Message Boards

Topic : 10/30 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat

Number of Replies: 104
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 24, 2008, 02:53:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
In a groundbreaking new series, Dr. Phil counsels 14 strangers who say their lives are absolutely not working. With issues such as extreme anger, addictions, abuse and personal demons that won’t go away, these guests spend an intense three days and two nights in a Dr. Phil retreat, facing the problems that are holding them back. By following their journey, you may just change your life as well. In the premiere episode, Dr. Phil gives his guests a huge wake-up call, using video clips of their private moments at home to demonstrate how their lives have spun out of control. Meet Ron and Angie, a couple struggling with Ron’s alcoholism while trying to parent their 2-year-old child. Can Dr. Phil cut through the fog of a man who drinks 40 to 50 beers a day? And, Kathleen says she hates and fears all African-American men because of something horrific that happened to her over 20 years ago. After she avoids interaction with Wade, an African-American in the retreat, Dr. Phil points out that they have more in common than they think. Plus, Paige is in love -- and in denial -- with a married man. If your life is so busy that you haven’t taken a long look at yourself for awhile, make this hour all about you and get inspired to turn your life around! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 30, 2008, 3:44 pm CDT

Keep dreaming

Quote From: dreams_forever

 

 Good Afternoon all,

 

  I watched the show today just like millions others and the majority more likely can understand to a point

 of all that after effect and process of emotions at that moment.  So just to say rather it means anything or

 not, I know the title I have given this is somewhat strange proubly.  But in my way of thinking on that

 is not being able to fully comprehend and understand why or what did I do, for the same situations to happen to me, but even at that I still not just wonder why and what I done or could have done to prevent it but why couldn't I tell anyone until here very recently and I am now 43yrs of age. Just to say I was malested for only God knows how long exactly, I just dont remember the beginning of it all just when the days starting coming to a end of it being put to a stop, that part was done by my step father for gosh I really dont know how long but he took me on the sun.drives and lets just say I learned somehow on how to drive during all that time.

Well I was malested/rape not sure what to call it by two female cousins of mine, I never wanted to be there but my mother made me stay over night there. and well that was the results.  Then I was raped at the age of 14yr. by a cousin and his best friend while staying with relatives in another state for that summer. that went on and on, locked in a bedroom for a whole day, stripping off my clothes over and over ... you name it so yes these people on that show really suffered.  But I do agree with Dr. Phil not all black men are like that and not all cousins are like that .  everyone is so different in every way so he is right and I am glad that was mentioned.

Now these are just a few of the things that went on in my life and rather its from the trama of my life or what I have had epilepsy for now almost 30yrs.  controled for the last two for the first time in my life. But now that I am controled I had a marriage of 22yrs. which recently this summer ended up in a divorce which I will always love him even though he as well raped me .. long one there.. no need in going into all that , just another one or thing. part of life I guess.   But you know what really ticks me off is I still have all these years never had support or beleif from my own mother, I to this day continue to hear from her and my family that I will never make it in life.  maybe they are right I havent yet .. sorry you all didnt intend for all this to come out but here is most of it.  again I am sorry

I feel sad for you and your story.  I was also molested as a child.  And endured abusive relationships as well. 

 

I can only say, "keep the faith"!  I was healed of the pain of my childhood, the pain of loss and the lost child in me was found.  I can testify that God has brought many wonderful healings in my spirit over the years since my abuse.  YOU CAN have healing too!  I believe it!

 

Rewrite the negative tapes that exist in your brain from those that say you won't make it in life.  YOU CAN have the life you want and deserve.  Make a determination to get it!  Turn your thinking around and let go of the idea that you are a victim.  You are NO longer victimized.  Now you can be an overcomer, a survivor!  Again, I would recommend you read "Life Strategies" to help you grow.  I would also recommened you find some other written resources which help survivors of childhood sexual abuse.  And another great book I read, "Released from Shame".  

 

Be encouraged that you can overcome the past and the pain of your past.  If I can, you can too!  Know that I will be praying for your healing and that hope will be birthed in your spirit. 

 

Much Love,

R

 
October 30, 2008, 3:51 pm CDT

Dr. Phil's approach to retreat participants

Wow, talk about a confrontative and challenging approach to this type of group interaction.  However, it looks like these people need it..... 

Being a therapist I know that change does not happen until the client 'gets it' - as Dr. Phil says.  It is interesting both professionally and personally to watch this type of program because I don't use such a straight forward approach. However, at times I have to, especially with adults and I've actually learned some strategies from Dr. Phil.  I'm really looking forward to watching the next session (of the retreat) with these 14 people. 

Of course, there is a cynical part of me that thinks:  'of course this has to be very engaging to keep the attention of viewers, it is a commercial program after all.  However I agree with him about how we tell ourselves lies and hide behind our defenses or  social masks.

Enjoyable show and is a personal challenge to look at my life and the 'lies' I tell myself about myself.

Ta da .............

 
October 30, 2008, 4:00 pm CDT

Real Retreat

HI MY NAME IS KIM. FIRST I WATCHED TODAY'S SHOW THEN READ ALL THE POSTED MESSAGES. i FEEL THAT MY HEART AND MIND ARE ON OVERLOAD. I AM REELING WITH EMOTION. FIRST I REACTED TO THE SHOW WITH TEARS. THEN ASSOCIATION. AND NOW UNCERTAINTY. I AS MANY, WAS SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED AS A CHILD. I WAS ABUSED BY MY ADOPTED FATHER. IT ENDED WITH BEING PUT IN FOSTER CARE. THEN PHYSICAL EXAMS, LIE DETECTOR TESTS, AND COURT. FOUND GUILTY, HE TOOK HIS OWN LIFE. AND NEVER ADMITTING TO THE "DEED". LEAVING NO CLOSURE FOR ME. NOW SOME 30 YEARS LATER, I FIND THE SAME HAUNTING QUESTIONS. DO I BLAME SOME OF MY FAILURES ON MY TRAGEDY? AS IF I'VE BEEN DOING A SURVEY FOR 30 YEARS. I HAVE COME TO SEE AND NOTICE REOCCURRING PATTERNS. FAILURES, NO FOLLOW THROUGH, NO VICTORIES. SYMPTOMS OF A LONG LIFE OF ABUSE?

   THINKING OF THE ONE THING THAT HITS HOME THE MOST FOR ME IS THAT I DO NOT MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS. FRIENDS, FAMILY OR ANY TYPE OF LOVE. I BELIEVE THAT THE TRAUMA AFFECTED MY ABILITY TO HAVE COMPASSION. SOME CALL ME A "COLD FISH". OR "FRIENDLESS". i HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT IT'S TO MUCH WORK TO BE MY FRIEND. THAT I EXPECT TO MUCH. I BELIEVE THAT THE TRUTH CAN HURT THE MOST. ALL THOUGH I HAVE OPENED UP MORE OVER THE YEARS, I AM STILL VERY WITHDRAWN. EXPERIENCES THAT HAPPEN TO YOU IN A TRAUMATIC OR TRAGIC WAY DO ALTER YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE. I FEEL THAT I WILL SUFFER WITH THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

    I DEEPLY EMPATHIZE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN PUT THROUGH THESE TYPE OF EXPERIENCES. THE REALIZATION OF THAT THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU OUT THERE, WHEN I CRY, I CRY FOR YOU TOO.

 
October 30, 2008, 4:53 pm CDT

Issues versus topics

This wonderful show illustrated that which Dr. Phil has discussed so many times before during so many shows: the difference between issues and topics. This show demonstrated that which upcoming shows during this get-real-retreat will also display: real issues truly affecting peoples' ability to operate sensibly and optimally. Compare that with politicians running for office (including the presidential race) and pastors at churches emoting politcially: All thrust topics at our faces and ears very emotionally, attempting to appear to be sincere, but their actual intention is of gaining campaign money donors and voters in the former case and increasing attendance and money tithings in the latter case. Here in California, this is very noticeable in the matter of Proposition 8 which would disallow gays and lesbians from marrying by incorporating discriminatory legalese into our State Constitution. This is a topic, not an issue, because gays' ability to marry does not affect anybody else. What affects the national marriage statistics is, for example, the female on this show who enables her alcoholic husband and the other woman who for two years has been having an affair with a married man. These are realities that affect peoples' lives, not what  today's cultural/political topics would have you believe. Duh!
 
October 30, 2008, 4:54 pm CDT

Message to Ron and Angie (Get Real Retreat)

Watching you Ron, Angie, and your daughter on Dr. Phil today had struck a cord with me. I was in the same position 30+ years ago as your child is now. I recall my father coming home in wee hours, hearing his slow, drunk steps and banging on the doors of our home. Once my father was home most of the time he was very abusive towards my mom, both physically and verbally. I remember many nights when I was woken up by my mom and asked to appease my father and put him to bed as he would be nicer with the kids than his own wife. Often times I cried and begged him not to yell or beat my mom. He wasn't always beating her. It had escalated over the years. If your husband is not beating you yet, just wait...it will come should you decide to stay in your present situation.

 

So Angie, unless you take direct action to change your life, here are some of the things your daughter may "look forward to" in the future:

no successful relationship with a man, highly defensive, almost 40 years old and never married despite few great marriage proposals (always afraid - what if this man will drink?), waking up in the middle of the night all in sweat and screams recalling her father's drunk breath, feeling helpless, violated psychologically, years of heavy therapy, always worrying about physical security especially at night, going absolutely crazy when someone would bang at the door or at least knock louder (i.e. marketers) and abuse a visitor verbally for no apparent reason....

 

Do you need a longer list of reasons why you should take action now to change your life or is this sufficient for you?

 
October 30, 2008, 5:17 pm CDT

Choices

Quote From: cheryle65

Hi my name is Cheryle. Just writing briefly what I have been going through and hoping there is somebody else out there that has been through the same thing or still in a situation like me. hopefully i can get some help. I have been in a relationship for 7 years. I have 3 children 18, 21 and 24. They all have moved out of home due to all the things my partner had done to them. My kids are from a previous marriage. My partner used to do anything to make them feel intimadated, uncomfortable and scared.Now its down to 2 of my kids wont even come to visit anymore coz they dont want to go through that anymore. I also have 2 grandchildren which I was very close to and my partner used to scare the hell out of them. So my daughter doesnt bring them here anymore. If i want to see my kids , I go to see them. HE USED TO GO TO WORK AND TELL EVERYBODY BAD THINGS ABOUT ME AND MAKE ME OUT TO BE A BAD PERSON. Everybody ended up hating me coz of all his lies. This went on for years. But I have since spoken to those people and they have realized that it was all lies and said he is just a big liar and a conman. He has had an affair before, he also lies to me all the time

Whenever i ring my kids or they ring me , he makes smart comments and always puts us down. And when my son comes to see me, its like my partner hates me and doesnt want anything to do with me.He doesnt help me much around the house. I have told him that he expects too much from me and that im not his maid. But having done all this, he says he loves me.Look, I could go on and on. I could write a book. So many bad things have happened in my relationship. I am so confused and dont know what to do anymore. My health is going downhill due to all this.Hope there is somebody out there that can help.

Cheryle,

  I can identify with some of the things you are going through.  You deserve to be happy - you just don't know it yet.  Life is all about choices and you are choosing to stay in this relationship - why?   Is it because you're afraid of the unknown if you choose to leave this person?  What have you go to lose?  Think about it and keep watching Dr. Phil's  "retreat" show.  There is something there for you.

 

Trish

 
October 30, 2008, 5:21 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: ontiptoe

Read Dr Phil's book, 'Life Strategies'.  I did and it changed my thinking!  You are responsible for YOU!  No one can change your circumstances accept you and if you feel victimized, it's YOUR responsibility to change it!

 

Ron, go to AA and WORK YOUR PROGRAM.  If you can't, leave your wife and set her free from your addiction.  She and your daughter will thank you for it later.

 

Ron's wife, GET FREE.  YOU are in an ABUSIVE relationship.  I was and I will NEVER regret getting free from my ex and his drinking.  He still won't recognize that it was his alcoholism which ended our marriage.  You are in an adulterous relationship: your husband's first love is his beer.  Decide not to share yourself and your child with this!  YOU deserve a better life and so does your daughter!  I'm on my own now, raising four kids and no support from him.  That's OK because I'm happy and so are they!  I worked for years to make our ends meet and when my kids were not getting what they needed, he always had a drink or a smoke when he wanted it!  Both he and YOUR husband are SELFISH!  Let him go and take good care of YOU and your daughter!

 

Paige:  OMG!!!! girl, you deserve to take control of your life!  This guy is only saying 'I love you..' to **** you!  He doesn't care about YOU, he cares only about getting a piece of a**!  Trust me, I have been where you are.  I was stuck in a rut with a married guy who abused me and used me for his jollies for almost 10 yrs!  I wouldn't wish that kind of painful existence on anyone!  YOU are so much better than that!  Take control and make a change.  You will be thankful for it in the end.  I am!  It's about time to decide to love yourself enough to dump that jerk and pursue your own dreams and desires.

 

All my love and prayers are with everyone on today's show.  I was stuck in the same kinds of ruts over the years and learned so much from them.  If you are searching for some solutions to your personal pit, READ LIFE STRATEGIES  it's a great book!

 

BTW:  The definition of a RUT is a GRAVE with the ends knocked out.  Get out of yours and LIVE!

 

Much love,

R

Thank you for your prayers and for your kind words.  I knew there must be someone else who has lived the painful existence I have been living ...certainly there are others who have been kept in the shadows.  My heart goes out to everyone who has ever existed in the shadows, settled for second best. 

 

My heart is broken and although I feel it will never be whole again, I know deep down that I will move on, be stronger and become a better person for the lessons I have learned over the past two years.

 

Watching today's show was very very hard for me ..but honest, it gets better.  Not only do I fall in love with the 13 others at the retreat but I do fall in love with myself.

 

Self esteem takes a long time to build, I'm working on mine again.

 

Thanks again :)

 
October 30, 2008, 5:39 pm CDT

there is beauty in change

The part that was beautiful to me was the woman who was afraid of black men and the black man that reflected her situation in a simular way. She was raped by a african american and he was raped as a child by a white man. I believe that was a big change in both of them because they kind of seen themselves in eachother. She may see him as the abused child and that may change her point of view towards black men. The key to loving one another is to understand one another . The black man said he must make his inner child understand that it was not his fault and i believe his inner child will heal this afraid woman if she has enough persistance to face her fear. I see miracles when peoples issues are solve and being abused in any way is the most evil thing in this world so to see two victoms helping eachother heal is beautiful.
 
October 30, 2008, 5:40 pm CDT

One question mark is really sufficient

Quote From: darleneeck

Read what you wrote. Pretend it is a friend thats writing you to ask your opinion. Now, what will you tell her????????
I read what I wrote while I was writing it. Unless she is mentally deficient she knows what to do. She just doesn't want to. Do you need to be told to eat, bath, or brush your teeth? Do you need someone to tell you not to stick your hand in a blender? Do you get into cars with strange men? Do you think her family hasn't told her a hundred times to leave the jerk? She resists, demurs, makes excuse, and continues to whine. She likes the attention, or she'd leave... wouldn't you? I know many women like that, and they leave when and if, they finally feel like it. You do people like that no favours when you coddle, and pity them.
 
October 30, 2008, 6:17 pm CDT

"Story or Truth"

When I saw today’s show I cried, wishing that I had someone to reach into this hole I'm in to help me climb out like Dr. Phil is doing on this show. Everyone has a “story” but what is the TRUTH? My truth is that I am hiding from the world and from life and all my various excuses only serve to keep me in this hole. What part of my sad and horrible experiences do I need to face and deal with and what parts are just excuses. I am so mixed up that it’s almost impossible to know and that’s why I stay in this hole.

 

My "STORY on TRUTH” begins with a really good mask. Once upon a time when most people would first meet me they would have probably considered me successful, well put together, poised, and likable with a sometimes almost magnetic personality. Those who have known me all of my life consider this almost unbelievable…considering where I “should have” ended up. I painted such a perfect mask for all of my grown-up life and then I ran when the mask would finally come off or the TRUTH would come out that is. I am now 43 years old and I can hardly keep my head up anymore let alone wear such a heavy mask.  The cycle of starts and stops just seems to get shorter and shorter now. The TRUTH is that I hate myself and I sabotage everything that I do and I don’t know why or how to stop. The more important a thing is to me the faster I destroy it.

 

This cycle was once completely subconscious because I considered myself a victim. But now I know that it’s me doing it all to myself but even knowing this I truly don’t know how to stop the punishment.  In my personal and in my business life I toggle between huge successes or complete failure. I know exactly what needs to be done but I just won’t do it if it will bring victory. I am extremely afraid all of the time!!! Almost a frozen kind of afraid! I have courage and inner strength when sticking up for someone else but I cannot do the same for myself. I’ve done everything to isolate myself including gaining a miserable 48 lbs as a way to push people away. I truly have lost every ounce of trust in myself. When turning inside for strength I only find emptiness and exhaustion after a lifetime of trying everything to get out of this hole.

 

The mask is especially polished considering a childhood of welfare poverty, physical abuse and parental abandonment. Yet, no one would ever know! I have been fighting so hard for so long that I feel as if I have used up all my life’s energy in the first 40 years and I just can’t seem to access anymore. I TRULY want to transform my life, take control, open myself up to love ME and experience joyfulness; but despite my efforts in the end I just sabotage it all and end up right back where I started. When this happens there isn’t anyone there to really notice, I have no witnesses to my life. Better yet, I would never tell anyone. That’s why when I saw the show today I cried and I wished that DR. Phil was reaching his hand into this hole I’m in, I would grab hold and fight hard to pull myself out! I have a feeling Dr. Phil would notice and not let me stick my head back into the sand so easily. I hope the people on the show take this seriously and do what it takes, I know I would.

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last