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Topic : 12/25 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Number of Replies: 215
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Created on : Friday, September 19, 2008, 05:26:33 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Original Air Date: 09/24/08) Do you have a friend or relative whom you've lost all contact with or have never even met? While you may dream about a reunion being a great and healing experience, reconciliation could also cause more heartache than you expect. Catherine was raised by her mother, never knowing who or where her dad was. She recently became a mom, and her desire to find her biological dad became top priority. When she did locate him, was the reunion all that she expected? Next, Angel has been trying to reconnect with her twin sons, Tylor and Taylor, for almost 20 years. With the help of Troy Dunn, a professional locator and host of the WE TV show The Locator, her dreams came true. See how the boys react to reuniting with their biological mother. And, when an adoptive mother finds out her children are going to meet their biological mother, emotions can range from joy, to tension, to feeling threatened. Follow the journey of the twins' adoptive mother, Ruth, as she shares her experience of  meeting Angel. Plus, the twins have never met their little sister face to face. Will this be the day? Then, Ricardo contacted Troy to help him find his brother, whom he had never met. Cameras follow their emotional first meeting, and find out the unexpected person who shows up. Have the siblings been able to maintain their relationship? And, if you're trying to find a long-lost loved one, you won't want to miss Troy's top tips for conducting your own search! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 1, 2008, 1:40 pm CDT

Abandoned by father

I'm eighteen years old, and when I was five years old, my parents divorced and my father left my sister, brother, mother and I and moved to Vancouver. I do not know anything about him: what he does for a living, his exact address, whether or not he has a new family... I feel like there are so many questions lingering that I need answered by only him. The issue, other than finding him, is whether he wants to see me or not, considering he decided to leave and lose all contact.
 
October 1, 2008, 4:47 pm CDT

I would like to meet my father and brother!

I found out 6 years ago that my father wasn't my father and that I have a half brother.  I have tried locating them but I have had no luck.  They have very common names and I have very little information on them.  Plus it cost money for information that I don't even know if it would be right.  I don't have alot of money to do this.  But I really would like to meet them.  I know my father has seen me one time when I was a baby and didn't have any contact with me after that.  If you could please help me in trying to locate them or tell me how to do it.  I would very much appreciate it.  I am 37 and have a 9 month old son.  I'm not getting any younger and neither are they.  I really would like to know the other side of my family.  Please Help !!!!
 
October 1, 2008, 8:28 pm CDT

Looking for Birth Father

I found my birth Mom about 8 years ago, she gave me up for adoption at birth and we met for the first time 35 years later.  I have been so very lucky, I had a great reunion and have been able to keep my birth Mom in my life.

 

Of course my adoptive parents are my parents and my birth Mom would never think of trying to take anything away from them or me. 

 

I have been very lucky.

 

But still even though I have put alot of the missing pieces together.  There are still some that lack.  My birth Mom told me as much as she knows of my Father, but of course back in the 60"s and she was only 16 when she had me.

 

I have a little info, but not alot.  My one dream is to have dinner,with my birth Mom on one side of me and my Birth Father on the other.

 

Most people take that for granted, and its something I have waited to do for 44 years.

 

 

 
October 2, 2008, 10:22 am CDT

Searching and Finding Birth Families

I am an adoptee who found my Birth Mother in 1984 and met her once in 1985 and have not had any contact since then, mainly because she is a Birth Mother who has never told her husband or family that I exsist.  At 86 she is still alive and has had the same husband for well over 60 years, but still cannot overcome the fact that she was unmarried, had a baby and gave me up over 66 years ago.  I do not resent her, but feel strongly that she has robbed me of knowing her and my siblings, and for them to have the chance to know me.  She has also denied herself of the chance to know my children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren.  What a loss for her.

 

I also found my Birth Father's family about 1986.  He passed on in 1977, but I did get to meet his two sisters and one brother before they too passed on, and of his four sons, who all know about me now, I have developed a close relationship with one of them.

 

What all of this has given me is a Heritage.  I have spent the last 20 years researching my ancestry and now know who the people were that contributed to the person who I am.  That alone has been worth everything.  I would make a bet that many people who have only lived with their birth families cannot tell you who their great great grandparents were, and where they came from.  But I can.

 

To the girl who searched for her Birth Father because she needed financial help, this was so wrong and I hope Dr. Phil, off the air, emphasized that to her.  Seek and find your Birth Parents, or child, but do not do it because you want material things from them, do it because you want to know them or know who they are to fill in the pieces of you that are missing.

 

I recently helped a friend find her Birth Mother and along with that she found a sister and a nephew.  She was lucky because her Birth Mother was open to be found.  Many are not.  They communicated for a year by phone and email, and I was priviledged to be there for their first meeting.  What a wonderful reunion it was and the weekend they spent together was like they had never been apart.  I was truly envious of the family togetherness they found.  Many reunions, as I well know, do not go that well but just being able to find who you came from should be the highest priority and anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. 

 

Good luck to all who are "just thinking" about searching.  Do not tell yourself that it will be "Happy Ever After" but know that you will finally find a missing part of you.  And follow through. 

 

 

 
October 3, 2008, 7:50 am CDT

To Sunshinea

Quote From: sunshinea

Hi- I was adopted privately in the hospital. My adoptive parents are very supportive of me trying to find out if I have biological siblings and trying to find my medical history. I know the hospital I was adopted at, I've looked in newspapers back at the time I was born but nothing was published in the paper, I have checked at the courthouse in the county I was born and they have no records at all. The Dr that delivered me, his son was the lawyer that drew up the paperwork, both of them are now deceased. My adoptive parents said they don't know who the mother was as they adopted me a day or two old and was escorted out of the hospital due to the mother still being in the hospital when they took me home. I was told that the year I was born they didn't require to keep medical records until the year after. I also contacted our states Health and Human Services and was told by the gentleman that he had contacted my biological mom and she said she didn't want anything to do with me. I'm not sure if that was true. I have come to a dead end. I am financially not able to hire someone to help me find my information with what most people are asking for money to do it. Can anyone help me. I don't know where to go from here. Thank you!!
I don't know if you are male or female but I am searching for my son who was born Oct.30,1972.
Your story sounds so promising to me. I wish people who post messages would post their b/date.
My son was born in N.M. if this is you please get in touch with me, I have been looking for you all
of your life.  If not I wish you well in your quest, may it be successful.
 
October 3, 2008, 1:20 pm CDT

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Hi,

It has Been a few weeks that this show was on, but I just read the transcript today. I don't know if anyone will read this but I too have a story.

Unlike the other  birth mothers that gave up there child, I gave up two for adoption.  I got pregnant when I was 19, by a young man thinking he was the one I was going to marry, but that was definitely not the case.  I try to hide my pregnancy from everyone. (I guess I thought it would just go away).  My Mom had a sense that I was pregnant and took me to her doctor, sure enough I heard  the words that I was hoping to go away. I was pregnant.  The guy did not want me or the baby.  I ended up letting my relatives adopt him.  I t never seemed to bother me that I gave him away. I stayed out of there life. Until 4 years ago my brother suddenly passed away. My husband and I had to go to the town where the family was to make funeral arrangements.  Well I saw him for the 1st time in 16 years. I was filled with so many emotions when I saw him. Now my mom's family said that he thinks he is the bio child of my aunt and uncle so I did not say to him that I was his mom.  He was a very handsome young man. I grieved my brothers death, but I also grieved for giving my son away.  Now don't get me wrong he was brought up in a good family and was very spoiled by his parents and brothers and sisters. But I did not know it would affect me like that when I saw him. He now knows I am his mom and he knows about our kids.  I wanted to get to know him but he told his mom to tell me that he hates me and never wants to see me again. I am so broken hearted.  But I guess I deserve that from him.

The second child I had was a beautiful girl. There was no relationship with the bio dad, it was just a one night stand which I got pregnant.  I had no where to go and my neighbors who I call my angels asked me to stay with them till I had the baby. They told me about this couple I talked to them on the phone saw pictures of them and decided to give them my baby. I was the one that handed them her when it was time to give her to them.  I know that I was doing the right thing. I was happy for her knowing that she was going to be with a loving family  and provide all the things that I could not.

Two years later I met the man of my dreams I told him all about my past and he still wanted to marry me.

We have two beautiful children 16 years later.  We told them about the two children I gave up for adoption when I was young. They where excited that they had a brother and sister but also cried. They where 10 yrs old when my husband and I told them.  I got in contact with the lady that i consider my adoptive mom and told her that we where ready to get info on the girl.  We got the address and the kids wrote to her and have developed  a relationship with her.  I on the other hand have developed a relationship with her to by my space. She is an awesome young lady We are going to see each other in person for the first time next summer.  I am really excited but very scared at the same time.  After reading what some of the ladies have written on the bulletin scares me that It could not go great and I also worry about her parents.  I don't want to take anything away from them or hurt them I know that they are her mom and dad.

Anyways she and my older son are both in contact Thur my space and talk all the time. He is in the Marines now and is doing really good.  She said that he wants to meet her too. Maybe one day he will have a change of heart and want to know me and my family and maybe a relationship with all of us.  But for now I just pray for him, and my heart longs to talk to him.

I hope good things happen with my reunion with my daughter, and that her and her parents can become part of our family. Thanks for reading. God Bless you all.

 
October 10, 2008, 10:46 am CDT

What do you want to be when you grow up? Found.

I watched a great movie the other night called August Rush.  Those of you who are adopted may find it a bit more interesting than those who are not, but it is an inspiring story of a young boy who tries to find his birthparents through music that he believes was inherited from his birthparents.

I have always believed I inherited many qualities and traits from my birthparents.  Music and creativity to name a couple positive ones, and Rheumatoid Arthritis to name a not so positive one.  But will I ever know for sure?  I'd like to think so.  If not for myself, for my kids.  I believe we all deserve the chance to know where we come from.

I was born in Michigan in November, 1968.  I recently discovered that I was in a boarding house for the first 3 weeks of my life, until being chosen in December, 1968 by an amazing mother and father who could not have children of their own, and my adoption was finalized in January, 1972.  My mom and dad told me at a young age, I believe when I was 9, that I was adopted, but I don't believe I truly grasped what that meant until I was 15 or 16.  Back then there were no computers to search for answers about where I came from and  I didn't press the issue because I didn't want to hurt my parents feelings in any way.  I was truly blessed by being placed in the arms of such loving and providing parents. 

Flash forward to the middle of the 1990s.

I had given birth to my first son in April 1990, and many emotions flooded me as to why and how someone could give up their own flesh and blood.  In early 1992 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis which raised even more questions about inherited genes, and my search for my birthparents began.

My mom had saved many documents, receipts, and letters she had acquired through their adoption process.  One sheet of paper listed non-identifying information of my birthparents - height, weight, eye color, hair color, build, ethnic background, and education.  Another yellow sheet of paper written in pen described what my life was like in my first 3 weeks of life - when I slept, what formula I ate, bathing and sleeping habits, disposition - I was fussy, special health care, favorite toys- I liked noise of TV or stereo music.  This form was completed on the day I left the boarding home.

I have used every letter, document and receipt in my search but am no farther ahead now than I was 20 years ago.  I have contacted the Catholic Family Service agency my adoption went through, I have contacted the Probate Court my adoption was finalized through, and have registered with the ISRR as well as many reunion registries and adoption search groups on the internet.

I believe I may have been close once to finding my birthparents, but didn't feel comfortable making any calls or knocking on any doors because for all I knew, the people in question may have indeed given their child up for adoption, but that child was not me.

Who knows, maybe there is a reason I am not supposed to find out my true identity, but the truth is that I still want to know.  I want to trace my true roots.  I know what I am Irish, Dutch, Danish, Norwegian and Bohemian, and have even searched the internet using this method.

Every year around this time as my birthday draws near, my search intensifies, and watching your program about The Locator sparked my search a bit early this year.  I am curious as to how one becomes a CI, not only for my search, but for others as well, and if Troy Dunn ever needs any help, I would be happy to offer my abilities to help. 

I wrote a poem to my birthmother a few years ago that I would like to share with your readers, and would just like to say thank you again for your inspirational show.

 

                                                      Without your love I wouldn't be here.
                                                    You gave me life but then disappeared. 
                                                            I think of you most everyday
                                                                 and if I never meet you
                                            I just want to say, that I'm thankful for your love
                                                         and compassion in giving me life.
                                            I'm healthy and happy, and I am someone's wife.

 

                                           You relinquished me for reasons that I'll never ask
                                 and placed me in the arms of parents who cherished the task.
                                            My existence was given by you, birthmom, as well
                                                  as two others, as I have two precious sons.

 

                                                          The circle of life is a precious gift.
                                              You, my birthmother, I believe taught me this.
                                                                If not for you, I would not be.
                                                            No life. No happiness. No liberty.

                                                  Whether here on earth or in heaven above,
                                                  thank you birthmom for your unselfish love.

 
November 22, 2008, 3:06 pm CST

09/24 The Locator: Reunion Aftermath

Quote From: joanne1942

I am an adoptee who found my Birth Mother in 1984 and met her once in 1985 and have not had any contact since then, mainly because she is a Birth Mother who has never told her husband or family that I exsist.  At 86 she is still alive and has had the same husband for well over 60 years, but still cannot overcome the fact that she was unmarried, had a baby and gave me up over 66 years ago.  I do not resent her, but feel strongly that she has robbed me of knowing her and my siblings, and for them to have the chance to know me.  She has also denied herself of the chance to know my children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren.  What a loss for her.

 

I also found my Birth Father's family about 1986.  He passed on in 1977, but I did get to meet his two sisters and one brother before they too passed on, and of his four sons, who all know about me now, I have developed a close relationship with one of them.

 

What all of this has given me is a Heritage.  I have spent the last 20 years researching my ancestry and now know who the people were that contributed to the person who I am.  That alone has been worth everything.  I would make a bet that many people who have only lived with their birth families cannot tell you who their great great grandparents were, and where they came from.  But I can.

 

To the girl who searched for her Birth Father because she needed financial help, this was so wrong and I hope Dr. Phil, off the air, emphasized that to her.  Seek and find your Birth Parents, or child, but do not do it because you want material things from them, do it because you want to know them or know who they are to fill in the pieces of you that are missing.

 

I recently helped a friend find her Birth Mother and along with that she found a sister and a nephew.  She was lucky because her Birth Mother was open to be found.  Many are not.  They communicated for a year by phone and email, and I was priviledged to be there for their first meeting.  What a wonderful reunion it was and the weekend they spent together was like they had never been apart.  I was truly envious of the family togetherness they found.  Many reunions, as I well know, do not go that well but just being able to find who you came from should be the highest priority and anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. 

 

Good luck to all who are "just thinking" about searching.  Do not tell yourself that it will be "Happy Ever After" but know that you will finally find a missing part of you.  And follow through. 

 

 

I am not sure if you will read this since it is so long after the show aired.  I would suggest that you read the book "The Girls Who Went Away"  It will give you some insight and understanding as to why your birthmother is still unable to share her past. 
 
December 19, 2008, 5:23 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show.

After And Christ Happy Locator  Marry Mas Math New Phil Re The Union Year.  I remember this program---

alot aswell. See you on Thursday December 25th, 2008.  Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaandere.-------------------

                           

 
December 21, 2008, 1:58 pm CST

Help me to find my sister

My dad died in July of 2005, we always knew he had a daughter, but we were not allowed to try and find her when he was alive.  My dad didn't want her to think that he didn't want her, my dad and my mom paid child support, but was not sure as to how her mom would act towards my family.  Please if you can help me and my sisters to find our long lost sister, we had a brother who passed away in Nov. 1983
 
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