Hey there,
It is real funny that I tuned in to DR. Phil today, of all days. Families under Fire struck too close to home for me. My husband left me the day before Thanksgiving. Please allow me to give a little history on this action.
I can not nor will I place all the blame on my husband... I am not that way.
In 2006 I was working as a Data Entry Consultant on a temp job. Suddenly I got violently ill, like I was getting motion sickness from the computer screen. Then a horrible headache followed. I have been seeing doctor after doctor for multiple reasons and have been suffering with these severe headaches since that day. I will not bore you with the list of things now discovered wrong with me.
Needless to say this was a large blow to my then fiancee. Though we managed, I was physically miserable as well as developing a serious case of anxiety. I had worked all my life, and no one could pinpoint the real culpret and fix me.
My fiancee and I lived as happy as we could, raising my three children, then my oldest was reclaimed by my mother for no reason. She had guardianship but had let my daughter live with me for 11 months before she just took her from school behind my back. My own mother then tried to get me in trouble with Child protective services for supposedly talking to ghosts... and then tried to get a restraining order against me. So now I had CPS in my life during a crisis and this was all while I was trying to regain my guardianship of that child. My own mother was lying about me, and I was raked over with the courts. My daughter who told me she loved me to no end and that she wanted my fiancee to adopt her, as she called him DAD, suddenly hated me, never wanted to come home and started calling my fiancee by his first name.
This caused even more stress, for my heart felt like my child was kidnapped, as I found out that my daughter collapsed at her school when she saw her grandparents and told the Vice Principle how they were abusive, she freaked out so badly the school called police and EMS, but still made my daughter go with the grandparents and no call to have DCF of Connecticut follow up on my daughters claims!
After that, my mother started court process on child support, I was not working, and I tried to show the court, but they did not care unless I had a letter from SSI to prove my disabilities.
Through all this, my fiancee and I tied the knot, as he was doing well and we just got our first home.
When I moved out of state, things got worse! I told the court what was going on, and no one believed me. Instead, the court admitted the grandparents were in neglect of my child, but because I was not active in Therapy, due to the ghost comment from mother dear, I could not have my daughter back.
Then the horrible phone conversations started. I could not speak to my daughter anymore. Even though the court had stated I was to have full contact with my daughters providers, the guardians told the school and doctors they were NOT allowed to speak to me.
So now I was not allowed to even be my daughter's mother, even though my mother told everyone she would have nothing to do with me, no matter what.
After we had moved, my husband started looking for work in this area, but no luck. Our money went to reapairing broken pipes in the home which burst over the years from trapped water, and he was running out of options.
He never told me we were going under until it was too late. He looked at me and told me we had maybe $60 left in the account.
We had been getting into alot of fights, and for reasons I do not understand, neither of us could talk to the other without the blame game making it's way into the discussion.
Finally I had enough, and told him to get out. No I did not mean it, I was angry... REALLY ANGRY! I just wanted time to myself, and I told him I wanted a divorce, we couldn't talk to each other anymore. And no I did not mean that either. I wanted to work it out, and I thought Divorce would help convince not only him, but me to actually do something to save our marrage.
He made arrangements to leave, and no matter how I begged him, plead cried or all the above would change his mind. He left.
I was soooo angry! Not because he left, but because HE GAVE UP!! In past fights, I had expressed how I felt trapped, how I was hurt because he always told me he felt I used him! That I just wanted the house we shared! I told him I wanted to just run away from everything, but he never gave up on me, and he told me how he and the children would be lost without me.
ANd he just LEAVES???? Then the bills came. My mortgage, lights, and telephone/cable/internet, are all behind by THREE MONTHS!!! Due to Mortgage being behind, I am now recieveing water bills, my lights are due to be shut off, and I have no job! I am still pending on SSI, waiting on State help because of a Doctor's form they need to even give me MEDICAL! My Anxiety is MUCH WORSE! I can not go out in public without having a meltdown.
I talk to him every night, if that is what you want to call it. He told me when he was leaving that We were TOXIC to each other, and he didn't know if the seperation is temporaty or permanant.
The way he is acting when I talk to him, he has already made up his mind- he is not comming back. I tried to tell him about todays show, to read to him we could save our marrage... He told me he didn't want to hear it right now, and cut me short.
I do not know what to do. He was the best thing to ever happen to me, he was loving, and caring... but he said he had to leave because living with me made him want to kill himself, he did not look forward to waking up in the morning. How could I be loosing my soul mate, my best friend, my husband so easily?
PLEASE HELP ME FIX MY MARRAGE!!!
As the nation faces a collapsing financial market, record job losses and a foreclosure crisis, is your marriage strong enough to survive the storm? Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Before You Do, joins Dr. Phil to discuss how families can brave tough times. First up, Karen says she and her husband, Walter, were living the American Dream: a loving marriage, a beautiful home and a 20-acre farm. But when she quit her job for health reasons two years ago, bills began piling up, and Karen fears her spouse is cracking under the pressure. She says Walter gets tense, pounds his head with his fists and blames her for their mounting debt. Walter admits that he can hurl insults when he and Karen fight over their finances, but says Karen’s carelessness with credit cards is driving them further into the red. Find out what Karen says her husband did that pushed her over the edge. Can Dr. Phil and Bishop Jakes get the couple back on track? Then, Sherida and Brandon have been married for three months, but instead of enjoying their honeymoon, they say their relationship is already on the rocks. Sherida says that Brandon has a law degree, but he refuses to get a job, and she’s tired of being the sole provider. Brandon says he’s waiting on a higher power to provide. Can Sherida and Brandon salvage their union, or should she cut her losses? Plus, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s survival plan to get your marriage through the economic meltdown. Talk about the show here.
