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Topic : 10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Number of Replies: 67
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Created on : Friday, October 10, 2008, 02:56:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Hoarding is a highly emotional issue that may seem horrifying to some, but for others, it’s a complicated and difficult struggle. When Nancy first appeared on the show, her home was so cluttered that her kids couldn’t get into their bedrooms, there were multiple refrigerators jammed with spoiled food, and she even had a second house that was uninhabitable because it was so chock full of junk. After canceling on 1-800-GOT-JUNK three times, Nancy finally allowed the cleaning crew to remove some of the mess. Find out why the experience was so traumatic for her. Then, Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board, and Dr. Steven Kanter, an expert on hoarding-related issues, have been working closely with Nancy. Has she made progress in overcoming her fears? Plus, Nancy says her boyfriend, Bob, has been drinking heavily and creating havoc in the household. You won't believe what Nancy and her friend, Randi, captured on video. And, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s surprise for Nancy!

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 17, 2008, 1:44 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: vocalist1945

 

HOW DO YOU HANDLE SOMEONE WHO IS STILL GRIEVING THE DEATH OF AN INFANT

31 YEARS AGO.   ALSO GRIEVING THE POTENTIAL OF A SON 38 YEARS WHO IS

AUTISTIC.  THIS CAUSES SUCH STRESS TO THE EXTREME.

I AM TALKING ABOUT MY HUSBAND WHO IS 64 YEARS OLD AND IS ONLY COMFORTABLE

WHEN THINGS ARE "PILED UP"......................LIKE ALL THE THINGS MAKE HIM FEEL SECURE.

 

IS THERE A LOT OF NEUROSIS GOING ON HERE?  ANYONE READING THIS HAVE THE SAME

PROBLEM???

 

I HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS 41 YEARS AND I AM TIRED...................

My parents do it too.  Sometimes i have to stop myself from doing it.  My dad collects, my mom throws away.  But collects too.  It's a continious cycle.  It drives me crazy but they need that stuff, i don't know why.  Hording is so easy to do but is all in your head, a mind game you play with yourself.  I believe hording creates the caos and disorganization you are trying to avoid by doing it.  To stop hording is to start making sacrifices and realize  - it's just stuff - it's mediocre to crappy, old stuff - what does it really do for you.  It's not making you any money and it's unhealthy being in your head.  The person doing the hording just has to see a better way live and really want a better life for themself.  If it works for him and you can't deal with it, it's not up to you to change the situation, mayby you need to move out and see what happens.  Grieving - there is a time for that but you can't let yourself or surroundings go down hill.  Pick yourself up and make the best of it ;)

 
October 17, 2008, 1:57 pm CDT

Cheers and work ahead

Cheers for LETTING Go of the stuff.  Now she has to let go of the Alcoholic and if she needs help with that I am surprise Dr Phil had not mention this) she should check out Al-anon, friends and families of Alcoholics.  There is even Alateen for the teenagers who care about the alcoholic.
 
October 17, 2008, 2:02 pm CDT

Hoarding!

I live by myself in a five bedroom house. I have a living room, dinning room, 2 bath rooms, kitchen, and a living room.

I have this problem of hoarding but not to the extent as your guest Nancy . I have a sister that hoards. she is a lot worst than me. I have a 5 bed room house that is a mess. All the rooms have my belongings scattered all over the rooms. I have a path to the kitchen and bath room. The kitchen is a mess. I tried to clean out stuff but it just doesn't work. I had my kids come over and all the stuff they threw out I just reclaimed after they left. The attic and basement is full of junk too. Good thing I don't have a garage or that would probably be full too.

I also buy things that I don't use. I will some times buy multiplies of  items. I'm also a sucker for just about any things. I have so many problems. It seems to run in the family that I come from. I realize that I came from a dysfunctional family .

I checked over your list and I posses all 12 shown. 

How do I start and clean out this mess. I can't do it by myself. I need help.

CHUCK

 
October 17, 2008, 2:16 pm CDT

I'm disappointed in you, Dr. Phil

After watching the video clip where Nancy dragged her 12 year old son into the face of his drunken father, I am disappointed that you let her off so easily. It isn't just "not a good idea" to involve children in confrontations with a drunk, it is UNACCEPTABLE! I understand that Nancy has been trying to pull herself, her life, and her surroundings together, but that was abusive and potentially dangerous. In addition to spa treatments for Nancy, I hope there has been counseling for the children.
 
October 17, 2008, 2:45 pm CDT

Nancy

I really felt for Nancy today, but I think her alcoholic "significant other" is causing much of this problem.  Of course she is hoarding, she is trying desperately to hold on to anything she can.  Until he chooses to address his problem, I can't see her making any lasting changes.  I speak from experience.  I am living her life - not to the same extreme(my drugs of choice are pictures, papers, books, and the things my Mother and Aunt left for me after they passed on)  If Nancy chooses not to change any further, she will start to develop health issues, not only from the unhealthy mould, dirt, etc, but physically in the way of depression.  I  know 'cause I am there along with chronic pain, & full blown fibromyalgia.  So PLEASE Dr. Lawless, don't let her go down that road, because life is not good on this side of the track.
 
October 17, 2008, 2:47 pm CDT

Hoarding

I'll begin by saying how impressed I was with the results on the show.  I'm hope all works out.

 

I am a third generation hoarder.  My maternal grandmother, mother and I are hoarders.  I am not as bad as they are (I hope).  My mother was born during the Depression and I've read that hoarding not only is hereditary, but also predominant for those alive during the Great Depression of the 1930s. 

 

I grew up with the walls of the all the rooms stacked with stuff from floor to ceiling.  Most recently, bags of bags, food containers, twist ties, rubber bands, newspapers, catalogs, bars of bath soap, empty medicine bottles, toasters, ironing boards, etc.  We had/have "trails" to walk through.  Amazingly enough, even though it looks like mass mayhem, my mom would always know where an item was...well, which room it is in.  Unfortunately, as she has become older, her memory is not as sharp and would know she has an item, but when she looked for it, couldn't find it.

 

Recently, I helped her clean.  I was so proud of her!  I remember while growing up when asked to get things better organized and throw excess things away or have a yard sale, she would become very defensive and argumentative.  Now she threw many things away, but she refuses to do away with the multitude of toasters, flatware sets, etc.  They were bought with a "purpose in mind", "it's was a present", "there could still be a use for it".  There of course is more to the story, but not enough time or room to state it. 

 

I'm afraid I'll turn out the same way.  My hoarding is keeping magazines with specific articles, or recipes.  I say I'll get to it someday, but that day never comes.  I work full-time 3rd shift and stay tired all the time. 

 

Hope to learn from the advice on this site and on the show!

 

 

 
October 17, 2008, 3:06 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

OK everyone, I'm sorry but at the first of the show, Dr. P. asked if she drank and she said yeah she does, " sometimes", ( and she looked quilty as heck then). Then when her signifant other was on the video and hammered towards the end, she said that there was nothing left in the house. Then he found a bottle of "cooking wine" that she had hidden. How and where the heck is she cooking anything? And how much more does she have hidden? I believe deep down SHE has a drinking problem big time. That was just my gut feelling from the get go. She looked kind of out of it and just smilin' away during whole show. And to put her son into the video was just APPAULING. I think she was trying to put the focus on someone else BIG TIME and not look at herself. So, she let them take out tons of crap, nice. I think she has a MUCH deeper problem then the hording. And then she gets a spa treatment to boot. What's up with that?
 
October 17, 2008, 3:12 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

This whole issue of the hoarding woman is sad. On top of the hoarding, she's living with an abusive drunk and subjecting her children to him. Is this man even the father of any of these kids? I don't think so, but correct me if I'm wrong. (I know she referred to him as "dad" when she was telling the little boy to tell him how he felt...but, I don't think he's the father of any of them.)  There's really no reason to have him in the house at all...especially since he's so totally unwilling to get any kind of help. Dr. Phil offered, he declined.

 

I'm glad she's making progress, but there are obviously SO many issues that need dealing with that this will take quite a lot of time.

 

You know, I always find it interesting that whenever someone is on the show who is really emotionally messed up, they always have their hair hanging in their faces, hiding their eyes....like: if I can't see you, you can't see me....like a little kid who puts their hands over their eyes and thinks they're invisible.  

 

This woman doesn't realize, I guess, that you can't argue with a drunk! You are arguing with the alcohol, not the person, and it's useless to waste your time. If she really wants to get well, she MUST get him out of her house.

 

It's a mystery to me, as well as several other posters, that CPS has not taken these kids out of that mess! 

 
October 17, 2008, 3:24 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: wisconsinite

Cheers for LETTING Go of the stuff.  Now she has to let go of the Alcoholic and if she needs help with that I am surprise Dr Phil had not mention this) she should check out Al-anon, friends and families of Alcoholics.  There is even Alateen for the teenagers who care about the alcoholic.

I agree, but I think there's a deeper problem with Nancy. I believe she's an alcohlic also. He found the, what did she call it? "cooking wine" she had stashed after she said there was nothing left in the house. How much more is stashed? And where and when does she cook? Been there, done that. She's trying to put the focus on anything or anybody else but herself. I think that's where the hording comes into play. Dr. Phil asked her in the beginning if she drank. She said yeah, sometimes but she looked guilty as heck and then the subject just never came up again about HER drinking. She looks and sounds like she's had a few in her day. I believe, just my gut feeling, that she has more of a problem than the hording. Does anyone else but me see that?

 
October 17, 2008, 3:34 pm CDT

10/17 Hoarding Nightmare: The Aftermath

Quote From: cndrlla

This whole issue of the hoarding woman is sad. On top of the hoarding, she's living with an abusive drunk and subjecting her children to him. Is this man even the father of any of these kids? I don't think so, but correct me if I'm wrong. (I know she referred to him as "dad" when she was telling the little boy to tell him how he felt...but, I don't think he's the father of any of them.)  There's really no reason to have him in the house at all...especially since he's so totally unwilling to get any kind of help. Dr. Phil offered, he declined.

 

I'm glad she's making progress, but there are obviously SO many issues that need dealing with that this will take quite a lot of time.

 

You know, I always find it interesting that whenever someone is on the show who is really emotionally messed up, they always have their hair hanging in their faces, hiding their eyes....like: if I can't see you, you can't see me....like a little kid who puts their hands over their eyes and thinks they're invisible.  

 

This woman doesn't realize, I guess, that you can't argue with a drunk! You are arguing with the alcohol, not the person, and it's useless to waste your time. If she really wants to get well, she MUST get him out of her house.

 

It's a mystery to me, as well as several other posters, that CPS has not taken these kids out of that mess! 

Does anyone see that MAYBE, she's a drunk too? Maybe I'm the only one. The "hidden cooking wine", just the whole thing from the start made me think that she had a drinking problem. Dr. Phil asked her that at the first of the show if she drank and she said "well, yes, sometimes", but she had that guilty look on her face, to me.

Where does she cook? I believe there's a deeper problem then her hording. Poor kids.

 
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