Quote From: scmom2hkTo place 'blame' on your wife because she wouldn't go to counseling or whatever is shameful. Yes, you both have some extreme issues and should be in individual counseling as well as marital counseling. Why she would stay is something she needs to figure out or her next relationship may be the same. I feel sure part of it is for her children, as it is for you too, but on some level both of you must know that although divorce is RARELY good for children, in this particular case it may be better than to have this toxicity in their lives. I cannot even begin to imagine how little ones begin to assimilate such horrible issues and also being in a community where others know about it would be incredibly damaging. None of you have the right to put that burden on these children.
To say it 'just happened, I didn't mean for it to' is BS. People with high self esteem and high character don't allow themselves to be in a situation for it just to 'happen'. They also have the maturity and foresight to see that there is NO WHERE infidelity can go but destructively in a ditch. It always ends up sadly for everyone involved, including the innocent children. You are abusing your children when you sleep with someone other than your spouse, plain and simple.
Everyone goes through dips and wanes in their marriage. There are lots of attractive people out there. Making a commitment doesn't mean that you'll NEVER be attracted to another person again. What it does mean is that you stick it out, work on problems, and when necessary, take the time to fall back in love with your spouse. And you don't allow yourself to be in situations where something inappropriate can take place. Never.
The mistress and her husband need counseling as well. She must have very, very low self esteem and she and her husband need individual and marital counseling. The main thing is that they sever ties with the adulterous relationship and this other couple. Ideally, Brad would give up rights to his son and give him a chance at a normal life, but in the absence of that, the father should deliver him for visits, or some other family member. If I were that family, I would move far away from that town.
The only way I see either marriage surviving and becoming healthy is life-altering self change in four different individuals; hard work and therapy. And it may be that this hurt cannot ever be gotten over and the marriages won't make it; who knows. But if mistress and Brad want to get together, I would be bet 1 million dollars (that I don't have) that he will do it again to her. AND that neither of them will think the other is as exciting as ANY affair is bound to be, without the strings of bills, kids, home repairs, in-laws, etc. Neither will be as attractive as this illicit affair is once all that comes into play. Grow up Brad and 'Sarah' - both of you - and for the spouses, get counseling, and heal yourselves. You didn't deserve this, but you need to find out why you put up with it.
Best wishes to all of you,
Leslie H.
Doctor Phil. After I saw Part One of Torn Between Two Lover I can harley wait to see Part Two tom-
orrow Afternoon on Doctor Phil Show. See you tomorrow Afternoon. Well I had better close now.----
Sincerly Your. HPMX590.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Original air date 04/28/05) It's an affair that could rip two families apart. After 14 years with her husband, Michele discovered Brad was cheating with her best friend, who's also married. Though they promised to end it, both women became pregnant by Brad at the same time. Now with two babies born just 24 days apart, the women haven't spoken to each other since the births -- until today. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
