrs ago when i said i do!
 
August 29, 2008, 5:15 pm CDT

20 and 24 yr old men with 10 yr old girl

I hope these parents  gave the email addresses and phone numbers of these perverted men to the athorities. These men should be prosecuted to the fullest.  The 20 yr old man knew she was 10nyrs old, and the 24 year old man thought she was 16.  Both knew they could be prosecuted.  Also I was glad to hear that you could get on the internet though game players, I had no idea.
 
August 29, 2008, 6:44 pm CDT

Nothing Wrong With Computer Games

Dr. Phil, I just finished watching your show on computer addiction.  I agree with 90% of what you usually say but I'm surprised at your attack on computer games on this show.  I'm sick and tired of reading and listening to people blame the poor parenting habits of adults on computer games.  These people would have poor parenting skills if they were never introduced to a game.  First, it's the person, not the game.  Anyone who would not feed their child or tend to their needs in order to play a computer game is not all there upstairs to begin with and needs to be in serious counseling if not have their children take away from them altogether.  The guest you had on shouldn't even have children - he's pathetic. 

 

However, for all of the parents who can juggle their schedules, feed and bathe their kids, read them a bedtime story, play ball with them, coach their team, help them do their homework and STILL find time to play a computer game once the kiddies are in bed or watching a movie on TV, for THEIR relaxation, I say go for it!  Computer games, like Everquest for instance, (by the way World of Warcraft has 10 million players.  If you really want to go after a computer game, you should have picked that one) is a huge escape for people who are just trying to escape the reality of all of the problems going on in this world and step into a virtual reality one whee they can relax for awhile.  I don't hear you knocking all of the fathers out there for spending time on the golf course , fishing, hunting, playing poker, etc. who spend endless hours away from their families.  Just because some people choose video gaming over knocking a little white ball around on some grass trying to get it in a hole doesn't make them some addicted crazed abusive animal. 

 

I have met sick and dying people who play this game in order to get their minds off of their illness and what is soon to come.  I have met the elderly who love to play this game because maybe getting outside is out of the question for them and this game keeps their minds young.  There have been many lasting friendships made with people from all over the world through this game and others.  There have been marriages that have come out of these games - alot better I might add than going to a bar, getting drunk, trying to meet someone and then driving home drunk!!!  A lot of people choose to stay home with their kids and play video games instead of leaving them with sitters and going out somewhere.  Video games are now even being put into nursing homes for the elderly.  This makes me happy to know it's brining such joy to these people.  I started playing Everquest while taking care of a mother who was dying of cancer.  .  .

 

So, Dr. Phil, you need to lighten up on the video games.  This guy here is just a worthless no good father period.  It has nothing to do with the video games - if it wasn't that, it would be something else. . .    

 
August 29, 2008, 7:24 pm CDT

?????

What the heck is wrong with these parents? A 10 yr old that has unlimited access to a computer so much so that she is having sexual conversations and giving out personal information? She is not even a teenager yet, why does she have that kind of freedom? Where are her parents when she is doing this? Dr. Phil asked them where she learned these words..........and the mother said TV...........WHAT? How about taking some responsibility for your child? I have a 12 yr old and not only does he ask for permission before he uses the computer but our computer has had a parental block and is password protected. We also have a block on our TV. I'm sure he hears things at school but we do everything in our power to protect him. It's the least we can do you since we're his parents.

 

This isn't a new problem. The internet predator shows have been on for years. Where have these people been................under a rock. I get so angry when people blame outside sources for something that could have been prevented by a little someting called PARENTING. I know I can't control everything he does but I'll tell you what, I will do my best to protect him especially when he is in our home.

 
August 29, 2008, 10:10 pm CDT

Everquest

Hey everyone i'am a 25 yr old girl who plays everquest at least 5 hours a day i live with my boyfriend who also plays the game he's got all high lvl toon and i think that when your life comes 2nd to Eq that theres something wrong. and as for raiding guilds they don''t always raid 7 days a week and if the days they do raid it may only take 2 to 3 hours in a good raiding guild. me personly i'm in a family type guild that we raid but we have a choice if we want to or not it's not mantaory  that we go. my Boyfriend used to be in a High Level guild that raided every other day but it may be differantt for us cause we son't have kids or anything but we have our own place that we rent. my Brother also plays the game and he's got 2 kids but he's never ever Ignored them for the game. you can conrol how much you play and the time that you put into it.  theres my opion. if it makes since
 
August 30, 2008, 5:28 am CDT

Compassionate to your dilemma

Quote From: chriskramar

I am tired of the media making internet addiction a joke.

 

My first marriage was destroyed by internet addiction and its associated ease in pursuing pornography addiction and online sex chat.

 

My ex husband was hospitalized for depression in January 1997 when his internet life where he was telling people in online local chat that he was getting a divorce and had a much more lucrative career than he actually did collided with the fact that after 4 years of trying to get pregnant we finally were expecting.  He had not paid any of our bills for 3 months and had used the money to entertain new friends he had met online.

 

He was in the hospital for 1 week, then had inpatient day-care for 2 weeks while I had to figure out how to get our bills paid. There was tremendous pressure on me from that day forward to make sure that he never got too stressed and I lived in paralyzing fear that he would kill himself and I would have to explain that to our children.

 

I identified this as the problem when he was in the hospital but his doctor and social worker dismissed it. I was offered the opportunity to discuss if I wanted an abortion, but neither would listen to how obsessed he had become with going online from the time he got home from work, until 2 or 3 the next morning.  I later learned that he had started sneaking chat at work and had been on the verge of discovery up until he went in the hospital.

 

When he got home he was only able to stay off the computer for about 2 weeks then slowly came up with reasons why he needed to get back on.

 

Fast forward through 6 years of catching lying about long distance phone calls, mystery computer purchases, and sex chat logs I discovered.  He would in turn threaten to kill himself and get his medications changed.  He was on Trazadone, Zoloft, and Effexor but no one talked to him about obsessing over the computer.

 

I could not count on him to help me with anything around the house or to watch the kids.  I had to take part time jobs after the kids went to bed because he was entirely irrational with them expecting that they make no demands of him during his computer time. Most of the time when we visited family it was like the lights were on and nobody was at home.  I was so embarassed of him that he would make a beeline straight to the computer in any house we were visiting so he could check his email and get back onto chat. At family gatherings he was always at a computer. We had multiple notices and fines from our home owners association because he would not get off his butt to mow the lawn or do maintenance.  I was tremendously embarassed by our situation. 

 

I had trusted that he was visiting parenting websites and sharing information about being a father.  I learned instead that he was trolling a highly trusted national parenting website and looking at the pictures Moms had posted.  He admitted to starting to private message the "cute" ones and this is how the online sexual relationships started.  He later faked business trips to go meet 2 women in person. He lied to me and said that because he was new in a job that he did not have vacation or sick time.  He took one of these trips when our youngest daughter was only 4 weeks old after taking no time off for her birth. I have seen the chat logs and these women were online with him for at least 8 hours a day from work or home, so obviously they have an addiction too. But when you see that your husband is in a parenting chat you don't immediately think its about sex.

 

The final draw came when he was terminated from his position with the Federal Government for posting to message boards, online chat, and viewing pornography. He was so obsessed with this that using the software provided on his computer at work was not enough that he installed his own unauthorized programs and even tunneled through the firewall back to his home computer. Again, he was hospitalized for the depression that resulted in his life from his two worlds colliding. I left him to live with my parents and divorced 6 months later after attempting marriage therapy and learning that he had no understanding of the impact of his actions.  The adultery was acknowledged by the marriage therapist, but would not go into the impact of being a widow to his computer addiction. 

 

Even more infuriating was that the psych unit he was on had internet access! So while I was in deep grief over what was happening, he was allowed to go online! He never stopped his second online persona the whole time he was hospitalized. When he got visitation with the kids I caught him that he was posting to a pornographic website while the kids were in his care!  Despite having a court order that he is to stay offline when the kids were in his care, during their last visits the kids reported that Dad made them fly 3 hours to sit in his apartment while he typed on the computer!

 

I kept hearing over and over that well this is what he does for a living, so obviously it must mean that he gets a free pass or something to be on the computer 22 hours a day and neglect the rest of his life.

 

Today he is still addicted.  I can do a google search for his known monikers and see that he is still posting to several message boards. From the time date stamps I can tell he is still up to doing this while he is at work.  He has been fired from other jobs since the divorce I suspect for his online activities.

 

He has not seen his kids in 2 years, he does not pay his court ordered child support, and claims that all he can get is a part time job at a motel.  But I think he has that job because he can sit at a desk all night and post to the internet waiting for people to check in.

 

 His life is over until he has control over his desire to be a legend in his online mind. I am sick that he posts about being a father to kids he has not seen in two years.  He wants to do online chat and email with the kids and I have firmly said NO. My children will not be multitasked, I insist that their interactions be intentional and with a purpose.  He does not talk to them on the phone because you can tell he is distracted and typing away.

 

The only people I feel sorry for are my two kids age 8 and 11 that their father chooses to be an online narcissist versus the man I married years ago who once had real goals and a direction to his life.

 

You obviously saw firsthand the negative impact the internet has today.  Although I strongly feel that your husband was wrong in so many ways, you should have left him a long time before you did.  You would have survived years of torture.  Your ex-husband is no longer emotionally, socially, or financially available to you or your children.  My ex was physically abusive and since my children were very young, I have been providing for them in every way single-handedly.  Your children will survive without their father.  I think you just need to move on.  Don't see if he is still posting online and is up to the same games; he will be.  You're right that he probally works nights to give in to his sex addiction.  You need to distance your children from their father.  He is not there for him and will cause them harm through his neglect - just like the father on the show.  But you should do it in a way that lets them know that they are worthy of attention and it is not their fault.  Explain their father has a disease that keeps him from being the father he needs to be.  Don't tell your kids, "He cares more about the internet, than you" because that will just cause low self-esteem. 
 
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