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Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

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Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Original Air Date: 09/24/08) Do you have a friend or relative whom you've lost all contact with or have never even met? While you may dream about a reunion being a great and healing experience, reconciliation could also cause more heartache than you expect. Catherine was raised by her mother, never knowing who or where her dad was. She recently became a mom, and her desire to find her biological dad became top priority. When she did locate him, was the reunion all that she expected? Next, Angel has been trying to reconnect with her twin sons, Tylor and Taylor, for almost 20 years. With the help of Troy Dunn, a professional locator and host of the WE TV show The Locator, her dreams came true. See how the boys react to reuniting with their biological mother. And, when an adoptive mother finds out her children are going to meet their biological mother, emotions can range from joy, to tension, to feeling threatened. Follow the journey of the twins' adoptive mother, Ruth, as she shares her experience of  meeting Angel. Plus, the twins have never met their little sister face to face. Will this be the day? Then, Ricardo contacted Troy to help him find his brother, whom he had never met. Cameras follow their emotional first meeting, and find out the unexpected person who shows up. Have the siblings been able to maintain their relationship? And, if you're trying to find a long-lost loved one, you won't want to miss Troy's top tips for conducting your own search! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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September 25, 2008, 4:33 pm CDT

Wife of Adopted Child

Quote From: justnancy

Obviously it's impossible for me to walk in another person's shoes because I haven't been in that situation.  It doesn't mean it's impossible for me to look at a situation and make a realistic determination.

 

There are parents out there who give up their children for adoption willingly, because they are too young, because they have different priorities.  Yet, to hear the biological parents when they come forward, you'd think that nobody had ever done that because very few ever seem to admit to that.  This causes me to believe that there is some dishonesty or manipulation going on somewhere because otherwise, it just doesn't add up.  I'm not saying that's the case with every biological parent.  And, we wouldn't even know which parents were truthful unless their stories were investigated. 

 

Of course a mother who is pregnant as a result of a rape doesn't have any choices, but I never mentioned that.  I'm talking about the parents who did have choices.  Their children, however, did not and I wonder about how good it is for them to have their lives interrupted.  I would be interested in seeing a follow-up study on adopted children reunited with birth parents at the birth parents' initiative, to see how productive these reunions were, not for the biological parents, but for the children.  My guess would be that they are not productive overall, but again, we don't know.

 

Well 11 plus years ago my husband at the age of 29 decided to look for his bmom.  He started looking 2 months before he told me he was looking.  When he told me I was happy for him.  Well 6 months later he found her.  We met her a month later.  He is the male version of his bmom.  She is a really neat lady.  She is not his mom but a mentor/aunt/sister/friend or any other title of a special person in your life who is a woman.  She gives advice only when we ask.  She doesn't judge us.  She has called almost every tuesday night for 11 years.  At first they would talk on the phone for hours but now it is about 15 minutes.  She doesn't live around the corner so in order to know her they have to talk.  What a great way for them to get to know each other.  I have to say I was pretty disappointed in his siblings.  This woman has made him a better person but they only see how she is some kind of threat to their mom.  His siblings are 9 and 11 years older than him and to be honest don't even know him.  It so hurts his feelings when they don't ask about him or her or even us.  They basically have stopped calling us because we  talk to her.  How sad is that?   His mom lives near us and we see her at least once a week.  We do tons of stuff with her so it isn't like she isn't important to us but so is this other person.  Since when are our hearts like a pie where we only have so much love to go around?   Finding a loved one can be a good thing.  I do agree with Troy when he adviced about going slow.  I would agree.  I would also be very repectful of the other family.  We are lucking in that his younger siblings think it is great to have an older brother.   Well I know someone was saying looking up a bmom is not a good thing but I would have to disagree.  I recently helped another friend find his bmom and what a joy that way.  She is so thankful to have in him her life.  Just as my husbands bmom is.  Even her family thanked us for finding her.   So they can turn out wonderful. 
 
September 25, 2008, 5:31 pm CDT

The young lady with a baby who wanted money from her dad

I couldnt believe that the young lady who had a baby and just told her bio father that he was her dad had the nerve to say she thinks he should help her by giving her money.  She went on to say something like his dogs eat red meat and I am struggling.  HELLO...get a job or maybe two.  Why did you have a baby if you are so broke.  Take are of your child and stop looking for a handout.
 
September 25, 2008, 7:28 pm CDT

Would love to work for Troy Dunn

Dr. Phil and Troy, I wanted to share a story with you about finding people.  I am 61 years old and I graduated high school 1965. We had quite a large class, over 750 kids. It was 1982 and a close friend of mine who had been in charge of our school newsletter for years was preparing to get started finding people for our 20th reunion.  I told her I wanted to help.  At the time, I was married and my husband and I owned a taxi cab company in town.  If you owned any type of livery service, the phone company would allow you to have a reverse directory.  Our High School yearbook had all of our addresses in the back of it.  I took that reverse directory and called everyone who still lived on those blocks and asked "whatever happened to so and so?" and followed all the clues, hints, the "I think they may have moved to", or "I know their cousin lives in such and such a street" etc, etc, etc. and I found over 400 people!!!!  We had the most successful reunion in the history of FairLawn High School.  It was such a labor of love, I would do it again in a heartbeat and I DID NOT HAVE A COMPUTER!!!!!  So Troy, if you ever open an office in Denver, Colorado which is where I live now, I would love to work for you and help you find people who want to find all the pieces so they find peace (I love that saying by the way)  Keep up the good work!!

 
September 25, 2008, 7:53 pm CDT

Help

Quote From: beautibug

I CAN TRULY RELATE TO THIS SHOW I'M 51 YRS OLD AND MY FATHER DOESN'T EVEN KNOW i EXIST. i ONLY KNOW HIS NAME AND THAT HE WAS IN THE SERVICE AND THAT HE WAS FROM THE SOUTH. IT WOULD BE SO NICE TO FILL IN THE BLANKS;  I WOULD LIKE TO GET TO KNOW HIM IF HE WOULD BE OPEN TO IT. .HE SHOULD BE IN HIS EARLY SEVENTIES.  HIS NAME IS HENRY DOUGLAS DAVENPORT.

Contact the vetrans administration.  They will have his records.  If he is dead you have the right to his medical records for your own history.  You can also use genealogy as a reason.  You can get this info under the freedom of information act.  You just might have to deal with their BS for a few months.  If he is alive they would forward a letter from you to him and it would be up to him to contact you.  Don't know if they still do this.

 

I was able to get my father's medical records that way.  Also grandparents names.  They give you a run around but eventually you get somewhere.  In my case he was deceased and I had to send a copy of his death certificate.  I waited too long to search for him.

 

Keep records of all correspondence and good luck to you!

 
September 25, 2008, 8:20 pm CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Quote From: madonnie911

 I watched todays show and find it intersting considering my father went through this and 3 weeks before he passed away he broke the news to my husband that he has a brother that his mom put up for adoption. My husband is 42 and finds out at the age of 38 who his father is (never met him) and finds out at the age of 40 he has a brother, I have done as much internet searching, and have gotten no where. His mother apparently has blocked this all out for she cannot remember if he was born in June or jly of 1967 or 1968. My question is.... How can a mother forget??? I can tell you every detail of my sons births and why would she hide this for so long? Please if anyone has any info  on how I woukd go about this please I need help.
Search their names in Ancestry.com.  Sometimes they have a free trial offer to get you started.  Also check out your library and see what free databases they offer for genealogy.  Here, we have free access to Ancestry.com but only in the library, not from home.  Genealogy sites can have alot of up to date info that you can get without paying for it.
 
September 25, 2008, 10:38 pm CDT

I located my bio-father and a half sister today.

Thanks Dr Phil and Troy Dunn for the tips on locating people.

I started my search from the last point of connection and worked my way back with all my info that I had.

I have spent all of my adult life seeking my bio-father and his family.  He told me he had been looking for me too.

 

I talked to them on the phone tonight. My head was spinning.(Still is) I just can't believe I found him.

I tried to search for him talked to a couple of PI's and they quoted me anywhere between 30 to 1000 dollars to find him with the info I had.  All it took me was 1 hour of internet time, a clear thought process and $2.95 to US Search web site.

 

We are currently trying to plan a reunion before the end of the year.

I am going into this with an open mind and no expectations.

Again thank you Dr Phil for having Troy Dunn on your show.

 

 

 
September 26, 2008, 12:29 am CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Quote From: toniwahl

Just wondered if you have tried to find him via the branch of service he was in or maybe his relatives? 
He has no relatives around here (His mom re-married years ago and I don't know her new last name and his father committed suicide when he was 16). The military won't tell me anything because I'm not family...
 
September 26, 2008, 12:37 am CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Quote From: johngraham

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

I went into the U.S. Marine Corps in 1970, a high school dropout. Right before I left, the football coach at my high school said that I would never amount to anything because I was a dropout and my father told me to find a new place to live. Thanks to a Marine Corps Captain, James H. Davis, Commanding Officer of Marine Detachment U.S. S. Holland  AS 32, I have achieved numerous accolades in my life.

 

Captain Davis persuaded me to take my GED test and supported my endeavors in the martial arts. His understanding and influence on his young marines was nothing short of amazing. He helped me see that I could achieve anything if I kept trying. As of today, I have a Master's degree, I retired as a Police Lieutenant after 21 years of service, owner of successful gym businesses in the area and am a world-renowned martial arts instructor with 38 years of experience.

 

I have tried unsuccessfully to locate Captain Davis since Marine records were lost in a fire. I have also searched on the web for some help and the USS Holland site...no luck.  I am sure that  he has helped many more Marines in his career, but this one would like to say Thank You in person!

 

Thank you in advance for your help.

 

John Graham

 

I wish you the best of luck with your search. If you can find out anything through the Marine Corps could you let me know?? I am also looking for a Marine, a very good friend of mine. I have not heard from him in over a year now. All I know is he was in the Marines and was deployed in Iraq (I never asked more for fear it would put him or our other troops in danger). He was suppose to be back in January of this year... I have heard nothing since 9-10-07... He was stationed at Camp Lejuene (I'm sure I spelled that wrong but it's late LOL). If there are any websites you could give me that I can search military records, please let me know!
 
September 26, 2008, 6:39 am CDT

Adoptee Birthday

Quote From: madonnie911

 I watched todays show and find it intersting considering my father went through this and 3 weeks before he passed away he broke the news to my husband that he has a brother that his mom put up for adoption. My husband is 42 and finds out at the age of 38 who his father is (never met him) and finds out at the age of 40 he has a brother, I have done as much internet searching, and have gotten no where. His mother apparently has blocked this all out for she cannot remember if he was born in June or jly of 1967 or 1968. My question is.... How can a mother forget??? I can tell you every detail of my sons births and why would she hide this for so long? Please if anyone has any info  on how I woukd go about this please I need help.
I understand 100% why you would ask how a mother could forget. I remember every single detail of my kids births...

I found my birth mother almost 3 years ago. She acted like she remembered every detail. She wants me to call her and do things for or with her, well this year she forgot my birthday completely. It was almost a month before she "remembered" I really think my half sister finally said something to her.

I was really kind of hurt by it, but in the end, it made me appreciate my PARENTS a whole lot more!
 
September 26, 2008, 7:28 am CDT

Catherine

Quote From: momjamestay

I'm glad to hear it. I am sorry you feel attacked. It was insensitive for anyone to assume that you aren't taking care of your child. I have to wonder though how you feel about Catherine going after her father for money because of her "financial situation". I mean, SHE led us all to believe that she and the child were not being cared for by her own statements. She never even mentioned you. She just made it sound like she was a poor single mother and she wanted he father to support her. Doesn't that piss you off a little?

That being said, the comments, though insensitive to you, were aimed at Catherine and her gold digging attitude towards a man that doesn't owe her anything. I hope what you say is true and I wish you the best.Watch your back though, or should I say wallet? You have a child with one of the most spoiled, self-absorbed, horrible people I have had the misfortune of listening to. I personally wish I could forget about her because everytime I think about this story it pisses me off...

What i said is very true, i'm not one to lie when it comes to my son.
 
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