Topic : 06/09 Love Triangle

A friend told me about this show. I am amazed. October 27, 2008 at 8:28am my husband of 15 months ask me to meet him before work. I do, anxiously! Loving to see him before work since he leaves so early in the morning that i don't get to see him until i get home from work. He get in the SUV and say "I need you to know I love you so much, I have so much respect and admiration for you" I'm looking confused.... he is looking down... "whats going on" I ask. He looks straight into my eyes and tells me he has been sleeping w/his ex-wife. (the ex wife that slept with his bother-in-law, which ruin family get gatherings, the ex wife that was caught with enough meth an paraphernalia thats it was considered intent to deliver, with one of there children in the car, the same ex wife that....anyway). He tells me he loves me and it just happened. I am holding back my tears. I calmly ask him when. He says "the last time was the 22nd". Which was less than a week. I asked where. He said "sometimes it was on the side of the dirt road" (they meet at the end of our dirt road every other weekend so she can have the children, we have full custody) "sometimes it was at her brothers apartment." then he says "you don't want to know details..believe me...i know"... I was still very calm asking "if you knew how it felt since she did it to you then why"... he didn't really have an answer. But he did want to assure me and I'll use his exact words "you don't have to be self conscious...her body is really bad...and your is great"....he says this like it is going to give me comfort. I asked him calmly to please exit my vehicle...i do not want to look at you". He did... So I called her She let me know that this has been going on before the marriage and about 6 months into the marriage... I am confused...lost..scared...hurt.. ashamed.. I could go on.. But most of all I am concerned! I am concerned because I have 2 children he has 2 children all from our first marriage. We have no children together. I am concerned first because the kids are going to be confused. I am concerned that i might have some sort of STD and that makes me more concerned for the kids. I am concerned that the kids will find out. But mostly I am concerned because all 4 kids have grown into a loving family, I love all 4 kids equal.. and care for all 4 kids as they are all my own. The first words after I found out was "please don't let the kids know anything is wrong" when I called his ex wife... I asked her to please not upset the kids and asked her not to let them know what was going on. I then called his mother and asked her if she could gather some of his things... i filled her in and asked if he could stay with her for a while.. and let her know I didn't want the kids involved or aware of this. (the kids are 8-boy, 6-girl, 6-boy, 4-girl). I just didn't want them hurt or confused or concerned. I have worked very hard to gain acceptance and love from them and i don't want to jeopardize that. So as of today he is in the house until the kids go to bed. Then he is off to his mothers. I am not sure what the future holds. I am ordering a DVD of the show> In hopes that it will led me in the right direction. I am a strong woman, I have a great job making great money, I know I can make it on my own. I am not scared to be alone or to do anything on my own. But.... I truly, deeply, completely love him. I am hurt and devastated and many other things. Right now I think I just need help from someone on the outside to lead me in the right direction. Any suggestion? Books, literature, movies, facts, no  matter the price/cost.... somethings are priceless.. I just need a solid direction. Thank you

I just wanted to hear what other people had experienced. I didn't expect someone to act like a professional. I honestly didn't want to cause trouble. In no way was my message meant to stroke any ego's. I do plan on going to see a professional. But I think life experience is sometimes the best advice you can be given. If there is someone that has gone through the same thing as you have and has survived it gives you something. And sometimes it helps to talk to people that you aren't paying to listen to you. With my first marriage we went to a professional... we mainly did all the talking and honestly i left feeling like they were taking sides. I didn't want someone to take sides, even if it was my side. I want someone who understands and knows the feelings, pain, misery...etc, I think it helps to know that you aren't the only one this has happened to. A professional can see a million people and think they know how i feel, but until you go through it...you have no idea... i feel like someone has sucked the air out of my soul, i am empty, i am lost. I want to read about others and know about others like me so that i know that i am not alone.

i didn't mean to cause anyone on this message board any problems. I am sorry. I would like to add... that for me this is not entertaining. This is real. Dr. Phil is looked up to by many. i dont get to watch his show and the other day the first time I even looked on thise site. But I did so because i heard about someone who was going through what I am. I am not expecting a professional to be on this site. Right now I am looking for experience. All this is still new to me. I am confused...scared....you name the emotion and I am pretty much living it. i want to know how real people with real problems cope. Again I didnt mean to cause any problems.

I just wanted to hear what other people had experienced. I didn't expect someone to act like a professional. I honestly didn't want to cause trouble. In no way was my message meant to stroke any ego's. I do plan on going to see a professional. But I think life experience is sometimes the best advice you can be given. If there is someone that has gone through the same thing as you have and has survived it gives you something. And sometimes it helps to talk to people that you aren't paying to listen to you. With my first marriage we went to a professional... we mainly did all the talking and honestly i left feeling like they were taking sides. I didn't want someone to take sides, even if it was my side. I want someone who understands and knows the feelings, pain, misery...etc, I think it helps to know that you aren't the only one this has happened to. A professional can see a million people and think they know how i feel, but until you go through it...you have no idea... i feel like someone has sucked the air out of my soul, i am empty, i am lost. I want to read about others and know about others like me so that i know that i am not alone.

i didn't mean to cause anyone on this message board any problems. I am sorry. I would like to add... that for me this is not entertaining. This is real. Dr. Phil is looked up to by many. i dont get to watch his show and the other day the first time I even looked on thise site. But I did so because i heard about someone who was going through what I am. I am not expecting a professional to be on this site. Right now I am looking for experience. All this is still new to me. I am confused...scared....you name the emotion and I am pretty much living it. i want to know how real people with real problems cope. Again I didnt mean to cause any problems.

I have no idea what her daughters know, but I know that they have met my husband and how he is introduced (oh this is my friend, oh this is my boyfriend.....I have no idea).  But I do know that my husband has the older daughter's cell phone number in his cell phone......I do know that my husband says that I have lost my "passion".....and I guess he has found it with this other person....and I use the phrase loosely.....and all of the above mentioned reasons that you have stated are all lies......but then again I am sure that lies is what keeps this going......