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Topic : 12/03 Families under Fire

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Created on : Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 07:23:13 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
As the nation faces a collapsing financial market, record job losses and a foreclosure crisis, is your marriage strong enough to survive the storm? Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Before You Do, joins Dr. Phil to discuss how families can brave tough times. First up, Karen says she and her husband, Walter, were living the American Dream: a loving marriage, a beautiful home and a 20-acre farm. But when she quit her job for health reasons two years ago, bills began piling up, and Karen fears her spouse is cracking under the pressure. She says Walter gets tense, pounds his head with his fists and blames her for their mounting debt. Walter admits that he can hurl insults when he and Karen fight over their finances, but says Karen’s carelessness with credit cards is driving them further into the red. Find out what Karen says her husband did that pushed her over the edge. Can Dr. Phil and Bishop Jakes get the couple back on track? Then, Sherida and Brandon have been married for three months, but instead of enjoying their honeymoon, they say their relationship is already on the rocks. Sherida says that Brandon has a law degree, but he refuses to get a job, and she’s tired of being the sole provider. Brandon says he’s waiting on a higher power to provide. Can Sherida and Brandon salvage their union, or should she cut her losses? Plus, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s survival plan to get your marriage through the economic meltdown. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 3, 2008, 6:13 pm CST

12/03 Families under Fire

In this economy, with everyone suffering so much, job layoffs, difficulty in getting any job at all for so many people, this Brandon who has a law degree and access to a GOOD job, would rather sit on his lazy behind and let his wife work, and is content to struggle on her income alone.

 

He SHOULD be down on his knees thanking God that he has the ability to earn a decent living!

 

Grow UP, little boy.....the time for living on dreams alone is gone! You should be ashamed and embarrassed to let your wife support you like that!  

 

Good Lord! I am SO glad I am no longer married and don't have to put up with male bull crap anymore!!

 
December 3, 2008, 6:37 pm CST

It is not the way it look

Quote From: cndrlla

In this economy, with everyone suffering so much, job layoffs, difficulty in getting any job at all for so many people, this Brandon who has a law degree and access to a GOOD job, would rather sit on his lazy behind and let his wife work, and is content to struggle on her income alone.

 

He SHOULD be down on his knees thanking God that he has the ability to earn a decent living!

 

Grow UP, little boy.....the time for living on dreams alone is gone! You should be ashamed and embarrassed to let your wife support you like that!  

 

Good Lord! I am SO glad I am no longer married and don't have to put up with male bull crap anymore!!

 Brandon   as  I listen carefully to what he said.....

 

I personalty had a very good example of what is really happen here.

I myself had made a man fully successful.   It takes talent,  willing to help and sharp mind.

 

Whoever gave opinions,  none of them are in  Brandon's professional field. 

 ---in short,  they can not  help.

 

If the wife of  Brandon is a leader type,  aggressive,  full of hopes.   This will  not happen.

 

 Brandon:   I want to tell you.   You have a health problem.  You can not endure hour long  physical

without adjustment.  

 

Go on with your home office,   Beside doing something related to law.   Just do some general

mail order business.   Check Franchise opportunities from the magazine from book stand. 

you will find  something  that will surely bring big money to home.    

 

 

 
December 3, 2008, 6:39 pm CST

Families under Fire

     You don't have to be married or in a relationship to be having problems in these tough economic times. A single person can have just as much problems as a couple or a family. The tough economy effects everyone............
 
December 3, 2008, 6:44 pm CST

Families under Fire

        GET RID OF THE CREDIT CARDS

 

   Those credit cards can be so easy to charge, and they can be so hard to pay off sometimes. Especially ones with those high interest rates. Those are ones that don't want to go away. Try to pay them off, cut them in half and get rid of the card. Once the credit card is gone thats one less bill you have to make a payment on. You just might be better off without it.....................

 
December 3, 2008, 6:45 pm CST

Re: Brandon and Sherida

If Sherida could only have really seen the "True Brandon"  BEFORE the marriage, she would have saved

herself a hassle, but this is a perfect time to run fast and far !!!!  If she stays married to him she will

be dealing with the very same situation, whether it be in ten years or thirty years - this guy is just who

he is and change he will not.  His wants and needs are at the top of his priority list and
others around him will always take second place.  I was married to a guy who thought himself above
putting in a day of work for a day of pay - he wanted to come and go at his leisure and he never changed.

We divorced after 25 years and now there is wife #2 who is working herself to death to support

him. 

 

Brandon will soon be complaining about Sherida not having enough time or energy for him - and he
will make that her fault. He is not wise enough to realize she cannot work a full time job, keep up the
house, be a Mom and still spend as much time with him as when they were dating.

 

Sherida, get out while you can and be sure he has not created a lot of debt which will be your
responsibility after the divorce. 

 
December 3, 2008, 6:55 pm CST

ok so...

for starters...she married him, and had to know about his dream to work for himself. he seems to be qualified to work (college educated, has a law degree, articulate)...perhaps he meant he didnt want to work for someone. how many of us would rather be working for ourselves? i mos def feel the sistah on her having to hold it down for both of them...but if she loves him enough to see him thru this perhaps it'll pay off one day when/if he manifests his destiny? real love can overcome any economy (for rich or for poor).
 
December 3, 2008, 7:24 pm CST

Wake up your husband and slap him!

I was shocked when the first couple were telling their story and the wife told of going upstairs to the bedroom, waking her husband to tell him to sleep in another room and then slapping him. He slapped her back and then was thrown under the bus on the show without any mention of her totally unacceptable behavior! I waited the whole show for Dr. Phil to take her to task regarding her behavior but it didn't happen! I wonder how many women watching now think that it may be OK to behave in such a manor? And she looked so wounded and much the victim. Anyone who would behave like that is not a victim.
 
December 3, 2008, 8:21 pm CST

12/03 Families under Fire

Quote From: jennincali

I like a lot of what you said about not "needing" possessions to be happy (that's actually a very Buddhist philosophy) but I get very frustrated when people use the pronoun "He" and "Him" when referring to a Higher Power (or God).  There is no man in the sky... and as a woman I am insulted when people use that pronoun.  Our words are VERY powerful and when we use the pronoun "he" or "him" we create a very strong image in our head that is not healthy, in my opinion.

 

The Great Spirit that Moves Through All Things (as Native Americans put it) or The Force (as George Lucas puts it in 'Star Wars') is neither male nor female and it is not a human entity.  I wish we would grow past that old, outdated and incredibly limiting picture of "God".

 

Respectfully,

JennInCali

You are right.  There is no "man in the sky" because He's not a physical being, He is a Spirit!!! Therefore, you can't "see" Him.  You referred to God as a SHE.  How can you be so certain He is a SHE?  We refer to Him not only as Jesus' Father but as everyone's Heavenly Father who accepts Him into their life.  Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't all fathers of the male persuasion?  So, they would require the pronouns he and him, right?

 

It really isn't a matter of right or wrong, politically correct or incorrect.  That is what we as Christians believe.  Likewise, you have the right to believe what you choose but don't forget we possess that same right.  What I need help in understandiing, are the people who can't or won't accept the fact that EVERYONE has a right to believe what they choose.  I just don't get being offended at someone elses right to believe.  If one chooses to turn their back on God, that's between them and God.  That's not my cross to bear, so why would I be concerned?   It is in our belief that we as Christians are supposed to try to turn others to Christ but they have to be willing with an open heart first.  It's a lot like trying to force an addict off drugs/alcohol, it WILL NOT happen until that person is ready!  Did you ever happen to see the picture of Jesus standing and knocking on the door?  Did you notice the door has no handle on the outside.  That's because the only way for him to come in is if you let him in.

 
December 3, 2008, 8:23 pm CST

12/03 Families under Fire

Quote From: jennincali

Dr. Phil,
I'm an avid fan of your work and am so thankful that you're raising awareness about therapy and recovery.  You do a great service.  But I get frustrated when you have T.D. Jakes on your show (nothing personal, I'm sure he's a nice man).  It comes across to me as pushing your faith on me and it doesn't seem appropriate.
  Yes it is a free country and you have a right to use your show to try to promote a Christian preacher if you want to, but I at least wanted to let you know how it makes me feel.  I'm not a Christian and I feel insulted when you have him on the show, preaching Christianity.  And I get really frustrated when people start quoting the bible as though it has some power.  It is a book and has no power other than the power people choose to give to it.  It was written thousands of years ago before people knew the Earth was round and that the Universe is billions of years old.  Sure it has some nice quotes in it, as do many books.  But it also has lots of immature, out-of-date, hateful and even misogynistic stuff in it as well.   When T.D. Jakes started quoting that the bible says a man should provide for his house I was so frustrated by that.  When are we, as a people, going to finally mature and see that we are letting a stupid book hold us back.  And that stupid book is allowing us to continue a belief in old, outdated philosophies that keep men and women in stereotypical roles that are not good for them.  No a man does NOT need to provide for his household if the couple has decided they are happy with the roles reversed.  One of my dearest friends does it the other way (she has the career and he stays at home with the kids) and it works WONDERFULLY.  The issue with that couple today was not that the man doesn't have a job, it was that the wife was not happy with the situation.  Yes, in that case they do need to work something out, but the automatic belief that he must get a job is NOT necessarily the answer.  The answer is for both of them to dig deep and communicate both of their needs and come to some kind of a compromise and a plan that they can both get behind and work with.  So basically the focus on the bible caused you guys to gloss over the real issue and not help that couple to come up with the solution that is best for them.  That really frustrated me.   I'm so tired of religion and how people use it to try to create cookie-cutter, stereotypical roles for people.  Today's show really frustrated me.  I am thankful that you will be getting real tomorrow with your "Get Real Retreat".  I'm sorry to complain but I think it's important that you at least hear how this show made me (and most likely other non-Christians) feel.  It makes me feel preached to and totally unsatisfied and VERY frustrated.   Respectfully, JennInCali

You are trying to come off as so progressive....but, in reality, you are just as narrow-minded as those who believe in "that stupid book" as you so rudely call it.

 

It seems that you look down upon those who believe in God and have a faith....but perhaps people are just as frustrated with those who share your views as you are with those who don't.

 

Believe what you choose, and don't put people down for their choices. There's room for us all in this world.

 

Chill.

 
December 3, 2008, 8:41 pm CST

He gave himself permission to hit you

The minute a man goes over the line and hits a woman it is the first of many. He has obviously seen this somewhere in his childhood. Who acted out in his life? Did his Father hit his Mother?

Has he been married before? Did he hit his first wife and that is why they are no longer together? Why do women marry men that have been married before and not talk to the first wife? We know more about our used cars than we do our used men. Wake up American Women. Find out what he did to the other woman. It is probably just around the bend for you too.

I will never understand why these abused women worry so much about the perpetrators feelings? That is just crazy. He hurt her. She should be thinking about how to stay safe and protecting her life from this guerrilla. He admits he goes off...........get out of his way when he is doing this. Run to the neighbor's or take the car and get out. Don't go into a room without a way you can get out. Leave the area and don't come back until it is safe.

Don't worry about the guy........worry about yourself. Read the book by Lundy Bancroft ....Why does He Do that? It is the best 14.95 that you will ever spend.

Keep yourself safe.  Women are killed by angry husbands and boyfriends and many more are injured.

He just isn't worth it. He has given himself permission to hurt you and he will do it again given the chance.

Dump him.

 
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