Topic : 06/03 Virtual Chaos

My husband and I dated for over 7 years before we got married last month.  He always liked to play games, but it started to get worse his second year of college.  He is a very smart man, but was getting bored with all of his classes.  He stopped going to class.  He would go on 'test' days and do great on tests, but it wasn't enough to pass the classes.  He eventually stopped going to school all together after wasting a couple more years at college.  He was still paying for classes, but never finished because he wouldn't leave his computer.  The game that made it an absolute addiction was World of Warcraft.  He stopped seeing me, he stopped socializing, he wouldn't shower for a few days at a time, and nothing mattered in the world except moving to a higher level in WoW.  Things got so bad that we separated for a while because he was so moody and was so engaged in the gaming world.  Nothing else was real to him except the game.  He didn't finish college and I gave him the choice of starting a life with me or I was going to move on.  After a year of working on his addiction, he cut back on gaming, but it was still consuming his life.  He got a good job, but the evenings would be about gaming instead of paying attention to me or doing things that needed to be done.  Since this was not the man I initially met years ago, I still loved him and wanted to give him a chance.  He cut back on gaming again and saved enough money to buy me an engagement ring.  We then decided to buy a house and are now married.  He realized how much the game had hurt me and he quit subscribing to it about 9 months ago.  We're now married and have a great house, and he keeps busy with things to do around the house.  He will always love games, but he plays ones that aren't so addicting anymore and he has tons of time to spend with me now. 

I hope this might help someone.  I thought the addiction could never be broken, but if you can get through to a person you love, they will finally start to understand the hurt you have been going through with their addicion, just like any other addiction.  There is hope!  Just don't give up. 

It isn't the GAMES fault.  My goodness people.  Okay YES the games are fun, and mildly addicting, so what?  When did that give people a right to avoid responsibilty and blame their lives woes on a game.

Yes it is the fact that they are playing said game too much that is ruining their lives.  But no one is forcing them to play.  Okay so they are addicted, I guess I can buy that.  So pony up, take responsibility, and get help. 

I've played WOW *world of warcraft* for a few years now, and yes at times I probably played more than I've should.  Then again the last two years or so I've played hardly at all.  Why?  Oh I don't know I had a baby, I'm participating in my daughter's school, and class stuff.  Bascially I'm prioritzing!!.   I'm deciding whats important and whats not.  This is comming from someone who used to raid into the wee hours of the morning at times, with a daughter who was bound and determined to wake up at seven or eight am.  Did she not get fed because I stayed up to late?  Did she sit in a wet diaper till noon so that I could catch up on lost sleep NO NO NO.  I got my tired butt out of bed, and faced my responsibilities, and the consequences of staying up to late.

Whats wrong with society is that people don't want to take the consequences of their actions.  By saying that this game is the source of their problems you are giving them an out.  They can now say, "See it isn't MY fault, its the game."

Do I feel for the mother who lost her son.  Yes of course I do.  Is it horrible for his life to be cut so short, of course it is.  But come on it wasn't the GAME itself.  She says he was happy and well adjusted before, obviously not as well and adjusted as she thought or he wouldn't have killed himself over Everquest.  If you look at how many people play and claim they "are addicted" whether seriously or in jest if it was the GAME killing people you'd hear about it more often.   I'm I saying it is the boys fault?  That his suicide was right, or his "punishment" NO.  He had problems, he needed help, and he didn't get it.  Its horribly sad, but it happens.  If it wasn't Everquest or some other online game that took over his world it would have been something else.

And as for the wife whose husband needs to get off his butt, stop playing and get a job, she should stop paying for his account.  As a world of warcraft player I know you have to pay a montly fee that either gets deducted from your account every month, every three months, six months etc, however you decide to pay for it or you buy a gaming card.  If he has no job/money then she should stop giving him the money to play.  Cut him off at the source. 

It's time for people to stop misplacing blame, and fess up to life and responsibilities.  Everything in moderation right? 

I think your message is a little harsh.  My husband was actually not a gamer when we I met him 7 1/2 years ago.  A couple friends he had a college got him into it.  And by then we were already in love and I'd do anything to help him.  So it's not as easy as you say to just leave him.  I could have threatened to leave him, but that doesn't help the issue.  Your husbands addiction obviously doesn't bother you or isn't as bad as others.  I know my husband will always like games now, but I've learned to deal with it and he quit playing WoW for me. 

THANK YOU for doing this show Dr Phil. I can't wait to view it this evening.

   I too was diagnosed with Computer addiciton back in 1996 BEFORE it was recognized as a REAL emotional problem.

   Before the computer I was a happily married woman with 2 grown sons and  grandchildren. I refused to see or accept that I HAD a problem at the time.

   I suffered a nervous breakdown, was diagnosed OCD, BiPolar, lost from 118 lbs down to 89, was on line 18 hrs a day getting 3-4 hrs of sleep, stopped eating , watching TV, reading, see  off line friends and ignored my husband.

   My marriage nearly ended one year later, we were seperated and I was staying with an online friend 1,500 miles from home. After 3 mos of intense help from my friend and a mental clinic there I started getting my head together and returned home. I was on several helpful medications and slowly became able to walk away from this machine.

   Luckily I was never in to gaming for real money but did play free poker a lot. Now I am able to limit myself to 2 hrs a day in poker and a max of 6 hrs a day on line .

   COMPUTER ADDICITION is REAL. It can destroy and KILL.

   Again THANK YOU for addressing this critical issue.

Addiction is addiction, no matter what form.  Some people are addicted to drugs, alcohol, the usual suspects.  Others are addicted in less known forms such as shoes (my specialty), or prehaps butting into other peoples business.  We all seek avenues of blame, whether it's the drugs, alcohol, internet, our parents, our husbands/wives, etc., rather than deal with the real issues that are present in the relationships. (Husband/wife, parent/child, etc.).  I don't buy the couple on the show that claimed that when the husband wasn't on the game he was the perfect hudband/dad.  It may be what they want to believe, but I don't think that's the case.  More than likely, if it wasn't the game it would be something else.  What about the husbands that spend every weekend at the golf course, or spend all their money on NASCAR stuff, or stop by the bar every evening for a few before heading home?

My husband began online gaming (Everquest 2) and would spend hours on the game.  You know what?  I joined him.  Granted, we don't have little children.  Our son at the time had graduated high school and was attending our local community college.  To begin with we had to share one gaming computer.   We bought a second relatively quickly so that we could play together.  We both enjoy it and if we spend lots of time on the weekends playing the game, so what.  We have never been a couple that went out alot, often refering to ourselves as modern day hermits.  Introverts to the core, we prefer a quite home life.

I do see the problems in those families profiled on the show, but the games are not the cause.  They are only a manifestation of a deeper problem.  If you don't want to spend time with your wife, an online game is a great way to avoid her.  So is the local pool room, the local pub, the bowling alley, a friend's house, etc.  The fact that the one wife allows it to go on to such an extent (husband stays home with kids while she's at work) shows that she is an enabler, or prehaps she has too many issues herself to deal with that confronting the problem headon is too much to handle.  Personally I would crack the computer open and rearrange some of the internal pieces! 

Gist of this reply, quite trying to lay blame on inannimate objects.  To blame a game, you must include the computer/game station it's played on.  To blame the computer/game station, you must include the electricity powering the system.  So, ultimately, it's the fault of Benjamin Franklin, who, because he discovered electricity, caused these people to become addicted.  Quit making excuses for the poor state of your life.  Get over "if"- get on with "life".

I am the mother of a recovering WoW addict.  I take no issue with those who enjoy gaming and whose lives are unaffected.  I take no issue with the games and understand that they are here to stay.  I did, however, learn through experience and research, that MMOs are unlike your average video game.

My son started playing his first MMORPG (Massive, Multiplayer On-Line Role Playing Game) just a month after it was released and just after his 15th birthday.  Within 5 months I identified a dramatic change in his behavior and its immediate impact on family relationships, friendships, health and academics.  Unfortunately, it was so new that I was unable to get any professional insight or support to substantiate my belief that he had become hopelessly consumed.

Almost 18 months later, we had exhausted any possibility of ceasing his gaming in-home.  Since he was a minor, we were able to force him into a technology-free, therapeutic environment.  After 10 months, he returned home as the person he had been prior to his MMORPG experience.  It has been over a year since his return and he continues to improve in every aspect of his life...his real life.

Not all people who play MMORPGs become consumed in a virtual world.  Individuals who take a first drink have no way of knowing how they will respond to its effects yet are well aware, when they take that first drink, that there is potential for addiction.  I feel strongly that individuals, parents, etc. need to be educated of the potential, harmful effects of some video games, and particularly virtual reality games, in the same way.

My desire is to help spare even one gamer/parent/significant other/child/friend from an experience like ours.