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Topic : 12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Number of Replies: 176
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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:17:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/16/08) Are you prepared for the unexpected? Life is not a success-only journey, but when you're faced with difficult days, you don't have to become a victim. In his new book, Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, Dr. Phil teaches you how to prepare for a crisis before it arrives, and how to get back to better days. One of the most challenging days can come the day your heart is shattered, especially if you experience a loss. Amber says she was living the perfect life. She and her sisters dreamed of marrying a man like their dad and having a great relationship like their parents'. She says they were totally blindsided on Father's Day when their dad told their mom he wanted a divorce. Hear their emotional story and learn what you can expect to feel when you lose something precious to you. Plus, find out Dr. Phil's action plan to help you get through the difficult period. Then, Sylvia is a mother to 4-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant. She was married to a Marine sergeant for seven years who tragically lost his life —  not on the battlefield — in a car accident when he returned home. Now, each day is a battle for Sylvia. Dr. Phil shares his action steps for grieving, in an effort to help the mourning mom move forward. Today, Sylvia is struggles to pay for her basic necessities. Don't miss Dr.Phil's amazing surprise for her! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 16, 2008, 8:33 am CDT

I know the feeling to well

Quote From: sstein4

I am looking forward to watching this show since my heart has been shattered many times and I'm sure that I can relate.  I lost my first husband at age 32 from Acute Leukemia.  I was left to care for my two daughters aged 4yrs and 20mo at the time.  It took me 8 years to love another man and actually take the big step of marriage.  All was well for 8 years until he died in a tragic scuba diving accident.  It took me several years to get over that shock.  My youngest daughter was in her last year of high school and my oldest daughter was entering her 2nd year of college. I had so many debts, no life insurance from his accident and two college educations to worry about, that life became a major challenge.  Although I became extremely depressed, I trudged forward and actually found the strength to love and marry again several years later only to lose once more when my husband of 6 years died from Pancreatic Cancer. 

I can say now after all of these years of struggle and heartbreak that life turned out okay.  I always tried to remain hopeful and optimistic even when life seemed very bleak.  My daughters are each college graduates, married mothers of a boy and girl each and very happy.  They live near me so I get to enjoy my family on a frequent basis. I have become a very strong and independent woman through these years.  I have found love again in my life but, I will remain single this time around.  I still get teary eyed on my husband's birthdays, anniversaries of their deaths and other life events.  I've always believed that they would have wanted me to go on with my life and be as happy as I could possibly be. 

June 30 th 2002 I lost a son in the line of duty. Richard was 30 yrs old. That is the worst thing a mother and father can face. He was the middle child of 5.  He was a fireman and a Medical Response tech. He died doing what he liked to do best. It doesn't stop there 19 months later Jan 24, 2004 I lost my husband Ed he was 58 yrs young. I miss them both so much, and my life has not been the same. I am thankful every day that i wasn't alone raising our 5 children. We were married 37 1/2 yrs. There isn't one day that goes by that i don't think of them. I had met someone who is good to me but will never get married this time around. Things aren't the same, but i am not as lonely. I have a trailor that i stay in all summer closer to work ,and go home on the week-ends trying to save gas. I have always been independant, for my hubby always worked. He was a good provider,and wonderful father. I have older grandchildren 2 young ones and one on the way.That is what i have to live for, and enjoy very much.
 
September 16, 2008, 8:48 am CDT

Not Forgotten

I lost my son he was 24 to a car accident that was not his fault and feel angry that he died and the person that was at fault got to live.  Sometimes its hard to go on the first month I wanted to die to be with him then I got help and everyday I think of him but then I do remember that he laugh a lot and was a very happy child and he wouldn't want me to be sad that is what gets me through it.  Then watching Dr, Phil he said you need to remember their life not the death and I think of that a lot. Even thinking of these things it's hard sometimes to go on.
 
September 16, 2008, 9:17 am CDT

For the girls going through this.

I'm sorry to see you guys hurting like this.  I can relate in some ways.  My story is complicated, but when i was 18 my family found out my father had been having an affair with his girlfriend for 6 years.  No one guessed this, as my dad was not only looked on as a great dad, but the greatest youth leader our church had ever had.  He was then teen leader for the past 13 years.  My dad didn't like the divorce, but wanted my mom to stay and let him still live part time in the house he had set up 10 minutes away with his girlfriend.  They had bought the house 2 years before.  When my mom said no, he was gone.  To add insult, the g/f attended my highschool the same time as me.  She is a mere 3 years older than I am, so you can do the math and figure that 6 years before she was far from legal.  She was a member of our youth group at the time my father met her.  Anyway, at this point, my father cut my younger brother and me out of his life.  I haven't spoken to him in 7 years now.  still to this day, I am my mother's support, as she still cannot get over the shock.  I have not had time to grieve really, as shortly after I had my own children to care for and a mother to support fully plus a brother to worry for as my mom wasn't able to handle life at all after this.  But now after 8 years, the hurt is a lot less.  Oh yeah, I cry.  Your story brought those feelings back.  But be thankful.  Your dad is STILL there.  Just because he's not with your mom, does not mean he feels less for you.  He might treat you differently, but he's probably a bit uncomfortable too.  It will become easier with time.  At you ages, I think you should be able to bounce back well.  You will have your own lives to move on too.  Be there for your mom though.  I can't imagine her hurt.  But no matter what, your father is still your dad.  I'm sure you rwill continue to have that relationship, but it may take time to grow because you all are feeling uncomfortable.  Good luck to you and your family.  You will all be in my prayers.
 
September 16, 2008, 9:36 am CDT

First male I had sex with.

At fifteen this roomer in my fathers rooming house started playing me alot of attention... he moved to another house few blocks away... Years latter i realized what he was up to. He now had place to secretly

have me over to work his sexual advances...At the same time one of my girl friends needed a place to stay...

After keeping her in my bedroom for severals weeks, roomer suggested she come stay with him...

I got pregnant ,,, roomer had a solution,,,we all move to big city  so my parents would not be to angry..

I n big city   money was scarce...  Roomer had a solution      he would bring males to our place so i would have sex with them that they would pay for.....We would have money...

I had been talked into so much I did not like [including awfull sex] I did not go along with this plan...

I was beaten  i was beatten   After he fell asleep  i walked out and kept walking, walking 430 miles

to my married sisters house...

Five years later  I learned  he got 4 other young girls pregnant   [same time as me]  he took them all to big city   to talk them into having sex with men he found...

Thirty years latter I learned he made near hundered childern..  Never paid a penny child support...

 

Life was tough for us[my daughter]..   My daughter in her teens       screamed  at  me     WHY DID YOU NOT GIVE ME UP FOR ADOPTION SO SHE COULD HAVE BEEN ADOPTEDD BY  FAMILY WITH  HORSES...

 

 
September 16, 2008, 9:44 am CDT

A Holiday Wish ( for little girl blue)

If I could have a  holiday wish .

I would wish that I could have a real pine tree.

Be able to turn on the lights.

With a angle on top,

 not worry about the electric bill.

Gifts under the tree that fit.

A mistletoe hanging above so I might be kissed.

 

Out side I wish I could have decorations to lighten up

the dark, and my heart.

 

To wish upon a star thats's bright on holy night.

That all will be alright in this house.

 

For tomorrow will be better than it was today.

 To wish upon a star so bright on a holy night,

Might it come true with a prayer.

For a girl who has lost a dream.

 

A girl with a wish that it be alright.

A wish of a little less worry,

A wish that it will be alright,

All bills be paid.

If I could wish for a holiday wish

It would be just for you

My little girl in blue

For i would turn my tears into

Smiles just for you.

written by s. hopkins

 
September 16, 2008, 10:25 am CDT

I am not so sure i am still grieving......

When my oldest son was 13 years old.... my husband and i began noticing some changes taking place in the way he was walking.  At this point in our life... I had another son who was 5 years old... i had graduated from nursing school in 1992, my husband worked changing truck tires and semi tires for a living and loved his job and we were just starting to get on our feet financially when we noticed bruises on the older childs legs.. I called his teacher, i thought someone at school was picking on him.  I was told by his teacher that my son had been falling down the stairs.  We immediately got an appointment with our local dr who did not know what could be wrong.  He said my son had high arches.. and he knew nothing more.. we went to several other drs.  Finally someone told us about the Shriners hospital and we began taking our son there.  It was a 4 hr drive for us and we had to wait hours to be seen.  In the course of 5 years, i can't even tell you how many different surgeries my son had.  They cut the tendons in the back of his legs, they took bone out of the left foot and placed a staple in his heel, he has had pins in his toes, trying to keep his feet and toes straight so he could walk.  He most recently had a 12 inch rod placed in his left leg in an attempt to keep the leg straight.  We were told back when he was 13, that he had inherited a disease from his dad. a nerve conduction study was done on both my husband and my son and that is how this diagnosis was established of charcot marie tooth.  My husband had never heard of it and neither had i ..It is a slowly progressive disease... or is supposed to be, but in my sons case it was moving so fast we were told he also had a second autoimmune nerve disease.   I felt so guilty, i  thought i must have ignored him or put in so many hours being concerned with work that i did not see this disease until it smacked our family in the face.  My husband felt guilt too.. here he had passed on a disease that he had no knowledge of...this is just one long ongoing dilemma that our family has had to face.  In the height of my depression, I became barely able to care for myself, my weight plummeted over 500 lbs,  on april 13, 1998 , i got a phone call telling me that my husband had been crushed underneath a tractor 20 miles outside of our rural town , out in the country.   I was told to prepare for the worst.  I called someone to come help me get shoes on and get to the hospital to see him.  I went in and saw a very swollen man, purple all over, he had a breathing tube in and could not talk to me.  I tried to remain calm, and held his hand and joking told him he sure picked a great way to spend his vacation ( as he had vacation time coming up soon).   He was transferred from our hospital to the city.  No one could tell me just how extensive his injuries were.  At Liberty, Mo hospital the drs did an exploratory surgery and found all his right ribs to be broken, his diaphragm busted and his intestines were shoved up into his right rib cage, he had a broken right pelvis, three vertrebrae in his back were broken,  he had a laceration on his liver and a bruised kidney.. and thank god he was alive.. through all this... he was  alive.   He remained on a respirator for 17 days,  then was able to talk and begin a slow recovery.  He got to come home after a month in the hospital.  Then he began physical therapy as soon as his back healed enough so he could.  We went through several years of living on $745.00 for a family of four.  We also endured a nasty battle with the insurance companies and workmens compensation.   We endured...about all we ended up with is each other.  He becomes very upset when he sees a lawyer on tv telling how he can help you do and get this or that.  My husband was left with only his life and his battered body... and i tell him every day.. him being here is the most important thing.   Money would not have hurt either though.. we were hoping to be able to stablize the old house we live in.   We had rain coming in 3 places when he did get a little bit of a settlement.  We had enough money to put a roof on our home, buy a furnace and an air conditioner.. but not enough to fix the foundation.   My oldest son graduated the following  year.  He did not get to participate in the graduation exercises because i did not have the money for the cap and gown, no money for invitations or anything.  My son did not even attend his graduation.  I feel so guilty to this day that i could not provide for him.  At that time though, i could not help myself.  I had gained so much weight... everything that stressed me out, i ate.. i had no one to talk to .. i myself was a mess too.  In 2003, I had gastric bypass surgery.  I had lost down to 238 lbs and went back to work in 2005, then had to stop due to complications i was having due to the hanging skin on my abdomen, and i had no means to fix it.   In 2007, my baby graduated from high school.  He has went on to college, I am not able to help him financially, like most other  Drake parents do..but he won awards for singing and acting while in high school and he did get a nice scholarship from Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa.  He has to take out student loans and he works..He is 19 now and so far has no sign of charcot marie tooth disease and I pray he never will.  The oldest son is 28 now.. he had a pacemaker put in last year and the 12 inch rod to the left leg last year.  We helped him move into the handicapped apartments here in our town.  His feet and legs and still turning on him despite medical intervention. There is no cure for this disease and now my husband at age 54 is showing signs of the disease.  He is having muscle weakness, fatigue, he stumbles sometimes when he walks.  I feel pressured to hurry and find a way to return to work because i don't know how much longer our home will last.. we have a bad foundation, leaky basement, with a sump pump. .. Thank god for " great stuff" .. that we use to fill the cracks.. but it is getting worse.  The basement steps are steep and my husband has to go down there to change the furnace filters.....so really i do not know,..... if i am still greiving from all the turns our family has taken since 1995.... I don't know...I cry some everyday and wonder what in the world will become of us.. with our health.  I really just don't know anymore.  I want to hope and believe the future will be better.

Reading other posts helps me to realize that other people have problems in life too.   Some times I feel i get my share and other peoples share of it  too  but then i have to stop and make myself think of all the blessings, the miracles... that has happened.  And when i do.. it makes it all just a bit easier to cope with.

 
September 16, 2008, 10:30 am CDT

FOR SYLVIA

DEAR SYLVIA,

 

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I TOO LOST MY HUSBAND AT AGE 29 (I WAS 27) AND WE HAD A 3 YR OLD DAUGHTER. THIS YEAR MAKES 20 YEARS SINCE WE LOST HIM. WHEN I WAS AT THE POINT YOU ARE, NEVER FOR ONE MOMENT WOULD I BELEIVE IT WOULD EVER BE OK AGAIN. BUT I'M HERE TO TELL YOU IT WILL. SOMEDAY YOU WILL LEARN TO ACCEPT IT. IT WILL ALWAYS HURT BUT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO A POINT WHERE LIFE IS OK AGAIN. YOU ARE NOT LOSING YOUR MIND BUT MAN IT SURE FEELS LIKE IT DOES'T IT?

 

ITS OK TO BE ANGRY WITH GOD (HE KNOWS JUST WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND THINKING) . HE DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE DIE BUT HE DOES ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN. IT MAY TAKE SOME TIME BUT HE WILL ANSWER THAT OVERWHELMING QUESTION ****WHY****.

 

HAVE YOU CHECKED INTO SOCIAL SECURITY SURVIVORS BENEFITS FOR YOU AND THE GIRLS IF NOT PLEASE DO. WITHOUT THAT MONEY I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN A HUGH MESS.

 

MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR GIRLS IN ALL THE WAYS HE KNOWS THEY  NEED BLESSED

 

LOVE IN CHRIST,

 

LORDSCHILD61

 
September 16, 2008, 11:01 am CDT

Lost life

 I am a 24 year old mom to two wonderful kids ages 5 and 2. I lost my husband a little over five months ago in a tragic accident.  My life is so hard right now. My kids miss their daddy terribly. I'm just now comming out of shock and its been the hardest time ever.
 
September 16, 2008, 11:09 am CDT

dealing with Loss

I am looking forward to the show today. A few weeks ago Aug 29th my mother in law pased away unexpectantly. She had a heartattack two weeks prior and was told that it could be managed by medication. She had her 65th birthday on Aug 26th. We talked to her on her birthday and on the 28th she sounded great. Then on aug 29th we go the call that she had a massive heartattack and was on her way to the hospital.  About an hour later the call came that she did not make it. I honsetly can not tell if my husband is dealing with it or not. He does lash out a lot at our daughter and is not talking to me. I tend to cry a lot. I always thought my mom would pass first. She is the one who has always had heart, lung problems. Not my mother in law. Not only am I dealing with the loss of my mother in law but my husband deploys in one week. I know its hard for him as well.  Just tryng to keep everything together is overwheling at times.
 
September 16, 2008, 12:26 pm CDT

Deal with it!!!

I am beyond crazed- I just turned on todays show and cannot believe that these are what people consider  a crisis. If ever they actually had to deal with a real crisis what would they do. Four years ago we lost our oldest son-he was in the Army and we were thrilled that he was stationed in the states. At least he is safe we thought. That thought was brief . At 24 years of age he was hit by a car while crossing the street. CRISIS No. 1. Six months later our youngest son was found unconcious. He was diagnosed with Brain Cancer. He never did come back. He was in a coma for three weeks and lost his life to the disease. I replay my last words with our boys every day. But- alas life goes on and we have a wonderful strong daughter who has given us three beautiful grandchildren. We have accepted what has happened. When our middle granddaughter was diagnosed with lukemia we don't know how we survived. But then a miracle- no one can explain why or how, but her blood test are fine and Doctors can't explain. Our boys will always be with us. If we let the anger take over, what will we have to offer the loved ones that are left.
 
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