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Topic : 10/28 Cyber Bullying

Number of Replies: 132
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Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:49:53 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Bullies love an audience, and there’s no bigger playground than the World Wide Web. Cyber bullies create vulgar MySpace posts to taunt others, or send harassing text messages and threatening e-mails. Dr. Phil tackles this topic head on with his son, Jay, whose new book, Jay McGraw’s Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies, offers action-oriented plans. Jay recently sat down with a group of teens to get their perspective on cyber bullying -- and they didn’t hold back! Learn what concerns the students the most. Next, 17-year-old Austyn says a close friend turned on her, hacked into her MySpace account and reformatted the page to say that Austyn is a " slut," a “sag” and a “butter face.”  Austyn says she now has a bad reputation at school and shows Dr. Phil producers a typical day in her life. What can the teen do to empower herself? Steve DeWarns, a police officer and founder of Internetchildsafety.net, explains when cyber bullying becomes a crime. Then, is your child capable of intimidating other kids? Jay gives the Dos and Don’ts of reacting to a bully. Plus, meet a teen who fears his future may be ruined after a fake MySpace page was created in his name, and a mother who says her 15-year-old son was bullied to death. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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October 28, 2008, 4:32 pm CDT

Reality

It is a tragedy that we as a society are explaining away a vindictive spirit (entirely cultivated and tolerated in the home) as an result of online communication.

 

I was beaten and bullied constantly for the first 12 years of my life because I lived in a crap neighborhood and it carried to the schoolgrounds.  I am well and alive because I had a proper upbringing in the home.  Words SHOULD never hurt you.  Argue for your limitations and they shall be yours.  If you allow an untrue statement affect you, you are lending constitution to the statement's reality.

 

It is stupid to give your friend's your password to your online accounts.  It is stupid to complain about photos on the internet being abused if you've posted them yourself.

 

We should be exacting accountability to the ignorance of our youth and the neglect of parents.  Everyone knows what 'responsible' behavior is.  They know right from wrong.  They CHOOSE to ignore it.  They share a common ignorance.

 

In the words of Faithless, 'Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction' and we allow it to corrode the integrity of our society.

 

It is not the fault of myspace, facebook. youtube, bebo or other online social networking sites.  Most do not abuse the service, but bullying persists due to lack of education AND absence of consequence.  Complacency is not a solution to such vitriol.

 

So, from a person who has dealt with 'bullying', I would suggest to those who are bullied to think.  Rationalize what is happening.  Don't blame the yourself, the bully, the school, the state legislature.  Don't take it to heart when it is all verbal waste.  Stay true to yourself and don't allow the corrosive mentality of the ignorant to alter your thought or actions.  Live.  Do not merely dwell on hate.

 
October 28, 2008, 4:37 pm CDT

Bullying

I have been studying this subject since 1982. I've found, like many, if not all, problems like this are caused by a lack of love. Some good resources for being proactive when dealing with bullies: www.bullyinginstitute.org and www.reallove.com. One without the other is not sufficent.

Bullies get away with bullying because most people do not want to get involved and feel ill-equipped to deal with "insanity." Yet, since bullying is everywhere (i.e.; in our homes, our churches, our workplaces and our communities) you are affected by bullying every day... be informed or you will continue to live with that yellow streak down your back in fear and paralysis.

Love,

Sandra
 
October 28, 2008, 4:40 pm CDT

Laws Exist

There are laws that concern this topic...they're called libel laws. Instead of contacting State Senator/Congressman to write new legislation, contact your State Attorney General. In several states, these are the folks who are dealing with internet fraud of various types. Portraying yourself as someone else is a form of fraud & writing falsehoods is libel. Get an attorney and utilize the laws that are already there!

 

And Dr. Phil, with your legal pals, I'm surprised that this option was not offered on today's show. If that boy is kept out of college &/or loses grants/scholarships/loans due to the content, he may be entitled to recoup those losses in a financial manner.

 

 

 
October 28, 2008, 4:56 pm CDT

Backlash??

 I think this something that has needed to be addressed for awhile for alot  ok kids and am glad to see it in this forum.
 The thing that I really wander though is if the kids that were on the show will receive alot of backlash from the bullies they already have or even new ones.
 I would really like for the show to do a followup on them in a couple of months if at all possible.
 
October 28, 2008, 4:57 pm CDT

Empathy from Teachers & Others

I am a forty-something woman who was bullied all through school, starting as early as kindergarten, and not ending until I was in college.   I was even bullied at my job by someone with a grudge toward a particular age range.  As I watched the show, I recognized the warning signs that I had been displaying even back in the day--this was way back before the internet was even invented.--I had been angry alot of the time, I skipped school--to avoid the classmates who were bulliying me, and even though I had a healthy--God given--dose of self-confidence (which made me a fighter, and made it hard for me to ignore the bullies), my self-esteem was in pretty bad shape.  However, thanks be to God--and I'm not being flippant--as well as supportive parents and others--the years that I was being bullied are now only a memory.

 

I titled this message "Empathy From Teachers & Others", because I think it's important for kids who are victims of the bullying to know they can go to a teacher or a school counselor or whoever and get the support they need. 

 

From Kindergarten through Jr. High, I was more or less left to fend for myself--the teachers did nothing to stop the bullying, and so I did what I had to do to avoid it--even going so far as to skip school once or twice.

 

In High School, things improved--a little but not much. The bullying continued, but at least I had friends and the teachers,and my highschool principal demonstrated their concern for me.  The only thing I regret is the bullying in high school was so bad, I wound up having to finish my school work--in my Sr. year--at home.

If my highschool principal hadn't given me her permission to "home-school" (this was back in the day before "home-schooling" was even invented)--God only knows where I'd be today.

 

At risk of repeating myself, bullying (cyber or otherwise) is not something that  you can "just ignore" and it will go away, and the teachers--if they see it happening, or sense something is wrong--should let their students know they mean more to them than just a few dollars an hour in their paychecks.

 
October 28, 2008, 4:59 pm CDT

Empathy from Teachers & Others

I am a forty-something woman who was bullied all through school, starting as early as kindergarten, and not ending until I was in college.   I was even bullied at my job by someone with a grudge toward a particular age range.  As I watched the show, I recognized the warning signs that I had been displaying even back in the day--this was way back before the internet was even invented.--I had been angry alot of the time, I skipped school--to avoid the classmates who were bulliying me, and even though I had a healthy--God given--dose of self-confidence (which made me a fighter, and made it hard for me to ignore the bullies), my self-esteem was in pretty bad shape.  However, thanks be to God--and I'm not being flippant--as well as supportive parents and others--the years that I was being bullied are now only a memory.

 

I titled this message "Empathy From Teachers & Others", because I think it's important for kids who are victims of the bullying to know they can go to a teacher or a school counselor or whoever and get the support they need. 

 

From Kindergarten through Jr. High, I was more or less left to fend for myself--the teachers did nothing to stop the bullying, and so I did what I had to do to avoid it--even going so far as to skip school once or twice.

 

In High School, things improved--a little but not much. The bullying continued, but at least I had friends and the teachers,and my highschool principal demonstrated their concern for me.  The only thing I regret is the bullying in high school was so bad, I wound up having to finish my school work--in my Sr. year--at home.

If my highschool principal hadn't given me her permission to "home-school" (this was back in the day before "home-schooling" was even invented)--God only knows where I'd be today.

 

At risk of repeating myself, bullying (cyber or otherwise) is not something that  you can "just ignore" and it will go away, and the teachers--if they see it happening, or sense something is wrong--should let their students know they mean more to them than just a few dollars an hour in their paychecks.

 
October 28, 2008, 5:20 pm CDT

webID for Computers

Why can't someone come up with software program that would show  a computer ID for any computer like they do for caller ID's on the phone?  That way it would identify who is posting the bullying remarks and they could be used for prosecution when and if there is a law passed to stop this awful practice.

I am sure there are plenty of computer sav vy people out there that could do this without a problem.    

 
October 28, 2008, 5:21 pm CDT

No Tolerance for Bullying

Yes Bullies have been around since time began, but haven't we as a "thinking" species evolved enough to realize that this is not responsible behaviour.

 

If I had been a little more of a coward I probably would have commited suicide when I was in Junior High School, and that was over 15 years ago.  I got the extreme edge of being bullied.  I went to a small town junior/senior high school combined (grade 7 through 12) my crime....I was smart, I read, I was pretty, I was a tomboy and my older brother eas the biggest geek in school right down to the pocket protector.

 

I wasn't just called names, or bullied by those in my own grade.  I was the school pariah and I was beaten on a daily basis by one group or another.  The worst offender was agroup of 6 girls that spanned the age ranges in the school.  THey would beat me just to give themselves a laugh and brighten their own spirits.  I never fought back, and time and time again when my parents went to the school in regards to the beatings the name calling the ripped clothes, the bruises, the destroyed school books... the beatings got worse.  then removed from the school yard so that the school could throw up their hands and say "well there nothing we can do if its not on school property"

 

When a school counsellor was brought into the school I went and saw her twice in regards to how can I keep these people from hurting me physically and calling me names.  She told me to "go ask them why they don't like you".  After I had recovered from the beating that involved I went to her again and she said to me" well have you ever thought that its you and not them that's the problem"  I wanted to die.... To have a Professional tell a kid with no investigation into the matter that the abuse that you are being dealt is deserved in some way.  It still makes me sick.

 

There was no option to send me to another school it was the only school in town.  So I quit talling my folk, hid the bruises and dreaded everyday for 3 years.  The begining of my grade 10 year we moved to a large city and the bullying....it went away  that's when I realized it wasn't MY problem... that it was Their problem.  That there was something very wrong with who they thought they were.

 

Thank heavans there was not an internet back then and that my mother is paranoid, because even if it had existed there would be no facebook or myspace sites for me.  I do not allow my son on them and do not go on the sites close longtime friends have up either.

 

I believe in privacy and if you do not give these self righteous little snots that figure they own the whole world a forum in which to perpetrate their venom all they can do is say it to your face.  And most of them are to cowardly to do that.  People that know me or are worth anything are not going to buy into the rumor or hate mongering of the week.

 

 
October 28, 2008, 5:22 pm CDT

10/28 Cyber Bullying

I found your program some what informative, yet troubling. Unless my ears shutdown on me... I didn't hear you inform your audience and warn potential cyber-bullies out there... that when they send their garbage over the airwaves and through the internet... they are NOT as invisible as they may make themselves believe!

There has been software available for many years, for anyone to use... that helps to pin-point the source of the constant barrage of garbage that is bombarding us. I'm not talking about hacking or using "illegal" software... this is software that comes with many anti-virus, anti-spam, and anti-malware programs, that can be purchased over the counter.

The techniques employed use reverse IP and logging, among many others, that help build a log of a pattern and/or possible source of where these "hidden" dirtbag/cowards reside. The software comes bundled with very popular and well-known, brand name products. It can be used as part of an overall strategy to un-cloak the cloaked.

 
October 28, 2008, 5:25 pm CDT

Where the bullying is learned...

I'm amazed that we wonder where the kids are getting this lack of conscience, etc., with the bullying on the internet, etc.  Every reality show reinforces bad behavior such as talking behind another's back, conniving to get one friend against another friend, cheating, etc. What young people watch today on TV has a great influence on their behavior and this is a perfect example. 
 
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