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Topic : 03/17 Young Wives at a Turning Point

Number of Replies: 20
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Created on : Friday, March 13, 2009, 02:53:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How young is too young to tie the knot? Dr. Phil meets three couples in their early 20s who have relationships rocked by betrayals, domestic violence and infidelity. Tara, 22, says her common-law marriage is full of hatred. She says her partner, Matt, calls her terrible names, doesn’t help her with housework or their three children, and has even threatened to kill her. Matt, 26, says Tara likes to fight and goes into attack mode over little things like an empty toilet paper roll. Then, Monica, 20, says she can’t take another day in her marriage and has filed for divorce for the second time. She says her husband, Cadum, is lazy, has cheated on her twice and acts like a teenager rather than a husband and father. Cadum, 22, says his wife is controlling, and their fights have become physical. And, Jenna, 21, says every day with her fiancé, Ed, is hell. She’s called off the wedding at least eight times because of their constant out-of-control fighting. Ed, 21, says Jenna beats him and has broken his collarbone with a table leg, yet he’s the one who gets arrested. Dr. Phil offers to put these couples up in The Dr. Phil House for an intensive three-day relationship overhaul. Can these young couples get their relationships back on track for the sake of their children? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 13, 2009, 3:30 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show.

Club Doctor One Part Phil/Robin Wives Young. This is a new one on me but I like it anyway. See ytou on---

March Tuesday 17th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------------------------------

 
March 17, 2009, 9:41 am CDT

Young Brides

If you want a peek into the mind of today's young women and how they approach marriage, Google the term STARTER HUSBAND.

Trust me you will be surprised at how disposable women consider Men to be.

Phil
 
March 17, 2009, 11:12 am CDT

hmm... i don't think this has anything to do with age.

i just finished watching the first episode of this series.  i saw the previews and was intrigued.  i am young and married and we have a baby and we are happy.  but the show's name was completely deceptive.  the young wives in question had problems with their relationship and none of the problems seemed to stem from their age.  i have watched a lot of the dr phil show and have seen similar problems between married peope in their 30s and older.

it was almost offensive that they were defined by their age. i guess that is "reality tv" for you... drama times ten.

did anyone else feel the same way?

another thing, that whole idea he keeps bringing up about  either you are running away from your awful past or you are running toward your hopeful future with your mate.  it is asinine.  you are always moving between your past and your future, and you can't simplify a person's life and situation into either one or the other.  maybe i am taking it personally because i had family problems and wanted to move out, but it doesn't make me any less happy to have moved on with a wonderful guy.  it doesn't somehow make the movement less sure, or less mature to decide between living in a horrible condition where people don't appreciate you into a house where someone loves you and respects you.

anyway.. i am making a huge racket about nothing.  besides age, i have nothing in common with those women.  i am just damn tired of this society and it's extended adolescence.

<3
 
March 17, 2009, 12:17 pm CDT

Too Young or Too Immature??

I agree that these people’s ages don’t seem to be the real problem. I started seeing my husband when I was 12 and he was 14. I had been 19 for one week when we were married and we are approaching our 15th wedding anniversary. I find that when people say that you are too young to get married they are really talking about immaturity. Unfortunately, immaturity happens at any age and in fact I have seen many of people older than us being unforgettably petty and childish in their relationship. My husband, a neat freak, and I, functional bipolar, are not perfect but we have grown together and only depend upon ourselves. I feel that you have to not only know yourself but the other person before you commit to a relationship.

 

As far as complaining on how they are proposed to; my husband never did, he figured that it was a given. It makes me sad, I’ll move on, and we couldn’t even afford a ring so we have my mom’s from her first marriage. You can either give up or make lemonade; I love lemonade!

 

Shawna

 
March 17, 2009, 12:59 pm CDT

03/17 Young Wives Club

Quote From: rogue01

I agree that these peoples ages dont seem to be the real problem. I started seeing my husband when I was 12 and he was 14. I had been 19 for one week when we were married and we are approaching our 15th wedding anniversary. I find that when people say that you are too young to get married they are really talking about immaturity. Unfortunately, immaturity happens at any age and in fact I have seen many of people older than us being unforgettably petty and childish in their relationship. My husband, a neat freak, and I, functional bipolar, are not perfect but we have grown together and only depend upon ourselves. I feel that you have to not only know yourself but the other person before you commit to a relationship.

 

As far as complaining on how they are proposed to; my husband never did, he figured that it was a given. It makes me sad, Ill move on, and we couldnt even afford a ring so we have my moms from her first marriage. You can either give up or make lemonade; I love lemonade!

 

Shawna

indeed.  my husband didn't propose to me in any special way.  we didn't have a formal wedding.  we had a party at our house with only 10 or so people and a cake from costco, and still my father didn't consider us married until we got officially married at the courthouse a week later.

but we are happy together and that is all that matters.

and maturity doesn't necessarily come with age.  that is a silly idea with no basis in reality.

:nods:
 
March 17, 2009, 1:00 pm CDT

Horrible name for the show, age isn't the problem

I'm getting married at the end of the summer at age 20. I have a good relationship. I've been with my 24 year old fiance for 3 and a 1/2 years. We're best friends. We compromise at all times on the big stuff AND the small stuff. We own a business together. And we have no kids and don't see kids in our future for the next 5 years minimum. Now I don't think because of my age I'm going to get married and 6 weeks later start beating the crap out of him. These young women obviously have a lot of problems in their lives and relationships, as well as the men. Age isn't their problem. I'm sorta sick of everyone judging a woman that chooses to marry under age 24, the world sees them as irresponsible or they must have a bad home life. And goodness if they should get married BEFORE they have a child.  I'm sick that everyone thinks that age automatically makes you have a bad marriage. Yes I know the statistics for divorce are higher for young people, but guess what divorce is high all over. I personally believe it's because people give up to easy and because they don't bring God into their relationship. And another argument for some is that you'll change from 20 to 25, well yea of course you're going to change, but you're going to change from 30 to 35 and from 35 to 40. We are constantly changing and growing and your relationship is supposed to grow too, that's a must for a good relationship, for a stable and lasting marriage.
 
March 17, 2009, 3:08 pm CDT

So my relationship

Thank-you for this show Dr.Phil. You are right, that could be me on that couch, I can't wait to see more. My husband and I have been doing this dance since we met when I was 15, I'm 24 now and i am so tired. Hopefully we can learn some new tricks, how to pull this family out of the ditch.
 
March 17, 2009, 3:30 pm CDT

Oy

Of course, age has nothing to do with the problems these people have...but, of course, that's Dr Phil's theme, so he'll fit everything into that premise as usual. These people should just part ways..TODAY..staying together for the sake of the child is ridiculous, and I can't believe that some people still cling to that mindset...I was one of those children..it isn't pretty...led me to a drug and alcohol addiction, fortunately followed by recovery, and years of therapy...maybe if these kids are removed from that situation entirely, they may stand a chance...because you know there is already psychological damage with parents lilke these. I love how the women came on first playing martyrs describing how terrible their men are..all with that "Feel sorry for me...I'm a helpless woman who is a victim of a bad man." (It's sad that after all these years since the inception of the women's movement that so many young women still cling to that role...I don't get it)..then, we find out that they are as or more abusive than these monsters they described.  Sorry, Phil kept telling them they were delightful, charming women...HUH? Delightful charming women don't almost beat someone to death with a blunt object..and the "control freak" was about as charming and delightful as a bag of poisonous snakes.
 
March 17, 2009, 3:33 pm CDT

not surprised!

I know one of the young couples that was on the show today and i am very happy n surprised that they are on the show. happy because they need the help and surprised because i didn't think they would have to result to this. the man is really a good guy and helped me out when we were in high school together, the girl does have a temper but is also good at heart i hope Dr Phil can help them. my advise to them is to move from where they live i did and my life has been better away from that town.
 
March 17, 2009, 3:34 pm CDT

I understand!

Thank you Dr. Phil for doing a show on young wives and their relationship with their husbands.  I don't know that age has a lot to do with marriage, but I do know it has a lot to do with being married young and having a family soon after.  I have been in the shoes of these girls. I haven't had the physical abuse, but the stress and anger I can relate to.  Every young person thinks marriage is so easy and the longer you date the easier the marriage is.  Well, that wasn't the case for me. I got married a week before my 20th birthday. One year later I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.  Eleven months later, his little brother was born.  At the time I was 21 years old with more responsibility on my hands than any 21 year old should have.

I would come home to kids and go to bed with kids.  I had to grow up extremely fast and I take full responsibility for it.  I felt like I was doing everything.  I would come home to the kids, fix supper before he got home, feed the boys, wash the dishes, do the laundry, ect. I felt like I had no help.  I tried the control thing and it just pushed him away, he said I was acting like his mom.  It went from control to yelling to just wanting to break something (although I never did). I cried myself to sleep many nights praying to God to help me figure out how to save this marriage.  I did not want my kids growing up in a broken home. 

Well, my husband and I hit rock bottom and he finally got me to go to counseling.  I realized I had anger built up towards my husband and he realized he wasn't helping me enough and acknowledging my needs. The anger came from lack of help and a situation with porn.

These couples are only going to stay married if they truly want it.  Its all about communication without yelling and not letting it get to the point of rage. Its about understanding each other's "love language" and what makes them happy.  It's the little things that matter a whole lot!! Our marriage still isn't perfect, but we are working it out and learning to understand each other better.  Best of luck to all couples!!

 
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