I don't know why im typing because you or (staff etc)
get hundreds of messages so I guess I'm just
needing somewhere to put my thoughts.
I'm 15, and I'm from Canada
although it maybe common but I was teased
about my weight etc, when I was a child
and it was so bad i'de even get bitch slaped across
the face when i was 4 by another 4 year old.
I grew up in that type of neighbourhood
the other parents didn't know how to parent
but... it scard me I was homeschooled aswell
I was always shy.. and always told the truth ( as why i didn't fit in by telling the truth )
but the teasing, and being on my own and the physicle flaws it
developed into a depression and into a fear
then grew into a phobia, wait! phobia is the same thing as fear
but I would be afraid to go outside of my apartment it would bring me to tears
i'de get the swets, the shakes, the heart beating, the thinking
and it was also had to do with do I look ok?
etc. and then a year ago almost to this day lol yeah!
I went to go do laundry and I looked and saw a four year old
and I couldn't go in I quickly swiped against the nearest wall
befor she could see me then quickly looked again to see if
she was looking at me then ran up in imbarrisment because my mom
was wondering why I didn't bring up the clothes yet and I had to tell her
why, and right then I knew it became to big expecial when I was going to highschool in 7 months.
but ...... I felt like a weak person ALTHOUGH I know i'm very machure ( every adult calls me machure that sits and talks with me) but..... I began going outside because I wouldn't go outside for 6 months at a time.
I began getting closer to my goal to feeling normal in public not some awkward weirdo
Let me tell you thoughs days everyday was a battle I would pray and pray and pray
I always thought I was stupid like i'de be falling all my classes if i went to school not as smart
as the general population... but I knew I had the smarts as a therapist does.. just schools another thing.
but I'm happy to anounce!
I've been getting straight A's in applied courses, and i'm semi feel not awkward still quiet and
shy, but... I kinda like that about myself don't need a friend keep me up but.... I do have a boyfriend now lol.
we've knowne chother 3 years over the internet and both our parents agreed and i'm seeing him in July of 09. so, thats my life story and I know mine is far from the worst.
God bless.
