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Topic : 12/23 Real Life: Heart Shattered

Number of Replies: 176
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, September 12, 2008, 01:17:09 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 09/16/08) Are you prepared for the unexpected? Life is not a success-only journey, but when you're faced with difficult days, you don't have to become a victim. In his new book, Real Life: Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, Dr. Phil teaches you how to prepare for a crisis before it arrives, and how to get back to better days. One of the most challenging days can come the day your heart is shattered, especially if you experience a loss. Amber says she was living the perfect life. She and her sisters dreamed of marrying a man like their dad and having a great relationship like their parents'. She says they were totally blindsided on Father's Day when their dad told their mom he wanted a divorce. Hear their emotional story and learn what you can expect to feel when you lose something precious to you. Plus, find out Dr. Phil's action plan to help you get through the difficult period. Then, Sylvia is a mother to 4-year-old twins and is seven months pregnant. She was married to a Marine sergeant for seven years who tragically lost his life —  not on the battlefield — in a car accident when he returned home. Now, each day is a battle for Sylvia. Dr. Phil shares his action steps for grieving, in an effort to help the mourning mom move forward. Today, Sylvia is struggles to pay for her basic necessities. Don't miss Dr.Phil's amazing surprise for her! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 16, 2008, 12:28 pm CDT

Grief

I have lost both my sister and brother in the last year. I had not totally gottenover my mom who died in april 97 my step dad january 97 my real dad 2001 and my close friend who died from suicide in 98. When i got hit this year .This has affected my life tremendously  sure i have seen a doctor but they say .Here meds take mood elevators they will help. But i want to learn to help myself without depending on medication, I saw my sister abuse medication which maybe is part of why she died i dont know why she died actually. So i donnt trust doctors since i have seen to many times where they looked like they were doing nothing. I HAVE A FEAR OF EVERYTHING  including hospitals now. I have so many medical problems from emphsema mild ashma, degenerative disc disease, chronic fibromylagia, chronic depression, chronic anxiey disorder, and constant panic attacks i cant even dye my hair without panicing,  A few week ago i woke up pain my stomach passedout on the floor my husbandtook me to the hospital  they really didnt do anything i sat there for 6 hours they took a stool sample that they said got lost, asked me if i was under alot of stress . i should have lied but i said yes and they said irritable bowel syndrome was really bad. I HAD been bleeding from the anal area and getting what felt like contracts in my stomach. All they did was a blood test and sent me home.  My life has been one battle with depression fear all my life from abuse to  this .To keep my self sane i been trying to do online courses in religeon because my goal has always been all my life to help others .Which i use to do but my health go to bad. I was told i had nodules on the lungs  as well but and for some reason scar tissue on my back half way down were i get alot of pain. So this is my life .I watch dr phil i wish he would come to canada to our area .There is no help for ppl out there like me. I WANT TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH MY PROBLEMS NOT COVER THEM WITH MEDS.

 

Karen

 
September 16, 2008, 12:51 pm CDT

What do I say?

Okay, so OFFICIALLY I am a widow. My husband of nearly 37 years was killed in a freak cycling accident 2 years ago.

 

However, he had left me 4 months before for someone he'd met on the internet the month before..and wanted to MARRY her! Go figure! What was and still is very difficult is that he had to wait until I was in an internship 150 miles away to start an affair he "couldn't" end.

 

Then, he was killed.

 

In truth, even after 2 years, I'm still reeling with shock. The "good" point was that I was left in a much, much better financial position than I would have had a divorce become a reality.

 

I have never talked ill about my husband to my girls (25 and 32 at the time). The part that was difficult to accept was having no options.

 

My younger daughter has had a more difficult time: she'd caught him "in the act" with the lady (in our bed!) and hadn't talked with him in the 4 months between the time he left and the day he was killed.

 

Most times I'm really okay. I have come to understand so much more about myself, my husband, and the relationship we had that was made more vulnerable by the frequent moves we'd made over the years.

 

However, I won't be at peace until I am well settled and onto a path of fully supporting myself.

 

What do I say? Widowed or Divorced? How about shell-shocked! :->

 

 
September 16, 2008, 12:56 pm CDT

Unbelievable Grief and Sadness

In the span of the past twenty years or so I have lost the following:

 

My grandmother  1987

 

My uncle  1991

 

My father  1993

 

My brother 1993


My grandmother 1994

 

A close friend 1995

 

My grandfather 1997

 

My BEST friend 1997

 

My mother 1999

 

My uncle 2001

 

I feel as though I am a ship in an ocean of sadness.   When my parents died I felt as though I was an orphan.  It is a feeling beyond description. 

 

You will get through this, you will feel as though you are going to die to but (fortunately or unfortunately) you just go on - somehow.

 

 

 

 

 

 
September 16, 2008, 1:02 pm CDT

May God comfort you Sylvia

When I was 2 years old and my younger brother was 6 months old, our father was killed in an automobile accident. Also in the car with my dad was our uncle, my Mom's brother. He, too, was killed. My Dad was only 28 and my uncle was 23. I don't remember alot about the accident and what occurred around the time, but I do remember as I was got older, my mother just laying in the bed and crying. She was so sad, lonely and depressed. My mother had to pick up the pieces, work full time, take care of the two babies she had and try to make a "normal" life for us. Just seeing Sylvia's pain just breaks my heart and makes me think of my poor Mother and the heartbreak she experienced. She did eventually remarry when I was 8 years old (I am now 50!). I was so fortunate that my mother married a wonderful man, and he made it his mission in life to take care of our family. My mother is now 76 and my dad (step-dad) is 77. But I want Sylvia to know that there is hope for her happiness again, and I pray that her pain will ease some as time passes. She won't ever forget her husband, but I believe she will smile again and have joy in her  life. God Bless you Sylvia.
 
September 16, 2008, 1:05 pm CDT

this is hope

For Sylvia-I have been through a situation similar to yours-I lost my husband when my son was 9 years old.  I too went through anger at God and the ensuing depression.  I kept asking why-if you're such a loving powerful God....?!  His answer always was and still is TRUST ME. It is the only way to find life and hope again for you and your girls.  Just hold on to Jesus!  On the practical side-I assume you've been counseled to apply for Social Security?  That will give you the ability to live without worry-it surely was a lifeline for me.  May God bless you and give you peace and comfort in the months ahead.
 
September 16, 2008, 1:10 pm CDT

Sylvia

Sylvia has a right to be angry and her adult children should also be there to help her.  She has spent years taking care of them.  Both you and the children should cut her some slack.   She is hurting so much right now she is mental ill and not capable of taking care of anyone including herself.  I know she has to "Get over it" but give her some time .   She needs advice on how to keep her life in tack, financially , retirement, and all other things. If her husband did what he did , he is not through yet.  He will try and ruin her financially , now and in the future.  And chances are there is a women in the back ground.  Most spouse do not take a walk , with out someone there to pick up the pieces.    She needs a good lawyer, mental health person, and her family and friends around her.  She needs to vent , she is human......be kind to her.  Tell her you love her and be there for her, the children can still love Dad, and should know what Mom is saying is just her hurt and anger talking.
Hope the rest of your book is better than the advice on this subject.........I don't think you have ever had heart , gut wrenching pain , till you are physically and emotionally sick and drained.   The hurt people need help, not a suck it up and be brave advise for the rest of the world.
You are usually right on , but missed on this subject.
 
September 16, 2008, 1:13 pm CDT

Life does get better

As I watched the show today and saw the woman who had lost her husband in a car accident, my heart went out to her.  I too lost my husband in a car accident and he was a good man, good father, good husband.  He died three years ago on June 13th.  I was stunned obviously.  I have two children who were 15 and 6 at the time.  Thankfully his hard work helped me financially because I was able to collect Social Security benefits as a widow and because of my children.  I hope the woman in Dr. Phil's story today checks into that.  If anyone else here has lost someone, such as a husband or even another family member, support groups are wonderful.  I joined an online support group for Young Widows and Widowers and just knowing that other people out there had similar experiences helped tremendously.  I lost my own parents too many years ago and just recently I lost a man who stepped in to the role as my father and he was the only grandfather on my side to my children.  Indeed was quite close with my older daughter.  That loss has been hard and I find myself crying a bit lately but I know that it's okay to cry and grieve.  My late husband's parents live close by but losing their youngest son has been terribly hard on them and I spend more time being their strength and support.  I'm thankful for the friends that I have who support me and truly keep me sane.  You can move on from a bad experience, a death  . . . It just takes time and you have to grant yourself the time to do it.

 
September 16, 2008, 1:14 pm CDT

Me too!

Sylvia.............I am so very sorry to hear about the situation that you have found yourself in. I lost my husband suddenly after 5 years of blissful marriage. He kissed me that fateful morning, went to work, and did not return. At about the time he should have arrived, his two co-workers knocked on my door. It was the worst day of my life. My life ended, or so I thought. My only advice....................hang in there girl. It sure doesn't seem like it now.............or that it's even possible..............but...............life goes on and does get better. Never, never, never the same. But the pain eases up, the crying slows down and before you know it...........you are able to smile a little smile again. Don't be hard on yourself. You'll get there when you're supposed to. All of your daughters will be your salvation. If you need a friend..............I would love to be your friend. Email me at www.mysweetypie1958@aol.com . I can tell you what DID help me. Keep a diary. Or write on a calender. Keep track of who came to visit you that day. Keep track of who called to check on you that day. When you look back at the calender, you will see that you DO have people that care about you. You take care of yourself and your babies. Write to me. Talk soon. Cyndi
 
September 16, 2008, 1:21 pm CDT

I feel pain

WOW!! Where can I begin. I can understand so many of the emotins shared on the show today. I have had my fair share and then some of bad things happening to me. It started when I lost my kids in a nasty custody battle by a bunch of lies and a big mess. That was in 2001. Then in 2002 I married the man of my dreams, or atleast that is what I thought. We had a beautiful marriage and were bascially attached at the hip as some people referred to us. My father was dealing with many health issuesas well. I was in College full time and working fulltime. When suddenly my husband walked out the door. He asked me for a hug and a kiss, told me he loved me and then walked out and never looked back. On top of all that I lost my father 2 1/2 months later. So I had those two losses at one time it was devistating. And to top it off my husband was not even there for me with the loss of my father. I leaned on my husband for everything so dealing with both alone was very tough. The hardest part is I had to leave from my father for a short time to take care of my dog and he passed in that time frame. I had been by his bedside non stop for three days and then he passes when I leave and that haunts me terribly. I can surely understand about loss and not knowing how to overcome. I am still in that stage now and not sure which way to turn. Sylvia, my heart goes out to you. And to the other ladies and girls I understand cause I went thru a divorce when my children were 10 and 12. Life is never easy for some reason. I just am having a hard time moving on and not crying all the time.
 
September 16, 2008, 1:25 pm CDT

09/16 Real Life: Heart Shattered

I lost my husband twice. The first time was two months after we got married. He was in a serious car accident and paralyzed from the waist down. Sometimes I think that neither one of us completely healed from the emotional tragedy; he certainly didn't heal from the physical devastation.

 

He jumped back into life, going back to school and completing a degree (from scratch.) Unfortunately, he had very little opportunity to use his education. He did some internships that were very successful, but the stigma of a laboratory biologist in a wheelchair was just too much for him to overcome. The most disappointing part was moving to the DC area and being told by Indian and Pakistani researchers who worked for the US government that they "couldn't see how he could work in a laboratory". He had already published significant research through his internship, but he couldn't even get an interview most of the time! So much for the ADA and government oversight, huh?

 

He did get a job eventually, and after about a year of working ended up getting very ill. It turned out that he had lung cancer. After a protracted and painful illness, he passed away, nearly 15 years after his accident.

 

To lose someone is devastating, but to essentially lose them twice is indescribable. I was fortunate to finally meet someone I had known and cared very much about 30 years ago in high school several states away. He had recently lost his wife after a brief illness.

 

I feel so fortunate to have met him again. We're getting married soon. There is hope after loss.

 
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