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Topic : 12/03 Families under Fire

Number of Replies: 65
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Created on : Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 07:23:13 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
As the nation faces a collapsing financial market, record job losses and a foreclosure crisis, is your marriage strong enough to survive the storm? Bishop T.D. Jakes, renowned pastor and author of Before You Do, joins Dr. Phil to discuss how families can brave tough times. First up, Karen says she and her husband, Walter, were living the American Dream: a loving marriage, a beautiful home and a 20-acre farm. But when she quit her job for health reasons two years ago, bills began piling up, and Karen fears her spouse is cracking under the pressure. She says Walter gets tense, pounds his head with his fists and blames her for their mounting debt. Walter admits that he can hurl insults when he and Karen fight over their finances, but says Karen’s carelessness with credit cards is driving them further into the red. Find out what Karen says her husband did that pushed her over the edge. Can Dr. Phil and Bishop Jakes get the couple back on track? Then, Sherida and Brandon have been married for three months, but instead of enjoying their honeymoon, they say their relationship is already on the rocks. Sherida says that Brandon has a law degree, but he refuses to get a job, and she’s tired of being the sole provider. Brandon says he’s waiting on a higher power to provide. Can Sherida and Brandon salvage their union, or should she cut her losses? Plus, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s survival plan to get your marriage through the economic meltdown. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 3, 2008, 8:44 pm CST

Very good point

Quote From: joannegipson

I was suprised when neither You, Dr. Phil or T.D. Jakes said, a belief that I have always had.  This life is not always about money.  Can your money hold you when you need to be held?  Can your money  listen to you when you have something to say?  Can your money warm your heart by loving you for you?
I say no, Yes I understand that bills must be paid, mortages, utilities etc but people will be suprised as this crisis grows, how much you actually DON'T NEED. Yes you may want it, but you don't NEED it. I heard you say this afternoon "that teenagers were in depression" due to the lack of money.  I feel sorry for all of those who think that money will make them happy or "secure".  My husband and myself never argue about money.  There is no point. It doesn't make more money appear, nor does it pay an overdue bill.  We all need to go back to a simpler way of life.  Before you buy something ask yourself "Do I need this or do I want this."  And purchase accordingly.  Also Dr. Phil and all of you that "stress out" over money matters remember "That this too shall pass". God has us all in His hands, and He will never put more on us than we can handle" .  Trust in Our God, look to Him for answers, and sleep sound tonight.

AMEN!   I often sit and wonder what God thinks about when He looks down and sees what this world has become.  It's not the same world He created.  You are so right about things we NEED vs. things we WANT.  It is so sad but every generation that is born is more spoiled than the last.  I am right now in the process of saving as much as I can to hopefully one day get a place of my own but in order to do that I have bite the bullet so-to-speak and get my priorities in line and decide what is more important.  Thing I need or things I want.  It really isn't as tough as some make it out to be.

 

I like that, "Trust in Our God, look to Him for answers, and sleep sound tonight."

 
December 3, 2008, 8:49 pm CST

12/03 Families under Fire

Quote From: cndrlla

You are trying to come off as so progressive....but, in reality, you are just as narrow-minded as those who believe in "that stupid book" as you so rudely call it.

 

It seems that you look down upon those who believe in God and have a faith....but perhaps people are just as frustrated with those who share your views as you are with those who don't.

 

Believe what you choose, and don't put people down for their choices. There's room for us all in this world.

 

Chill.

I felt the same way about the Bible until I actually read it.  I was so wrong. Jesus was a Jew and we call ourselves Christ   ians. Just because we love Christ. But he was Jewish. The book was written by Jews all of it. So there you are. IF you have something against the Jews.........I can't help you.

Just read the book.........give it a chance and don't believe what everyone else says when they try to run it down. You need to read it yourself and then decide. Get a good translation that is easy to read like the New International Version that uses current english. It is a love story. One you shouldn't miss.

 
December 3, 2008, 8:57 pm CST

She slapped him because he called her a filthy name

Quote From: aclarkiii

I was shocked when the first couple were telling their story and the wife told of going upstairs to the bedroom, waking her husband to tell him to sleep in another room and then slapping him. He slapped her back and then was thrown under the bus on the show without any mention of her totally unacceptable behavior! I waited the whole show for Dr. Phil to take her to task regarding her behavior but it didn't happen! I wonder how many women watching now think that it may be OK to behave in such a manor? And she looked so wounded and much the victim. Anyone who would behave like that is not a victim.
I have only slapped a man once but he deserved it. No he did not hit me back. He knew he had crossed the line.
 
December 3, 2008, 9:17 pm CST

OH PLEASE!

Quote From: jennincali

Dr. Phil,
I'm an avid fan of your work and am so thankful that you're raising awareness about therapy and recovery.  You do a great service.  But I get frustrated when you have T.D. Jakes on your show (nothing personal, I'm sure he's a nice man).  It comes across to me as pushing your faith on me and it doesn't seem appropriate.
  Yes it is a free country and you have a right to use your show to try to promote a Christian preacher if you want to, but I at least wanted to let you know how it makes me feel.  I'm not a Christian and I feel insulted when you have him on the show, preaching Christianity.  And I get really frustrated when people start quoting the bible as though it has some power.  It is a book and has no power other than the power people choose to give to it.  It was written thousands of years ago before people knew the Earth was round and that the Universe is billions of years old.  Sure it has some nice quotes in it, as do many books.  But it also has lots of immature, out-of-date, hateful and even misogynistic stuff in it as well.   When T.D. Jakes started quoting that the bible says a man should provide for his house I was so frustrated by that.  When are we, as a people, going to finally mature and see that we are letting a stupid book hold us back.  And that stupid book is allowing us to continue a belief in old, outdated philosophies that keep men and women in stereotypical roles that are not good for them.  No a man does NOT need to provide for his household if the couple has decided they are happy with the roles reversed.  One of my dearest friends does it the other way (she has the career and he stays at home with the kids) and it works WONDERFULLY.  The issue with that couple today was not that the man doesn't have a job, it was that the wife was not happy with the situation.  Yes, in that case they do need to work something out, but the automatic belief that he must get a job is NOT necessarily the answer.  The answer is for both of them to dig deep and communicate both of their needs and come to some kind of a compromise and a plan that they can both get behind and work with.  So basically the focus on the bible caused you guys to gloss over the real issue and not help that couple to come up with the solution that is best for them.  That really frustrated me.   I'm so tired of religion and how people use it to try to create cookie-cutter, stereotypical roles for people.  Today's show really frustrated me.  I am thankful that you will be getting real tomorrow with your "Get Real Retreat".  I'm sorry to complain but I think it's important that you at least hear how this show made me (and most likely other non-Christians) feel.  It makes me feel preached to and totally unsatisfied and VERY frustrated.   Respectfully, JennInCali

Are you aware that you stated you are frustrated FIVE TIMES in the above post?  WE GOT IT THE FIRST TIME!   Do you honestly think that by voicing your frustations, which happens to be one voice, that Dr. Phil will just stop having T.D. Jakes or anyone else that offends YOU on the show?  I'd seriously have to doubt it! 

 

Dr. Phil didn't have Bishop T.D. Jakes on the show to cram Christianity down the viewers throats.  He had him on the show to share his expertise and give those two couples guidance in their marital issues.  And if you were capable of getting over yourself for ONE SECOND you would be able to see that.  Do you think Dr. Phil thinks "Oh I better not have this person or that person on the show for fear of offending A VIEWER?" NO!  His main concern are his guests and what he thinks might get them through their problems. In all honesty he doesn't determine the shows, the producers do.

 
December 3, 2008, 9:36 pm CST

12/03 Families under Fire

Quote From: aclarkiii

I was shocked when the first couple were telling their story and the wife told of going upstairs to the bedroom, waking her husband to tell him to sleep in another room and then slapping him. He slapped her back and then was thrown under the bus on the show without any mention of her totally unacceptable behavior! I waited the whole show for Dr. Phil to take her to task regarding her behavior but it didn't happen! I wonder how many women watching now think that it may be OK to behave in such a manor? And she looked so wounded and much the victim. Anyone who would behave like that is not a victim.
She slapped him and had the audacity to say that when he slapped her back that was the straw that broke the camels back.  My question is what reaction did she expect when she slapped him?  Did she think he was going to turn the other cheek?  I've always said I would never throw the first punch (or slap in this case) but if I ever get punched or slapped.......well then.........let the fight begin.  I am a firm believer in self defense, while I don't think he slapped her in self defense per sey I still don't blame him if she hit him first.  In my opinion she had it comin'!  Who knows maybe he slapped some sense into her. LOL!
 
December 3, 2008, 9:43 pm CST

12/03 Families under Fire

Quote From: blondeangel

I felt the same way about the Bible until I actually read it.  I was so wrong. Jesus was a Jew and we call ourselves Christ   ians. Just because we love Christ. But he was Jewish. The book was written by Jews all of it. So there you are. IF you have something against the Jews.........I can't help you.

Just read the book.........give it a chance and don't believe what everyone else says when they try to run it down. You need to read it yourself and then decide. Get a good translation that is easy to read like the New International Version that uses current english. It is a love story. One you shouldn't miss.

Do you mind me asking what made you decide to turn you life around and follow Christ?  I'm always curious to know what make a non-believer become a believer?
 
December 3, 2008, 9:53 pm CST

12/03 Families under Fire

Quote From: shelly_80

Are you aware that you stated you are frustrated FIVE TIMES in the above post?  WE GOT IT THE FIRST TIME!   Do you honestly think that by voicing your frustations, which happens to be one voice, that Dr. Phil will just stop having T.D. Jakes or anyone else that offends YOU on the show?  I'd seriously have to doubt it! 

 

Dr. Phil didn't have Bishop T.D. Jakes on the show to cram Christianity down the viewers throats.  He had him on the show to share his expertise and give those two couples guidance in their marital issues.  And if you were capable of getting over yourself for ONE SECOND you would be able to see that.  Do you think Dr. Phil thinks "Oh I better not have this person or that person on the show for fear of offending A VIEWER?" NO!  His main concern are his guests and what he thinks might get them through their problems. In all honesty he doesn't determine the shows, the producers do.

I stand corrected it was SIX TIMES!
 
December 3, 2008, 10:02 pm CST

You and Bishop Jakes missed by boat Dr. Phil!

Dear Dr. Phil and Bishop Jakes:

There was one point in your discussion today with wife Karen when you both told her her husband, Walter, was not listening to her and there was nothing she could do.

You said it so matter of factly. You and Bishop Jakes missed the boat.

Check the tape, Karen gave the "universal woman"-look.

This is how women in a relationship with men often feel. He isn't listening and there is nothing I can do to influence the situation.

Truly, can you tell the women at home, What can you do? Leave? Has he broken his vows and therefore all bets are off? What are the steps to getting back in step? How long should you wait? Is it really satisfactory that the listens to a therapist, but not to you? Is this arrogance and a lack of respect? Can that be "cured"?

Dr. Phil, you and Bishop Jakes missed it. Can you ask Robin to review the tape and ask her what she does when you go suddenly deaf? Is Bishop Jakes married? What would his wife do?

ALL women want to know.

Love your show!
 
December 4, 2008, 4:57 am CST

BRAVO!!

Quote From: jennincali

Dr. Phil,
I'm an avid fan of your work and am so thankful that you're raising awareness about therapy and recovery.  You do a great service.  But I get frustrated when you have T.D. Jakes on your show (nothing personal, I'm sure he's a nice man).  It comes across to me as pushing your faith on me and it doesn't seem appropriate.
  Yes it is a free country and you have a right to use your show to try to promote a Christian preacher if you want to, but I at least wanted to let you know how it makes me feel.  I'm not a Christian and I feel insulted when you have him on the show, preaching Christianity.  And I get really frustrated when people start quoting the bible as though it has some power.  It is a book and has no power other than the power people choose to give to it.  It was written thousands of years ago before people knew the Earth was round and that the Universe is billions of years old.  Sure it has some nice quotes in it, as do many books.  But it also has lots of immature, out-of-date, hateful and even misogynistic stuff in it as well.   When T.D. Jakes started quoting that the bible says a man should provide for his house I was so frustrated by that.  When are we, as a people, going to finally mature and see that we are letting a stupid book hold us back.  And that stupid book is allowing us to continue a belief in old, outdated philosophies that keep men and women in stereotypical roles that are not good for them.  No a man does NOT need to provide for his household if the couple has decided they are happy with the roles reversed.  One of my dearest friends does it the other way (she has the career and he stays at home with the kids) and it works WONDERFULLY.  The issue with that couple today was not that the man doesn't have a job, it was that the wife was not happy with the situation.  Yes, in that case they do need to work something out, but the automatic belief that he must get a job is NOT necessarily the answer.  The answer is for both of them to dig deep and communicate both of their needs and come to some kind of a compromise and a plan that they can both get behind and work with.  So basically the focus on the bible caused you guys to gloss over the real issue and not help that couple to come up with the solution that is best for them.  That really frustrated me.   I'm so tired of religion and how people use it to try to create cookie-cutter, stereotypical roles for people.  Today's show really frustrated me.  I am thankful that you will be getting real tomorrow with your "Get Real Retreat".  I'm sorry to complain but I think it's important that you at least hear how this show made me (and most likely other non-Christians) feel.  It makes me feel preached to and totally unsatisfied and VERY frustrated.   Respectfully, JennInCali

Hey JennInCali!

 

Yes, as the power of Church and state were seperated, and all hail the State over the church, with all the spirituality out there and different religions.  Not taking from the "Good Preacher" andy of his thoughts, but those thoughts are of his own not from some book that has stolen stories of days past.  If you truely believe in the bible as it is written, then the Dinosaur bones we have in many museums are just a large scale consperacy to destroy the bible.  PLEASE!!  We are our own GOD, We are the creators, for we create our own destiny.  WE CREATED THE BIBLE!!  OMG!!  THere is no belevelant being other than yourself.  You create your own chaos as well as peace.  You create your own here after.  Fact of the matter is, to believe in the bible, you must believe your loved ones are trapped in a decaying body until the final day.  Who wants to think of their loved ones like that??  And you wonder where "ghosts" come from!  Heck I wouldn't want to be trapped like that either!

 

I can not believe in a being that would allow the abuse of children and the thought that all children are destined for "HELL" until they prove themselves to some unknown!  I know this is not a religious discussion, but in todays age of more and more people becomeing SPIRITUAL- not CHRISTIAN, that boistering the Preachers religion is not wanted. Instead, just direct those of such to the book, not quote it, for all in that book is to be understood by the reader, not the preacher.  It was PREACHERS that caused the Salem witch trials, and the killing of millions of people who did not believe.  IF this so called GOD gave us the power to make our own choices, than respect that choice and leave us non- denominational people alone with our own belief system.

 

There are three rules that are common knowmledge, and in my oppinion the only ones you need to worry about.  TRUTH, HONOR, RESPONSIBILITY.  No ten commandments, for if you read them and then compare to the rule of three, then you will see.. DUH!!!  If you are Truthful, Honorable , and Responsible, you kinda can't do the sins of the Ten commandments!

 

Religion is for the CHurches and home, not on the TV shows, not on the news.  But When a trusted Preacher does wrong by laws of MAN- he c=should be punished as such!  Not have the churches cover it up and let it keep going!  The Church makes me sick, no wonder I do not believe in "HIM".

 

Kscacc

 
December 4, 2008, 6:55 am CST

Families Under Fire

This is the first time I have posted to the Dr. Phil website although I watch the program regularly. I wanted to comment on the initial discussion regarding Barack Obama. I wish my country had progressed far enough that one of the main topics of discussion is Barack Obama's race. I am a white female who voted for Obama because the man I see is well-educated, well spoken, seems to have good morals, has worked hard to get where he is in life, raises his children to be respectful and caring and at least at this point seems to truly care about the average American citizen. What I do not see when I look at him is color. When this country can finally stop seeing people's color and see their character we will be where we should be.

 
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