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Topic : 12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Number of Replies: 176
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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:17:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/16/08) Are you prepared for the unexpected? Life is not a success-only journey, but when you're faced with difficult days, you don't have to become a victim. In his new book, Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, Dr. Phil teaches you how to prepare for a crisis before it arrives, and how to get back to better days. One of the most challenging days can come the day your heart is shattered, especially if you experience a loss. Amber says she was living the perfect life. She and her sisters dreamed of marrying a man like their dad and having a great relationship like their parents'. She says they were totally blindsided on Father's Day when their dad told their mom he wanted a divorce. Hear their emotional story and learn what you can expect to feel when you lose something precious to you. Plus, find out Dr. Phil's action plan to help you get through the difficult period. Then, Sylvia is a mother to 4-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant. She was married to a Marine sergeant for seven years who tragically lost his life —  not on the battlefield — in a car accident when he returned home. Now, each day is a battle for Sylvia. Dr. Phil shares his action steps for grieving, in an effort to help the mourning mom move forward. Today, Sylvia is struggles to pay for her basic necessities. Don't miss Dr.Phil's amazing surprise for her! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 16, 2008, 4:21 pm CDT

09/16 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Quote From: susu1958

I can totally relate to being involved with divorced parents. My parents divorced after 35 years of marriage. I have 4 siblings and I am in the middle. It was harder on me as I really tried hard to get along with both. I was living at home still and it was so difficult. My health started failing with very serious spine issues and at least my parents got to where they would talk. I loss my father to the battle of cancer in 2001 but I was glad that at least they were speaking to one another before he started his eternal life with God. I am excited about this book. I have not gotten it but will! The Seven Keys to Success -The Weight Loss Challenge guide me to losing 152 pounds and I was on Dr. Phil in 2005. I just had three critical spine surgeries and was so happy that I too thought I was going to be getting married after being divorced since 1989! Well, my engagement resolved without any communication. I am praying that it will work out. He will no longer respond but on the last communication he said that he would never want to work it out. Hopefully, at the least we can me dear friends as he was so good to me. I do want to have that someone special and deserve it! Again, look forward to the new book. Hang in there! SUSU

My parents seperated a few days after Thanksgiving. (25 years of marriage.) My mom came back from visiting some friends, and informed my father and I that she was leaving. She needed to find herself. We waited a year for her to ask to come home and work things out with my father, she didn't want to go to a marriage therapist, or get any kind of help to put the marriage together. Finally my father said he had enough and he's done and filed for divorce.

 

During that time frame, I went through depression. I broke out into anxiety attacks. During all these emotional roller coasters, I was going to college full time and working part time. I was doing my best to give my dad emotional support at this time too.

 

The best support I got during this time was co-workers, my now husband, and my grandparents. I still don't understand how my mother could say she needed to find herself, when in fact she's in the same position she was when she left my father. She won't go to college to better herself, she won't get a job, she's always got excuses after another why she can't find a job. She lives with her boyfriend, who pays for everything for her.

 

I still wish I could understand why their marriage didn't work out. Which I know why in some ways why it didn't work out. But in all. I just wish they could be civil to each other, I wish they could talk without my mother trying to flirt with my father. My father is remarried and my mom does this right in front of his new wife.

 

The divorce threw me into so many loops. I felt why the hell should I get married if my parents couldn't make it. I could no longer trust my mom, I mean she left for a selfish reason, so why should I trust her. I felt betrayed. I am still in some ways going through the emotions, and I still battle inward with myself and what marriage means to me. I have promiesed myself I will do my upmost to make sure my son doesn't go through this.

 
September 16, 2008, 4:36 pm CDT

Sylvia

I can't find on this site where to contact Sylvia to help her.  I would like to send her some baby items to help her with her new baby girl.  Does anybody know how I can contact her?  Please advise.
 
September 16, 2008, 4:58 pm CDT

My Sister in Law just lost her Fiance

Quote From: lovedandlost

 I am a 24 year old mom to two wonderful kids ages 5 and 2. I lost my husband a little over five months ago in a tragic accident.  My life is so hard right now. My kids miss their daddy terribly. I'm just now comming out of shock and its been the hardest time ever.

Hey there,

 

First off my sincere appologies for the loss of your husband. I read your posting and it hit home. My Sister in law is 23 years old and she just lost her Finace in a terrible Car accident he was 24 years old and they  have a 1 year old son together. He was such a hard worker and very dedicated to his family. I was wondering if maybe you would be interested in talking with her. She needs someone that has been in the same situation. If you want you can email me at colleentrev80@yahoo.com again i am so sorry for the loss of your husband.

 

Colleen

 
September 16, 2008, 5:05 pm CDT

Congraduations

I would like to think the dr. phil show, for caring about real people in american and to really understand that sometimes things can happen that we cant help, '

 
September 16, 2008, 5:09 pm CDT

09/16 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Sorry Dr. Phil, but you don,t have any idea how a family with children feel about a cheeting father that just leaves his family of three children.  We were together 30 years.  My grown children have their own minds and feel dad devorced them as well.  He did leave them, me, and broke his parents and sisters and brothers hearts.  Everyone in our lives was touched by his betrail.  After 7 years we will never be the same. 

My girls and I now know not to really trust in any man totally.  

 
September 16, 2008, 5:13 pm CDT

09/16 Real Life: Heart Shattered

I cried so hard for Sylvia and her family, my heart just breaks for her and her family's loss.  It really made sense to me when Dr. Phil said allowing friends and family to help you when you are hurting is like giving the friends and family a gift.  I wish there was something that could be done to ease her pain...

 

I started dating my husband when I was 15, I'm now 30 and we've been married 8 years.  I can't imagine really losing him and every time he leaves the house I worry something will happen.  I guess that's what comes with working in a medical profession. 

 
September 16, 2008, 5:21 pm CDT

Life Shattered

I watched the show on your new book about life shattered. I found a lot of what you said to be very simplistic. I have had several tragic losses and found I couldn't relate to most of what you were saying. I have lost children (4 daughters) among numerous other thngs including being divorced.There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that can prepare you for any type of loss.  Life is to complicated for that. Your outlook on life changes and it takes many things to come together to make it work. It never, never gets ok just easier to accept.
 
September 16, 2008, 5:22 pm CDT

I'm so sorry, Sylvia

Today, as I watched Sylvia, I was totally blown away by her strength! I can't imagine the pain that she's going through, having just lost her husband in July. It would be hard enough with the two young daughters, but with a baby on the way...I know she's struggling, I could see that, but she was so not out of control, which I think that I would bee.

 

Sylvia, if you read this please know that there is a lady in NC praying for you even tonight! I can imagine that you would be angry with God right now. I'm sure that people are giving you all kinds of "fix-all" answers like, "Remember Romans 8:28" & God has a purpose for everything", etc. You're probably not ready to hear all that. You know the truth already, but right now, you can't listen to all that! You will again, I'm sure, but now you just need to grieve! I'm so incredibly sorry, Sylvia!

 

A mom in NC

 
September 16, 2008, 5:23 pm CDT

the image of shattered hearts

I  can  relate  to  tragedies  and  unexspected  multiple  loss . My  heart  goes  out  to  all , watching  todays  show  was  helpful to  me  . I  recent    lost  3 immediate  family  members  back  to  back  over  the  course  of  a year , somewhwere  in  between my  sister  then  my  brother  then  my  mother passing  away  I  become  my  fathers  full  time  care giver  and  was  700 miles  from  home  . I  dont  exactlly  know  how  but  soehow  just  being able  to care  for  my  father  who  is  undeniably a  solid  rock  who  earned  the  reputation  of  being like  General Lee , his determination  to  survive  is unbelievable and  I  think  maybe  I  thought  I  needed  to  take  him  home  with  me  and  take  care  of  him  but  it  was  probabally  the  other  way  around . There  were  days  I  think  I  really  dont  know  how  to  desribe  but  in  the  process  of  trying  to  process  sudden  and  multiple  loss  of  immediate  family  members  any one  is  a  help  and  a  comfort . Some  how  and I  dont  even  know  myself  my  Father  got  me  to  come  around  to  eating  liveing  and  then  he u p  and  insisted  he  had  to  return  to home . Home  is  where  he  has  his  memories  and  life  and  heart  , I  feared  I  was  told  he had  passed  and  they  were  able  to  bring  him  back twice  I  believe  God  knows  what  were  able  to  bear  and  will  never  place more  than  we  can  . most  the  time  I   feel  I  can  not  get  through  it  all  No  cup  of  suffering  or  loss  is  ever  easy  ,  to  drink  the  wine  of  sorrow  and  loss  is  a  serious  disappointment  were  all  not  really  prepared  for . I  dont  believe  there  is  a  instruction  manual  for  some  things  that  happen . I only  know  somehow  in  the  image  of  being  shattered , somewhere  in  the  midst  of  what  the  mouth  can  not  speak  ,  or  the  heart  can  not  exspress  there  is  still  a  well  spring  of  life   like  a  tender  blade  of  baby  grass  growing  and  pushing  on and  up  through the  hardened  ground  just  watered  and  softened  with  tears  of  grief .  Theres  no  words  I  can  say  to  express  the  depths  of  my  grief  , its  just  a  wellspring  bubbling  over  and  surely  goodness  and  mercy  must  follow  in  course  with  the  well spring  of  life  that  yearns  for  life  and  some  how  in  the  unseen  and  un  expressed  shattering moments  never  forgotten  ,   of  it  all  , I  saw  dimely  but  surely  loss  here  is  inevitable  and never  timely  but  suddenly  . And  some how   I  believe  to  God  it  is  like  he  takes  us  from  one  room  to  another , but  we  dont  see  it  that  way  most  days  .  Even   so  in  the grief  I  just  believed  my  loved  ones  were  just  taken  through a  thin  veil  to  another  room  ,  and  just  over  the  next  mountian  of  time  Iwill  find  everything  I  lost  is  there  . some  how  just  watching  one  blade  of  grass  grow  , some  how  told  me  that  no  matter  what  the  ground  holds  . Life   does  go  up  .  when  is  the  part  we  never  truly  prepared  for   until  maybe  we  just  find  serenity  in  watching  one  tiny  blade  of  grass  grow . Nature  is  the  cure  for  weary  heaven  laden  hearts  , just  to  hear  a  bird  sing  in  the  morning  and  the  dew  dry  off  the  grass  and  the  sky  changeing  with  day  breaking  forth . some  days  I  think  what  will  I  do  today  , and  my  mind  feels  blank  as  well  does  my  heart  and  soul  . Then  I  thought  let  God  write  today  whatever  he  will  , and  let  my  blank  life  recieve  it  , and  as  I  did  that  daily  I  found  I  was  able  to  be  strong  enough  to  write  , to  live  ,  to  express  what  words  can  hold  todays  goodbyes  is  just  tomorrows  sun  rise  in  life  . what  tides  roll  out  and  wisp  away  just  comes  rushing  back  when  we  go  up   some  day  . Is  it  far  away  or  is  it just  the  next  room  across  the  way  ?  I  believe  we  spend  most  of  life  comeing  into  life  and  exsperiencing  loss   seems  so  backward  that  it  is  hard  to  go  foward  most  days  ,  yet  walking  through  loss  is  like  getting  from  one  room  to  another   the  hallway  is   hell  and  its  dark  and  gloomy  scary  and  lonely  . I  wish  there  was  a  way  to  run  through  it  but  the  gauntlet  of  emotions  slows  it  down  to  a  crawl !  so  how  to  get  through  this  ,  well  I  dont  know  except  that  holding  it all  in  dont  help  and  I  know  closure  does  not  come  when  the  condolences  are  given  it  does  take  a  long  time  to  be  ok  with  saying  its  ok  to  grieve  its  what  we  do  when  we  have  had  sudden  and  multiple  loss  of  loved  ones  and  if  there  is  a  forever  family  that  is  forever  .
If  u  could  take  the  time  I  would  tell  u  its  still  a  puzzle  to  me .
and  by  the  time  I  die  with  the  passing  if  Ive  sorted  out  my  changes 
and  if  u  could  take  the  time  , I  would  tell  u   , its  still  a  puzzle  .
theres  no  cure  all  for  shattered  hearts  but  the  image  of  life  and  what  makes  that  little  blade  of  grass  grow  its  still  there  covering  like  a  carpet  ,  but  then  some  how  some  one  is always  comeing  to  mow  it  down  .  by  the  time  I  die  with  the  passings  and  the  losses  in  this  life  I  dont  know  if  I  will  know  some  things  . I  only  know  just  takeing  one  day  at  a  time  is  the  only  way  I  have  been  able  to  endure  looseing  loved ones  .
 
September 16, 2008, 5:35 pm CDT

message to sylvia

Sylvia my heart goes out to you... How hard it is for you... and it will be hard for some time... I know at this point in time in your grief that you feel like you will never have anything to smile about again... You will.... I know for sure you will smile again... Right now your pain is like jagged rocks... Picture in your mind... rocks.. with running water going over them... right now jagged but in time smoothed out by the running water... not gone... but smoother...allways there but smoother...

Your emotions will run wild... you will wonder whether you are going crazy... where your head is... you will forget things, time will pass and you will wonder where that time has gone... cuz you weren't there for it... but you were and in time... you'll be there more and become more emotionally available to those around you....

Sylvia.. I lost 2 children 19 years ago... my daughter was 17... and it was on this day  Sept 16,19 years ago that  she was killed in an auto accident... 3 weeks to the day later... my son...who was 19 was also killed in yet another horrific car accident... I didn't think I would ever recover... My youngest daughter who was only 14 at the time went from being the baby of the family to being an only child.. losing her brother and her sister and I think in someways her mom... I tried to keep it together the best way that I could for the sake of my daughter... and I succeeded... and yes it was hard... not an easy job... panic attacks when she left the house in a car... wow... unreal... feeling of panic... but now... hey.. she's all grown up... a fine well adjusted young woman with 2 children of her own...and I am the grandmother of these 2 beautiful individuals... and yes... I smile... they make me smile...and I know that my two oldest children would be wanting me to smile and be happy... it's hard work being sad... at first i really didn't know if i would ever laugh again or smile again.. or go more than 10 minutes without thinking of them... now i do... they are allways there... but their memories bring a smile to my lips... and i know... that the last words that i said to them as they left the house... was love ya... be good... and that's what i heard from them.. love ya mom... and that helps..

God Bless you and yours... try to keep the faith ...

chantillet

 
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