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Topic : 08/16 Bullies

Number of Replies: 127
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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:18:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/19/05) They're not just lurking on the schoolgrounds. Now, bullies can come into your home and torture your children over e-mail, instant messages and other Web forums. It's an epidemic that has kids withdrawing socially, dropping out of school, and in some cases, tragically taking their own lives. Dr. Phil and his son Jay talk to two teens who can't escape the intimidation and abuse. Then, pop star Clay Aiken, who was picked on as a child, shares how he got the bullying to stop. Share your thoughts here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

Read previous messages in the archived discussion.


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November 10, 2006, 3:41 am CST

08/16 Bullies

Quote From: kurupt

Dr. Phil 

  

 

You dropped the ball here.  This has haunted me since the show aired. 

  

So much time spend on Tess. 

  

One look at Mark's face could show the true pain of bullying and what a mess that boy was in. 

  

I hope he got some professional help - that he wasn't overlooked because he wasn't pretty or perky or trying to further a model career.   

Maybe just maybe, Mark may not have been able to deal with too much on air. Yes you are right you could see the pain in his face, and maybe that is why Dr Phil didn't spend too much time drilling him. Tess was a little bit older and seemed a little bit stronger and was dealing with a totally different situation. Tess had threats made against her, Mark had been physically attacked. Lets remember this kid (mark) is being bullied so perhaps Dr Phil didn't want him to breakdown on national tv and give the bullies more ammo.
 
November 10, 2006, 2:43 pm CST

Bullies

Quote From: abbey80

Maybe just maybe, Mark may not have been able to deal with too much on air. Yes you are right you could see the pain in his face, and maybe that is why Dr Phil didn't spend too much time drilling him. Tess was a little bit older and seemed a little bit stronger and was dealing with a totally different situation. Tess had threats made against her, Mark had been physically attacked. Lets remember this kid (mark) is being bullied so perhaps Dr Phil didn't want him to breakdown on national tv and give the bullies more ammo.

Mark's  Face was all  he needed to  express what he was going through...

Seeing a Young man going through this torture was enough to  move me

The Air time he had was enough to  convey what  was needed to  be said...

 

Dealing with  Verbal bullying is one thing but physical is harder..

You can  choose not to read or listen to  Verbal or Electronic   abuse but it is harder to dodge being kicked and punched...

 

Tackling The Physical abuse is alot harder..

 

I too was bullied,  I was bullied waiting for the Bus  after school.  Living out of town  ment a 1.5 hour wait for the bus...

 

I was always afraid to  fight back  as I was more worried what would happen if I did?

What  if I broke their nose??  Would they  then  Break  my leg??  Would I get charged ??

 

All it took  for me was a change in  after school activities... removal  of their opportunity to  strike..

 

I have known parents to  take their kids to  Karate and judo classes in order to  help restore their childs confidence in  themselves.. but that  doesnt  remove the original problem..

 

 

 

 
January 24, 2007, 7:50 pm CST

Backstabber

Hey I just wanted to tell my story

During my yr 5 and 6 of primary school i found myself a new best friend (my old one had moved without telling me so i was left alone and in need of someone to talk to) things were great it was just me and her every one elsewas just an aquantance around us, we were so close. However we would fight ALL the time like every 3 or 4 days and because there were so many we would forget what the were about anywayz but still be mad! it was rediculas she was always copying me and would always start whispering thing to me and about me because she would have bad days then we would remember all the pain we delt each other and anger would bubble to the surface and she wouldn't speak to me and i wouldn't know why. so i would sit on the benches crying with no one to talk to coz  she was my only friend. but she had lots of friends and she would always walk past my bench and laugh with them it was like they unconsiously (or consiously) were always on her side and backing her up giving her more confidence to do something more hurtful.

 

One finght really stood out to me and it happend in the last 2 weeks of us together in primary school. I had spent hours on a cute little friendship design with we decided could be like a signature for us a strong symbol of what it was we had and i didnt see it as a stupid bit of plastic it was my symbol of my beliefe that we could make thing work and half an hour after i showed it to her and explaind ... guess what ... we had a fight. so guess what she did... she took that crappy bit of plastic that was my love and GAVE IT AWAY TO SOMEONE ELSE AS A PRETTY LITTLE MEANINGLESS DECORATION FOR A PENCIL!!!! i ran crying to the toilets and stayed there for 4 hours (through lunch break) heh and ya know what? no one noticed not even mum when i walked home almost an hour late.

 

Now i've learn't not to hate her, only the things that she did and the motivations that pushed her to it. i havent sponken to her since then and  i dont regret it, but since i've figered out she only pretended to be my friend to stab me harder i havent been able to let any one in - i have friends , but no one i tell every thing to, they think they know me but i havent told the they arn't in my inner circle, there it is only me. this feeling i hate because i have an anoying knowlage that there are so many people out there that feel alone and i feel selfobsorbed and mean - things i definatly dont want to be.

 
June 14, 2007, 7:29 am CDT

08/16 Bullies

Quote From: java_891

Hey I just wanted to tell my story

During my yr 5 and 6 of primary school i found myself a new best friend (my old one had moved without telling me so i was left alone and in need of someone to talk to) things were great it was just me and her every one elsewas just an aquantance around us, we were so close. However we would fight ALL the time like every 3 or 4 days and because there were so many we would forget what the were about anywayz but still be mad! it was rediculas she was always copying me and would always start whispering thing to me and about me because she would have bad days then we would remember all the pain we delt each other and anger would bubble to the surface and she wouldn't speak to me and i wouldn't know why. so i would sit on the benches crying with no one to talk to coz  she was my only friend. but she had lots of friends and she would always walk past my bench and laugh with them it was like they unconsiously (or consiously) were always on her side and backing her up giving her more confidence to do something more hurtful.

 

One finght really stood out to me and it happend in the last 2 weeks of us together in primary school. I had spent hours on a cute little friendship design with we decided could be like a signature for us a strong symbol of what it was we had and i didnt see it as a stupid bit of plastic it was my symbol of my beliefe that we could make thing work and half an hour after i showed it to her and explaind ... guess what ... we had a fight. so guess what she did... she took that crappy bit of plastic that was my love and GAVE IT AWAY TO SOMEONE ELSE AS A PRETTY LITTLE MEANINGLESS DECORATION FOR A PENCIL!!!! i ran crying to the toilets and stayed there for 4 hours (through lunch break) heh and ya know what? no one noticed not even mum when i walked home almost an hour late.

 

Now i've learn't not to hate her, only the things that she did and the motivations that pushed her to it. i havent sponken to her since then and  i dont regret it, but since i've figered out she only pretended to be my friend to stab me harder i havent been able to let any one in - i have friends , but no one i tell every thing to, they think they know me but i havent told the they arn't in my inner circle, there it is only me. this feeling i hate because i have an anoying knowlage that there are so many people out there that feel alone and i feel selfobsorbed and mean - things i definatly dont want to be.

It seems as if you took this friendship more seriously and deeply. 

 

And by not having other friends, it left you vulnerable and more dependent on her. 

 

Unfortunately, lots of people walk around claiming to have a best friend or exhibiting some intense friendship, that turns out to be a joke or a disappointment.  How often do you hear the words;  "My best friend took my boyfriend / girlfriend / husband / wife"  How can those words go together?

 
June 14, 2007, 7:32 am CDT

Emails and Internet

One good thing about this - it can be proven and someone can take it to the law and attempt to get it stopped.  Hopefully, they get a cop or judge to take it seriously.  I have seen a judge take internet threats VERY seriously.
 
June 14, 2007, 7:40 am CDT

Bullies are funny

Quote From: abbey80

Hi, just read your message. I have recently posted on the main message board, but wanted to reply just in case it doesn't get posted.

I went through exactly what you are going through now, mind you only for two years, so my heart breaks for you that it has been going on for so long.

Here is my advice. This chick thinks she has it over you, so let her. The hardest thing I learnt was that not reacting is the biggest key. Thats what these loosers look for, a reaction. I know it is so hard not to react, and I never quite mastered that!!

There are a few ways you can combat this. Everytime you see this girl, picture her fat and bloated with unruly children and a boyfriend that doesn't really like her relying on percadan. There is a high chance that this is what will become of her.

Remember the problem is hers not yours so when you are done having to deal with her, she will still own the problem and you can move on.

This will make you a stronger person for the better, trust me.

The other way to go around it is if you can't beat em' join em, I don't mean bullying other people to make yourself feel better. I mean, start some rumours about yourself, Make em juicy so people will talk. The benefit of this is you started it you are in control of it, and it will put her fire out quicker than you would think possible. This may or may not work for everyone. Purchase a small recording device that you can carry on you at all times. If this chick wants proof, give her some. remember in doing this to abide by local law and do not do anything illegal to obtain proof. But if you have a cellphone that has a recording device press record everytime she comes near you. If your school will do nothing about this problem, involve your local law enforcement, anytime this girl touches you it is assault. Ensure that you are not by yourself and that there are witness around.

This girl has major issues I am guessing and they do not need to be made into your issues. Ensure you have a support network that you can talk to. I am more than happy for you to include me in your support network, as I have come out the other side of this and am much stronger for it. my email is aguise@aapt.net.au 

It's hard to keep telling yourself this when you hurt so much, but....

 

She has serious insecurities or other personal problems to be needing to do this to you - especially for so long.

 

Chances are that you are a threat to her.  She is jealous of you.  You are probable something she knows she will never be. 

 

The post that says to picture her......chances are she is going to be very miserable in life.  But, that takes too long for you and doesn't help you now.

 

This is NOT advice, but when my daughter was being picked on by a group of girls about 5 years older than her I finally told her to pick the biggest bully and square off and punch her in the face.  Chances are the bully wasn't planning on fighting or getting hit.  Well, my daughter did just that and the bullying stopped.  The biggest bully tried to be her friend after that.  She wasn't interested and told her she couldn't be friends with someone that intended on hurting her.  My daughter never had trouble with bullies ever again.  That was early elementary school.  It was not easy to risk telling her to get into a fight or get hurt, but bullies aren't usually expecting someone to stand up to them.  That is the bottom line.  If you tell an adult, they get worse.  You have to really be prepared to stand up to them.  And be prepared that you may never wake that idiot up. 

 

Remember - the bully is miserable.  Only miserable and insecure people bully others.  A good person has no reason to bully people. 

 
November 23, 2007, 11:15 am CST

THIS IS NOT RIGHT!

Quote From: jade4953

My 15 year old is in a 15-1 class in Central New York. She has been punched, scratched, threatened, emotionally and publically abused within the school system and on the internet. I have guardian reports sent to my online screen name. Although the schools have NOT helped one bit. I have helped her by notifying the police, evoked anti-discrimination laws pertaining to persons with disabilities and now, sent the information that I logged and printed on the internet to the FBI. The last resort will be to hire an attorney to represent her in the school and in her personal life.

I will not rave on about this because I am a fighter for her rights and will not allow her to be victimized without regard to lost work days, the money involved or publically exposing my frustration within the local newspaper. There is no end to how dedicated I am to this...to stop bullies and provide protection against a bad childhood memory for her lifelong time in this flawed world.

 

 

               What is happening to your daughter is not right.  What you should do if the bull does not stop is sue the school for failing to protect your daughter.  It is especially vital that you do this because of the physical abuse that she's suffered.  If your daughter was seriously injured enough to need medical care you can have previous court records of this nonsense.  Another wise thing to do is to keep records of the bullying, including, printout's of the website's (for slander law suites) and for the attorneys, and school, the FBI, and Police, possibly even the U.S. Attorney General. 

 

 

              Another thing you may consider is going to D.C. to get a law passed prohibiting schools to ignore harassment complaints.  Also a law making it a violation for social websites like MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, etc, to allow postings of taboo things such as these things.  Good Luck!

 
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