Topic : 12/26 "Brainwashed by My Parents"

My mother actually called me to watch this show today, since it hit home on my existing situation. 

I left the marital home under duress from an antagonizing and controlling spouse who told me after our daughter was born that she and the child don't need me anymore.  This was extremely painful, after I did everything to ensure her and the baby were healthy in the first 1-1/2 yrs of my daughter's life.  I even let my ex-wife stay home from work for a year to care and bond with our first and only child.  When I left in Aug 2005, I could only see my daughter in the marital home, but insisted that the mother not be present.  This was because I feared the mother would continue to make false allegations of domestic violence and call the authorities on me.  She had done this 3 times before I left and there was no evidence of violence, but police reports were taken.  I saw the writing on the wall and feared for my safety (and even hers if she pushed me to the brink) and had no choice but to leave the situation before it escalated to something far worse.  Therefore, I saw my daughter in the marital home with a caregiver/nanny present.  I could not even retrieve my personal property until Dec 2005 by court order and then my visitation was established. 

Through a bitter divorce the mother alleged I was an endangerment to my child driving due to sleep apnea and further alleged I was a drug user.  I was under therapy for my sleep apnea which posed no dangers at all and was not a drug user.  Finally a divorce decree was given in Dec 2006, but since I had not been with my daughter other than twice a week for 2 hrs under the previous order, the court, on the advice of a psychiatrist, decided to put me on a transitional "unsupervised" visitation of two days a week for (2) hrs over 2 months beginning in Feb 2007 and extended to (5) hrs beginning in April 2007.  The full visitation was to begin in Jan 2008.  On my 3rd and last home visit with my daughter (now 3) at the beginning of the 5 hr visits, my ex-wife reported me to Child Protective Services alleging that my daughter was sexually abused by her father in the home.  The next month, she went to court to suspend all contact between me and our child, while I took her to court for contempt of my visitations.  I have payed for childcare before the divorce and a ridiculous amount of child support for one child (because our incomes exceeded 1980s statute guidelines) afterwards, along with all health benefits for my daughter to this day.  The mother reported to the Child Protective Services, during the investigation, that she had been sexually abused by her father when she was child.  The family services finally concluded their investigation of the complaint, which was "unfounded", but it was in the jurisdiction where I lived and not that of the mother & child. 

Back into court again to present my case.  With no evidence of abuse by me, the mother presents witnesses (daycare workers) that saw our child act in a sexualized manner.  The judge finally orders that the child have a forensic evaluation to see if she had been abused.  I was then placed on "supervised" visitation in May 2007, which I'm still on, awaiting another re-scheduled trial which was to occur in Sept 2008.  The forensic evaluator, Dr. Joyanna Silberg, who recently appeared on the MIke & Juliet show, ridicules PAS, particularly in light of Alec Baldwin's new book on the market.  When she was selected as the court-appointed forensic evaluator, I reviewed her male-bashing website which also argued that PAS was used by fathers to get custody and escape child support..  She interviewed me and never once considered that my ex-wife was sexually abused as a child, had made these false allegations in court, and was deliberately interferring with my contact and visitation with our child.  Her report biasly tried to link the child's behavior to her father, even though the child was not credible for any disclosure and there was never any evidence of abuse by me.  This is PAS to the Nth Degree and it has financially drained me to fight for my daughter's well-being, who has been subjected to mental & health professionals (not just the two (2) forensic evaluations, but numerous Dr. visits for all kinds of symptoms) and I fear she has been mentally abused for something that never occurred. 

I consistently have maintained this restricted supervised visitation environment in the interest of my daughter.  The motivation that keeps me going is seeing my daughter's smile when she sees me every visit and of course calling me "Daddy".  Gifts that I have given her during visits are never seen again.  I love that my daughter voluntarily tells me she loves me, asks for hugs and kisses, all in the presence of a supervised monitor in a small play room.  I haven't even been able to take my daughter outside to a park next door since Oct 2007, because the mother alleged the monitor was not close enough to hear our conversations, eventhough the monitor insisted she was doing her job.  I have not even been able to take a picture of my daughter for a year to show to her grandparents (who haven't seen her since she was 1 yrs old), because the mother alleges the child poses in a sexually suggestive manner.  The mother also restricted me from providing any food during visitation, citing the child is overweight and is on a strict diet. 

The agencies that provide supervised court ordered visitations are often non-profits who use volunteers, so my daughter and I have seen over 10 different staff since May 2007.  No consistency for the child and she's had to adapt to all these different strangers that come and go.  These agencies also put in place rules to restrict non-custodial parent's interaction and bonding when "sexual abuse" is alleged, but insist they are acting in the best interest of the child, even when there is no evidence of abuse or there is no discomfort of the child during visits.

I'm sorry for this long reply, but as you can tell it has been very frustrating.  I guess writing this has allowed me to vent my feelings and just see how many other fathers are in anguish over their rights to their children being infringed upon.  I've only been able to maintain by keeping my focus on my daughter, praying a hell of a lot with the love and support of family and friends and trying to keep my sanity to  maintain my job.  I've witnessed an inept legal system, even when no evidence is presented to prove any allegations, mental professionals seeking more money for questionable evaluations and of course major attorney fees (I'm on my 2nd attorney who specializes in false sexual abuse cases).  After now filing for custody, as my only alternative to save my daughter from a mentally disturbed over-protective mother, I'm still awaiting a chance to present the merits of my case to the court.  The BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD does not even seem to be a paramount concern, as my daughter has been subjected to numerous doctors and mental health professionals and has only seen her father in a small playroom, two times a week, for 2 hrs, since she was 3 yrs old.  She is now 4-1/2 and it's still not over.  It's been 3 yrs of hell since I left in Aug 2005, but I'm determined to keep up the fight for my daughter's welfare, until I'm no longer financially able.  If my ex-wife wins, I can only imagine how she will tell our daughter how her father never loved her and abandoned the family.  I know my daugher will grow up and seek the truth and I've kept a library of evidence.  I won't have to ever bad mouth the mother, since my daughter will see all the true evidence for herself.  Daddy Loves You-Sweetheart !

I am now 37 years old & currently in weekly therapy for pain management of a back injury.  During this therapy, I have also been dealing with my relationship with my father.  Growing up, my mom was a strong single parent and was my rock even though there was constant slandering from both my mom and dad against one another through me.  I was a ping-pong ball stuck in the middle of a very long match.  There are many factors which have caused an unhealthy relationship (on and off again, now off for 3 years) with my dad so not just the constant battle was an issue although it was and has been wearing on me my entire life.  Again, I am 37 years old and just this week, my mom finally took ownership of her responsibility in the relationship with my dad and has apologized for her actions putting me in the middle so I am in the healing process right now.  However, once the damage is done, it is never forgotten and now I am struggling to decide whether or not to contact my dad again.  I don't agree with much of his thinking especially alienating himself from my 1/2 brother whom I didn't know about until I was 22 years old because he had him when living on the otherside of the US while married to my mom and my dad's entire family hid the secret until one day grandpa slipped.  Needless to say, I have some serious advice from a child who went through a bitter divorce, to all of you parents.....DO NOT PUT YOUR CHILD IN THE MIDDLE!! GROW UP, OWN YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE BECAUSE ALL YOU WILL DO IS TURN YOUR OWN CHILDREN ON YOURSELF.  It isn't worth the digs to your ex and please stop being selfish about your own feelings and remember what you are doing to your child. It stays with them forever, I know this from experience.   You need to break the chain and learn to hadnle difficult circumstances with common sense and empathy.  Thank you Dr. Phil for having this segment; great timing! 

Not to be sracastic towards you but the last time I looked, the depndency court was not an expert in domestic violence.  The duluth model of power and control describes domestic violence and you tweaking your wife's nose is an attempt to control or subdue her.  I also believe that your dependency court judge needs to get some real quick training in what is and is not domestic violence.  While in the eyes of the law your nose tweak does not fit the criteria for dv, it most certainly does fit in the psychological viewpoint of dv.  Do a search for Duluth Power and Control Wheel.  Your nose tweak is classified as intimidation (making her afraid using looks, actions, gestures) and can also be classified under minimizing, denying, blaming (making light of the abuse or not taking her concerns about it seriously).

So to wherever in the world your dependency court judge is, I hope he catches wind of this program and reads this forum (doubt that will happen though).  This is simply because you did commit domestic violence and I would have to wonder if your ex-wife would have more stories similar to this one to share with us.

Let it go!  You'll both alienate your daughter if you keep fighting!

I lost custody of my son 1986 when my son was 10 years old because my exhusband told my son that if he told the judge behind closed chambers that I  had a gun to his head he would be granted custody.

Well he won.

My son admitted to the lie many years later in a letter to me.

Since then he has been brainwashed by his father and my son has been on drugs with his father since he was 13 years old. Both of them are in and out of jail constantly.

He never finished High School and is 34 years old and homeless now.

All because my ex husband could not stand it that I wanted to live a straight life and could have given my child alot more then him. His father never wanted to work. He was a scam man. A fraud!

It was more fun living with his Dad.

I wanted structure for my son.

This is what kind of selfish man he is.

So this woman you had on your show is insane and does not know what pain in your heart is for the last 23 years.

What kind of law do we have??? 

What kind of judges do we have???

My son has not contacted me in 7 years.

Sad in California