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Topic : 11/06 Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 2

Number of Replies: 196
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, October 31, 2008, 04:16:39 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil continues his intense three-day retreat with 14 people who say they’re ready to change their lives. Struggling with issues such as addiction, anger, abuse and grief, guests confront their personal demons once and for all. After getting kicked out of the studio during Part 1, will everyone agree to stop wasting time? Part 2 introduces the remaining participants. Kaylee admits she abused her three children throughout their entire childhood. Now that they are grown and estranged from her, she says she’s ready to deal with her anger. Dr. Phil confronts Kaylee about the shocking truth of how she treated her kids. Then, throughout her childhood, Melissa’s father would share nightmare-inducing stories about how he would hypothetically kill someone and get away with it. She later learned that her father was not who she thought he was. Kelly says she blames herself for not being there for her father before he committed suicide. Jessica R. and Diona share their problems with weight and self-image, and Carina is trying to rein in her anger and hatred toward men. Jessica F. says she’s the most controlling person in the world. Nicole is so obsessed with perfection, she says she’s never had an intimate relationship, and Don is trying to come to terms with his drug-filled past. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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November 6, 2008, 2:14 pm CST

Life After Addiction?

I too have had to deal with life after abusing drugs.  Although I did not use for a long period, the havoc that I wreaked is still too much to deal with.  I had lost my children.  My father and step-mother took me to court to take them from me.  I have since had them returned to me and I will be clean for 3 yrs. come April of 2009.  I have since went to college and I will be graduating from community college this year (which is a first for my family). I had worked for a Christian ministry running a women's shelter during this time.  But the one thing that I cannot do is make my family love me.  I am still ostracized from my family.  My grandmother, who adopted and raised me, had even moved back in with me a year ago because my family threatened to send her to the nursing home if she kept talking to me.  My 74 yr. old grandmother's family will not talk to her because of me.  I just want my family to be proud of me and supportive, not judgemental and separate.  My father gave up his rights to me when I was young because he didn't want to take care of me, yet he took my kids and even though I have changed and am now taking care of my kids, they still hate me.  I had even lost a pregnancy at 19 weeks and had a funeral for my son and my family did not even come.  I am 26 yrs. old.  I still need my family.  Oh, and my mom?  She left me when I was two.  I found her when I was eighteen.  I have seven sisters.  She kept them....  Anyways, I live in Texas and she lives in Washington, so you can see that relationship....  I am all alone...  I do have my husband, kids, and my Granny.... :)  I just wonder if I'll be invited to Christmas this year.  Do I want to be?
 
November 6, 2008, 2:20 pm CST

Stop Judging & Try Compassion

Today's part 2 of the GET REAL retreat was tough. I read the message board where there are those who more or less say 'deal with it' or 'no one is making you do what you're doing.'  Since those of you who write those things have such perfect lives why aren't you offering 5 of your 10 steps to a perfect life instead of being judgmental and hard. Until you've walked in someone else's shoes and felt their pain who do you think you are? You're not God and the rest of us don't care to read your bitterness. We have enough takers in our society today but where are the givers? You don't have to change the world, but your little part of it would be sweeter if you changed your own attitude. OR JUST BE QUIET!  You're not cool by being ugly. You are what you are. AND its YOUR CHOICE.....    

Hopeful

 
November 6, 2008, 2:30 pm CST

You said you wanted us to share with you

Dear Dr. Phil,

 

I was scrubbing the carpet during your show today and before i knew it i was just sitting there on the floor in tears, scrub brush in hand, and eyes glued to the tv... and i watched the whole show that way. This may sound like i'm trying to be profound and my words may sound trite, but I was actually truly captivated.  For a split second, my focus was on someone else's problems, until I started to wish I had a therapist like you who would listen and understand my words, too. I have so much that I wish I could talk about and get help with, but I'll try to keep it short.

 

I am Jessica R, Diona, and Carina, exactly. Life's sure been tough, and a damn, never ending, mentally and physically exhausting growing process. But I fight the good fight everyday, and am getting stronger all the time. I met the love of my life (he actually exists, but truly believing he's for real is a whole different show). I could say that he's fixed me, but that wouldn't actually be the truth. Having someone patient and kind and consistent and committed took me from being a mean girl to being humbled with the realization that I have been wrong about everything. I gain more and more insight all the time with the more experiences I have with positive people, and now I find myself with another challenge: to allow myself to be proud of myself, despite the years of shaming my name and reputation...despite knowing there are so many out there whom I must disgust.

 

I'm a mom now, and I want my child(ren) to have positive self esteem. The thing pushing my growth at this exponential rate is my family. Without them, I'd continue the raise and fall cycle of self-defeat.

 

My sister in law did a reading at my wedding. I asked her to choose something from the heart. Everything she does is with meaning; and this is what she chose (from a will and grace episode):

 

When I'm feeling like there's no love coming to me

And I have no love to give

When I'm feeling separated from the world

And cut off from myself

When I'm feeling annoyed by every little thing

Because I'm not getting what I want

I'll remember that there is an infinite amount of love available to me.

And I'll see it in you.

I'll remember that I am complete within myself

So I'll never have to look to you to complete me.

And most of all, I'll remember that everything I really need I already have,

And whatever I don't have will come to me when I'm ready to receive it.

 

 

 

It's beautifully put. She looked me in the eye when she read it. I just wonder if she knows that I heard the words she was saying.

 

And it hurts me to realize that those who love me have been trying to get through to me in these different ways for years.

 

Thanks

Nicky

 
November 6, 2008, 2:35 pm CST

i understand

  Dear Dr. Phil,

 

                   I can relate to more then one of your guest. Before I started watching your show I was always angery, want to die. I blamed myself for being a foster child and thought i was a bad little girl at the age of 5.I want to tell everyone that if you just listen and take that first step it does get easier...i have days that i feel like i have had enough but i matter now so i just need to say thank-you and i'm glad i'm not alone .......

 
November 6, 2008, 2:39 pm CST

Relate to Don

I am having problems with being honest with myself today. I had an addiction problem since I was 14 years old and had been in trouble with the law until I was 30 years old. Multiple DUI's and other criminal offenses. I now have had a child and am trying to start over new, but am struggling with being honest with others. I worked as a adolescent substance abuse counselor for 2 years and am going back to school getting a degree in Psychology, Philosophy and Business Administration, but am finding it hard to be honest with others when trying to get a job. I fear that I will not be seen as a person who is trying to change and only wanting to help others to improve their life and not make some of the mistakes I have made. I need a job, but my past is haunting me and making it very hard to find employment. I feel I have to lie to hide my past, but when back ground checks are done the truth comes out and I get denied for lying. When I am honest on applications I don't even get the first interview, because my past is too much. All the trouble I caused is giving me the hardest time because many are not willing ot over look everything, even though I am doing everything I can to reinvent myself. I hope at some point to be given the chance to help others and that society will give me a chance to fully prove myself. I want to be fully honest and not have to be someone I am not.
 
November 6, 2008, 2:47 pm CST

my pain of rejection

My family is dwelling on the past. It hurts so much. Holidays are so painful for me. It hurts to see others

enjoy the holidays. I am happy for them; it just hurts way down inside that I don't have a family. I have a

feeling that this pain is causing a deep rooted problem concerning my weight loss. I have difficulty

sharing the why with people because they will judge me for what happened just like my family has by

dwelling on the past. My brother told my oldest child that he didn't want a relationship with his sister

because I have a mental illness (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I was abused in my childhood,

adolescence, in my marriage and other relationships. I am divorced. It is so painful to talk about it.

Most mornings I wake up with a left-over cry. I am not aware of this while I am sleeping. Tears are

streaming down my cheeks as I type this.

 
November 6, 2008, 2:47 pm CST

just sharing

I can definitely relate to the woman today that talked about her control problems. It never crossed my mind til I heard her story that I may have that same type of issue. I was always a shy, quiet person and figured it had just gotten worst as I got older and caused me to go into depression. It was the only thing I could think of since I had not been physically or mentally abused or even had a tramatic past as a child. I was/am just a sad person.

Now, I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship, no friends, no job. I have no determination or motivation to make my life better. I have no drive for anything and I can't understand what's wrong. I'm simply waiting to die. No one would miss me and my family would be better off since I won't be a burden anymore and I won't have to suffer like this anymore.

 
November 6, 2008, 2:55 pm CST

Jessica R

Hello, I am a regular viewer of the show but I have never felt compelled to send feedback until today. I can relate to Jessica R. so very much and it brought tears to my eyes listening to her story.

 

I too have battled with weight issues my whole life, I weighed over 300 pounds at age 13. I then was able to lose the weight, going from a womens size 24 down to my current size 10.

I too also had plastic surgery to correct issues caused by the weight loss, after all of that I felt great...for a while.

 

I unlike Jessica do not hate myself anymore, I still have appearance issues and I still torment myself over stupid non existent issues with my body. When I look in the mirror I see a pretty 24 year old woman, but my body will never be perfect enough mentally, but I love myself enough now to realize that everyone has flaws. I just want to let Jessica know that it can and does get better, but you have to start loving yourself. You have to start small, make a list of things you are good at or things you have accomplished no matter how insignificant you think it is. Once I started thinking that way it was easier to value myself, because there will only ever be one you and that in itself makes you special.

Many, many nights as a child I cried myself to sleep because I had no friends and felt like the world hated me because I was disgusting....But losing weight and having surgery didn't change the way I felt, those are only surface issues; you have to look into your heart and change your own mind.

 

If you happen to read this and want to correspond with me I would greatly enjoy that, if I can be a help to anyone with similar issues that I overcame I am here to do that.

 

Thanks for listening, Lisa

 
November 6, 2008, 3:03 pm CST

Clost To Home

My story is long like most others but I can absolutely relate to many of the guests on today's show.  I saw my father drown when I was young, my mother was a violent alcoholic who died at my side of cancer, my brother and sister both committed suicide 2 years apart so my entire life has been filled with loss, abuse, disappointment, neglect, guilt, addiction, anger, violence...you name it.  I think it's a great thing to get these people together to support one another.  I wish them all the best of luck.

 
November 6, 2008, 3:07 pm CST

Feeling Their Pain

I definitely can relate to some of the peope at the retreat.  I believe that I am one of the lonliest people on earth; unable to maintain relationships, and have no close friends to talk to.  My phone never rings, rarely receive email messages.  I too believe that I can no longer keep living like this.  It would be nice if there was hope for people like me.
 
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